Title: trying to make you feel like a princess
Rating: T for Teen
Summary: I'm a princess and I live in my fairytale world. I'm trapped in a dark tower and I'm waiting for my prince to save me.
Pairings: Cat-centric; Cat&Andre; Andre&Tori; Cat&Jade; Jade&Beck
Warning: Hints of abuse; Psychological Problems; Hints of depression; Suggested Suicide; a bunch of other stuff; Some out-of-characterness.
Notes: This was written for the 'New Year, Old Ideas' Challenge DreamsIn_Action LJ Community.
I hope this story isn't too confusing. I don't find it confusing at all (probably because I'm the author). I also hope that you guys like this. This also has an unexpected twist so yeah…
Also, I don't really think that Cat is acting like she's a happy person – I think that she's really a happy person, but she does have a dark side. But, sometimes in this story she's pretending to be happy, however, her personality is still happy. So… Yeah.
I'd advise you to read it here
at FF.net because the story looks nicer.
Have you seen the queen of the castle?
Paint this city from ear to fear.
If the air was meant to be glitter,
It might not take all yours away.
My Boots - Lights
One day, my world will be rainbows, clouds, butterflies, sunshine, and candy. I love rainbows. They remind me of all the pretty colors of happiness. I also love the white fluffy clouds that form funny shapes in the sky. They make me smile. Butterflies make me want to fly around in the warm air and the sky. I would love to fly through a cloud or fly along a rainbow. The sun shines so brightly and it's like one of those cartoons where it's smiling down at you. I love candy because candy is yummy. Candy makes me happy and hyper and I want to sing. That would be my perfect life.
If only that is how life is for me, but it's not. My life isn't rainbows&&clouds&&butterflies&&sunshine&&candy. It's a lot of those dark, tragedy things that frighten me. Abuse frightens me into running into dark rooms. Depression is why I pretend to be happy around others. I've heard people talk about me. They talk about how I'm crazy and bipolar and that I have psychological problems.
I can't wait for my dreams to come true one day.
I bet you've never walked through hell. I bet you've never fallen off the edge of the world. I also bet that you've never had your friends call you crazy. You've never worried about that kind of stuff because you're normal. You don't need to worry about it.
But I do. I live in hell. Hell is the place I call my home. When I walk inside my house, I see the dark walls of the world crashing down on me. There are shouts of my brother screaming at his pet Chihuahua and telling him to get a job. My mom is always crying in her bedroom because of my father. Finally, my father storms through the house and grabs my red velvet hair and shoves me against the wall. He yells at me for being so crazy and he tells me that he wishes I had never been born. He tells me that my brother and I should be dead. I run from him as fast as I can. I run into my room and lock the door and cry. It's the same exact thing, day after day after day.
I fall onto my soft fluffy pink bed. It feels so loving underneath my body. I roll onto my side. My hair falls in front of my eyes and a smile grows onto my face.
Pretend it's fake. Pretends life is perfect. Pretend you're happy. Pretend. Pretend. Pretend. Pretend. Pretend. Pretend. Pretend. Pretend. Pretend. Pretend. Pretend. Pretend. Pretend. Pretend.
These words fly through my head as I walk into school. My mom told me years ago that I had to pretend. Pretending would make people believe that my life was happy and wonderful. They wouldn't suspect that I lived in hell. (All the pretending in my life made me a wonderful actress and helped me with my career.)
Jade West is my best friend. She doesn't pretendpretendpretend that her life isn't hell. She knows that she lives there and she doesn't care if the world knows. She wears black all the time just to prove it.
But she really does care about me… I think. Sometimes she can be rude and mean to me, but she does care for me. She sometimes worries about me too.
Jade is also dating one of my other friends, Beck Oliver. They seem happy together, I think.
Andre Harris is one of my best friends. I don't consider him a friend actually. He's more of a major crush. When I look at him, he reminds me of dark, dark chocolate. I love dark chocolate. It melts in your mouth and it's just so delicious.
Andre is nice and sweet. He loves music and I hope that he one day writes a song for me to sing. He's written songs for other friends, but not me. Yet.
I'm a princess trapped in a darkdarkdark tower. I sit in my room everyday and I stare out at the horizon. I can see the Happy-Land that I want to live at, but I can't because I'm trapped in the Dark Place. I have a dragon that curls itself around my tower so I can never escape and a prince can never save me, unless he slays the dragon.
I sit by my window everyday and I stare out of it. I can see the Happy Land and I can hear the shouts of joy coming from it. I wish I was there. When I look down from my tower, I can see the crimson red water swirling around and around. The reason the water is crimson red is because knights and princes who have tried to save me have always been defeated and they drowneddrowneddrowened. They usually try to cross the drawbridge and they then get stabbed and they fall into the depths of the crimson blood river.
I sometimes want to plunge out of my window and fall into the river. I want to feel the blood surrounding my body. I could finally find the peace I've been searching for as I fallfallfall. I would drown like the others. The knights&&princes always feel horrible when they drown because they couldn't save me. But I could find peace when I drowned in that river because I saved myself from hell.
Of course, I'm not the only princess in the Dark Place. There are others. But they always get their happily-ever-afters because they are special. They really don't belong here, so the knights&&princes save them first. Those princesses are just too special.
I don't like one princess. No, I don't hate her, I could never hate somebody. It would make me feel dirty. Anyways, she has my prince. My prince fights her dragon away and he brings her into the Happy Land. I'm stuck though. I'm stuckstuckstuck in my darkdarkdark tower.
I walk through the hallways. People run by me and they shout with happiness. I giggle because I'm trying so so hard to blend in with them.
Then I see my prince, my dark chocolate, my Andre Harris. He walks up to me and he's smiling and he makes me smile wider than I usually do. Suddenly, the evil princess walks over to him and slides her arm into his. He smiles down at her and kisses her on the lips.
My heart breaks.
I walk away as fast as possible. They call my name out as I walk and walk and walk. He saved his princess and she has her prince. They're life is happy and wonderful and I'm just rolling around and writhing in pain.
We used to talk all the time. He would smile at me and I would smile at him. He'd tell me everything and I'd tell him a lot of the things. I never mentioned my family or the Dark Place or that I'm madly in-love with him. If I had, he would have probably freaked out and stared at me like I was really crazy. He would have walked away from me and never talked to me again. My heart would break and I would wish for him to come back to me. But he never would. He would stop talking to me.
Jade would ask what was wrong and I'd tell her. I've told her everything. She understands. She's been there before.
I stare out the window of my tower. The dragon is watching and he's waiting for the prince to strike me. The prince is one of the few lucky ones to make it past the drawbridge and the crimson blood river. He climbs the tower. I hear him strike a dragon and I see the dragon fall down. It's a pretty, white, golden dragon; it's dead now. After ten minutes, my door bursts open. I turn around and gasp.
"My lady," he says. "I'm here to save you and bring you to the Happy Place." He walks over to me. He grabs my hand and kisses it.
I jerk my hand away from him. "No, I'm not going with you," I tell him. "You didn't even slay my dragon."
He sighs sadly. "I came here to save a different princess, but she was gone. Please, will you come with me?" he asks sadly. He looks up at me and he's begging me with his eyes.
I take a deep breath. "No."
"Cat?" Robbie asks while staring at me. "You okay?" he asks while waving his hand in front of my face.
"What? Huh? Oh. No," I tell him. I shake my head and stand up.
"So," he asks while standing up beside me. "What's your answer?"
He sighs sadly. I turn around and see him sadly sitting down at his table. "You'll find someone else," I tell him.
People make fun of me because I have psychological problems. I sometimes try to deny it, but it gets old. So I start to play along and I agree with them about my problems. They whisper when I walk by them. "She's bipolar," they say. Or they might say, "She's crazy. She needs to be locked up in the crazy house." They may think that, but they shouldn't say it out loud. It hurts my feelings. I have lots of feelings and they get hurt easily.
Sitting in my tower, I see a storm coming along. It flies over the Happy Place and suddenly, I can hear the screams and cries of pain. Princesses start flying back here. Tears are in their eyes. They've been recaptured because the Storm Cloud found them and it didn't want them to be happy. Now their hearts are broken and they have to find a new prince or knight. I look through the princesses and I hope that the evil princess is among them. But she's not. I can see her in the Happy Place and she's smiling. She kisses my prince and tells him the storm cloud will never take her away because they belongtogether.
I shake my head and glare at her. She will leave my prince alone and she'll find someone better for her.
There's a new girl at school. She started the second semester because she didn't have enough money to start in the first semester. She was sitting at lunch all alone one day, so I decided to talk to her. I learned her name was Amelia. She got into Hollywood Arts because she can sing and play guitar. Amelia sort of reminds me of Jade. She wears all black all the time. She's nice though. She isn't mean to me. Well, that may change one day, but I hope not.
I sit in my tower. My head is resting in my hands and I look outside. I hear a girl start to scream. I jump up and run over to my window. She fallsfallsfalls. I look closer and see it's a princess. She couldn't take the pain of being alone anymore, so she took the great plunge into the crimson blood river. I hear the splash and my heart starts to ache.
Oh, how I wish I am brave enough to take the great plunge. I think about it often. I'm more than certain that I'm ready to fall and end my life in the river.
Then I hear the roar. It's the loud roar of a dragon in pain. The dragon was the dragon of the princess who took the plunge. The dragon flies off of its tower and cries in pain. It is black with red streaks and sparkles all over it. The dragon goes down to the river and tries to save its princess. I feel tears start at my eyes. I hate the part where the dragon roars because it misses its princess. That's one reason I won't jump. I don't want my dragon to cry.
I go to school the next day and see Jade. "Hey, Jade!" I say while running up to her.
She turns to me and tries to smile. "Hey, Cat," she says.
My smile fades away. Something is wrong. "What's wrong?" I ask her.
"It's Amelia," she tells me.
"What about her?" I ask worriedly.
"She killed herself." I'm frozen in place with those words. It makes me think of the princess who jumped into the crimson river in my fairytale land.
I sit at lunch and start to toy around with the fruit on my tray. "You okay, Cat?" Jade asks me. She puts a hand on my back to make sure I'm okay.
"I'm fine," I tell her. "But why?"
Jade shrugs her shoulders. She moves away from me and sits closer to Beck, who is now sitting with us. Andre walks over to us and he's holding hands with Tori. I smile at them. Andre takes a seat next to me and Tori sits on his other side. He puts his hand on my knee and smiles at me. "You feeling okay?" he asks.
Evidently everyone knows about how Amelia and I were really close friends. I guess they all expect me to start going crazy because she's gone.
I smile faintly. "Yeah," I tell him. He pats my knee and then removes his hand off of my knee. He smiles at Tori and kisses her head. I look down at my tray. I glance up at Jade and I see she's watching me. I quickly look back down.
I stand in my dark tower. It's pouring rain outside and there's thunder everywhere. I take a deep breath and go to my window. I see lightning shoot across the sky and a gasp leaves my mouth. I back away for a few seconds. I shake my head and open the window cautiously.
I stick my head out the window and my hair falls in front of my eyes. I look around and hold onto the side of the window. I pull myself up. I'm now standing in the window and I'm looking down at the crimson blood river. I take a deep breath.
I look around me and I'm hoping someone will come out of nowhere and tell me to stop. But no one shows. I let one of my legs dangle in the air. It feels nice. The sound of the thunder ringing everywhere won't let me hear the dragon cries.
I glance up and look at my dragon. She's wrapped around my tower and she's asleep. She's so pretty. Her scales are red velvet cupcake colored, like my hair, and she has sparkles on some spots. I know that when she opens her eyes, they will be the color of silver. I sigh and look back down.
One step. One step.
Fall. Fall. Fall.
Scream. Scream. Scream.
Fall. Fall. Fall.
Splash. Splash. Splash.
No. No. Don't change your mind! Don't!
"Help!" I scream as I float to the top of the water. "Help! I don't want this anymore!" I scream again. The water's current is harder than I thought it would be. It pushes me around and I continue to sink under the water. I swim back up and try to swim to shore.
Hands of those who drowned before me are grabbing me. They're trying to pull me underneath the water. I scream loudly. "Join us!" they scream. "Join us!" I scream louder and try to get away from their grasps. They grab my legs and arms and start dragging me under. One grabs my hair and starts yanking my head back. "Join us!" they scream. I yell and try to get away. I blink my eyes. My vision is getting dark and I can barely see anything. Everything is blurry and dark. I slowly start to lose consciousness. My eyes flicker shut and my body goes limp. I feel a hand grab one of my arms and drag me away from the loud screams.
My eyes flicker open in a dim room. I move my neck back and forth, but it causes me a lot of pain. I groan loudly. I squint my eyes and notice that I'm in the hospital. "Hello?" I ask hoping someone will answer me.
"Cat?" a voice asks. I tilt my head in the direction the voice come from. "You awake?" the voice asks again.
I blink my eyes. "Who are you?" I ask.
The person laughs. "I'm Andre," he says.
"How long have you been here?" I ask him.
He sighs and I think he's checking his watch. "Five hours," he answers. "Jade, Beck, and Tori were here an hour ago, but they left to get something to eat."
"Why didn't you go?" I ask him.
"I didn't want you to be all alone when or if you woke up. Jade wanted to stay, but I told her to go. She hasn't eaten anything since…" his voice trails off and he doesn't say anything.
"Since what?" I ask him.
"Don't you remember?" he asks me. I shake my head no. Andre sighs and I hear him lean back in his chair. "I'll tell you later," he says.
"Was it bad?" I whisper-ask.
I blink my eyes open. "What time is it?" I ask.
"Seven pm," Jade says.
I nod my head. "What happened?" I ask her hoping she'll answer me.
"You don't remember?"
"No. Should I remember?" I ask her.
"Yeah, you should," she says.
"What happened?" I ask again.
Jade looks at Andre who is still sitting in his chair. Tori is now sitting next to Andre and her head is resting on his shoulder. Beck is sitting in a chair in the corner of the room and he's looking down at the floor. I look around more, hoping I'll see other people, but no one else is there. I look back at Andre and he's nodding his head in Jade's direction. Jade sighs and looks down at me.
"Well, do you remember how you and Andre were going to rehearse a scene you were doing for Sikowitz?" Jade asks. I nod my head. "Well, Andre was coming over to your house and…" she stops not knowing what else to say.
"You were in your bedroom," Andre says while looking at me. "And you… You had a knife in your hand." He pauses and looks down at his hands. "Do you know what we're trying to say?" he asks.
I nod my head. "I remember now," I say sadly.
I lay in the hospital bed. I flip through the TV channels, a bored look on my face. I groan loudly. I hear Andre snicker next to me. I turn and look at him. "What?" I ask.
"Can't you choose one channel? I mean, you've already skipped Animal Planet and you love Animal Planet," he says.
I smile. "Animal Planet!" I switch the channel and relax into the bed and watch TV. I groan and turn the TV off. "I'm bored," I tell Andre.
Andre rolls his eyes. "So, what do you want to do?" he asks me.
I sigh and tap my chin. "I want to leave this hospital room," I tell him.
"You're not allowed to," he says. "Jade and I asked if we could take you to the park or something, but the doctors said no."
"Aw," I say sadly. "I want to go somewhere because I'm bored."
Andre rolls his eyes. I look over at him. I stare into his dark brown eyes and find myself getting lost in them. I start to think of delicious dark chocolate and how I want some so bad. I sigh happily. "Um, Cat? You okay?" Andre asks while waving his hand in front of my eyes.
I blink my eyes and giggle. I lean over and wrap my arms around Andre's neck. I hold onto him tightly. "I never thanked you," I tell him. I hug him tighter. "Thanks for saving me," I say.
"No problem, Little Red," Andre says uncertainly. I pull back, but my arms are still wrapped around his neck. I lean in and kiss him on the lips. Andre freezes and doesn't kiss me back. I slowly pull away and smile at him. "Thanks," I say again. Andre doesn't say anything and he just stares at me. I move back into my bed and relax into it. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.
"Why did you kiss her?" a voice whispers angrily. It sounds like a girl.
"I didn't kiss her! She kissed me," another voice says. It sounds like a guy's voice.
"I saw it with my own eyes! You kissed her!" she whispers again.
"You know how Cat is. It was probably a friend kiss. Like those French people do with each other all the time," the guy says frantically.
"Those French people don't kiss each other on the lips! They kiss each other the cheek!"
"No it's not," she tells him.
"Well, maybe that's Cat's way of being a friend or something," the other voice says.
"Maybe we should just break up so you can date some bipolar crazy person!" the girl says.
"She's not crazy! She… just has issues," he says.
"Yeah! Crazy people issues," she tells him.
I don't hear any words for a while. "I love you," he tells the girl. "I promise that the kiss was nothing. I didn't even kiss her."
I hear a sigh. "Fine, I believe you. I love you, too."
I'm at home again. There's a loud knock on the door. Dad answers it and I hear him angrily ask what the person wants. "We're here to talk to you about your daughter," a man's voice says.
"Are you sending her to a mental institute?" my father asks hopefully.
"We're here to talk to you about it," they tell him.
"Good, I've been meaning to –"
"You're not taking her away," my mom says angrily. "We'll be sending her to a therapist and if it doesn't get any better, we may or may not send her to a mental institute." I hear loud footsteps being shoved out the front door and the door slams shuts.
"Hayley, why the hell did you just turn that man away? That girl needs to go to the crazy house!" my father shouts angrily.
"Well, Adam, I'm tired of you deciding everything for our children! I need to step in once in a while and this is one of those times. Caterina will go see a therapist and if after two years, maybe, probably not, I'll think of sending her to a mental institute," my mom snaps at my father.
"Just watch it, bitch. I'm the man of the house and I make all of the decisions," dad growls. I hear him shove her onto the floor. She lets out a small squeal as she falls.
I sit on the floor in front of my door in my tower. The blinds on my window are shut tight so I can't see the world outside. There's a knock on the door and I jump in surprise. I get off of the floor and open the door. "Mom!" I shout as I see my mother in front of me.
She walks over to me and wraps her arms around me. "Cat," she says sadly. "I'm leaving."
"Leaving?" I ask her. "Where are you going?"
She sighs sadly. "Somewhere," she tells me. "I just won't ever be able to see you again."
Mom smiles sadly. She kisses my cheek and pulls away. "Goodbye, Caterina," she tells me.
"Mom!" I shout. "Where are you going! Mom!" I continue screaming as my mom slowly fades away. "Mom!"
I lay down on the wet grass. The rain is pouring all around me and I'm soaking wet. I glance over at the tree. Tori kisses Andre goodbye and walks away. I watch her leave. Jade says something to Beck and he nods his head. Andre looks over at them. Beck stands up and puts his hand out; Jade grabs it and he helps her stand up. They walk over to me. "Cat," Jade says. "We need to leave. It's pouring outside and we're all going to get sick."
I shrug my shoulders. "Doesn't matter," I tell her.
"Cat, please," Beck says. "This isn't good for you or any of us."
I shake my head. "You can leave," I tell them.
They both sigh and I know that they're sharing a look. "Cat, Andre is going to stay here and take you home later on. Okay? Beck and I are going to leave," Jade tells me. She leans down and pats my back. Beck leans and kisses the top of my head. "Bye," they say.
I look up at them and then back down at the ground. Andre gets up and walks over to me. "Cat, can we leave now?" he asks me. I shake my head.
"I can't ever leave," I tell him quietly. I run my fingers through the icky mud. "It hurts too much."
"I'm sorry, Cat. But I don't want either of us to get sick, so can we please leave?" he asks and begs me again. I shake my head no. Andre sighs. He sits down next to me and wraps his arms around my shoulders. He holds onto me tightly.
The rain drips. It helps hide the tears streaking across my face.
I sit in the car with Andre. He finally somehow got me away from the grave site and had me get in the car. I buckle my seatbelt. It clicks loudly. I look over at Andre as he turns the car engine on. The car wipers turn on and they slide back and forth and get rid of the water. I watch them without an expression on my face. "Cat," Andre says from next to me. "You sure you're okay?"
I sigh. "I guess," I tell him. I look over at him.
He leans closer to me. His thumb crosses my cheek and wipes away a few stray tears. He pulls back and a small blush appears on his face. "Sorry," he says. I can't stop myself, so I lean over and kiss him on the lips once again. His lips are just so nice against mine. I pull back and smile at him. He opens his mouth to say something, but closes it. He looks away from me and starts to drive away from the cemetery.
Maybe I shouldn't kiss Andre while he's dating Tori.
It makes me look like a slut.
But Tori kissed my ex-boyfriend while he was my boyfriend, so maybe it's okay to kiss her boyfriend.
She never even has to know.
I lay in my bedroom. My whole body aches and there are small bruises rising on my arms. I guess I'll be wearing stupid long sleeves tomorrow. Or a sweatshirt. Or something. I grab my pillow and put my head into it. I close my eyes and slowly drift off to sleep.
I try to forget the fact that she's gone. I try to forget that because she's gone, I'll be hurting even more than before. Heck, I'll even try to forget all about him.
It's storming outside of my tower. I look out and see the Storm Cloud racing across the skies. I squint my eyes and see it land over my prince and his 'princess.' They look up at it and it says something to them. Tears stain her eyes and she runs away. The cloud chases her and grabs her and brings her back to her tower. A small smile appears on my lips, but I get rid of it immediately because it makes me feel mean.
I squint my eyes and see my prince crying. He just stands there. I feel tears in my eyes. It makes me feel sad that my prince is crying. I want to run over to him and wrap my arms around him. I want to hold onto him tightly and tell him that everything will be okay. That he'll find someone else one day – like me.
I sit at lunch with Jade, Beck, and Robbie. Andre walks over to us and sits down next to me. He has a frown on his face. "Everything all right?" Beck asks him.
"Tori and I broke-up last night," he says.
"Who broke-up with whom?" Jade asks.
"She broke-up with me."
No one says anything else. I look up and see Tori walking in our direction. She stops, stares at Andre, and then walks away. I watch her. I look over at Andre and see he's staring down at his food.
/One Year Later/
I sit in my bedroom reading a book – and I don't know why I'm reading a book, I've never liked reading before. Suddenly, I hear something thrown against my window. I gasp and jump off my bed. I slowly walk over to my window and I hear the noise again. I get closer and peek out into the darkness.
I slowly unlock my window and pull it up. I then pull the second screen up. I glance outside and see a figure standing outside my window. I look closer and see that it's Andre. "Andre!" I whisper-yell, but it's loud enough for him to hear me. "What are you doing here?"
He smiles up at me. "I'm just trying to make you feel like an actual princess."
A/N: Hey guys! So…did you enjoy this story? I hope so. And by the way, this entire story was pretty much a gigantic metaphor. So here's a list of all the metaphors to help you fully understand this story.
Happy Land: It's like the feelings you get when you're in a good relationship with somebody. Like when you're dating or when you're married.
Sad Place: The place where you're single. You're also waiting for somebody to save you.
Dragons: The dragons are pretty much your family members to some sort. Usually, your parents are protective of you and they want to keep you safe. So that's the point of the dragons.
Storm Cloud: Breaking-Up with your boyfriend or girlfriend.
The Crimson River: This could be considered suicide or cutting or both. I mainly wrote this because I didn't want to go into great detail of cutting and suicide. I could have, but I didn't feel like it (because I was feeling creative and too lazy to write about cutting and suicide). And when Cat was jumping out of her tower window and into the river, I think I was trying to say she was cutting herself. I don't think Cat would commit suicide, but y'all can choose either one since it was never specified.
And I think that's all the metaphors (I think). If there was another one, just ask me about it and I'll tell you.