Member No.: 29
Joined: 25-July 06
A Story I Wrote Because I Was Bored Part 3
After singlehandedly vanquishing a horde of 144,000 trained mercenaries from the Perfume Department, Farmer John...
Find out next time...(I'm just kidding):D
Anyway, Farmer John was enjoying a new episode of Dora the Explorer, happily munching on some fresh baked cookies.
"Watch out!" he screamed at the television. "Swiper's trying to get you!"
Dora and Boots turned around, and saw Swiper heading towards them, and so they yelled, "Swiper, no swiping! Swiper, no swiping! Swiper, no swiping!"
Seeing that he was sadly defeated, the evil fox answered, "Aw, man!" and scurried off.
"Phew!" remarked an exasperated Farmer John, "I was sure that he was going to succeed this time."
Suddenly, the telephone rang. Farmer John emerged from his snug reclining chair and walked to it. He picked it up.
A cold voice uttered: "YOU WILL DIE IN SEVEN DAYS!!!"
"I told you before!" he screamed angrily. "I don't want what your selling!"
With great speed did he slam the phone upon the receiver.
"The nerve of some people!" he added with his hands on his hips.
Farmer John strode to his closet to get his trusty plow, and opened the door. But it didn't contain farming tools. Instead, it showed a magical land of rolling hills and the sky was clear as glass.
"Hey," he said to himself. "I uttered a simile!"
Anyway, on the wide, open fields grazed purple unicorns and rainbow colored cows. In the air, fish flew above the horizon as birds swam beneath the depths of the nearby river. A rainbow took up most of the great expanse and white, fluffy clouds dotted the sky.
Farmer John looked upon this world of dreams and fantasies, and he knew what to say about this.
"Man, what an ugly place!" he remarked with disgust. "Who would want to live in a world like that?!?"
He grabbed his plow, closed the door, and walked outside.
Farmer John walked to his field, but then a thought came into his head.
"How do you use a plow again?" thought he. Then came another thought into his mind.
"Of course! To unclog the sink! Boy, I sure am a genius!"
But then a flying saucer appeared out of nowhere. It hovered over his rundown shanty and released a gamma ray beam that reduced the establishment into ashes and dust.
"Durn real estate." the farmer muttered to himself. As he dwelled on his newfound bad luck, he found himself being lifted off the ground. It was obvious to our main character what was happening.
"Finally," he said in joy, "I can fly! Whoosh!"
Farmer John floated in the air for a few seconds, before he entered the unidentified flying saucer.
When he entered the spacecraft, he found himself in a room of gooey green aliens.
"Greetings mortal of the third rock," calmly spoke one of them in a nasal-ey voice, "We are Martians."
Farmer John said, "Martians? I could have sworn you were Democrats."
After a brief laughter, the farmer asked, "So why am I here?"
A Martian raised one hand to silence them (you can infer that this is the leader), and answered, "Well, we would like to see what the inside of a human looks like and do some experiments and tests and stuff. It will be fun."
Farmer John pondered upon this. After he pondered upon this, he said, "That does sound like fun! Can I help? Huh? Can I? Please? Please? Please?"
"Well..." started the leader. "Yes...because YOU ARE THE VICTIM!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! QUICK! TIE HIM UP!!! TOOLS! WE NEED TOOLS! LOTS OF THEM!!! MWAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!"
"Well, that doesn't sound good," replied the victim.
As the aliens left, he saw an door that read:
EXIT! THIS WAY TO FREEDOM!
"Hmmm..." Farmer John thought, "I don't know..."
A green speckled platypus waddled along the floor. He stopped in front of him, screamed "The quick fox jumped over the lazy dog!", and slapped him across the face with his beaver tail.
"Aha!" the farmer dramatically exclaimed, "My mind tells me to use the exit door. Oh yeah. That's good. That's good."
He flung off the poorly tied ropes that imprisoned him and sprinted toward the exit.
"Well it seems everything worked out in the end."
So the door flung open and Farmer John jettisoned himself out.
He drifted about in the deep vacuum of space. He clutched his throat, gasping for breathable oxygen.
He was heading toward imminent asphyxiation.
Is there hope for Farmer John? Will he live to see another day? Is this story the high quality everyone is looking for:confused:
Prepare yourself for the conclusion to this four-part saga entitled "A Story I Wrote Because I Was Bored: The Conclusion To This Four-Part Saga"
(Do I come up with unique titles or what?)