Lone Traveller, My Eng class Gothic & Horror short story

[muffin-tacos]

In my English class we had a Gothic & Horror theme (where we read extracts from Dracula and watched the old Pshyco film among other things -- it was very fun. I think we watched a scene from Dracula, too) and at the end of this theme we were allowed to choose if we wanted to have a test or write a short story in a gothic style with certain gothic traits. You can guess which I chose out of those two options. I'm really pleased with mine and apparently my teacher was very impressed because she read it out to the class (!) along with another superb one that my friend had written -- I think he was pretty chuffed about that.

I wrote this a while ago and I've been meaning to post it up here, but I never got around to doing it. But, finally, here it is. Enjoy and don't forget to give me feedback.





Lone Traveller


Grazing calmly, a herd of deer stood in a clearing, completely oblivious to the foul beast that lurked behind the dead oak merely five feet away from them.
It was unusually dark, for smoky, grey clouds floated across the sky, swallowing the moon whole.
The herd, who feared everything – from the smallest sound to the slightest sign of movement – began to feel a strange presence nearing them. The antlered leader of the group looked up, all senses alert. Fear pounded through his lean body, readying himself for flight.
Sensing the abrupt change of atmosphere in the clearing, his companions looked up too. A long while they stood there, staring into the empty darkness, but it seemed that the darkness was just that: empty; only the leaves on the trees around them rattled quietly in the breeze. Though there was something peculiar about that dead oak…
The other deer went back to grazing, the moment’s distress forgotten. The leader, however, could not as easily dismiss the angst still clogging a part of his mind. He scanned the clearing yet again, dismayed by the rest of his herds’ calmness. Something was clearly wrong, but he could not possibly figure out what.
Slowly, he bent his great, antlered head and began to nibble the grass beneath his clovers again.
In a heartbeat, a pale, human-like figure emerged from behind the dead oak and pounced on him, much like how a cat would catch a mouse. The rest of his herd fled in the blink of an eye.
The hunter was extremely strong – much stronger than an ordinary human. It clasped its prey in an iron grip. It was quick, too. It seemed to be able to anticipate the deer’s every move.
Kicking furiously, fearing for his life, he tried to flee, but it was useless.
The last thing he felt was red hot pain spreading through his veins, flowing from his neck, and the silent twinge of regret as he gave up the fight. Then everything went black and the deer ceased to exist.


The deer had not been enough to quench her thirst. Gone for the largest in the herd, she had, but it had simply not been enough. Seldom was it ever enough.
The girl thrust the dead deer aside with astonishing strength for someone who looked so fragile. By appearance she looked like a slim thirteen year old girl, though the way she moved and carried herself told a different story. Her clear, blue eyes had a darkness behind them that indicated that this person had been around long enough to see things normal human beings merely fantasised about.
A glint of moonlight escaped the dark clouds and the girl’s skin glowed faintly as the moonlight reflected off it, giving her the unsettling appearance of something unnatural... Ghostly... On the ground behind her, the moonlight cast no shadow.
A gust of wind brought her the scent of two humans – both male – an acre away. One of them was carrying a rifle. Hunting for her, perhaps?
Temptation she could not possibly withstand, erupted inside her. Every ounce of her body yearned to taste human blood. Could her heart still beat, it would be screaming every time it pounded against her ribcage. Feverish instinct told her to hunt the prey.
Gloomy clouds obscured the moon once again and the clearing was stripped of light. The curious girl was gone. In her stead, a bat swiftly flapped away from the clearing.

[Lynet]

Well done! Very atmospheric. And it leaves me wondering if those two hunters survived. I'd say, probably not. I know it's a short story but it leaves me wishing to read more about her.

[Surprised_by_Witches]

I agree! Nice use of imagery.

[Mirelly]

Sorry I missed this story's appearance. It's exactly perfect, carrying tension and atmosphere from the first word to the last.

[Sacharissa]

Ooops! I missed it too! Sorry!! I'm with Lynet...Very intriguing. I want to know more about her. Where did she come from? Where is she going? Well done.