Political Jokes, XD!!!!!

[jacool92]

There were five people in an aeroplane who where flying high above the ground, suddenly the plane malfunction and the people would have to take a parachute and jump to safety. But there were five people and only four parachutes. They all discussed who should take a parachute together. The first person, David Beckham, said: “I deserve this parachute as I have to help England to win the world cup, I deserve it!” so he took the parachute and jumped. The second person, Nelson Mandela, said: “I need this parachute as I have restored freedom to the people, I deserve it!” and he jumped out. This just left George Bush, The Pope and a schoolboy left. Finally George Bush said: “I am the president of America and my people need me, I am also the world’s most intelligent man, I deserve this!” so he jumped out. Then the Pope said to the schoolboy: “I have lived a long life and am happy to know that I’ve made this world a better place, you can have the parachute,” Then the schoolboy replied: “it’s O.k. your Popiness, for the world’s most intelligent man, George Bush, has taken my schoolbag,”


Before George Bush was president, he was invited to a get acquainted tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked President Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. When he entered Clinton's private toilet, he was astonished to see that President Clinton had a solid gold urinal. That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think," he said, "When I am President, I could have a gold urinal, too. But I wouldn't do something so self-indulgent!" Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been at his discovery of the fact that, in his private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal. That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary smiled, and said to Bill: "I found out who pissed in your saxophone".


Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when an old cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it, but couldn't and the old cow was killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists. About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a bottle of expensive wine in one hand, an expensive Cuban cigar in the other and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick. "What happened?" asked Hillary. "Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar, and their beautiful twin daughters made mad passionate love to me." "My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary. The driver replied, "I said I'm Hillary Clinton's driver, and I just killed the old cow."


There Six presidents on a sinking ship.
Ford says, "What do we do???"
Bush says, "Man the life boats!"
Reagan says, "What lifeboats?"
Carter says, "Women first!"
Nixon says, "Screw the women!"
Clinton says, "You think we have time?"


A man goes to the White House and asks to see President Clinton... The officer on duty tells the guy that Clinton isn't President, and to please leave. The man goes away. The next day he comes back to the White House and asks to see President Clinton. The officer on duty reminds him that Clinton is not President, and to please go away. The man goes away. The next day, he comes back again, and again the same officer is on duty. The man asks to see President Clinton, and the officer, his patience worn out, says, "WHY DO YOU KEEP COMING HERE ASKING FOR HIM? CLINTON IS NOT PRESIDENT ANYMORE!!!" The man smiles and says, "I know, I just like hearing it."

[jacool92]

Another two I forgot to add!

A man on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving." He notices a police officer walking back and forth between lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me, Officer, what's the hold up?" The Officer replies, "The President is just so depressed about the impeachment thing he stopped his car in the middle of the Beltway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesn't have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers. I'm walking around taking up a collection for him." Oh really? How much have you collected so far?" So far only about three hundred gallons but I've got a lot of folks still siphoning."


A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Who's clock is that?" "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life." "Where's Bush’s?" the man asked. "His clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a fan."

[ADAM MORIS]

hum i think that
lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol
ok anough lols
one day hillery says
um bush im so horny
bush says so go fuck something
then she humps him

[jacool92]

Heh.........did you just make that up?

[ADAM MORIS]

no lol

[jacool92]

Lol!


You mgith as well check otu the other topics while you're here.........

[ADAM MORIS]

it is so funny though isint it

[jacool92]

yeah.........I spose........

[ADAM MORIS]

2 that advirtisement about hillery running in 2008 my awnser
HELL NO!

[jacool92]

Dunno which ad you're talking about mate.......I don't live in America. (thankfully) J/K

[spiketmr]

hey..... what ever

[jacool92]

You live in America mate?

[spiketmr]

yeah

[jacool92]

Heh, they reckon Australia's becomming the next part of america

[ADAM MORIS]

hey i got a new one
two presidents walk into a bar
the bartender says no frenchman allowed! the presidents get pissed and declare war on the french...the french surrender within seconds