Critique My App?, Looking mostly for grammar mistakes

Application has been turned in.

Crossing my fingers for the best now.

I didn't look through it too thoroughly, but oh man. D8 We're applying for the same pet and your application is AMAZING.
Good luck!

Minus the comma.

It might be because I'm not reading this thoroughly, but idk where that came from.

Uncap Because. Or add a period instead of a semicolon.

No comma.

Don't need the last part after the second comma. If you want to add it, give it its own sentence.

Repetitive, much?



I'll continue with the rest tomorrow. Pirate gave me a task to do two days ago, and I've yet o finish it, orz.

KrystaMarie - Haha, thanks? x3


And thank you Dorothy! I know my grammar can be terrible at times.

It's not necessarily grammar that's the problem. You write just fine. P:

I am, however, a comma nazi, so feel free to ignore any comma fixes I may mention.


Skipping story for now; I'll get to that later:

Colon (:) instead of period.

Comma before as. Always put a comma before spoken word (even hypothetical).

Seeing as how you put story before plans, I think the foster knows you plan on calling her Trinity. I would probably add that note at the top of the app instead of under plans, honestly.

Nope, I don't get your drift! If you want to spread your rare pets around, just say that you don't want her compromised in the case that your account is... compromised.

Do you have an example lookup for Trinity? If so, I'd link to it and say something more along the lines of, "I will give Trinity a petlookup (here). It is the same coding that I use for all of my other pets, but the colors are changed..."

Just saying that you're changing up the colors of your current pets' lookups sounds weird to me. P:

For the customization, I'd just use the screenie with Trinity in it. Saves space and kills repetition.

A... chair? Chain you mean?

I know I do it for effect when casually speaking, but I don't think this is on purpose, haha. Does 'world' need to be repeated?

Get rid of 'rather'.


About the Applicant totally changes tone without word. I was expecting it with the "HIDE YO WIFE" ting, but I think you should let the reader know in a more direct manner that the tone is about to shift in your application. For majority of the page, the writing is formal and the like, then you're hit with something entirely different. (Which I understand could just be you want to be interesting during the most awkward part of the app, but please give us a warning first. xD)

It's more a filler paragraph than anything. We could read the application without ever needing that sentence.

INFORMAL INFORMAL. No. Stay formal throughout your application! :(

My personal preference to ordering an 'about me' is offline, online, neo, accounts. That way, you don't jump from offline back to neo in the next section. :o

Should you recommend explicit songs in your application? O: Will you get in trouble?

Cute ending with the screenie, aha.

I'll read through the story soon. P:

I kinda like the filler in my about me section ^^
Guess I need to think this over.