Isolating from the world, Tagged: Miranda

[Baylee Shepherd]

After refusing the care from his doctor and not even listening to her anymore. The months which was spent was due to the fact he was locked up again. Everything have gone wrong. His plan to help his new boyfriend escape backfired. His own doctor hurt him deeply, as he found out he was going to be a father and now it was gone. His spirited have died, and in fact he wasn't the same person anymore. Everything which made him, him have gone in a flesh.

I hate you so much God. You never made anything right for me. Why are you punishing me all the time? What have do I have to do to proof to you I have changed and sorry for the sins I have committed. He whispered even though he was angry. Curling into the bed, he was praying slightly some more. He didn't expect anyone to come. Leigh haven't been seen for while. Jadyn haven't been around. Baylee didn't really care anymore, he was destined to be alone, and that's what he going to follow now.

His arms were covered in fresh self harm cuts and three of them were deep, red and beginning to turn septic from not being washed out. His arm was in fact hurting him so much though he wouldn't admit it. His body weight was dropping down as he haven't been eating at all since he was captured by his own doctor and brought back here. Same goes to his medication, he haven't been taking them either and in fact haven't been going to his nurse like he should do. The infirmary was the only place he thought they wouldn't come to search for him, as he wanted to be left alone and away from everyone. All Baylee wants now is death to claim his soul.

[Miranda Y.]

Miranda rubbed her face with one hand as she stood in the middle of the hallway. She was once again trying to locate a wayward patient - Baylee Sheppard. She seemed to be doing that a lot lately, in fact. He was never anywhere to be found when he needed his meds or meals. It was frustrating to say the least. The nurse was thinking that she needed to put a tracking chip in him just so she could make sure he wasn't off cutting himself or something equally nasty. Despite his claims otherwise, she knew a cutter when she saw one. She'd never understood the mentality behind it, but she knew how to recognize it.

"Nurse!" She twirled around on her black converses and looked questioningly at the patient. "I twisted my ankle. Could you help me get to the infirmary?" Miranda nodded and offered her support as the girl wrapped an arm around her shoulders and hefted all of her weight off of her foot. "Thanks. She said gratefully.

"No problem." She answered as she helped her along.

Miranda was quite surprised to find Baylee in the infirmary looking decidedly worse for wear. "If you keep that up, Speedy, they'll put you on a feeding tube." She remarked as she handed the injured girl off to the nurse in charge of the infirmary. "And I've got your meds here. You should probably take them, especially the one for your diabetes; you haven't been taking it and I imagine your blood sugar's quite low since you obviously haven't been eating." She told him with a stern look on her face.

[Baylee Shepherd]

The world isn't galmous as people say, why was I spared when my parents were taken from me? Why couldn't my father die and my mother and sister survived? Why do I hurt people all the time? Am I curse or something? He wondered and whispered to himself. The room was quiet which was something he liked, true his sugar levels were up and down all the time, as his diet (well lack of it) wasn't stable. Baylee heard someone coming and he quickly sat up and noticed it was his nurse. How did she find him here? I need a better hiding place, away from these people he thought and signed. Normally he would be able to get away from people he wanted to avoid, but half of the time Baylee couldn't care anymore.

"If you keep that up, Speedy, they'll put you on a feeding tube." Chuckle release from his vocals as Leigh tired this with him and failed. In fact he threatened to kick her. She have hurt him and he hurt her, so they should be equals right? Wrong, in fact he managed to his doctor pregnant was a shocker, she said he raped her. If that was true, then why didn't she report it? Why did she stop him when he went to slit his throat? Why did females play with his emotions all the time. Speedy? That's an interesting nickname you have given me there he spoke softly this time. Like to see you try, I kicked the last person who tired to insert that into me. I would do the same with you as well, so threats don't work with me. Anyway I am bad person and don't deserve kindness or help from you guys. Just forget about me like everyone else have done

"And I've got your meds here. You should probably take them, especially the one for your diabetes; you haven't been taking it and I imagine your blood sugar's quite low since you obviously haven't been eating." He looked at her face which wasn't happy and he didn't care either. I am not taking either of them. I don't need them as I keep on telling you people. I am not taking anymore drugs and nothing you would say would change my mind he was stubborn and this wasn't going to changed. He crossed his arms, hiding the fresh bloody wounds on his arm and sleeve. Have you finished now?

[Miranda Y.]

Miranda raised an eyebrow at him. She was pretty certain they had already had the conversation about his choice of nicknames. She refused to call him by such a ridiculous nickname. No matter what he said, he wasn't a psycho. Or at least she was reasonably certain he wasn't; it was mildly possible that he had been going on killing sprees and hiding the bodies, but she somehow doubted it.

"That so?" She asked with mild amusement. "I'm afraid that it takes more than a kick to deter me." Even if she hadn't been practicing Aikido for over a decade, he had lost so much weight, not to mention strength, that she doubted he'd even leave a bruise were he to actually succeed in kicking her. She frowned at him; his doctor must not have been very good at her job since Miranda was fairly certain that he was getting worse, rather than better. "Bad person? Have you seen some of the people we have to take care of?" She asked with a note of incredulity. "Saben Meinfried is a cannibal for god's sakes! I sincerely doubt you're anywhere near as bad as he is."

Miranda wasn't especially known for being the warm caring type. She had this nasty tendency of telling people exactly what she thought of them. "It's not that they don't care," She told him crisply as she set about getting a small glass of water. Without hesitation, she ground the pills into dust using a tray, and dumped them into the water. "It's that you won't let them care about you, and not everyone is as stubborn and hard-headed as I am. Drink." She had no idea what doing that to the pills would do, nor did she particularly care, since they ended up in the same place regardless of whether they were whole and taken individually or ground up and taken together. At least this way, they'd get into his blood stream faster.

"And I'm not going anywhere until you do." She informed him with a calm expression. Difficult patients was nothing new to her. "Once you've taken those, I'll see about getting you something easy to eat."

[Baylee Shepherd]

Baylee didn't know what it was but the nurse was more stubborn than he was. Why did she care so much though. He should have gotten a better hiding place. Why do you care so much? Have you even bothered to read my record of what I done? I have killed my own parents and raped three more people. Now tell me the truth would you really want to help that person? Cause I wouldn't, I would kill the bastard. Get rid of the problem rather than trying to solve the problem. Anyway I don't want to be help, I have gone too far now, he looked down crying little.

Baylee didn't know any form of martial arts, he just act out in self defense to protect himself more than anything else and he stroked his own arms. Going without his medication for long, have changed his mood and only showing more to the staff he did indeed need them. Watching Miranda more carefully, he couldn't see what she was doing or that he really cared. He got away from one nurse, she was easy to get away from if need to. Not intending to move from the bed, he looked at the window. The summer would have been in the states now, but here it was cold and Baylee didn't know it was actually winter in Australia. "It's that you won't let them care about you, and not everyone is as stubborn and hard-headed as I am. Drink." Seeing the water, even though he was thirsty he was bit suspicious about it, he sniffed it as he was always the same. He started to drink the water, not knowing his medication was in it. Once it was all gone, he put it down beside of him.

I already told you. I should have been in prison for the crimes I committed. Even my own doctor hates me now as I hurt her really bad. But she have hurt me in the worst possible. She have tricked me. I am never talking to her again, he said not even hinting what it was. I don't want nothing to eat, just leave me alone now. His arm was really hurting him, though he wouldn't dare allow her to come nearer him and to check it, he want it to hurt and that's not going to change in a hurry.

[Miranda Y.]

Miranda did not pause to consider the question before launching into an explanation. "We've all done things that we regret, that we're not proud of." She answered as she watched him drink down the water. She winced slightly; she couldn't imagine it tasting very good. Then again, he didn't so much as grimace at it, so he may have been worse off than she had thought. "What matters isn't what we've done, but what we choose to do in response to that. It's what sets us apart from the monsters like those that respond by doing even worse things."

She had no idea if he took the words to heart. "You're never too far gone for help. All it takes it the courage to ask." Seriously, what the hell was his doctor doing that he had to depend upon her for emotional support. She had the empathy of a box of nails.

"Have you tried asking for a new doctor?" She asked curiously. "I can't imagine being with a doctor that you hate is going to help you much." Obviously she wasn't taking him to the cafeteria in the state he was currently in. That meant she was going to have to get him food in here.

She picked up the radio at her waist and dialed in for a guard. True it was generally used for when patients were being violent, but it was good for this too. "I need a meal brought up to the infirmary." She pause a moment, listening. "Some sort of soup if you have any, otherwise something light."

[Baylee Shepherd]

As he looked at the walls which were scratched from other patients. It cause him to touch it, like he used to do in his locked bedroom alone. Why did his family do this to him? Part of him was missing, he felt it all the time. Sure Jaydn made him happy really happy in fact, there was still something aching his heart constantly all the time and it was beginning to do his heading now. The cuts on his arms have finally stopped bleeding, luckily no knew about these yet, he didn't want them to clean and dressed. In fact he would simply ripe the bandage off again. Changing his doctor huh? Now that wouldn't go well. Turning his head towards Miranda again, still trying to work her out.

Wouldn't be allowed to do that, you see me and the head doctor here don't get along here. I thought he was my friend, but he send me away. I didn't care as I never stay in one place for very long and always move around like some unwanted gift from the shop. When I came back he tired to get me in the common room with the other patients, but I can't do that. I hate being around others, I never hold friendship for long anyway, so what's the point of starting it all over again?

His tone was a little softer and sadder in fact. The medication was beginning to get his mood stable again. Sitting up on the bed and bringing his knees up to his chin, his left arm extended, showing the marks. Once Baylee noticed she could see it, he quickly brought them again and pretend everything was ok. I am not eating anything. He was stubborn with this and crossed his arms showing he was serious and looked away from her. Since you aren't going to give me any piece and am choosing to leave, he hopped off the bed, and got ready to move away from her, he haven't met a nurse so far he couldn't get away from, and this one wouldn't be any different.

[Miranda Y.]

Miranda seriously had to wonder about people who just gave up because something wasn't handed to them on a silver platter. "Have you tried asking him?" She asked with a raised eyebrow. "You won't know for sure until you do, and even if he says no, you can always pester him until he agrees." She had no idea what was up between him and Matt, nor did she particularly care what was going on between the two. It wasn't her concern. Actually she considered most things that happened in the hospital to be none of her business.

Once again, none of her business. "Perhaps you caught him at a bad time. I can't imagine it's very easy being the doctor of a serial killer and a cannibal."

She favored him with a flat stare. "Speedy, I would really rather not, but if I have to, I will strap you down to the hospital bed and spoonfeed you." She was being deadly serious with her threat. She may not necessarily want to get on the bad side of any of her patients, that made dealing with them so much more difficult, but she wasn't about to let them walk all over her either. "Or I can go find Sarah. I hear she's got a fascinating method of force-feeding." Privately, Miranda thought it was gross and unhygienic, but she was fairly sure that threat would work well enough.

[Baylee Shepherd]

Baylee looked at her evilly like and it wasn't a nice stare either. In fact it was kind of creepy. Stretching his head more, his heart was racing. He hated being manhandled and would fight like no tomorrow. He got rid of nurses off him before, she would be no different. Stop calling me that stupid nickname! It's psycho ok, that's my name and make sure you use it unless you like to me make sure you never forget it again. Your choice! He growled more, even though the medication was in his system it still take a while for moods to be stable and he would feel lot better. You not touching me and I am not baby! I don't have to eat if I don't want to! Its my body and my choice! I keep telling you people I am now eighteen and almost nineteen you can't tell me what to do anymore. I am an adult and if I wanted to leave this crap place I can! He yelled more at.

He hated people so much and in fact the only person he like to stay with him is Jaydn. He knew that he had to get better for him, and he would if he was out of hospital. He would listen to his lover regularly all the time. I don't give shit about Stevenson anymore, he is just a prick anyway. In fact I have noticed that all the staff here are fucked up, so what is yours then? He turned around and pressed his back against the wall. He kept Leigh's illness a secert, he wouldn't tell anyone, even though he threaten he would, she might have hurt him but he wouldn't want her to end up like a patient. Being a patient was no fun, your freedom was restricted or even gone all together. I wouldn't tell anyone. But honestly the staff here are just as fucked up as us. So why should we lesson? I am rebel now, I am not following the rules and I make sure everyone else in this hospital would do the same. He smirked.

Sarah? Who the fuck is she? He never heard of this person or that he really care either. She come anywhere nearer me I would kick and bite her to. No one is fucking touching me again! He growled more as he was afraid, and he made sure his distances with her was reasonable. Have you finished now?

[Miranda Y.]

Miranda raised an eyebrow at her wayward patient. "Nope, not calling you Psycho. No matter what you believe, you are not a psychopath." She may not have known all that much about psychology, but even she knew what a psychopath was, and Baylee certainly wasn't one. "And I rather doubt you could 'make sure I never forget it in any case." She pointed out mildly. She was more of the passive-aggressive sort than she was the violent type, but Miranda was perfectly capable of holding her own against a scrawny underfed teenager. "It's moment's like that that prove your immaturity." She pointed out mildly. She was unfazed by his outburst. He rather reminded her of the little mermaid's declaration of of being sixteen years old and her dad couldn't tell her what to do! "And if you can leave, why haven't you?"

Miranda shrugged at his question. "I'm paranoid, apparently. Personally I think she was high when she was diagnosing me, but that's neither here nor there." It didn't bother her in the slightest to let that slip, largely because she doubted she even had the disorder in the first place. "And I will not argue about everyone else being as screwed up as the patients. She reasoned that unlike the patients, most of the staff were merely recovering from disorders of the past as opposed to actively having them. Of course, she would continue deluding herself of that until proven otherwise. "Do you think you're the first person to decide to rebel against the system here?" She asked with a raised eyebrow. "Because you're not."

"The way I see it, Baylee is each patient comes here with two paths. The first is to try their best to get better and get out of here as quickly as possible and get on with their lives, while the second is to stay here, make a nuisance of themselves, and in general hang around longer than they would have if they'd chosen the first path." She fixed with a stern look. "You can rebel all you like, refuse to take your meds, refuse to go to your sessions, and refuse to cooperate. In the end, however, you will be here until you choose to make an effort to get better. Whether that's in a year's time or five year's time is entirely up to you."

She was starting to get annoyed with his uncooperative attitude, especially since it largely seemed to be for the sake of being difficult. Yes, the staff were fucked up. Despite that, they still had a reasonably high success rate. They'd have to be in order for the hospital to stay in business, especially with such a unique take on how patients were dealt with. It would be entirely too easy to scrap the idea and send all of the staff to a mental hospital, and yet they hadn't. Logically, that must mean that the system, however messed up, worked.

Why was it that the patients insisted on focusing on the fact that the staff were as messed up as they were, and refused to see that it was working. To be honest, in hindsight, she would rather have gone here than Dr. More because at least here she knew that the staff had some idea of what their patients were going through and could therefore help in ways that someone who had never had a disorder couldn't possibly understand.

[Baylee Shepherd]

Not all of us would get better and move on. I would never leave these place. I have been in hospital since I was thirteen years old. I am now eighteen you do the maths. My body have been screwed up due to the numerous treatments. That's how I had the dietbies now, they gave insulin shock therapy treatment, they did do much all the time, my body can't produced it's own insulin anymore. So sorry for me not cooperating but would you, when you have been in like five different hospitals? He asked her and crossing his arms together around his chest now.

Also I have tired leaving, but my doctor wouldn't leave me. In fact she grassed me up. She could have let me go, I have even begged her, but she like a normal staff was to stubborn to leave me alone. This why I am still here, she tired placing a alarm on me, but I wouldn't allow her to. I threaten to kick her, I am not having that crap on me again. He breathed more. Now I have you, telling me what to do. Why can you people just get into your skulls that, some of us are lost cause, and is far to gone to be helped he signed a little more

Just as he sat down another member of staff, Baylee didn't know who it was, brought some food into the infirmary. Baylee never seen the staff before or in event particularly care either. Also the nickname is what my father gave me and it would be my name if you want to call it not, understand me. He growled. Placing his arm on his knee, he started to pick the scab off the wound, they were red, and very inflamed which would be really painful.

So doctors can make mistake with disagonsed you? They aren't always right? He asked as his own doctor haven't noticed his symptoms of PTSD from Takeo sexually assaulting him. I am fine and they are treating me with drugs? He asked and looked at in her eyes, he so wanted to believe and trust her. But something inside just couldn't and he stayed where he was picking his wounds. What's wrong with dying and want to be with your family again? He asked and looked down more, trying his best to avoid the smell of the food which was on the small table by the bed

[Miranda Y.]

Miranda stared at him with surprise. Insulin shock therapy? What-? She wasn't aware that method was even used anymore. Certainly not to the extent that it caused this much damage to a person. "What kind of hospitals have you been staying at?" She asked as she stared at him. He wasn't showing the signs of having been put through extensive insulin shock therapy, that was the first thing she noted. He didn't look as if he could lose a few pounds; in fact, he looked very skinny. She also didn't recall him having ever looked like he'd gone through the compulsive eating stage that IST was noted for. In fact, now that she thought about it, it was a bit odd that he would have gotten diabetes from that since it cause high levels of blood sugar, as opposed to the low levels that diabetics had. She brushed that off for later consideration. Preferably very soon. It was entirely possible that they had been medicating him for something he didn't have. Again. Still, what sort of idiot would make that mistake?

She was possibly starting to understand why he didn't like hospitals too much if they kept making idiotic mistakes like this.

"Speedy, did you have a physical when you were admitted here?" She asked curiously as she crossed her arms over her chest and eyed him. She didn't care if his father gave him that nickname. Especially since he had orchestrated his father's death. She would have thought he'd want to distance himself from that. "More specifically, did you get any blood work done?"

She snorted. "Good god no, they're not always right. They are still human, after all, and everyone has their own ideas about what disorders the patients have. The problem is that lots of disorders share the same symptoms, so I imagine there's a bit of guesswork involved." She shrugged, decidedly uncomfortable with that line of questioning. "I wouldn't say that. I imagine hanging around the nutters here has probably taken its toll." She wasn't a psychiatrist so she really wasn't qualified to say.

"What's wrong with living and forming another family?" She countered as she pointed towards the bowl of tomato soup, although broth looked more accurate since it was so runny. "I'm not going away until you eat."

[Baylee Shepherd]

Silence was good, silence is all that Baylee needed to calm down. Block everything out imagine he is by himself in a sandy beach. Baylee doubted that Leigh would take him out like she promised now, not after them falling out. Truth he been in and out of hospital all his life the first one was the worst. It was the ancient old building which was handling prisoners as well. the staff there gave you a number, you had to change into their clothes and answer your number. There was kids young as eleven in there for something beyond they control. Most of the patient die form the beatings, torture and neglect which the staff should be giving to the patients. "What kind of hospitals have you been staying at?" He snapped out of the memory lane and looked at her as she spoke back to him. I rather not talk about them. No one believes me anyway. All I know is that it would be only matter of time before I am shipped off again. They did it once before, so why should I care now, his tone was sad like. He was filled with pain and sadness which no one could possible understand.

Slightly growl release from his vocals a little as she called him Speedy again. Why did she named him this anyway. Maybe he should stick to his number, so lifting his head up again. Want to call me something, just use my patient cell number 777. That should be lot easy for you to remember and used since you can't following my nickname usage., his arm was coated in blood again as he stopped picking them. "Speedy, did you have a physical when you were admitted here?" God how was he supposed to remember that far back. He only remember coming to the hospital dirty, not fed and still in his old prison cell uniform. He remembered going to see Dr. Stevenson and they had chat. No and I am not having one either. Not going through all of that again. I have had all sort of things done to me, enough is enough now he was putting his foot down about this time. I am sick of being touch, poked and treated like some kind of human experiment. I am not doing it anymore. You aren't sexually assaulting me anymore. He stood up and shaked a little.

At least someone have been truthful to me. I was treated for three years with Schizophrenia something I never had. What if they treating me for this so call Borderline Personality Disorder and it's wrong again. They could be making me worst and not better, explain that to me. He looked down and leaned against the wall as his body wasn't strong enough to support itself anymore. "What's wrong with living and forming another family?" Hearing this statement cause a laugh to be released from his vocals. Looking at her then Are you serious here? Form what family? Family of nutters or the loony bin? Come on now Nurse that's something which isn't going to happen here. I am one of those people which never be release from hospital. Trust me I am going die in this fucking place, I know it and it's about time you guys know it. Turning around he looked at the window and watching the waves crashing the rocks from the beach. He signed and pressed his forehead onto the panel softly I aren't going to eat it, so you are going to waste your time, told you this god knows how many times, it's about time you listen to me. Just let me leave this place my way.

[Miranda Y.]

"I think I'd believe just about anything you told me about a hospital that still uses insulin shock therapy." She commented sardonically. That had been one of the things she had studied as a nurse, and she'd even done her thesis on some of those older 'cures' and the affect they had on the human body. She was contemplating going back and taking a few psychology courses just so she could learn more about what her patients had. "I didn't know hospitals even used that method anymore." She muttered disgusted.

The mortality rate for that particular therapy was high, with it being nearly ten percent at some of the hospitals used. "Don't suppose you'd know whether they were using the coma or the subcoma type?" That was largely explained by the dosage used. Subcomas had a lower dose. Although comas could happen, they were less likely. The coma type was much more dangerous because there was a high probability of seizures and death. A brief look of anger flitted across her face at the mention of a number. She was most certainly not referring to him as a number. She may not have been the most empathetic person around, but she wasn't that emotionally dead. "Definitely not. I think I'll stick to Speedy. Unless of course you decide to give me your actual name." She knew his name of course, but he obviously didn't want to go by it, and she sure as hell wasn't putting him in the same category as the real psychos of the hospital.

"Weeell, in that case, I'm taking you off your meds." She figured one dose probably wouldn't kill him, not after he'd been taking them for however long. "Do you ever have side affects from your meds? Shakiness, blurry vision, feeling hungry, anything like that?"

She frowned at him. "Has someone sexually assaulted you?" She asked. Normally when someone was making sexual connotations about physicals and poking and prodding, they used violating, sexual assault sounded oddly specific. "All I really want, at this point, is to make sure you are a diabetic." God, if he wasn't she might as well hand in her nursing degree since she clearly wasn't cut out for it. How could she have missed something like that? How could his doctor have missed something like that? How could every single hospital he'd been in have missed something like that?

"I'm not referring to a wife and two point five kids, you know." Miranda pointed out dryly. "I'm referring to people you hang out with, friends, that sort of thing. A family isn't necessarily people you're related to." Miranda eyed him for a moment. "It's a lonely life, blocking people out and refusing to let them close to you." She advised. She would know, she'd been doing that for years and it was a lonely life.

"And I told you, I'm not leaving until you do." Miranda answered. She noted the fact that he seemed to be shaking slightly. Whether that was from hunger or the meds that she had given him she wasn't sure.

[Baylee Shepherd]

He looked up and watched her, she really believed him. Normally staff haven't trusted his words before, he never lied to them. He was told to tell the truth no matter what. You believe me? Your the first who did he looked down. I honestly can't remember that far back. I do get flashbacks from it sometimes, especially when the staff are strapping me or holding me down. I am pleading them and they fill a needle with clear white self. Then I kept on struggling until I started to shake and everything went black. I would awake up all weak and monitored for a week before taking back to my cell. The staff there were laughing and comment on long I shook like a crazy person. I would have died in that hospital if the police didn't come in and saw our living condition. The memories from that hospital was really horrible. That when I went Denbeigh, then Evada, then Stonefield, then Stanfield, finally here. Why should this place be different. Staff don't care about the patient, only the income from their wages is all that matters to them. I didn't believe it at first, but I cretinaly do now.

Baylee just didn't want to fight away. His fingers were shaking, his body was weak from lack of nutrients going into his system. He felt like going to sleep, and even though the smell of the food sound nice, he would simple refused to eat it. I am not going to talk about that. I just don't want to, if my own doctor don't believe me or care about it, why should you be different. He looked away as he eyelids were drooping down more. Never blurred vision, just lot of shaking and quiet often extreme tiredness all the time. There was a reason why he isolated himself. Trust me I am lot safer when I am not around people, they would get hurt. Especially when I black out from everyone, I have hurt so many people before and it would happen again, just trust me a single rolled down his cheek and landed on the floor. I am lone wolf and no one would want to be friends with a killer he said and looked down more. I can't go cause you wouldn't allow me to move away. Let me leave then, he said and looked at her some more, still working out is she to be trusted or not.