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| Allech-Atreus |
Posted: Apr 25 2007, 09:56 PM
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![]() Arrogant Prick Group: Members Posts: 55 Member No.: 33 Joined: 5-September 06 |
This is a rehash of Kenny's Prohibition of UN Military. UN Neutrality Mandate A resolution to improve world security by boosting police and military budgets.
Any thoughts? EDIT: Made suggested changes made, reworked preamble. |
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| TheykilledKenny |
Posted: Apr 25 2007, 10:31 PM
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Bite my shiny metal ass! Group: Daleks Posts: 586 Member No.: 3 Joined: 8-February 06 |
You can't declare "the United Nations shall not" do anything. You have to hone the language so the actionable verbs apply to member states. All your "-ing" verbs are in the wrong context; change it to:
"The United Nations hereby... "DECLARES..." ...and on down the line. I'd remove the "hereforth" from the "declaring" clause, move the "affirming" clause down to the bottom, and while I'm at it, change the "affirming" clause altogether so it focuses on the the right of nations to form coalitions for the sake of peacekeeping, stablization and delivering humanitarian aid. Something like: "Nothing in this document shall be construed as to deny the right of member states to form military coalitions for purposes of peacekeeping, stabilization and delivering humanitarian aid in nations that request such assistance." Oh, and yes. You do have my permission to use my preamble. |
| Allech-Atreus |
Posted: Apr 25 2007, 10:47 PM
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![]() Arrogant Prick Group: Members Posts: 55 Member No.: 33 Joined: 5-September 06 |
Sure, sure. I was hoping that I could simply state that the UN was prevented from taking the action, just as it was with the taxation ban, but I suppose the style rules prevent that.
Excellent changes, thank you.
D'oh, I meant to go back and reword it but I just hit post. I might change around the wording and add some new emphases. All changes will be made to the original draft. |
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