TODAY IS APRIL 1ST 1912 ...
It’s the first day of April, which means only nine more days until we board and set out for sea. It’s exciting, but terrifying. Brian still seems nothing but pleased, though he’s let on once – which was shocking, truly – that maybe that isn’t the entire truth. I don’t understand what the harm is in being honest, but I have no desire to attempt to persuade him so. My relationship with my brother is strained, it’s always been strained, and even with his obvious attempts to show me he’s wishing a change for himself... well, I’m not sure that I believe it quite yet. It’ll take a whole lot more than a week, or two, to undo some seventeen years of a very dysfunctional sibling relationship. I still blame him for making me lose my job, even if it was due to my own indiscretions with Sian. If Brian hadn’t been intoxicated, he’d have known not to bring up such a sensitive matter while I was working.
Or at all. How is it any place of his to dictate how I lead my life? He gave up that chance a long time ago.
I have absolutely no idea what Brian is up to right now. He could be in his room. He could be out drinking. He could be out just causing trouble in general. I am about as attentive as sister as he is an attentive brother.
Today is the day when the reason for even being here in London comes into play. The Crane Gala. It’s early morning right now, and the event isn’t until this evening so I have time to just... I don’t know, ease my nerves some. I’m second-guessing the wisdom of coming, wondering if I should even go to the thing at all. I suppose it would be rude to simply not show up. I’d hate to be rude. Still, it isn’t as though anyone would even notice whether or not I went. Right? Right.
I think I’ll order myself some breakfast, go for a walk, and then come back to my room and read for a while before my brother and I have to head out. I can only hope that tonight isn’t a complete disaster, and that neither of us do something stupid or draw too much attention to ourselves. I should like, if possible, to fade into the background. *
TODAY IS APRIL 1ST 1912 ...
..... What did I get myself into?
TODAY IS APRIL 2nd 1912 ...
I had an odd evening last night, and now I feel that I ought to try to make a bit more sense of it. After a sleep – too short, and a little less than restful, but still needed all the same – I woke this morning with a sense of determination. So I dressed quickly, pinned back my hair, and took a stop at a local Parish center. My mind was heavy with guilt, because I’d made a less than... honest decision. Nevertheless, I feel a good deal better upon being absolved of my sins – at least the sins I dared to express to the kindly priest – and I know there are others yet that I should mention in the confessional. That’ll have to wait, however, as I hadn’t wanted to spend much of the morning there. Upon leaving the Parish I returned to my hotel room, changed into something a little more suitable for afternoon wear (at least I hope it’s suitable for afternoon wear, I’m still figuring out what’s suitable for when) in the hopes that I would have something to do this afternoon. To be honest, I had hoped that Cyrus Crane would stop by, and, to my great pleasure, he did.
Which is where it begs the question – why should Mr Crane be seeking me out?
Last evening, at the Gala, I realized just why everyone was there. As in, what the Gala was for. And I also realized how heavily it was wearing on poor Mr Crane. I thought I’d try to help, considering the options that he had. I suggested that he could find himself someone to play along and pretend an engagement so as to get his family to leave him alone, at least just for a little while. I hadn’t expected him to ask me to take part in the deception. I was a little surprised, honestly. But I’m flattered that he trusts me enough – considering how few encounters we’ve had with on another – to conspire with, so I agreed. After all, what harm could it do? So, in the eyes of everyone who was in attendance at the Gala last night, for Mr Crane made quite the announcement, I am now his fiancée.
I’m determined to play the part well and not ruin the fun. Because really, it does have the potential to be a good deal of fun. I shall have company, and something to occupy myself with, and then when we arrive in New York perhaps we shall part ways. Amicably, of course. I’m glad that I have the opportunity to help.
It doesn’t hurt that already I like him immensely – I could hardly believe it when I found out he’d composed the song that I adore so much. The one that prompted me to learn to play. I was astounded. Yes, he’ll be very interesting company. That is, if Brian doesn’t continue to encourage him to drunkenness.