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<div style="margin-top: 2px; width: 360px; font-family: georgia; font-size: 8px; line-height: 6pt; text-align: justify; text-transform: uppercase;">she writes the spoken word again releases pools of untrapped blood to camouflage what's understood wrapped up in a golden throne she undresses overloads walks quietly to a distant place honest lies in washed out grace</div>

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She sat on the bank of the lake, staring out at the water. It was calm here, incredibly so - helping her keep her own heart rate in line and to a steady pace. Her breathing was especially important, and after several moments, she opened her eyes, a small shockwave going over the water and causing ripples in it. The rumors held true - her brother was becoming more and more of a troublemaker. Rebelling against Heaven itself and the order of things. She hadn't agreed with the Apocalypse going on at first, not until she'd sat and thought about it for quite a long time. After sitting on it, she'd come to the conclusion that since her father wasn't there to keep everything going smoothly, it was better to pull the plug as quickly as possible, so that perhaps the Earth could be a little less of a wreck going into Paradise. She hoped and prayed she was right. <br><br>

Either way, Castiel had left Heaven and began helping the Winchesters. It wasn't that their ideals weren't admirable, not at all. Remy enjoyed their hero complexes and their need to constantly be the ones to save the world - to save the people there - but their hearts weren't in the right place about it. It was, this time, less about saving the world and more about saving each other. They were slowly but surely becoming far too entitled and snotty about the entire thing. She sighed to herself, drawing a few symbols in the sand before her, chanting lightly to call Castiel to her. She'd made no move against him, nor for him, not like the others - many of which wanted him dead for his lack of allegiance to them. She didn't like the way things were going at home either, if the truth were told about it. <br><br>

Wind rustled, but after seconds of nothing she assumed it was nothing more than the wind, the blue-haired girl going back into her thoughts after a moment or two, going over what it was exactly she was going to say - to try and convince him not to do this, to stay on their beaten path, to keep the death toll as low as possible as the record continued spinning. She took a breath, looking up for a moment and closing her eyes. Would he even listen? That was the question, really. None of her family was ever very good at listening outside of her. They were very headstrong, all of them, selfish at times, self-centered, hot-tempered and rude. It was because of that she'd begun taking leaves to Earth so long ago under the premise of getting a closer look at the things she was to be writing about daily. Another rustle of wind caught her attention back to reality, the flutter of wings putting a smile on her lips. He'd come after all.<br><br>

"This place is beautiful." She said simply, not turning to look at him for the time being, only focusing her gaze out on the lake, smiling lightly in the soft breeze. "Even though the water isn't perfectly clear, it is still beautiful." Her sentiments were met with silence at the moment. She looked down, towards the sand and the symbols, before adjusting her jacket a little bit and standing up, wiping the sand off her rear and turning to face Castiel. "I'm not here to condemn you, Cas. But I would like it if you'd reconsider your stance on this." She looked away for a moment, then back to him. His powers were nothing as they were months ago, his vessel's face showing signs of weariness. It was no picnic being the vessel of an angel, any angel.<br><br>

"I know the boys are frightened. They have perfectly good reason to be. Our brothers aren't known for their caring ways, especially towards humans. But... They should take into account their lives are not the only ones on the line here." She frowned a bit, looking up into the trees as a small bluejay flew from its nest. She scrunched her nose, her dislike towards birds still not strong enough to overcome her concern for the life on this planet. She looked back towards him once again.



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black and white doesn't fit in a techni-coloured world
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Currently Castiel had found himself stopping the brother’s from getting into trouble by manhandling the Prophet Chuck, when the Winchester’s had discovered the man was writing down their life story. However after the recent death of Uriel previously, the angels superiors had made things damn clear on where Castiel was supposed to stand with the whole apocalypse thing. Anyone who said no to helping Uriel's march to make it happen had ended up dead, and if it had not been for Anna, Castiel’s body would be amongst the count. At first Castiel assumed Uriel had been corrupted by Lucifer and yet now it was clear too many others also felt the same way, and anyone not agreeing was being punished.
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Dean’s request for help regarding Lilith had initially attempted to be ignored; it was better not to dance too close to the fire. As usual however, the eldest Winchester had a way of winning Castiel’s attention, and reluctantly he had gone to Dean. It was during this meeting that he could feel Remembrance’s summons of him, at first delaying a reply, and offering Dean a careful explanation of why Castiel was unable to help him save Sam from Lilith.
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<b>"You must understand why I can’t intercede. Prophets are very special, they’re protected."</b> The insistence didn’t help ease Dean’s mood, <i><b>"I get that,"</b></i> the Winchester replied angrily. Regardless, Castiel pressed on, explaining further; <b>"If anything threatens a prophet, anything at all - an archangel will appear to destroy that threat. Archangels are fierce. They’re absolute. They’re Heaven’s most terrifying weapon. "</b> The angel watched Dean, ignoring the call of his sister and trying to see just how much of what Castiel was saying got through to the man.
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<i><b>"And these archangels, they’re tied to prophets?"</b></i> Dean asked, the idea slowly dawning. <b>"Yes,"</b> With a few steps forward, Castiel offered the very slightest of nods, <i><b>"So if a prophet was in the same room as a demon...."</b></i> And so Dean clicked, much to Castiel’s relief <b>"Then the most fearsome wrath of Heaven would rain down on that demon,"</b> Castiel replied. <b>"Just so you understand... why I can’t help. "</b> The vaguest smile curled the mouth of the Son of God, who looked away, as if momentarily studying a distant thought, offering an obvious gaze across the heavens, then looked back at Dean, who stood with gratitude in his eyes. <i><b>"Thanks, Cas."</b></i> There was little more that the angel could say other then; <b>"Good luck,"</b> followed by his disappearance with a rush of flapping wings.
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The location she had chosen to meet was a stark difference to where Castiel had previously been standing, causing her brother to glance with admiration at the area, before focusing on her fully. Blue eyes examined her, trailing over the vessel she had, there were slight oddities in it compared to what many other angels seemed to go for. However, strangely enough, it didn’t seem any less fitting for her.
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<i><b>"This place is beautiful."</b></i> The writer often seemed able to hear things that she could jot down into her book, granted that was Remembrance’s task, however sometimes it felt like there was little able to be kept from her. So Castiel couldn’t help but worry about what she felt inclined to summon him for, ok, so he just bent the rules a little previously, she couldn’t have known he’d been about to do that, so this had to do with either something previous, or something to come. Or maybe she just wanted to talk … so few seemed to just want to talk lately, however.
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<i><b>"Even though the water isn't perfectly clear, it is still beautiful."</b></i> If that was a metaphor or not for his own actions, Castiel couldn’t be sure, and found himself staring momentarily at the water, then back at her, eyes squinted slightly in uncertainty. <i><b>"I'm not here to condemn you, Cas. But I would like it if you'd reconsider your stance on this."</b></i> An inward sigh and tilt of his head as it turned away to stare stubbornly at the waters surface was all the reply she got in that moment. Everyone was pressuring him, and yet no one was giving Castiel the reasons he truly needed to feel happy about the option. Even though he was trying to please his siblings, he was really trying hard to do as they asked, it just … it was hard to ignore someone who asked for your help with such passion and conviction.
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<i><b>"I know the boys are frightened. They have perfectly good reason to be. Our brothers aren't known for their caring ways, especially towards humans. But... They should take into account their lives are not the only ones on the line here."</b></i> With eyes closed, Castiel dropped his face downwards, he understood that, and part of him did agree, but another part, the one who saw how hard they fought to stop it all, it was just so hard. The two seemed to meet each others gaze as Castiel opened his eyes and looked across at her, and she dropped her gaze from the trees.
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<b>"They are aware of that."</b> He tried to explain, though it was hard when one found themselves utterly confused on which was truly the right path. Still, so far things had not been going in the favor of the angels, who were causing more stress and pain then Castiel would have ever imagined. <b>"Angels are being slain, and it’s not by the Winchesters, it’s by our own brothers and sisters. Do I not have a right to question this?"</b> The deep voice of the angel was low, as if being careful not to let others overhear. Though he sighed, looked away again, <b>"I do not wish to be blasphemous, Remembrance, it is just... how can so much death be a good thing?"</b> He was trying to understand, so many all had such unshakeable faith in this path and in some ways, Castiel was actually envious of that faith; he on the other hand felt so torn. It wasn't just the death of the angels that bothered him, granted that stung all the more, it also was the fact that so many of God's children were destined to be destroyed as casualties in their war for heaven on earth. Despite all, there was no denying that Heaven was indeed such a wondrous place, yet it was home, Castiel was of course biased to its celestial wonders. Was it not unfair to deny that the humans were also fond of their own home down on earth?

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<div style="margin-top: 2px; width: 360px; font-family: georgia; font-size: 8px; line-height: 6pt; text-align: justify; text-transform: uppercase;">she writes the spoken word again releases pools of untrapped blood to camouflage what's understood wrapped up in a golden throne she undresses overloads walks quietly to a distant place honest lies in washed out grace</div>

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She put her hands behind her back, her fingers intertwining as she nodded, listening carefully to each word that came from his mouth as he tried to come up with some sort of explanation, or reasoning, or anything, behind what he had chosen to do. She was no stranger to watching people struggle with themselves and their convictions, and with no one there to lead the way it seemed all that much harder. Humans weren't known for helping, either, not being able to understand how someone could deal with what the angels dealt with, more from each other than anything else. He was right, though. Their family was being slain by each other, and their father was nowhere to be seen. There was no voice of reason in this feud, only chaos. Remy loosened her grip on her own fingers and crossed her arms, thinking for several moments. <br><br>

"I don't disagree with your sentiment, but I feel that, perhaps, this was how it was always going to end, and better now when there are still humans - devout humans - who believe fully and are ready for their promised land. I fear the longer we wait, the less Earth there will be to show Paradise. It is how father wanted it, lest he wouldn't have had it written so. But..." She paused for a moment, stepping closer to him so he could hear her easily as he voice lowered. "I don't want you to be one of the ones slain. You know our brothers, they are unforgiving. Say you and the Winchesters do succeed in stopping the Apocalypse. At what cost? People die everyday, in just as awful ways as any." She took a breath, glancing away from him for a moment and trying to think of the proper way to get her point across. She stepped back and made a motion with her hands, a calming motion, though she was fairly calm as it were.<br><br>

"I would rather see it get better now, than wait for God to decide to come back to us. You haven't seen the things I have, Cas. I record the death tolls for every single day, and they only grow as time passes. One child is born for every two who die. And what are they born into? A world that is evil and cruel, a God who isn't there for them... Do you understand what I am saying? People will die and suffer with or without the end times. At least with this, they will have a light at the end of the tunnel." She swallowed, turning her head and looking out at the water once again, a soft breeze moving her ponytail ever so slightly. Perhaps she was wrong about all of this. Her heart thumped a bit in her chest, the idea passing through her mind for a few seconds before it vanished again behind the sound of crickets chirping somewhere in the distance.

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DO YOU REALIZE YOU ARE MORE THEN JUST A WEAPON?
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<i><b>"I don't disagree with your sentiment, but I feel that, perhaps, this was how it was always going to end, and better now when there are still humans - devout humans - who believe fully and are ready for their promised land. I fear the longer we wait, the less Earth there will be to show Paradise. It is how father wanted it, lest he wouldn't have had it written so. But...."</b></i> When she spoke in such a way it did make sense, after all, Dean was far from a religious man, Jimmy however had few qualms about giving his body over for the use as a vessel to serve God and his will. So if God’s will was to bring on the Apocalypse, then Jimmy would serve it… of course, that would be limited to if Castiel could promise to keep his family safe. The angel suspected that would be a deal breaker if Jimmy knew the dangers they’d face and the challenge involved in keeping them alive.
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<i><b>"I don't want you to be one of the ones slain. You know our brothers, they are unforgiving. Say you and the Winchesters do succeed in stopping the Apocalypse. At what cost? People die everyday, in just as awful ways as any."</b></i> It was true in eternal paradise that there would be no more suffering, no more misery, pain or loss, they would all live never ending in joy and peace. So few humans had ever found true peace on Earth, maybe it was hard for fighters like Dean who had only seen all the bad sides to try and picture something brighter. Of course, even Castiel couldn’t help but frown slightly at the idea of the angels causing all the chaos in the first place being in charge of this paradise, maybe if God was a more pronounced presence he’d have more faith … but… Sad eyes watched Remy as she looked away, feeling warmth from the concern she held that Castiel had missed in recent times.
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<i><b>"I would rather see it get better now, than wait for God to decide to come back to us. You haven't seen the things I have, Cas. I record the death tolls for every single day, and they only grow as time passes. One child is born for every two who die. And what are they born into? A world that is evil and cruel, a God who isn't there for them... Do you understand what I am saying? People will die and suffer with or without the end times. At least with this, they will have a light at the end of the tunnel."</b></i> Yes, a world without God was indeed an empty one, at least that is how the angel felt, his eyes peering across the lake briefly before returning to Remy’s face. She had spent so long on earth, there had been times he’d envied her, yet his duty had not taken him down to walk among man for over two thousand years. Now he had been tasked with making sure Dean did his part in the apocalypse, where some sort of twisted fate put Castiel in a position he could help, or it had misjudged the soldier’s convictions to the task… Castiel would never know.
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<b>"I want them to have peace."</b> If there could be only one thing Cas was sure of, it was that. <b>"Yet is it our right to force it on them against their will, a will that our Father bestowed them upon their creation as their defining mark?"</b> For a moment his lips pressed firmly together, eyes downcast and brow creased with uncertainty. <b>"God tasked me with the path of guiding man in their travels, this is undoubtedly the biggest journey one will face. Since Uriel, maybe even before then, my path seems so blurred, and our father will not answer my calls for guidance. Do you think Uriel was right? Do you think he’s truly gone? Because it feels as if fulfilling this task of peace on earth, goes against his demand we kneel before humanity and aid them in the choices their freewill allows."</b> Though the way Uriel had carried on it felt more as if his former comrade had been trying to suggest their father did not exist, it felt absurd, and blasphemous, and completely and utterly faithless in the father that made them and guided them and had loved them for all those countless years. Castiel wished the creator of them all had just been more involved, just made his presence felt, to chase away the doubts and fears that crept in be cast aside. Though as many parents could account for, ones children did not always understand why certain things needed to be done, sometimes what was chosen in their best interest had often been fought hard against. It took time and reflection in order for many to see the true love and care that had gone into some of the more difficult decisions, having faith that the love and care was there to start with just made the transitions in the journey easier.

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She looked back up at him, studying his vessel's features as he spoke. She feared that her talking with him about this would only serve to further confuse him, muddle his idea of what is right and wrong. She certainly didn't want that either. His argument was a good one, certainly. Their freewill was what made them so much different. The angels had a taste of this, to a point, but they all had their jobs, their tasks that God had given them, and while the illusion of freewill for them was there, it wasn't as it was for the humans. Remy was the scribe, and that was what she would always and should always be. She frowned, opening her lips almost as soon as his shut.<br><br>

"No, Uriel was wrong. He was very wrong. Our father is out there, somewhere. He is just tired of us. All we do is fight amongst ourselves, argue, cause mayhem. We are all centuries old and yet even the eldest act like spoiled children. You know that. It's why I took the first excuse I could to come down here, to try and get away from all that." She pursed her lips a bit, upset with her outburst. She took a deep breath and waited for a moment, turning away from him for a few moments and pacing. "Please, for me." She said, looking towards the ground for a moment and then turning back to him. "Consider your options. Look at it from all possible angles. Take in everything, everything you can think of. The Winchester's reasonings, their family's reasonings, why you feel compelled to help them, and the consequences of every action."<br><br>

"This is war, and in war there will always be a body count. Life is a war, as it were." She stepped closer to him, putting her hand against his cheek and offering a smile. "Whatever it is you choose to do, I will not judge you for it. You are not an enemy, and you are not a traitor. You are my brother, and I will have your back as long as I am living. As long as you do as I ask." She stepped back, putting her hands in the pockets of her jacket. "Don't ever forget to stop, and think about what you are doing before it is done. Father is on holiday and he isn't taking calls. It's up to us to lead ourselves, and you know as well as I do we don't do a very good job of it."<br><br>



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DO YOU REALIZE YOU ARE MORE THEN JUST A WEAPON?
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<i><b>"No, Uriel was wrong. He was very wrong. Our father is out there, somewhere. He is just tired of us. All we do is fight amongst ourselves, argue, cause mayhem. We are all centuries old and yet even the eldest act like spoiled children. You know that. It's why I took the first excuse I could to come down here, to try and get away from all that."</b></i> The outburst caused Castiel to lower his gaze a little, hesitant on meeting eye contact with her for no more reason other then feeling somehow guilty. It was not as if he were the only one who doubted things or disliked the happenings in Heaven, yet even so, others who felt similar still managed to remain loyal and steadfast. As the blue haired scribe turned away, Castiel looked up, watching carefully, wondering if he had upset his sister who tried so hard not to judge him.
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<i><b>"Please, for me."</b></i> The difficulties in rebelling was not just trying to find a side you felt comfortable fighting for, but then having to deal with all the other more emotionally difficult things. Maybe this was why emotions were frowned upon so greatly, aside love and devotion towards siblings and the Father, little else was permitted, and considered merely a useless distraction. Castiel did not want to let his siblings down, he did not want to see them upset or feeling betrayed by his own choices, that was not the intention. Things had been so much easier when Castiel had thought they were all working together on stopping the seals from breaking and putting a hold on the apocalypse. If only things had been different, if only that had been their goal, then none of this, none of the stress and concern he felt, none of the struggles he was dealing with, none of it at all would have mattered.

<i><b>"Consider your options. Look at it from all possible angles. Take in everything, everything you can think of. The Winchester's reasoning’s, their family's reasoning’s, why you feel compelled to help them, and the consequences of every action."</b></i> That’s what he was trying to do, the angelic soldier felt almost helpless, he wanted to do all possible to put his sister at ease. What happened to the easy smiles that used to grace their lips so readily?
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<i><b>"This is war, and in war there will always be a body count. Life is a war, as it were."</b></i> The warmth of love felt as the palm Remy’s hand rested lightly against his cheek was almost desperately welcomed. Then, as if having read his mind, came a smile that seemed to be so much more assuring then he thought any words could manage. <i><b>"Whatever it is you choose to do, I will not judge you for it. You are not an enemy, and you are not a traitor. You are my brother, and I will have your back as long as I am living. As long as you do as I ask."</b></i> The fingers slipped away from the warmth of his cheek, and his sister stepped back, a grateful smile curving the edges of the soldiers lips.
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<i><b>"Don't ever forget to stop, and think about what you are doing before it is done. Father is on holiday and he isn't taking calls. It's up to us to lead ourselves, and you know as well as I do we don't do a very good job of it."</b></i> Everyone was trying so hard to do as they thought their Father wanted, and Castiel felt little fault in that, just in the blind faith that came with it, the sensation that someone was giving orders that was not their father and yet lying about it was hard to shake. Though Remy was right, they had been told of the apocalypse since the dawn of creation and it made sense that in their Father’s absence Raphael and the others were only trying to follow what they thought was the path laid out before them.
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<b>"Of course, I prom-"</b> There was a pause, Castiel’s eyes looking up, the calls of their siblings loud and clear, something was going on, it sounded serious, and soldiers were being summoned. A reluctant stoop of Castiel’s usually rigid shoulders hinted towards the disappointed of the interruption. Blue eyes dropped back from the study of the heavens and looked across at Remy, now his time for an assuring smile. <b>"I do promise you, it was never my intention to cause upset, I will always think carefully of my choices. I just wished to do as Father may have wanted of me."</b> It was hard when you were chosen to be a guide to help man move from one place to another, to aid them in their travels and keep them safe, when those travels they were on were so devastating. Still, he reached out for Remembrance, placing a hand on her shoulder and letting his fingers express the gratitude and affection he had for her that his words often failed at. Though with that, and the instance of the voices calling him home, Castiel vanished, re turning to the host of Heaven, unaware that this would be the last time he saw his sibling in this life. If he had known, little admittedly would have changed, save he may have caved in and for once not been so awkward and distant with his affections, final goodbyes deserved so much more then what he had given his compassionate sister.

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