I am starting to believe that I am being protected by a higher power.
OK first off, let me tell the backstory.
I have been a true believer of God for almost a year now without ever turning away from God. No matter how bad things got, I always stayed on God's side with whatever I do/feel.
For the past few weeks, I have been praying for forgiveness and asking for forgiveness of those I hurt. No matter how long it was since I did what I did, I still pray for forgiveness and ask the person for forgiveness. I was also stopping all these grudges that I have. Except 2 of them which still hurts me.
OK, now for what I believe.
When I was going to go to the Post Office to pay something by money order, my snowmo wouldnt turn on. I kept trying and trying but my snowmobile start.
Then I give up on it and turn to my parent's snowmobile. I get it started within 2 pulls. I just go to the post office with it without any hassle. When I got there, I just parked it like normal. I stayed in there for a bit to write the money order out and pay for it. After a while in which another snowmo came up to the Post Office. The adult of the group walks in with her daughter and her son. Then she tells me.
She hit my parent's snowmo pretty hard with the sled that she was dragging. I just smiled thinking, "What do I care? Its not mine and she couldnt have hit it that hard slowing to a stop."
She then told me that a part of it came off. While I finished writing the M/O, she said that her oldest daughter was trying to put it back. After I was done and sent the envelope, I thanked the person working there and went out. Then I saw the right part of the hood's side dislocated and the side skirt torn off. They were just standing around trying to put back the side thing so I just told them they just needa take off the screw thing and put it back in the holes and that part got fixed.
My snowmo doesnt have a removable side and would have messed it even more. That was this past Friday.
Then just last night, I was on my computer fixing these forums and trying to find someone to help with the Banner for this place and one of my friends who is Aussie(Australian) invites me to her webcam. Then shes just sitting to the side and her friend was standing in front of the cam and she flashed me!
I was kind of startled because I dont want to just get with anyone.
Soon right after that, my computer starts freaking out on me. I had to restart it! I wasnt able to view webcams even if I wanted to, so I just restarted it and did a Ad-Aware and avast! scan.
Now I think there is something protecting me and my stuff. I bet theres gon be even more luck outs in the future. Any thoughts?
Sounds like God is watching out for you, Ceielo.
Now I think everything I went through was a test/destiny. Tested to see if I would stay with God when I nearly killed myself for the first time in my life(which happened 3 times in 2 months). Everything felt like it was nothing.
Destiny because I am now in a better way. Parents arent as bad anymore, family is settling down, life is going smoother.
Also destiny because Im now with someone who understands everything thats going on. Finally made me content with my life. And I didnt need every 128-bit console to feel that way<although it helped lol>.
Yeah, those two first are NOTHING compared to what happened a few times.
I dont want to say something but most of you know about what I see.
Well this one day while my depression was at its peak, you know, when I first became... yeah. I was walking along the boardwalk and suddenly I realized something was going to happen. I knew it because Ive been there before, everything was set in place. I started looking around the whole area trying to remember what was gon happen.
A few seconds later, an ATV zooms past really quickly and I realize that he nearly missed! Then I remembered thats where 4:44 PM came into play. Looked at my watch(which broke 3 weeks later) and it was 3:15 or somewhere near there.
Before then, I had a dream where I got hit by an ATV which was kind of graphic and painful. After a few seconds in the dream, I was being brought to the clinic saying that I was hit and was losing blood fast. I screamed out confused and in pain. A few minutes later I saw a clock right on 4:44... the exact time my pain was gone.
I felt my body lifting as if the air under me was lighter than it was. My body which was overheating, drenched with sweat was cool and comfortable in an instant. I felt my soul cleansed of hate and pain. I never felt so happy before in my entire life!
Waking up, I realized I was dead in the dream because I remembered the sound of the heart moniter flatline as it got quieter and the chatter and the yells of the health aides got queit as well.
Was I meant to die? I prayed that nothing would have stopped it. I wanted the pain to end. Never in my life have I ever thought of suicide until then. Never wanted everything to be over before.
When it passed, my depression started going down. :(