We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
It's been a long and tiring day, mostly because it's been uneventful. I tire so quickly of the dulness some days can bring. I get bored, tired, annoyed and then I find myself drifting off into some far away dreamscape land where I am alone and everything is happening to quickly around me. It's all so very wonderful there and I wish I could go there for real. To the woods with the green high trees and the soft green grass, the moss that doesn't stain and leaves that are more like the petals of roses in the summer. There's always someone there, just out of my reach. I can feel him, his eyes watching me as I leap from stone to stone in the babbling brooks and as I climb the never ending trees. But then I come to, someone calling my name in the classroom, and I always find myself wondering if the eyes I feel watching me... Are they in my mind, are they a figment of my imagination? Are they the eyes of someone in class, wondering what I am doing, looking so far off? Are they perhaps the eyes of my teacher, staring at me while trying to get my attention? Or are they, really, the eyes of someone who wishes to come forward? Is this place of mine, the place I have always had in my dreams, as real as you and I and therefore... so is the boy?
My head hurts. I'm going to go outside and walk this off. Perhaps a bit of food wouldn't hurt. I just realized I haven't eaten...
The man in the moon...
I finally had a whirlwind blow through me - not the real kind that could rip me apart. No. The kind where I feel like my body is going to be torn in three pieces. The kind where my soul is screaming for relief, for peace, for the possibility of being happy and having the remotest dream of a life where I get to play myself and not the part of my father's daughter.
Marcus and I... I guess time could stand still forever or it could move as quickly as it did that night at the Quidditch field. It still makes my head spin, and I wish I could have stayed in that night because the days that followed...
I finally got an owl from mother and father, not just for me but for me and CJ. Tonight when I go to sleep I will not dream of fumbling moments in the dark under the stars, I will dream of parchment screaming written words that I am to be married. To my friend.
I wish I could have stayed in my daydream, if Marcus is the boy who watches me then it is only fair. If nothing else is fair, could at least this one thing be?