Bringer of School Bad-Assery
Group: Wrestlers
Posts: 152
Member No.: 12
Joined: 11-February 06
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Jack: WhadawegondoWhadawegondoWhadawegondo?
We open on a close up of Keita Ijima's face, which is quite forcibly rocking back and forth, as he gives his best Oliver Hardy style "This is another fine mess you've got me into, Stanley," look to the camera. At least as long as the bandana on his head stays on his head and doesn't gently slide down his head; which it unfortunately does in short order. As we move back, we can see why his head is violently rocking backwards and forwards: Jack Walker has him by the shoulders and is shaking in time with saying "Whadawegondo," which I think translated into English means "What are we going to do?"
Keita: Calm down, Jack, chill. There's no problem here.
Jack: Ah know that we got no pro'lem here i's ah match Ah'ma worryin' bout.
Keita: There is no problem, Jack, now please, calm down. We have a promo to, how you say, 'cut.'
Jack looks at the camera, and then back to Keita. He carries on shaking his Sempai, in the hope a solution is forthcoming.
Jack: Ya saw tha guy, rai~ght? He's he-yuuuuuge! Massive! Tha could crush us lai~ka some kinda ants! We's got two days left an' we don' even got no plan!
Keita: Yes, yes, what you people call a hoss, right? I've got a plan, never you worry your little blond head. We're going to do what Inoki did to Ali...
Jack: Who?
Keita: What Maeda did to Andre
Jack: Who?
Keita: And what Takeda did to Berbeck.
Jack: Who?
Keita rolls his eyes and shouts right into Jack's face.
Keita: WE'RE GONNA KICK HIS [Censored] KNEES UNTIL THEY'RE [Censored] PASTE!!! AND THEN, WHEN HE CAN'T STAND; THAT'S WHEN WE KICK HIS [Censored] FACE IN!!!*So the guy's 20 foot tall and has muscles made of Godzilla Scales; I don't care! The man cannot support his massive bulk when his knees are swollen and pink! Dammit, I was one of the Super Ninja! We made a living out making people like him look like the inflated idiots they are!
Keita sits back in his seat, and puts his feet up on the desk in front of him taking a deep breath as he does so.
Jack: Aha, Ah gettit naw, thanks, bru. Dunno what Ah was worrin' bout now...
And with that, he follows suit, and the promo proper can begin. We're back in that school where we were first introduced to Sakigake KEITA, in the auditorium. In fact, the only thing that seems at all different is a thin covering of dust on the table that was kicked up by Keita and Jack's feet. Keita's first statement directed at the camera is so amazingly profound, the camera nearly drops off the operator's shoulder.
Keita: Mr. Claude; You suck.
Jack: Uhh, Keita-sempai, ya kinda meant ta go inta a li'l mo' detail'n that... Ah know Ah said ta tell how much he sucks, but ya meant ta drag it out jus' a li'l bit, ya know, be clever an' di- dis- de, uh... break down what he says 'n tell him why he's wrong and stupid and stuff.
Keita: I see. It did seem a little easy. Oh well... What did he say that was so wrong?
Jack: Basically tha' tha kids need new role models 'n some stuff about gimmickyness...
Keita nods, in recognition and turns back to the camera.
Keita: I remember now. You know, the first thing I thought of when I saw that? I thought about a beefed up Furious Styles preaching that the kids put down their beers and their joints and their guns in favour of weights, protien powder and anabolic steroids, since I suppose by needing a new role model, you mean yourself Mr. Claude. I would in fact, contend that you are wrong, and that I am the perfect role model for, well, everyone.
Jack: Damn straight, y'all. Look what thaa guy did for me.
Keita: Sakigake KEITA, as an organisation, transcends spiritual, racial, physicial, mental and - if we could get a girl to join - it would transcend sexual boundaries as well. It is a place where misguided youths from all back-grounds can come back to school.
There's a pause as Jack stops to read a piece of paper that Keita slides over to him, before delivering his next line in a stunted anf forced manner.
Jack: Naw, bru... School never did me no good.
Keita: Exactly. That is because the education system simply cannot cope with the demands of the youth of today. The youth of today need a place where they can learn the important things, like control, discipline and Martial Arts; they need a place where they can be gain polish and be moulded into productive adults; in short, they need Me!
Reading off the paper again, Jack has something else to say.
Jack: But Keita-sempai, surely tha whole school type thing is jus' daft an' gimmicky?
Keita: It is a bit, ain't it? But then, that's the appeal. It's just that little hook that makes the entire enterprise enticing. What, Mr. Claude, do you offer? You offer bigness, and stompyness and needlyness. You offer the laughable suggestion that you can actually wrap your hands around me long enough to either throw me into a corner or pound me into submission, but we'll come back to that. In your bizarre ranting about gimmickyness, you admit that you, yourself are a dry and empty individual, with no other reason to follow you, other than that you are big.
Jack: Fricken' huge is mo' lai~ke it, bru. ahem [Reading from the sheet:] O'course, jus' pure gimmick is a bi' useless, bru. Ya gots ta have some kinda substance, right?
Keita: Of course we do, my boy. And substance we do got. We got substance by the bucketload. Myself and Walker-dono... Well, I have an extensive background in Tanaka-style Karate**, I was a major proponent in the development of the much heralded Ninja-style Pro-Wres; Mr. Claude, if you can even lay hands on me, I will be most impressed. If you can walk on Monday Morning, I will be similarly impressed. Sakigake KEITA is the way forward for the youth of the world; Sunday will prove that; thank you and good night.
And we cut extremely abruptly.
*Keita doesn't like body builders, which is a little strange considering out of the whole Black Feather Orchestra he has the most impressive physique. Admittedly that's not to hard considering one of the group was crippled for over a year, and the other has been called the Japanese Doughboy.
**The preferred fighting style of the Tanaka family, taught to him by Three Time World Champion [all in different decades,] Daishiro Tanaka, father of Daisuke. It is believed to be the last of the true family styles that has any prominence.
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