Introduction

[Teddy Milan]

Is it really impossible?


Everything should be started with a question.


For all sins, as theologians weary not of reminding us, are sins of disobedience. When that high spirit, that morning star of evil, fell from heaven, it was as a rebel that he fell.- Oscar Wilde, Picture of Dorian Gray, Chapter 16


look up Run Rabbit Run, Hoosiers


If I believed in sin, I'd be worried. But how can yyou believe in happiness as a sin? Love, pleasure? I'll never understand.


I want to be reborn as a puppy, if I am. You can go to the bathroom anywhere, you don't need to get married or pay child support, and girls wear such short skirts. It's a funny idea, isn't it?


ambigous ambigeous ambegous ambiguous


New school. Gross gross gross. could be worse. Note to self; don't go in bathrooms. Smelled like a few steps worse than fags and pot.


What the hell? Another teddy bear, really, grandma? I blame you, mother. I blaaaammmmeeee you. Secret; He's cute.


def. of obsequios ; obsequious?

[Teddy Milan]

Back cover




If our dreams are held down by us, and we are held down by gravity, what's holding it down?


fuck fucker fucking fucked fuckee fuck-buddy fuckhead sick fuck dafuck east buddhafuck fuckaholic fucktron fuckbot fuckmalion


I keep noticing this kid in the halls; he's just glaring, though
can't help but wish he'd smile


lust Hope
gluttony Justice
greed Fortitude
envy
wrath \\ ask Pearl about the others//
sloth
pride


CALL PEARL. HE WILL RAPE YOU WITH A JACK HAMMER IF YOU DO NOT CALL HIM.

and his fro will eat you. And his glitter.


afterthought- get pearl's number
afterafterthought- getting raped by pearl might not be such a bad idea
afterafterafterafterthought- don't get pearl's number. write him a letter instead.

[Teddy Milan]

If I made anyone happy, if only for a little while, then it was a day worth living.


Who is this Hannah Montana girl my little sister keeps writing me about?


I DON'T WANT TO I DON'T WANT TO I DON'T WANT TO

Here's to childhood.
And never forgetting the wide eyed wonder we felt.
When we first saw Draco the Dragon fly in Dragonheart...
When we cried at the end of Edward Scissorhands,
Or honestly fell in love with Jack Skellington.
When we dreamt about flying away with Peter Pan and never coming back.
Or getting spirited away by Jareth the Goblin King,
Or running with the unicorns down the beach of King Lear's castle.
Or riding with Atreyu and Sebastion through the Bog of Despair, fighting off the nothing.
I'll never forget my first real childhood friend: My imagination.

DYSLEXIC

am i a joy ride?

If Tyra Banks from ANTM got you.... You would have been Tyra'd.


You and I. Let's stand together, let the sky roll by.
Let's lay in the grass. Watch the stars explode.
Corrode, suppose....

suicidal calculator


Whirlygig.

Cottage cheese= is like eating vomit. It has predigested curds of curdled milk floating around in synthetic stomach bile. eeeeew.

I'm still alive. Anyone with diabetes, or who got chemotherapy, or anything, they're undead. Think about it; they would have died without modern medicine. They're the walking dead.

YO GABBA GABBA.

So sick of Edward. He can go suck Lestat's cold, dead cock.


Was that a bell...Or a rat trap snapping shut?

[Teddy Milan]

NEW LIFE GOAL AQUIRED= Naked snow angels

I hate cell phones. If I believed in the devil, texting would be from them. FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS TEXT/DO DRUGS/ LOOK UGLY/ FUCK HOBOS/ LICK CHICKENS/ EAT LIGHTBULBS/ FRY EARLOBES/ LISTEN TO SHITTY MUSIC.

my hand is wrinkly cause I leaned my shirt on it

icharus icarus ik-karious ridi-karous

THE BACK OF YO HEAD IS RIDIKULUS! CAN I HAVE YO NUMBA? CAN I GET IT CAN I HAVE IT?

Haaiiiirrspraaaay.

First order of buisiness; Pearl will rape your ear.
Second order of buisiness; Remember to wear earmuffs.
Third order of buisiness; Learn how to spell buisiness.

She's romanian. Why didn't I ever notice?

Goddamn, he's hot. Luckily, I lost the gutter. Or my mind would be in it. I need a mind bubble. To preserve my nonexistant sainthood.

Woaaah. FLAMBOYANT BOY AS POPE. I can see the headlines now. Time to get martyred. Why did I just almost spell time with a y?

Dude. Sloths are the most amazing animals ever. They take a crap once every three months. What's cooler than that?

Groovy, baby, groovy.

[Teddy Milan]

One bright day in the middle of the night
Two dead boys got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other
A deaf policeman heard the noise
He came and killed those two dead boys

I wonder how my dad-oo is doing. I miss the fam. Even the little prophetess of doom.

Cassy had a dream that I was a Nazi and took over the world with the power of love. Nazi+Hippie=Teddy?

(Tape)


What Cassy sent me. Isn't she sick? She is in every way my little sister. If she ever decides to elope with that Francesca girl.... I will so help her. That's all my parents need!

244-9803
call cassy

ANASTASIA.

New life goal aquired. Watch Quest for Camelot. Again. With Billy.

remember minor harmony for ring around the rosie; record and sent to Pearl, so he can use in video

HONEY, THE SPOONS ARE AFTER ME. I NEED YOU AND THE KIDS TO GET IN THIS ORANGE, WHILE I GO BUILD A LAMPOST OUT OF CIMMANON BUNS. THAT SHOULD BUY US SOME TIME.

Hahaha. Opposite day.

Holy leperecy. I waaannnnnnttttttt.

Death by fornification. It's the way to go.

EEEEEIIII. I am not going to explain gay sex to you, Natasha. FIGURE IT OUT. -twitch-

ihu


As I was walkin' up the stair
I saw a man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today
Oh how I wish he'd go away

[Teddy Milan]

LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF THEODORE (<----Ewwww) JASON MILAN


On this day, Theodore Jason Milan assigns his property and dying wishes. This is legal documentation that shows means of burial, preservation, and general bullshit.

To Pearl; My CD's and general music. You'll treat them right. Also, my body. You goddamn necrophilliac.

To Billy; My hats. All my hats.

To Natasha; This journal and all my posters

To Teresa; My pudding cups.

To Cassy; My various collections; you know the ones.

To Mrs and Mr Milan; Anything else left in my room.


After his death, Milan requests to be buried in a secluded spot at the bottom of a freshly erected pyramid, built on the lifes of three thousand slaves. He wishes to be cryogenically frozen and brought back when octopussies rule the world. He wishes to be burried with (100) boxes of Vanilla Wafers, (1) Copy of Oscar Wilde's A Picture of Dorian Gray, (10) slaves, (1) mummified sloth, (1) hat on his head, (1) rose in his hand, (1) empty picture frame.

After his imminent death, for his death is imminent, he wishes proper action be taken against the perpatrator, namely death by raping with a jackhammer until dead.

He hopes his family will not feel too much distress, and will not regret sending him to a school where he got murdered by a mobster.

Signed,
Teddy Milan's Pen

Witnessed by,
Ceiling
Hat
Lamp






FUUUUUUUUCCKKKK. I'm going to dieeeee.......

<-----NERVOUS DOODLING

[Teddy Milan]

Decision reached.
I DO NOT ROCK
The St.Gabey-babe's outfit.
LOOK AT THIS.

I refuse to wear it. Or not wear a hat, until I get my hair cut. What is this bullshit?
Oh well. INTO THE PHOTOALBUM IT GOES.[ /COLOR]

Um. So Dorian is.... is. He is. There you have it.

I'm gonna work on my photoalbum. Pearl gave me one last year for my birthday, but I never did much other than put the photos he gave me in. I'll start doing that again.

WHAT MANNER OF DOUCHEBAGGERY IS THIS?

i'm down if you don't expect anymore from me i don't have much for you it's alright if you want to get down... keep it simple now

[COLOR=purple]Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much. - O.Wilde

[Teddy Milan]

Teddy's Phoe-tablum


PEAARRRLLL. PEAAARRRLLL.
I like you better now youz got a fro. <33




Billy, Pearl, an' me. Billy's Dad's office. Pearl was playin' his gee-tar for us.


My pre-birthday birthday party. Pearl an' Billy-bear. January, 10, 2009


Me'nPearl


Raaay. He hates having his piccure taken.


Das tres amigos. Pearl, me, and Bill-lily.

[Teddy Milan]

I'm building a bridge to somewhere real
I don't know where, but somewhere new


I could see myself falling in love with you. And I think that's the saddest thing.



THIS IS ANGSTY. NO MORE.

Fellation is oral sex performed upon the penis. It may be performed to induce orgasm and ejaculation of semen, or it can be used as foreplay prior to vaginal or anal forms of intercourse. Fellatio is commonly referred to as a blow job.[2] Fellatio is also sometimes referred to as "giving head", although this term can also apply to cunnilingus. An alternative method of oral sex performed on men is irrumatio.


OH NO. DON'T ASK ME TO DANCE. I'M SCARED, I'M SCARED, THIS FEELINS' OUTTA MY HANDS. ONE LOOK JUST TOOK MY BREATH AWAY... YOU GIVE ME BAIT, I BITE IT. Now I'm tuning in tuning in tuning like a radio, radio...
It's too hot bodies bound together with no choice, it's electric, magnetic electric.
The heat screams out and echoes all around tonight.
Oh yes, oh yes.


draw Fairy!Princess!Mermaid!Pearl.


Dear Diary,
My leg itches.
Sincerely,
John's pie.

[Teddy Milan]

And I'll hold on until tonight, but that's too long.
Because you're an angel.
My crazy angel.


I GOT A Geetaur for my day of ber'fing. I named it Lucy.
Because I love Narnia.
I ALSO GOT an ipod. And I named it Caspian.



YES. That's a dress, Diary. And was taken in Pearl's basement, last weekend. BUT LOOK. LUCY IS BEAUTIFUL. And Billy is awesome at photoshop, yeeeeeeessiir.

DON'T TOUCH ME, PLEASE, i CANNOT BEAR THE WAY YOU TEASE.

[Teddy Milan]

douse yourself in crinoline
it's the sinner, not the sin

xxxxxxxxxxxx


it's like trying on your mother's make up or dancing in the rain
it's not so much it makes you crazy, but it reminds you of the pain

xxxxxxxxxxxx


you convey desire
unprovoked
you're bringing back these feelings
tried to smother
with a pillow under rejected hands

their last breaths were leaving them
but you exhaled them vanilla
and dripping-eyes awoke them

peaking over bedclothes
staring with lids that only move to wound
these emotion-creatures fight their way
back the bedpost-cactus

we aren't meant to hurt
it wasn't wanted, uninvited
diamond lips can only carve
don't lead me there, ivory

dandelion sunrise will bring with it
new fractions of what was
but with you
is not with you

have me
or let me restitch


xxxxxxxxxxxxx


It was a bucket sort of day

Overwhelmingly clamy
And raining
More rain than I'd ever seen before

I ran through the field
and I got
entirely soaked

the water fell into my skin
replaced the blood
and I was so, so cold

the sky was too close for comfort
breathing my air, touching
the earth that wasn't it's to touch

I wore a coat but
the rain didn't care
it invaded

it was a bucket sort of day
that rained buckets
and buckets down on top of us

I dripped instead of spoke
swam instead of swallowed
and each step was under water

I laughed water laughs
tinny bucket laughs
I was soaked

I danced on the over-turned bucket
in the rain
and laughed out streams

xxxxxxxxxxx

SO APPARENTLY
Cold medicine makes me write poetry.

[Teddy Milan]

Fell in love with a boy.... fell in love once and I lost completely.

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. ~ Oscar Wilde


SO I'VE BEEN THINKIN' LATELY. A dangerous thing to do....

Gaston? I AM SO ADHD.

Anyway. No, was thinking about all those words that don't have a positive root. Like... they're only negative. Look at this.

If you can be disheveled, meaning a mess and not on top of things, can you also be sheveled, meaning put together? Or what about disgruntled? Can I be gruntled, meaning totes satisfied? I'm going to tell Dorian that I'm totally gruntled and see what he says. I can be encouraged and discouraged... but can I just be couraged? I can be DISgusted, but can I just be gusted? What about the other ones? Insipid... sipid? Or can I act chalant, instead of nonchalant? What about out of whack? Can something ever been in whack?

Teddy is very confused by the English language.

Do you really think it is weakness that yields to temptation? I tell you that there are terrible temptations which it requires strength, strength and courage to yield to. ~Oscar Wilde


I CAN'T FIND MY FEDORA. Sadness.

lemon meringe merengue meringue merenque mare-en-ge

How does Fabio keep his hair so awesome?



when i say your name it's like a little prayer, i'm down on my knees, i want to take you there
LIZA MINELLI. WE APPLAUD YOUR WIN. ... dom....

Frankfurter... Frankenfurter?


My thumb is really wrinkly. It looks like an old man. I can make him dance.




Pearl sent me a letter saying he misses me. It made me uncharacteristically sad.

Note to self;; CHEER UP IMMEDIATELY.

Note to self again;; Talk to Dorian.

THE EMPORER'S NEW GROOVE. I AM EZMA. ... Esme? Ease-ma? .... Or is that the bitch from twilight...?

ANYWAY.

LEND ME SOME SUGAR, I AM YOUR NEIGHBOR. MY BABY DON'T MESS AROUND... SHAKE IT, SHAKE IT... shake it like a polaroid picture...

I have a corset in my closet.


The furniture has eyes. o.O

What is the Dali Llama and why is he named after a spiting animal?

DEAR DIARY.
I THINK I MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN THE PART IN SPRING AWAKENING.
FFFFFFF.
EXCITED.


for a frantic moment i realize you're not here
i fall into myself and lose all thought to fear
a hand comes out from beyond the dark and wakes me from my dreams
for all i am and ever was exist with you it seems

All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling. ~Oscar Wilde

(Taped in)


The boy who inspired the man.

[Teddy Milan]

fabric is a mystery

Hello D.D.! I missed you!

Well, more of, misplaced you.



I didn't mean to! It'll never happen again, promise promise promise.

mon petit chu = my little cabbage

I'll never understand my race.

LET YOUR LOVE GROW TALL.

it's not a vampire kind of day outside
in fact, it's quite sunny

I hate throwing away anything shiny

if a bowler bowls and a dancer dances, does an antler antl? What about a flower? Does it flow? Why's it called cancer if it doesn't canc?

he's so pretty

I feel colorful

there once was a man from peru, who sat around all day with nothing to do
then he opened his eyes and looked up at the skies, and saw that they all were blue

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. ~Oscar Wilde

fudal fewdal fuedal feudel feudal

Rambo must get really sick of being dirty all the time. Maybe he likes it.

i want a snow cone

[Teddy Milan]

I'minloveI'minloveI'minlove.

for false frankness falling from fierce fantastic lovers lips
debates dallying down where does daren't dash from fiery fields
he's hidden, holy, heretic, hedonist, herald of the high and mighty miracles
maiden, maybe mine, Marian, may day miss who had him

I am like a child.
Those words never used to bother me.

file those plays


Eighteen and barely born.


New list of life goals
BROADWAY. I've gotten it. They're taking me a week after I graduate.
DORIAN. Can I really steal him away? Have him all for my own?
APARTMENT. I guess we're going to need one.
COLLEGE. Am I doing that? Am I not?


God, I can see it. I want for him bright lights and celebrities and designer parties. He would love that, he would practically glow. And if that means I have to become the same time? I will.


I swear, I will be your leading man for the rest of your life. <3




Diary, working out now! Who would have thought? Put on twenty pounds of muscle.... I need it for the dance numbers. I have to lift her over my head!

Also, diary, I am all... tall now. I don't think I'll ever be over 6', but maybe close. :3 I'm currently 5'9 and still growing. The nurse said so. XD

I'm gonna be in Into the Woods. I have a role and a name and solos. I can't believe it.

I want Dorian to meet my parents. We'll wait til I graduate to tell them.


between two lungs




my man is an artform


venerable venirible venurible venurable vulnerable


Not all who wander are lost. ~ JR Tolkein


rabbit-hearted boy


It would suck to be the little butterfly on my glass lamp. That thing gets really hot.


My dad made me a fake fish-tank for my dorm. I need to tell him I'm not going to college.

HOW YOU TURN MY WORLD YOU PRECIOUS THING



love.
love and nothing else.

~Teddy Milan


Ps. I'm thinking of going by Theo. DD, what do you think?