This Can't Be Real, *Evan

[Aislynn O'Shea]

In the past few days Lynn had vomited more times in her entire life. Not from sickness, not from pregnancy, but from a mix of alcohol and extreme guilt. What had she done? She had defiled a man's marriage and lied to a friend. She had committed adultery, thus breaking one of God's commandments. All of that was so much worse though, now that Evan had lost so much.

When he should have been doting on his wife and children, giving them all of his love and attention, Lynn had been stealing him away. It wasn't even a recent development. She'd been stealing him for years by taking up so much of his time with The Chimeras. The past few months has simply been worse, that was all. Not only had she taken his time she had taken his love.

And now, well now his devoted wife Katie and his sweet daughter Chloe were dead. Just the thought made Lynn feel sick again. She sat at the dining table of her London flat, thinking sinful thoughts about what had happened in her life since October. She kept having bad dreams. Nightmares during which Katie would beg for Evan and Lynn to save her life, but they were to busy sinning to notice. Lynn would wake up screaming or crying, sometimes both.

She couldn't imagine how Evan felt though. She hadn't spoken to him much. She was scared to. Scared of what he'd say, of how he'd feel. Even though she knew it was wrong now more than ever, Lynn still couldn't bare the thought of Evan saying it was a mistake or that he didn't love her. Lynn adored Evan, she had for years, it just...it should have stayed her own person secret. She sunk her brow into her hands as she rubbed her temples.

This just couldn't be happening.

[Evan Palmer]

How had this happened? Evan was as stunned as always as he walked through the empty house that had once been filled with cheerful and loving family. The only one left was his son. He had hardly noticed that he was slipping away from Katie as the band became more famous, he hadn't really even noticed until he saw Lynn in front of him. Their sin had marked him. How had he let it get so bad that he had to turn to another woman? But he hadn't needed to turn to another woman, he had chosen to. His brotherly love had turned into lust in a moment of weakness. Life after that had been different, he had thought he was doing a good job acting like nothing was wrong in front of Katie, he doubted if she had ever even known. Katie was dumb she would have figured it out sooner or later, but God hadn't given her the chance. He would never been able to get forgiveness from her now. A then only a day or so after her, his daughter, his darling Chloe had been taken to. Evan had no idea what to do. He wandered the house lost. His son had gone back to Hogwarts, probably to avoid him, Evan thought bitterly. He would have done the same thing.

Evan knew he was a wreck, he hadn't seen Lynn since the day of the funerals, he had locked himself in his home, unable to do anything. He had had no time to mourn Katie because he had found himself fretting over Chloe, trying to nurse her back to health, but it hadn't worked. Then there had been the mind numbing work of a funeral service. His son had seemed like his only hook of his previous life, and he had to be strong for him. But as soon as the service was over the boy had wanted to go back to Hogwarts. Evan had sent him there immediately, since then he had been alone with his pain. The first few days he had gone through all the alcohol in the house. He had smashed his practice guitar. Shouted at God. Sobbed. He wanted to be mad at someone, to blame someone, but the only person he could have blamed was himself and not paying more attention to Katie. Maybe if he had been there more, she would never have gotten sick. Maybe if he hadn't betrayed their vows God wouldn't be punishing him like this.

Even in Evan's hazy mind he knew he had to get out of this home. Being in it alone was going to drive him mad. He was numb and sober as he pulled on his leather coat and apperated to the street where their studio was. He needed to be some where else, and this was always where he had come in his grief, he wondered why he hadn't thought of it sooner.

Opening the door, Evan walked in to the studio, nothing registered in his mind except the couch. The couch where and and Lynn had consummated a new level of their relationship. A surge of anger went through him. It was the first feeling he had had in days, that was probably a good thing. He turned before he could actually act on his anger, and collapsed on a stool near the instruments, his hands balled up into fists. His eyes fell upon the old drum set of Gracie's and his old guitar, relics from the first time they had started the band. A time when Evan had been so sure of himself and his love for Katie. Now everything was wrong. If anyone had deserved to die it was him, not Katie, not Chloe.

There were too many memories here, Evan deiced as he stood up, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. He left the studio and walked the city, he had no idea where his feet were leading him until he had unlocked Lynn's building's front door and walked up to her flat where he knocked on her own door, leaning against the frame, hoping that it would somehow help him stay in touch with reality. What was he doing here? What would he say to her? How would he react? But it wasn't her fault, it was his, he highly doubted he could ever get mad at Lynn. Ever blame her for what had happened to his life. She would always remain blameless and perfect in his mind. Or so his numb mind hoped.