in a book in a box in the closet.

[MARLENE ELISABETH MCKINNON]

the diary of marlene mckinnon

[MARLENE ELISABETH MCKINNON]

september 1 ,

We've been back less than three hours.
I'm already itching to hex him. This has
to be some kind of really horrible record,
and a really horrible cosmic joke.

You can bet Lils, Alice, and I will be on a
trip to the kitchens tonight. I'll need ice
cream.


m.

[MARLENE ELISABETH MCKINNON]

september 3 ,

Certain people aside, it's not so bad being back.
Except for the fact that the teachers have begun
to pile on homework like nobody's business - is
it so much to ask that they just ease into it? Not
all of them have to assign a massive assignment
at the same time!

Thank Merlin for the girls; at least they're both as
sensible as ever, and keep me sane. Lils is Head
Girl - poor thing's got her work cut out for her, so
many of the prefects are complete prats, and she
has to deal with Potter being Head Boy...she's an
absolute saint.

First Care of Magical Creatures class is tomorrow;
what are the chances that I can finally manage to
convince someone that I shouldn't be in that class?

...That's what I thought, too. Obviously, it's hilarious
to someone in power that I sneeze like a fool when I'm
within ten feet of anything remotely furred or feathered.

But still, it's seventh year. That's a nice thought.

Right?

m.

[MARLENE ELISABETH MCKINNON]

september 6 ,

Needless to say, Magical Creatures is, once again,
going to be a trial and a half. Two minutes, and I was
puffy and red and as stuffed-up as anything. Kettles,
bless his heart, let me leave (again) to go up to the
Hospital Wing to see Madam Pomfrey. What he didn't
seem to believe, however, was that I could get there
myself.

He apparenly thought he was doing me a favor by
tasking Sirius with 'escorting' me. He prattled on
the whole way there, with his horrible come-ons,
and so on and so forth...I think I would have sat
through a torturous COMC class than have had
to listen to him, watch that damned smirk.

But something tells me this is going to become
some kind of routine. Merlin knows he can't let a
chance to make me miserable go by.


m.

[MARLENE ELISABETH MCKINNON]

september 7 ,

We have Double Charms with the Slytherins.

Who the bloody hell thought that was a good idea?.


m.

[MARLENE ELISABETH MCKINNON]

september 9 ,

Blew up today's Potions assignment twice.


m.

[MARLENE ELISABETH MCKINNON]

september 13 ,

Double Charms should be cancelled.

Apparently, COMC isn't the only class I leave,
but I'd rather leave because I'm sneezing like a
fool than because I'm scared.

He grabbed me when I was leaving.

My wrist fucking hurts.


m.

[MARLENE ELISABETH MCKINNON]

september 13 ,

He left a bruise, plain as day.

I don't...I don't know what to do, not really.
If people ask, I can't tell them the truth, I
know that. But..they'll notice, I know they
will, even if I try to hide it. Nothing gets
past Lils, or Ally, and they never believe
me when I lie. Something about I don't look
anyone in the eye when I'm lying. I don't
know. I just...I hate admitting that I'm scared,
and maybe he didn't necessarily mean to leave
a bruise, but...

...he did. And I don't know how to hide it, unless
I wear long sleeves, or cover it up with makeup.
I suppose I could use a charm, but the last time I
tried to vanish a bruise, I made part of my knee
invisible. Fucking charms. Fucking bastards who
can't keep their hands to themselves.

Fucking everything.


m.

[MARLENE ELISABETH MCKINNON]

september 20 ,

Shining moment of stupidity four hundred fifty
(okay, not really) of the year:

I kissed him.

No, not Palmer.

The other one.

I'm a bloody moron. and I would prefer not saying
any more on the topic, because...let's just say that I
may have made the most spectacular fool of myself
that Hogwarts has ever seen.

I kissed him, and he scolded me. And now I'm
not saying anything else, because thinking about
it makes me want to curl up in a hole. Idiot. Bloody
fucking idiot.


m.

[MARLENE ELISABETH MCKINNON]

september 23 ,

Thank Merlin for the girls, because without
them, I think I probably could have sat in my
dormitory for....ever.

...Which, now that I think about it, maybe I'm
not grateful that they didn't let me do exactly
that.

But really. I just...ugh, I feel like such a fool,
and I was hoping that would have gone away,
that I could have just forgotten about it and
moved right on, but...I guess I...I guess I thought
maybe there was a chance that it wasn't just
me.

It obviously was.

And thinking that I'm no better than the rest
of the stupid girls he's gotten to fall for him or
whatever, those giggly, insipid chatterers with
no aspirations other than to be someone's girl,
it makes me feel like I'm going to throw up.

Mostly because the thought that that's what he
thinks of me makes me sick. And the thought that
it makes me sick makes me even more sick, and...

I hate him.

Stupid boy.

...I'm burning this page.


m.

[MARLENE ELISABETH MCKINNON]

october 5 ,

I suppose it's not such a bad thing not to have
anything to report or complain about. Mostly,
classes. But that's no different than any other
day, so I didn't see the point in writing it down.

If I did, this would be an absolute chore.

I've been reading Marcus' book, though. It's
actually quite good. Parts of it are a little bit
contrived, but overall, it's surprisingly good.
I wasn't quite sure what I was expecting, but
it wasn't that he was actually not half-bad at
the romance part. What was more surprising
was that the sex was...dull. For all his talk, and
his reputation, I'd been expecting something
steamier.

But it was actually quite cut and dry, and didn't
seem very passionate at all.

We'll see how that goes when I bring that up.
I should take a piece of paper and keep track of
how many inappropriate comments he can come
up with.


m.

[MARLENE ELISABETH MCKINNON]

october ... something ,

That. Stupid. Fucker.

He's going to the Halloween Ball with Vicky Dougherty.
He has to be doing this to get back at me for being stupid
enough to kiss him.

He has to be.

I could kill him.

No. I don't care. I couldn't care less if I tried. He's free to
do whatever he wants, whomever he wants, none of that
matters to me at all, because I don't care about him, or if
he's going to the ball with someone else, or if he's going
at all. I don't care.

I don't.

...The next time I see her, I might strangle her.

Or him.


m.

[MARLENE ELISABETH MCKINNON]

october 11 ,

...Well, that was an idea I probably should have
thought through first. At the time, it seemed like
the perfect way to get revenge...what better way
to prove I don't care about Sirius than to sleep with
someone else?

Written out, the faulty logic is even more clear.

I wasn't expecting it, if that makes it any better.
I mean, all I'd intended was to give him feedback on
that book of his, I didn't go in thinking I was going
to sleep with him.

And now I feel guilty, and I hate it. I shouldn't feel
guilty, it's not like I cheated on him, and it's not like
it even meant anything. Fun, sure. Happening again?
Never.

I hate men, and I hate emotions, and I hate this year.

Why is every problem I've ever had somehow related
to that reckless, stupid tosser? WHY.


m.