You're everything I know;, Catherine+Lilli

[Catherine Lee]

She wanted to die. It was simply, that simple. Catherine Lee wished death upon herself. No, not just an end to this cycle, she was almost positive she could request to cycle out early .No, she wanted to fully die, never to return die. The worst of the matter being, Catherine knew she couldn't. She couldn't take a razor across her wrist and bleed out, nor could she swallow a bottle of pills. For once in her endless life, Catherine wished she were human. She wished she was weak enough to simply give up on life. To let go before life gave up on her.

Catherine sat in her bedroom floor, her back against the bed; staring holes into nothing.
Catherine didn't blink, she didn't move, she wished she wouldn't feel. Her heart, her stupid, filthy, mangled heart had put her in such a position. A position she hadn't moved from willingly in days. Her cell was out of reach, along with her sketchbook, an frankly she didn't give a damn. Her phone buzzed, over and over again, informing her of messages she didn't want to read. Her sketchpad called out to her, begging for pencil to touch paper once more. Catherine ignored all of it, and focused on the spot of air in her line of vision.

Her heart was without a doubt broken. The pieces that hadn't been shattered into complete oblivion with Tabor were now destroyed. She had really nothing left. She felt, oh how she felt the pain, a deep ache; but she didn't feel. her body numb, her mind building walls around herself.
Catherine had never had a problem with memories from the current cycle. She had always blocked out memories of her past, but now that those had come to find her once more, she blocked out her memories from this cycle.

Although sometimes when the air in front of her would turn a bit hazy, she would remember they way his hands had felt in hers, the soft smell that bounced off of him in waves, she would remember how his lips felt against her cheek for that fleeting, painful, magical moment. Shocked and angry with herself, Catherine would build up walls around herself. Walls so tall and steep that the memories so agonizing, had no choice to fall. Each time Catherine had to rebuild her walls, they gained much height. Catherine vaguely wondered if she herself would be able to escape the walls. The prison she built for her emotions, keeping her prisoner? What a strange turn of events Catherine mused.

Her phone vibrated again, and again. She counted seven times in the last thirty minutes. Catherine sighed, she refused to move, just like she refused to feel. She ignored her phone and waited for her ipod to switch to another song. She concentrated on the lyrics. On the beat of the drums, the bass. She would not think anymore. She would find a way to ease the pain, unless of course she could stop it completely.

[504; sorry for the crappy first post]

[Lilliana Kensington]

She raced up the stairs, the phone once again at her ear. Lilli was a bit mad, a bit worried, and a lot determined. She was going to find out why Catherine hadn’t answered any of her calls, even if it meant breaking down the door of her apartment. She had gotten the doorman to let her into the building, thank goodness. Now she was racing up the stairs, opting out of the elevator. She reached the floor of Cat’s penthouse and slammed her fist on the door. She huffed out a breath, the climb taking a bit more out of her than she thought it would have. Why was her best friend acting like this? It was ridiculous! What in the world could be happening? Surely nothing too horrible had happened… or maybe it had. Lilli pounded once again on the door, but got no answer.

She waited for only a few seconds before hammering her fist on the door again, ignoring the pain that shot through her arm with the force. “Catherine Lee! You better open this door, right now! What’s going on, why won’t you answer your phone?” Lilli yelled through the wood. A moment later, the door opened and the Lee’s maid appeared behind the door, letting Lilli inside the apartment. “Thank you,” she told the woman, nodding her head and giving a smile before walking down the hallway to Catherine’s room. “Catherine, my goodness gracious, what’s happened?” Her friend was staring in space, just sitting on the floor. Lilli took a quick glance around the messy room, satisfied that everything was at least intact in the house, no fires or burglaries. Although Catherine’s room looked like a tornado had blown through it.

With a huff, Lilli sat down beside her. “Tell me everything, right now, before I go ballistic, and you know that’s never a good thing.” Threats probably wouldn’t help, but she was worried and angry at whoever had done this to her friend. She let out a sigh, looking around the room. Catherine’s phone was on the bed, far from her reach. Now Lilli knew why she wasn’t answering her calls or texts. There was an open sketchpad and a pencil across the room on the floor, looking like it hadn’t been touched in hours, or even days. That was blasphemy to an artist. “Catherine, hun, I’ve never seen you this bad before,” Lilli said, sadness in her voice. “Please tell me what happened so I can go and beat them to a pulp.” She smiled slightly, trying to ease the mood, but was doubtful that it would work.

{{436 (: }}

[Catherine Lee]

Catherine heard the voices. She heard the voice she knew yelling for her, and yet, she still couldn't move. She wasn't sure if she could move now, after sitting like this for so long. She knew she could call out to her friend, she knew it was the right thing to do.
But just as her limbs refused to move, her vocal cords seemed to be severed.

Catherine heard the door open. but her eyes were still locked in front of the air in front of her. She still found herself unable to move when her best friend Lilli knelt down beside her after barging into her room. She knew she should question on Lilli had gotten into her penthouse in the first place, but the thought only crossed half of her mind.

Catherine blinked for the first time, forcing herself to tilt her head to look into her best friends eyes. She opened her mouth. Unable to speak at first, and quickly closing it.
Catherine focused all of her energy into speaking. "I-, I'm fine." her lie coming out week and immediately giving her away. She looked down, away from her friend's bright worried eyes. Her neck hurt like hell, she bit her lip to stop from letting out the reflex 'ow.' "I'm sorry." They both knew she meant for lying, she had never been one to pull of any a lie. In any cycle.

"I found him..." She let her voice trail off. Pain radiated from every part of her body. From the tips of her fingers, to the ends of her lime green painted toes. From her head to her broken heart, the source of the pain, the overwhelming pain.

Catherine looked up into Lilli's eyes once more, happy for the physical pain from moving, it lessened to the pain of her heart. Made it a dull ache instead of a blinding white pain. She took a breath, swallowing air, gulping it down really.

"I found him Lilli. And he left me. I found my twin, and I remember. I remember everything." Catherine knew she had done things as Solas. Shady things, things she wished she hadn't, things she could never, ever, not in a thousand million stars repay. Things that she would never stop regretting. The fall, the light, the fights. All of her memories. They were always together though! That was how she had dealt with it in the past. She had always found him, and he had always loved her back, never questioning. Never asking, never leaving, until now.

"He left, and I know he knew." How could he not have known? She had seen it in his eyes, she had felt it in his touch. The way his lips had brushed her chee-. No She wouldn't allow herself to think about that. Not even now, not even as he poured her should out to the girl in front of her. She wouldn't let herself think of the memory dying to break through her mind.

"Why would he leave me Lilli, is there something wrong with me in this cycle?" She looked pleadingly at her friend. Had her past misdeeds finally caught up with her? "I fell, and it was bad, but why would my immortal twin not want me?" Catherine fell into Lilli's arms, once more wishing for something she couldn't have.


[565 <3]

[Lilliana Kensington]

She sighed, looking over her friend once more. “You’re not fine, obviously. Catherine, please just tell me! I'm not the only one worried about you.” Lilli brushed some strand of hair from her friend’s face. It was obvious that the pain wasn’t physical. Or at least not bleeding, ‘I'm about to die from a paper cut,’ kind of physical. It was more of a mental sort of hurt, or an aching of the heart. She grabbed the phone from off the bed, looking at all the missed calls and texts, the majority of which were from Lilli herself. It seemed she was the only one worried enough to come and see what was going on, though. A frown came to her lips, setting the phone down next to Catherine.

“Look, you haven’t even touched your sketchbook either,” she said, then turned to look at her friend as she spoke. Cat’s eyes were filled with tears, and Lilli’s own heart sank. Oh no, this couldn’t be happening. The worst thing to ever happen to a Blue Blood. A broken heart, in the form of the Immortal Twin. What kind of person could do that? Hurt the one they love, the one they know for eternity? It seemed impossible to Lilli. She had found her own twin, and they were happy about it. They wanted to know more about each other in this cycle, and try to remember past cycles. Lilli sighed, hugging her friend close.

She felt herself becoming angry again, wanting to know exactly who had done this to Catherine. How could a Blue Blood hurt their twin this way? It just wasn’t right in Lilli’s eyes, but she also didn’t know the full story. There was the twin’s side to think about, but it was hard to do so, to come up with a reason for him turning his beloved away. Lilli rocked Catherine back and forth, letting her cry on her shoulder. Jeans and a paint stained t-shirt was her choice of wardrobe for the day. She had been working on a project earlier, and all sorts of colors were streamed across the once gray shirt. Lilli hated messing up white shirts, so she went for gray instead.

“I'm so sorry, hun! I'm sorry this happened,” she said, tears staining her own cheeks. She was quite emotional, being an artist and all. “I'll find them and kick some sense into them, how about that?” She laughed a bit, trying to lighten the mood some. “Oh, Catherine. Sometimes we just can’t understand everything that’s happening. I'm sure he had his reasons, although it’s still not fair. All you can do is hope he’ll come to his senses. Eventually, he’ll remember just what he’s missing out on. He’ll know he needs you, more than he thought he would.” Lilli hoped what she said was true. She really wanted Catherine to be happy, really truly happy for once. “This may not be the best time, but… since we’re talking about immortal twins. I’ve found mine, too!”

{{505 words! Yess! lol))

[Catherine Lee]

Catherine looked down, then she looked away. She did everything she could do, but look at Lilli. "You're the only one who cares to knock down my door." She muttered the words to herself, but she spoke the truth; a truth she knew well. Her mother and father didn't notice much of anything going wrong. She might be a fallen angel, but even then it hurts being ignored by those who are supposed to love you the most.

"I can't look at my sketchbook. Ever again." Another truth, another truth she wished she didn't have to face." "Look at it yourself, you'll see why. Flip back, last sketch." It was of him of course. Catherine's heart was broken, and she knew if she looked at the sketch the pieces of her heart would shatter completely, flying in all directions, ready to puncture her lungs.

"I'm sure he had reasons." Catherine repeated the words in her mind again and again. Perhaps maybe if she said it enough times it would become a truth. "Lilli, I've been happy with him. I was made to be happy with him! It was written in the heavens long ago that I would be happy with him!" She was getting angry now, she stood up."Maybe nothing is wrong with me! I'm just now remembering everything, although I already know it!" She kicked at the wall, her frustration showing.

Catherine had a thought, a flash of light. A memory of the same dull ache. Memories haunted Catherine behind her lids. She kept seeing everything replay itself. The only time they had never found each other. The only time Catherine was made to live without him. She had been happy with her life, but she had been missing a part of who she was. She wasn't whole without her twin, and she never would be.

Catherine knew she could live without him, but she couldn't live knowing him and knowing he didn't want to know her. She would not be able to live with him loving another. Her mangled heart could only take so much abuse in so many lifetimes. And Cat knew she had felt enough heartache for this lifetime. "Lilli. He is mine, and what if, what if he finds a better soul? A soul for this life? A human soul? What if he lets me live like this for this cycle? Why would he want to ignore our bond?" Tears rolled down her cheeks, oh how she hated it when she cried."HOW CAN I REMEMBER, BUT NOT REMEMBER?!"

"Oh, you have?" Catherine's voice shook. She sank down to her knees once more. "I'm so happy for you Lilli. I'm so happy you've been accepted by your soul's twin." Catherine sat her head on her lap and knew she meant nothing other than the words she spoke. She was so very happy for Lilli, after what had happened to her parents, she needed someone to love her unconditionally. "But," Cat whispered in her mind. "Don't you deserve the same kind of love?"

[508; took forever! Sorry!]

[Lilliana Kensington]

Lilli grimaced, not wanting to admit that Catherine was right. She was the only one here, the only one to think of breaking down the door to get to her friend, to see what was wrong. She pursed her lips, holding in a sigh. Why did things have to be this way? It just wasn’t fair in Lilli’s eyes. She felt like shaking a fist to the sky, cursing, although she knew it probably wasn’t the best of ideas, considering her history… her long, drawn out history. Finally the sigh escaped as she shook her head. “Maybe it’s because I was supposed to be the one to find you, hm?” she said, smoothing back Catherine’s hair from her face.

Lilli laughed. It probably wasn’t smart, but she couldn’t help it. “Well, you’ll have to get yourself a new sketchpad, then, if you won’t use that one! Simple answer,” she said with confidence, not picking up the book. She didn’t want to see, really. She had more important things to do right now, such as calm down a hysterical Catherine. Grimacing, Lilli shook her head. She felt like slapping some sense into Catherine, but held back the urge. She was never one for violence.

"Catherine, listen to me!" she said, standing up as well and grabbing the shoulders of her friend. Looking Cat right in the eyes, Lilli spoke, hoping the words that came out of her mouth wouldn't make things worse... "So he has his reasons, which we don't even know, ok? But that doesn't mean anything is wrong with you! Catherine, you are smart, talented, beautiful, and the best person I know! You deserve to be as happy as anyone else out there. I wish I knew what to tell you about how to handle this, but I don't. I'm just the best friend who's come to help pick up the pieces."

Lilli took a deep breath, letting Catherine get her anger out by yelling. When she sat back down on the floor, so did Lilli, dropping her own hands back into her lap. She could feel tears for her friend starting to form in her eyes. Whoever this guy was, he had broken Catherine's heart, and Lilli just wanted to strangle him, or yell at him until he saw sense. Shaking her head, she wiped her eyes. "Oh please! A human? Definitely not, Catherine. He'll see, one day. This guy will wake up one morning and realize exactly what he gave up, and he'll come running."

Lilli smile a bit. She knew that despite Cat's own sadness, she was happy for Lilli. "Yeah, I wasn't even expecting it, really. I was a dinner thing with Aiden and I kind of blacked out in the middle of the dining area... anyways, when I woke up, there he was. And then I saw him later on at the bar. We exchanged numbers, and we've been talking. Not that big of a deal, really. But thanks." she shrugged her shoulders lightly, then brushed back some hair from Catherine's face. Sighing, she couldn't help but wonder what she was going to do with her friend...

{{523 words! Sorry it took forever! D: }}

[Catherine Lee]

Lilli and I have agreed to close this thread, due to the fact many of the events no longer apply. Thank you!