Hello and welcome to the gang, all newcomers.
There's no buffet left and the band are only playing cover versions now. The groom got caught with the bride's aunt and the best man got caught with the master of ceremonies (long story...)
So dust the crumbs off the seats and grab a "fruit" punch. Oh, and the free bar ran out at Christmas, sorry....
However, if you ask nicely, there is still some cake....