Awakening, What is it?

[HeavenlyFangs]

The awakening is when a Vampire first becomes aware of the inner gravitation towards blood or, in the case of the Psionic vampire, outside sources of energy. More specifically, it is when the personality of the vampire emerges: the blood-lust and the feel of a predatory mindset. There are often violent images or desires associated with the Awakening and these can lead to feelings of discomfort and/or confusion. In some extreme cases, it could lead to the individual feeling that they have lost their grip on sanity. This is why it is important, in my opinion, to be awakened by a vampire that has been through this process as well, that it may be explained, instead of leaving the newly awakened vampire to flail about in ignorance.

There are many theories as to how an Awakening can be brought about. The theory to which I subscribe is that an outside source of energy must be introduced to awaken the vampyric nature within, be it by blood or an energy-form. (There are cases of self-awakeneing, but these are not common.) The unawakened vampire should also have reached a point where they would be able to control the impulses that come along with the vampyric personality. Sometimes this doesn't happen, and the Awakening must be reversed. This, however, is rare.

Please keep in mind that this is all according to my understanding and is possibly wrong in every fashion, although I personally like to think that it is mostly accurate. If you would like to share any of your awakening stories, or if you have questions regarding anything I have said, please feel free to contribute/ask. Participation is always encouraged. =)

-Milosh

P.S.: It should be noted that most Awakenings happen without assistance or guidance. I did not want to give the impression that most Awakenings are planned. Many often happen quiet accidentally.

[kitten's-shadow]

Okay, so I have a question towards what you wrote.
As you said, there are many definitions when it comes to describing an awakening, but I have never come across one that would say you could have violent images.
What kind of images would those be?

[HeavenlyFangs]

I will share with you the images I experienced. I was with my fiancee and had just been offered her blood, when a part of me wanted to and another part of me desperately refused. I accepted, regardless, and a strange feeling washed over me. I had mental images of ripping her arms off and beating her to death with them. I felt the urge to rip out her throat and watch her bleed to death. For the entirety of the time I was feeling these urges, and seeing these images, I know I had no such malice within me. I knew that I would never do such things. This is where the confusion and the disturbing nature of my understanding of the Awakening come into play. I have heard stories from others where this has occurred, and I have heard of these feelings/visions being called "blood images". According to my understanding, I experienced an easy version of the Awakening process. Fortunately, I have not had a repeat of violent images of this magnitude, but I do still have minor urges now and then depending on circumstances. I hope this has answered your question?

-Milosh

[kitten's-shadow]

yes, it actually does...
see, the reason why I ask is due to the fact that in the past month or so I have also been having images like the one you described, including dreams.
The difference is that I don't just get them when I am with my boyfriend but rather when ever there is blood or wounds or bodies around me...
which is pretty much every time I go to work since I'm a nurse.
Sometimes even by just talking about it I start to picture many images of slaughtered bodies and me just enjoying myself, bathing into the pool of blood. it's horrible but I enjoy them. my entire body shivers with a combination of excitement and disgust whenever i get them..
I don't understand why I have been having these images/dreams...
Probably I'm just paranoid or something

[HeavenlyFangs]

I dont think it has anything to do with paranoia. I believe you may be experiencing what I had. It was not induced by my fiancee, but by having tasted her blood. Unfortunately, I do not know of any remedies to this situation other than perhaps salty foods, rare steaks or meats with some blood proteins still left within them, and pomigranite(sp) juice or red wine, depending on your preference. These are blood substitutes, and usually help with quelling the images. Try not to write things off so quickly when you cannot readily explain them. You may be rushing to a false conclusion otherwise. =)

-Milosh

[kitten's-shadow]

True, but see, that is why I ask.
Because I don't have an explanation towards what's happening. I know I'm not going through an awakening... and I would deny it if it actually was. But in reality, other than the "awakening" all I can think of to what I'm experiencing is that I am getting a bit worse with being a blood fetish?
I have not tasted my boyfriend's blood, although once he did claim he felt blood trickle down his neck when I bit him. I felt bad when I saw the huge ... well... it looks more like a bruise than anything else o.o but no blood though... I don't think I would have the guts to get his blood in any way possible.
and yes, rare steak, including medium rare helps a lot, pomegranite juice.. I have never drank, only eaten it; I actually have some in my fridge :P
mm... by red whine, which would you recommend?

[HeavenlyFangs]

The wine choice is based purely on preference. I do not know of any differences between the varieties, although I would not be surprised if there were some. Also, as I mentioned earlier, you do not need blood to start an awakening. Most Awakenings are started through energy transfer, instead of blood. You state that you would deny that you are going through an Awakening, even if that were the case. You also claimed that you had wanted to be something more than "human". That would seem to fulfill that desire. Why embrace denial?

(note: I am not stating that you are, in fact, going through an Awakening, but merely hypothetically.)

-Milosh

[kitten's-shadow]

Simple :)
to see and feel that one of my life dreams has finally come true would be unbelievable...
Hence why I wouldn't believe it.
Don't get me wrong I would love it, embrace it and try to learn even more about vampirism as I could, it will just be hard to believe.

Anywho..
here is another question, say, a psych vampire. Or even a sang...
How do you know when you need to feed?
for someone who doesn't realize what is going on, what are normally the symptoms to when you have to feed?

[KeilenVB]

Symptoms are pretty self-explanatory. Even for those who don't really understand what they're going through.

For me, at least, the sight and scent of blood makes my mouth water. Hell, even just the word "blood" is enough to make me drool. Increased levels of agitation, aggression, and even sometimes appetite yet nothing one eats seems to soothe the pallet. Heightened attention to detail (especially revolving around the blood flowing in someones veins). Stuff like that. Hunger for raw meat, bloody steaks, etc. Of course, this is all for sang vamps. I can't really speak much for Psi symptoms, since I really don't suffer them all too much. I tend to innately psi-feed from those around me when I get to the point of needing it.

[HeavenlyFangs]

For Psionic "thirst" I will speak only of my experiences. I am an ambient feeder, so it is rare that I need energy, as I constantly draw energy in from the area around me. However, there are times when I am in an area of low energy for prolonged periods of time. When this happens, a different source is sought. I try to avoid feeding from people if it can be helped because, in my mind, feeding from someone, even if they will never know it had happened, is a violation of ethics and privacy unless they have given informed consent. Thusly, I will try to feed from the area, then the plant-life, then the animal life, and then, if I have no other option, I will feed from people. The feel of "thirst" is similar to feeling tired. as if you are running on a half charged battery, but cannot find any explanation for it. Others have reported increased likelihood of illness and injury. I, personally, just get irritable and tend to seek people out and just be near them. My system sometimes leeches people without my knowledge, and it has caused problems in the past.

-Milosh

[astral chylde]

The "violent" imagery is what I call "Blood visions".

And really, they only occur after lengthy amounts of time without feeding.

Personally, the one way to rid of these is to feed. "Remedies" don't really do much, except maybe stave off for a short time (a day if you're lucky).

[kitten's-shadow]

hhmmm...
As I mentioned before with the visions, its going to 3 months now that this started, my appetitte has also increased and no matter how much I eat, Im not satisfied. I get agitated real easily and I'm tired all the time.. except... umm... after sex >.> but I believe the agitation is due to my disorder.
Blood makes me think about drinking some, raw meat makes me drool as well.. Actually i've been eating them since I was a child, though I think I got that from my mother. She also eats some, but unlike her, i can eat an entire steak rather than just a tiny piece.
HeavenlyFangs, I agree with the consent over feeding from someone, but as I recall, because your an ambient feeder, don't you feed more often than someone who feeds from a human to aquire the same amount of energy you need? ( I don't remember where I read this) and how much does it affect the environment from where you feed? say, when you feed from a human, they tend to get tired ( I believe) what about a plant? if you feed on it too much will it die?
And for Astral, to my knowledge I'm not a vampire, so what would these "Blood visions" mean to me?

[HeavenlyFangs]

Kitten, from everything you are describing, it is sounding more and more as if you are suffering from "The Thirst", as some dramatic vamps may put it. I think that you may actually be vampyric. You are exhibiting all the symptoms. This, however does not make it certain. It is still merely a hypothesis. Would anyone else care to weigh in on this?

As for your questions regarding my ambient feeding: yes you are correct that I feed more often to get the same amount of energy that a direct feeder would obtain. However, it is automatic at this point and I don't have to think about it. As for how it influences the environment... due to the fact that I am constantly feeding, the amount of energy I need at any given time is very small, and so the impact upon the energetic environment is relatively weak. I also carry crystals charged with energy around with me in case there are places where the energy is insufficient. I think of them as little batteries.

You are also correct about feeding psionically from a human tending to drain them and make them tired. However, it should be noted that that happens usually from a full "meal" when the vampire has not had an energy source for an extended period of time, or when they drain the person more than they should. Most psionic vampires know to feed only a little from individual humans to avoid causing any harm while still gaining the needed energy.

Finally, the plant question: I am unsure that it would cause the plant to die, as plants have a different kind of energy from animals. I also never focus on one plant, but on a large number at a time, so I have never really given myself a chance to do such damage.

Think hard about the symptoms you have read about the blood-thirst, and compare them with your own symptoms. You decide what it means, but do not decide prematurely. This is not something that should be rushed.

-Milosh

[kitten's-shadow]

cool! err... about your way of feeding that is.
I am curious what the damage would be on a single plant though..
I'm a tree hugger but still... wouldn't mind trying it out..
the crystal thing. good idea.

About myself..
I have thought about it.. A lot.
after the first month passed, at first i thought i was pregnant..
but kept reminding myself I can't
so I really don't know what else to think but to agree with you ...
I'm trying to look up any medical condition but nothing really applies either, I'm wondering what my doctor would or do if I would tell her about this when i go in for my yearly check-up next week o.o
Last time I mentioned something, there were already calling social workers and all that hahaha

[HeavenlyFangs]

Secrecy is very important. Yes this isn't something that we MUST hide, but we have lived by secrecy for a reason. Most people wont understand. If I were to tell a therapist everything I felt was real and true about this world, and especially myself, they would possibly lock me up unless I spoke with such eloquence to move the mind of the therapist. Do not speak with medical doctors about these types of things, other than the symptoms you experience. They will not understand and possibly get you psychoactive medicines. They are not trained to think the way that we do, and so must find a physical answer provided by medicine. Perhaps instead, you should ask us for help.

-Milosh