Building Trust

[Hayden Turner]

It was after the masquarde was over that he and Zanya had decided to go for a little stroll through the woods. He lifted up his hands and removed the mask that he had been wearing, glad to be rid of the thing. It was actually starting to make his face itch a bit.

Aside from the fact that his blood lust was still ever present, he tried to keep it buried within him trying not to hurt Zanya. His patients and good nature was only going to take him so far tonight. The only thing he could think about was the blood lust, knowing that he had let his pray live rather than drain them dry.

He leaned against a tree and pressed his forehead against his arm for a moment just to try and keep himself calm and collected. Then he leaned his back against the tree and slowly lowered himself down onto the ground. "So what do we do now?"

[Zanya Sanchez]

Zanya too had removed her mask. She placed it in her hand purse that she had miraculously been able to keep a hold of throughout the night. She could tell that he was suffering from the hunger and not just because of him using the tree for support. Zanya took the initiative and sat herself down on his lap so she wouldn't ruin her dress. Her hands reached up and soothed his tense muscles on his shoulders with a gentle massage. At his question, she looked up at him and smiled. "For now- we talk." she answered.

Her hands moved down his arms, soothing as they went, and stopped when she reached his hands. Taking them into her own, she squeezed them. Letting one go, she rested her head on his chest and curled into him, keeping their hands together in her lap. "What's on your mind right now?" she asked, even though she already knew. He needed to get it out in the open though, let her get used to it, and for her understand better.

[Hayden Turner]

He watched her with curious green eyes as she sat herself down upon his lap. He gave her credit, she was brave. No one would have even thought about getting even an inch close to him if they knew what he was. He watched her curiously as she took hold of his hands and rested her head upon his chest. Oh great more talking? Hadn't he done enough damage by doing that? Now she just wanted more. Well that was a woman for you, not wanting to just deal with the information that they were given they just had to dig even deeper.

Hayden leaned his head back against the tree he was sitting against and closed his eyes. "You should already know the answer to that by now....blood. Blood is the only thing that I think about. When I am not thinking about that I think about how I want to rip them apart and make them suffer."

[Zanya Sanchez]

Zanya chuckled softly at his expression when she said they would talk. "How stereotypical of you." she teased lightly. "Just like every other man out there- you'd rather not talk. We could do something else if you wanted." she said softly, giving him the right of way, allowing him the advantage. She was trying to make him comfortable. "But," she started. "I think you need someone to talk to right now, and I'm all ears." she said softly.

When he spoke, her face softened as she looked up at him. Her free hand reached up and gently cupped his cheek. "Hayden." she whispered softly. "You let them go though. You went after that couple with every intention of doing what you just said, but you let them go." she said, then boldly asked, "Why? Why did you let them live?" because she wanted to know. She was sure she already knew the reason, but she wanted to hear it from his lips. She had a feeling that he needed to hear his answer as well.

[Hayden Turner]

Hayden turned his head away out of her touch, and reached up and took her hands into his own. "It was because of you Zanya. It's because you were there. You are innocent in all of this. That is why I could not kill them in front of you. I don't want you to see that side of me. Ever."

Hayen lowered her hands back down into her own lap. He let out a small growl, growing more frustrated with every moment that they were talking about this. He leaned his head back against the tree trunk and closed his eyes just trying to keep himself calm. "I really do not understand why you want to talk about this. It is not going to get us anywhere."

[Zanya Sanchez]

Hearing his answer, Zanya gazed up at him with a tender expression. When he pulled out of her grasps, she reached out and cupped his face again. "Hey," she said softly and forced him to look at her. When she finally got his attention, she gave him a warm smile. "Thank you." she said with sincerity and brushed a soft kiss against his cheek.

Seeing that he was growing frustrated, she gently soothed his cheek with her thumb while her other hand moved to take his hand again. "Hey," she repeated just as softly. "Why does talking about it upset you?" she asked gently. At his confusion, she gave him a meek smile. "I'm trying to understand what was so different about tonight." she answered simply. Why had she been the one to affect him. It couldn't have just been because she was innocent as he had dubbed her. His other victims were just as innocent as her, so why would she have been able to change the course of his actions. She was glad she did, she truly was, but she was trying to understand him better.

He had meant to hurt her tonight, that much was evident from the soreness she still felt from her back and the light bruising on her neck. He had stopped though. He could have easily killed her that one night in the park, and he could have easily killed her tonight. He didn't though. Somehow, someway, she had affected him. She managed to get past his wall and warm him with her touch. "Hayden?" she asked softly. Her green eyes raised to meet his. "Do you care about me?"

[Hayden Turner]

Hayden let out a small growl when she had forced him to look at her. It was obvious to see that he was just trying to hold himself back from just putting his hand through her chest again. He bared his teeth a bit though not at her in particular. He moved his head back away from her hand to keep her from trying to make him feel something he shouldn't be for her. But he couldn't hide his emotions for long, he could already feel himself wanting to shut that part of him off like he did so long ago when he was first turned and the pain gripped him tight.

He looked to her sadly when she asked if he cared for her. "Yes," he said softly. "That is why I don't want you to see what I am like when I feed. I do not want you to see that side of me. I am in a constant battle with myself, fighting to not kill dozens of innocents in one shot, to not hurt you, and to resist the temptation of blood."

Hayden grapped her wrist firmly, strong to hold her there and yet gentle so that he wouldn't hurt her. Then he raised her wrist to his lips, and lightly kissed over the area. "When I am around humans the only thing I hear is the blood pumping through their body, see the veins, and feel the heat." Just that thought along the veins around his eyes could be seen and his eyes turned red. Opening his mouth, revealing his sharp fangs, he lightly nipped at her skin lightly.

He leaned his head back a little and saw the small cut upon her wrist. The small amount of blood would barely even be enough for a taste. He leaned his head down and took only a couple of drops into his mouth. A growl escaped his lips as he felt a small throb building up inside of him, his body tensed a little. He placed another light kiss over the scratch before he turned his head away.

[Zanya Sanchez]

Seeing him and feeling him withdraw, she wanted to reach out to him again, but she could read his warning. He didn't want her to push him, but she was still going to try. "Why are you not allowing yourself to feel anything?" she asked. "You aren't letting yourself experience all the emotions humanity has to offer. You might be a vampire, Hayden, but don't vampires still feel at all? I heard that after the change... everything is magnified. Even your emotions." she said softly, and dropped her hands into her lap with a sad sigh.

When he looked at her with a saddened expression her lower lip trembled and she looked down, her hair obscured her face. Hearing his answer though caused her to peek up at him through her bangs. He acted like the fact that he cared for her upset him. Finding her courage again, she brushed the bangs out of her face and met his gaze. "I care about you too, Hayden." she said softly. "I care enough that I don't want you to have to hide this part of yourself from me." she added, and gently took his face in her hands again. "I want to get to know you, all of you. The good, the bad, and even the ugly." she said, unable to help herself from quoting an old western movie. "I'm glad that you feel the need to protect my innocence, but I want you to know that you don't have to." she said gently and stroked his cheek before pulling away.

When he took her wrist in his firm grip, she watched him with a curious expression as he brushed a kiss over it. Hearing him explain himself, she reached out and gripped his shoulder with her free hand when she saw the veins around his eyes darken and his eyes to mirror crimson pools. Her grip on his shoulder tightened when she saw the fangs and felt him nip at her wrist. "Is that all you hear, see, and feel when you're with me?" she asked, purposely putting him on the spot when she saw blood swell from the new wound.

Zanya watched in silence as he lapped up some of her blood. Feeling him tense beneath her, her loosened her grip on his shoulder and soothed the muscles there with gentle fingers. His lips brushed against her wound before he turned away. Zanya's face softened and she took his hand in both of hers. Raising it to her own lips, she brushed a soft kiss across the top of his hand. "Thank you." she said softly. He hadn't indulged. He couldn't just see her as a piece of meat if he didn't succumb to the temptation of her blood.

[Hayden Turner]

Hayden kept his head turned but watched her from the corner of his eyes as she placed a soft kiss against the back of his hand. What was she thanking him for? For not killing her or not going after that couple that passed by them? Either way he didn't deserve it. Didn't deserve to be with someone like her. God knows that she deserved to be with someone better than him. "How can you trust me if I can not even trust myself?"

Then he looked away from her and closed his eyes. "All I can hear is the sound of your heart pumping, the blood flowing through your veins. To feel the heat of the blood course through your body. Because of this curse that is all I can do." Then he removed his hand from her grasp and placed it into his lap. "You and your son deserve to have someone better than me in your life. I can definately say I am not the kind of guy you want to show off to your parents."

[Zanya Sanchez]

Hearing his question, Zanya looked up at him with a warm expression on her face. “Because I believe in you,” she answered truthfully. Though it probably wasn’t smart of her, and it was most definitely dangerous, she had faith in him. He had proven himself to her, and it was enough for her to have hope.

Hearing him answer her question, she leaned forward and closed the gap between them until only a fraction of air stood between them. “That can’t be all you feel,” she said softly and took his hand, guiding it to rest on her waist. “You wouldn’t try to protect me otherwise,” she added as she rested back against him with her head on his chest. His next words brought a small smile to her lips, and she pulled back to look at him. “I might deserve better, but that doesn’t meant I want better.” she said and pressed a sweet kiss to his lips.

“Hayden,” she said and pulled back, hurt showing in her eyes. It wasn’t because of him though; it was because of what she was thinking about. “I told you my story. I have a feeling that you can empathize with me. You have to understand, “she said and reached out to brush his hair out of his face. “You have to understand that you are so much better than that. You are the first and only person I’ve told about what happened to me. Everyone- even my mother assumes that my little Andrew was my ex’s. I killed him when I first turned.” she said and choked on a dry sob as she pulled away. No. She wouldn’t cry. Not now, even though it hurt her to talk about this. “When they found him, everyone assumed it was a wild animal. I never made to correct them, on his death or who fathered my child. Instead I ran. I’ve kept this secret since I was a child, and I’ve kept running from my fears,” she said in a tired voice that barely reached above a whisper. “The only reason I came back here to Mystic Falls is because of my father’s death. The only reason I stay is because my mother is sick, and I want Andrew to grow up right. I’m tired of running though. I don’t want to run anymore,” she admitted.

Zanya reached out then and clutched at the shirt covering his chest. She took a deep, shaky breath as she met his gaze. “I’ll have you know that you are the first good thing to happen to me in a long time, Hayden,” she said and gave him a small smile.

[Hayden Turner]

Hayden honestly had no idea how to respond to this little bit of information. So looks like they were in the same battle with themselves. The only difference was is that at times Hayden liked to kill and rip them apart, so that they would feel his pain, or at least a fraction of it. But still how could she see him as an innocent being? There was just no way he was innocent, not since he was a little kid anyway.

He growled and was quick on his feet and forced her on her back on the grass, laying on top of her. His teeth bared at her again. "Stop saying that. I am the farthest thing from good that could happen to you. What happened tonight with that couple I got lucky, as did you. You have no idea how much I wanted to hurt you, to slice into your flesh and rip your heart out of your chest. "

He leaned up off of her a little looking down into her eyes with his red ones, his hand moving up to her neck, wanting to choke her, make her feel what he did. She would be able to feel the gentle squeezing of her throat. "I would rather you fear me, rather than trying to make me feel better about myself."

[Zanya Sanchez]

From his silence, she knew that he was mulling over what she had just revealed. She didn't know if it was good or bad though. She was about to reach out, to gather his attention and gain answers when that part of him took over again. The part that wanted to scare her and push her far away.

Being forced onto the ground with him pinning her there, Zanya fought to regain her breath and to clear the black dots from her vision. The sudden move had slightly disoriented her. When her vision cleared, she caught his fangs and the sneer he directed towards her. The young Latino woman watched him in silence as he vented out his frustration with her. When his hand traced her neck, she shivered involuntarily as if she understood his intention. She did. He wanted her to understand the hurt he could and would cause her. He wanted to scare her off- to warn her. She wasn't having any of that though.

Zanya's chest moved up and down as she breathed quietly beneath him. Meeting his gaze, her fierce gold meeting his red, she reached up and grasped the hand at her neck and squeeze. Her breathe shot from her open mouth as she force his hand to steal the oxygen from her lungs. "Is this what you want?" she asked with a gasp, her gold eyes holding his. "Do you really want to hurt me?" she questioned, making his hands trace the bruising on her neck. "Do you really want me to fear you?"

[Hayden Turner]

"Yes I do. Maybe then you could get this rediculous ideas out of your head thinking that you can control my dark side, thinking that you can tame me. I told you my nice side can only last so long. The second I can see, smell, or taste blood I am a whole new monster. But you just wont listen!"

Hayden forced himself off of her and walked away. He could hear the blood pumping through her veins even more, rushing back to head and hear her breathing pick up to get air back into her lungs. He wanted to kill her, wanted to rip into her and drink her blood. Not caring if her blood would kill him or not.

He let out a deep gutteral growl, and sent his hand flying into the nearest tree. The large tree groaned from the pressure that was put upon it from just his fist. Pulling his hand out of the wood, spliters sticking out from his knuckles. Then he leaned against the tree and looked back to her. "Why can't you see that you can't help me?"

[Zanya Sanchez]

After his rant, Zanya frowned up at him. "Is the thought of you being able to make your own decisions without the influence of this blood lust or pain really a ridiculous idea?" she asked rationally. "I'm not trying to tame you, Hayden." she said, her voice softening. "I'm trying to free you."

His anger with her was evident in the way he tore himself from her and lashed out at the first tree he came in contact with. Zanya slowly pushed herself off of the ground by raising herself up with her arms. She watched him for a few minutes, his words echoing in her ears, before she sighed and rose to her feet. Dusting herself off, she slowly approached him. Reaching out, she took his hand in hers and gently began to remove the remains of the tree from his skin. She kept her eyes on her work as she spoke. "For the same reason that you believe you don't need it." she answered simply. When she got the splinters out, she smoothed her fingers over his hand and finally looked up at him. "Let me care for you, Hayden, if no one else will."

[Hayden Turner]

He looke away from her, letting her pull the little pieces of wood out of his knuckles. Slowly his skin started to heal, putting everything back into its place. His hands were rough from the long rough road he had traveled his five hundred years. But when when he wanted them to he could be gentle and caring with them. Or at least when his blood lust would let him.

He turned his head to face her, the redness of his eyes still showing, the veins could be seen around his eyes still. "You can't help me. The only way you could help me is if you knew magic and could remove the spell. But no witch would even try because only the original witch who put the curse upon me can take the spell away. I will never be free of it."

He slowly pulled his hand out of hers and leaned back against the tree that now had a large gaping hole in its base. "Many times I have thought about walking into the sun and being rid of life itself. But because I am a god fearing man, I know where I will be when I die. There is definately no future with white fluffy clouds for me."