i'm biting my tongue., tag: irarararara

[HARUTO NIWA]

He was so nervous. Incredibly nervous. Haru had been staring at his mirror for a full ten minutes, wondering if his hair was too spiky, too messy. He tried patting it down but it just stood right back up. Curse his hair and its inability to be neat. After brushing it a couple of times, he figured that was good… until he realized just how different he looked from the usual. He couldn't have Ira thinking he was trying to look that good for this … outing of theirs. He couldn't have Ira thinking he was trying to be different. So he messed up his hair again, just barely, enough so it didn't look as messy as it usually did, but not abnormally near, either. He tried not to look too careful with his clothes, either, standing in a simple, blue shirt, fitted, dark blue jeans held by a belt, and sneakers, his headphones lying around his neck (as they usually did). He patted down his shirt, careful to get rid of the creases, before grabbing his phone and wallet, and stuffing them in his pockets.

Dear god he was nervous. This was his first time to be alone with Ira and he didn't want to mess up. Well, no, it wasn't. He'd been with Ira a couple of times, but it was never really that long, save for the study date. Oh god, everytime he thought about that, it just made his face turn a bright shade of pink. It might not exactly be a date, but it was the first time they spent that much time together. It was … well, nice. Ira taught him things, helped him with his homework, and he brought cake. He didn't really know about Ira's love for desserts until that time. The other boy seemed to love it, so Haru told him about the bakery, which lead to him asking Ira if he wanted to go out to see the bakery with him.

No, it wasn't a date. Definitely not a date. Because he wasn't gay. He just liked spending time with Ira.

Okay, that was a lie. Haru had never really acknowledged it, but during the study date? Yeah, there was that fluttering feeling in his stomach, and the fact that he seemed to stutter more around Ira just made him think. The signs were all there: the nervousness, the need to impress (well, no he had that need all the time but with Ira, it just heightened), that stupid feeling in stomach. All there. It just had to be a crush. But, of course, Haru was a stubborn oaf and refused to admit to himself that maybe he did have a crush on a guy. Besides, if he liked the other's company then that's all that mattered, right?

So Haru took one deep breath, grabbed his bag (with Iku in it) and walked out of the dorms. He almost tripped at one point, awkwardly laughing it off. He checked his watch, realizing he was about ten minutes earlier than expected, but whatever. He wanted to make a good expression. Oh god, he actually wanted to leave a good impression. This was just … new to him. Not the crush thing, of course, because he was pretty sure he had a crush on a couple of guys but refused to acknowledge it or even think about it, but rather, the fact that he was going on a sort-of-kind-of date. He wasn't going to call that in front of Ira, but like hell he didn't think it was that way.

He reached the gates of the school, looking around to see that Ira wasn't there yet. Five minutes early. That was good, especially for him. He put his hand down, before putting on his headphones, willing himself to calm down, just in case Ira could see him being the nervous wreck he was being at the moment.

[IRA ALCANDER]

what i want is you ,

Was this happening? Like, seriously happening? He couldn’t really say for sure if this was a dream, a mad man’s delusion, or the actual reality. But whatever it was, Ira was happy it was happening. It was a wonderful boost for his confidence, being asked to go somewhere with someone who actually wanted to spend time with him, not just out of pity or guilt. The facts that it was Haruto he was going with and it was a bakery they were going to were just the icing on the cake. Mm puns. He was truly looking forward to their adventure and could hardly wait. Stress on the word adventure there. It wasn’t a date. He doubted that Haru would ever want to date someone like him, he didn’t think himself that appealing or attractive. He always viewed himself as the friend that makes everyone else seem more interesting in comparison. Who would ever like like someone like that? But whatever, the point was he was excited about today. It was the best he’d felt since arriving at the school.

It was the day of their adventure and Ira was just a bundle of nerves. If he was ever thankful about not having a roommate in his dorm it would be now. The place was an absolutely mess, torn to pieces in a frantic search for something to wear. Should he dress super casual or dress a little nicer? Should he pin back his hair or leave it loose? Could he bring a bag with extra clothes incase he shifted or would that seem too weird to the other? Oh there were so many questions to be answered and not enough time to figure them out! It was almost too much for the teen to handle. So worked up about a little adventure to the bakery.

In the end he had finally settled on an outfit: dark fitted denim jeans, a plain colored v-cut shirt, and a thin blazer over it. He wasn’t sure if it was too nice of attire but he couldn’t help himself, he wanted to look nice for the other (as silly as that sounds). Some more time had been spent fussing over his own hair when in the end he left it as it always was, brushed across his face freely. Common sense had told him to pack a bag with female clothes for just in case. Even if it did seem odd for him to be carrying a messenger bag along, it was better to be prepared than not. It seemed he was finally ready, and just on time t- crap! He was almost late! Damn it, damn it, damn it!

Like lightening he bolted from his dorm, not even having time to panic about a girl seeing him as he ran through the dormitory and toward the exit. Ugh this wasn’t good at all. What would it say if he showed up late? That he didn’t care about their adventure? That he didn’t care about Haru? Ooooh dear, his little heart was racing in worry as he sprinting across the campus grounds to try and make it on time. They were meeting at the academy’s front gates. Right? He couldn’t remember anymore. Fuck this was bad, he hoped it was the gates.

As he ran across the grounds he wasn’t sure if he was relieved or embarrassed to see Haru was standing at the gates waiting on him. How long had he been there? Not long he hoped. Dear god how he hoped that. Quickening his pace he held the strap of his bag as he ran. As he neared he had to skid to a stop, his shoes sliding across the concrete. He was panting heavily as he stopped, immediately putting hands ot his knees and trying to catch his breath. All his effort put into looking nice was already somewhat ruined from his frantic sprinting, his hair and clothes slightly rustled. “S-sorry, I was late. Lost track… of time,” he said between pants, eyes closed. His cheeks were a sort pink hue in embarrassment. Ugh how humiliating was this? Way to go Ira, you made a great impression on him I’m sure. So careless and messy. Just another reason he’d never like like someone like you.

credit to tillie at caution

[HARUTO NIWA]

Deep breath, exhale. Deep breath, exhale. Haru started pacing the gates, biting his lower lip. He was used to feeling like he needed to impress – he'd been thinking that ever since he decided he wanted to be a hero. Today, though, he was just so nervous, like he needed to up the ante more, like he needed to do more to impress Ira. He was still trying to get the idea that he had a crush on Ira out of his head. He may or may not – Haru didn't really want to think about that. God knows that might spoil this entire not-date. Too nervous and he'll do something stupid, something he definitely didn't want to seem in front of Ira (though he didn't know he'd done that plenty of times before). Definitely not in front of Ira.

He heard footsteps close by, turning his head around to see Ira, skidding to a halt near him. Haru immediately moved away a bit, though he stepped a bit closer when he saw Ira placing his hands on his knees, pulling off his headphones and placing it around his neck, concerned. "Ah, it's alright, Ira!" he said, rather enthusiastically as he moved closer, noticing how pink his cheeks were and oh, okay, that was really cute. He was really cute. God, he was thinking those thoughts again. Haru could feel his own cheeks warming up, trying desperately to stop that as he smiled at Ira, once the other had straightened up. "I wasn't here long, anyway. Ah, you shouldn't have ran that fast, you could have tripped and gotten hurt or something!" he chided, grin on his face, and just looking at the other, and the messed up hair, Haru couldn't help but reach up and pat it down, trying to make it just a bit neater. Upon noticing what he was doing, Haru immediately took his hand away, face heating up. "Er um … your hair was … a mess. But I fixed it!" And he seemed proud of that, though he did look away almost immediately.

His heart was pounding, he was nervous, butterflies were in his stomach and his face was red. Can he get anymore obvious?

Trying to calm himself down, Haru looked back at Ira, now actually looking at him. He desperately tried to look as calm as possible, as he stepped beside Ira. "So! Bakery, right?" he said, grinning as he started walking to the town, hands in his jean pockets. He tried to engaged the other in small talk, conversations about school, Ira, his sister, his brother – Haru tried to keep it about Ira. He didn't really want to talk about himself at the moment, most definitely not about his own life. He stopped soon, standing in front of a medium-sized shop, a huge glass window showing a charming interior with small round tables and vintage chairs. He pushed open the door, a bell ringing as he stepped inside, looking behind him to Ira as he motioned him to come over. In front of Haru was a glass case, various cakes and other pastries inside. "Which one do you like? Go ahead and pick whatever." Thank god he got his pay a day ago. Then again, he'd have never invited Ira if he didn't have any money.

[IRA ALCANDER]

what i want is you ,

Ira felt a little relieved to hear Haru's words of assurance, to see that the other male wasn't that upset about his late arrival. A soft smile curled across his lips to see how enthusiastic Haruto was, letting it remain evident on his lips as he straightened his posture. He'd finally caught his breath and was no longer panting, no longer looking totally embarrassing in front of his classmate. His smile quickly became meek as he was chided for running as quickly as he had. Giving a sheepish look toward the ground he rubbed the back of his neck. "I just didn't want to be late. It's rude if you're supposed to meet someone and I really didn't want you to mistake me for being rude. Because I'm not. So I just kind of rushed but I have good balance so I don't really trip often or f-" he had began to nervously mumble with an inability to control himself. And he would have surely gone on longer (much to his own humiliation) if it had not been for Haru reaching up without warning to pat down Ira's hair. This had, in surprise, shut the boy up and effectively ended the little rant. He stared blankly a moment at the other as his cheeks quickly turned a darker shade of pink. It did not fade until Haru had looked away. "Oh. Ah, thanks!" He gave a friendly smile and nodded his head.

As they left for the bakery Ira was once more growing excited. There was nothing more, food wise, that he adored than desserts. Especially cake. So to be going to a bakery with Haru was absolutely thrilling. As they chatted he quickly began to forget his initial nervousness and how embarrassing it had been to be late. He was not too Harun on the main topic of their conversation: himself. Only because of the current situation he held with Haruto. That whole "he doesn't know Ira M and Ira F are not twins" thing. It made things really awkward, especially when he was having to talk about his "sister". Not to mention Lottie's threat of telling Haruto first was still looming over his head.So the entire walk over he'd done his best to avoid conversation specifically about Ira F, more open to a discussion of Ira M, Griffin, or definitely school. Somehow he had managed to survive the chatter without making things weird, praising the heavens when the two approached the bakery and the conversation died.

Entering the bakery Ira certainly found it to be quaint, a small grin spreading across his lips as eyes fell upon the selection of sweets. Without hesitation he stepped up beside Haruto, pressing hands against the glass as he looked. "They all look so good," he exclaimed happily as his eyes flickered about so quickly. It was so hard to decide with such a wonderful selection. He could just feel his mouth watering as he admired the assortment of cookies, cupcakes, and the like. Finally though he stood up straight with a look of determination. "A red velvet cupcake, please."

As he waited for the treat he shifted to pull his wallet out of his back pocket, and opening it. Money was never really an issue for Ira, given the boy's tendency to save rather than spend. The only thing he really couldn't resist spending cash on was, predictably, desserts. But thankfully it was only once in a blue moon he came to a place like this so he wasn't often making purchases. Today he was fairly confident a nice chunk of his cash would be spent. Maybe buy a dozen assorted cupcakes for snacking and future study dates also maybe something special for Griffin as a gift. Yeah, his wallet would surely be a bit lighter after this trip. But that was okay, he was happy.

credit to tillie at caution

[HARUTO NIWA]

Ah, that smile. He was so cute when he smiled, that Haru had noticed. It was small and just made Ira all the more attractive. Woah, wait, attractive? … Well, that was acceptable, right? Other boys found other boys attractive, right? Oh, who was he kidding. He liked boys. And he definitely felt … something for Ira. But no, this wasn't a date. He didn't exactly ask Ira if he wanted to go on a date with him, after all. A part of him wanted to, and a part of him wanted to just leave it alone. Ugh, he was supposed to be strong and courageous. Not cowardly like this. No, no, he was still courageous. He just … needed time to think if he really did feel something for Ira. It should have been obvious to anyone but Haru what his feelings for the other male was, especially with how he just stared at Ira, listening to him ramble. Well, until he reached to pat down the other's hair. In hindsight, that may have made him a bit flirty, finding ways to touch the other and his soft, soft hair – he was pretty sure it smelled nice. Knowing Ira, it would have –

Oh god. Stop it. He needed to stop himself. This was a not-date. But he was allowed to touch in not-dates, right? Because they were friends. He touched other people all the time. Ira might think he was weird and all (if he hadn't already). Oh god, what if Ira thought he was weird? Well, he wouldn't be with Haru on this outing if that was the case, right? Ira might still like him, right, platonic or not? He'd rather it was the latter, though, but he was fine. For now. He hasn't exactly come out yet, and nobody knew he was gay. Heck, he didn't even know if Ira himself was gay.

But no, he was focusing. Focusing on Ira. Haru really did want to know more about the other male. It wasn't fair that he wasn't sharing himself, but he figured he wasn't going to unless asked. And even then, he might not answer properly. While he often came off as very open, he was actually the opposite: secretive. Haru didn't tell a lot of people things. In fact, he never opened up about his family (or lack thereof), about his life or whatever. He told people the trivial things, but never the important ones. Not that most people ever picked up on that, anyway. Haru would rather keep it like that.

They had entered the bakery, Haru telling Ira to pick whatever he wanted. He liked watching him, looking at the sweets with delight. So he really did like sweets that much. The smile on Haru's face was just too obvious for whoever was looking. He couldn't help it! Ira was adorable like that, and it gave that familiar fluttering feeling in his stomach again. He just liked seeing him all happy like that, though part of him kind of wished Ira looked at him like that, as well. He shook the thought out of his head, before turning back to Ira, who had decided on a cupcake flavor he wanted. Haru smiled at him, and asked for two from the cashier, before turning back to Ira, who was taking out his own wallet.

"You can put that away, I'm paying," he said, grinning at Ira, while taking out his own wallet. He took out payment for the cupcakes, handing them to the cashier before turning back to Ira. "I asked you out here, anyway." No, Haru didn't really mean to use 'ask out', because that would imply it was a date. And he wasn't very sure if he wanted Ira to think it was one, but part of him wanted to see Ira's reaction as well, so he casually ignored he ever said that and went on. "Do you want more? We can um… buy some and go out or … something." Smooth, Haru. Smooth.