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EDIT: He just came back shortly after I posted this, but that doesn't mean this whole rant is null and void. Only the part about the leaving is. I still feel exactly all the feelings I said in this rant. Whoohoo.
Yeah he left. He gave K2 the checkbook and said "use this to pay the bills" and then he drove off. We don't know where he is. He left all his stuff in his room. All he did was give K2 the checkbook and bolt.
I was overcoming my own little private Soul Edge while this was happening. And now I have no financial backer. But I never WANTED a financial backer. I wanted a mommy and a daddy, not a K2 and a JP who were only good for fixing computers and buying me things simply 'cause I went up and said "Buy me ___." First I was screaming because I had no financial backer in lieu of a looming videogame shipment. But I remembered I said I didn't even want servants. I never wanted servants. So he woulda bought me Leaf Green simply if I gave him a picture of Leaf Green and said "buy me this." But it wouldn't MEAN anything and never did. Sure, I got everything I asked for, but there was never any WORTH in it. He just did it to keep me from screaming. He never did it out of love. He and K2 never loved me because I'm Star. They only loved me once upon a time because I conformed to their corrupted way of looking at things. When I learned that...well, their way of looking at things wasn't exactly right and was really just rather cynical, the love went right out the window and they just became cold, stone-hard servants who didn't mean anything but only did whatever I asked them to do so I wouldn't scream. I never wanted servants. I just wanted a mommy and a daddy.
I am crying so hard right now and I am just so pissed and confused and depressed at the same time. I keep remembering a time back when I was two that we have on video...it's Christmas, the sun is shining, and I'm sitting on my dad's stomach....before he was just Jenovapuppet The Servant and when he was actually my dad. I tend to get sad a lot at stuff like this. I know my guardians took all that over, but still...I just wanted a mommy and daddy, nothing else. My guardians are wonderful, but it would be even wonderfuller if I had parents on top of them.
But my parents never loved me for me. They loved me 'cause "Look how obedient she is. She agrees with us that gay people are a scourge to society. She agrees with us that glass buildings are just glass buildings and not crystal palaces. She agrees with us that nature is dirty and there's nothing exciting about the world. We love her!" Well, when all that came undone so did the "we love her" part. And it's just depressing to think of. And now my dad's gone and we don't know if he'll ever be back because I destroyed the world.
I know, I probably have a billion run-on sentences and run-on thoughs and Freudian slips but I don't care. I can't think straight right now. When I try I keep thinking about that time I was sitting on his stomach in the sun. And the times I would make paper hats for him. And the times he gave me flowers for my dance recitals. But I guess all that wasn't worth anything. Like I said, he only loved me because for thirteen years I was becoming just like him and that other one. When I decided maybe, just maybe, they weren't doing things right after all and the world IS exciting and not just cold and dirty and maybe just maybe homosexual people aren't scourge and maybe just maybe we should care about the Earth and its creatures and not just eat everything on it and maybe just maybe it's fun to dance randomly in stores and maybe just maybe being a cynic is just stupid and boring, all that happened before that thirteenth year suddenly became null and void. So really all that was worth just about as much as all this FF stuff sitting around because I gave him pictures of them and said "buy this" is.
They didn't want another kid anyway. They even told me they didn't want any after Patrick. And Patrick is like their "success"..."HOORAY! WE GOT HIM TO THINK LIKE US AND LOOK HOW SERIOUS SAM HE IS!!" And I'm like their "defect" or "failure" or something. I guess having a mommy and daddy who loved me for reals was too much for a "defect" to hope for. And I can only be extra-grateful for my guardians now, for loving me because I am Star, and not just because I'm obedient and "honorable." Rydia just made it a public point that they don't love me just because I'm "honorable" but because I'm me.
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 Jill <3 ~THE FF AND KH FAN EXTRAORDINAIRE~Avatar is kinda how I feel right now. STARRY LOVES HER GUARDIANS WITH ALL HER HEART <3 "Some things can only be conveyed through battle"-Talim, Soul Calibur III Why did I still have the thing about the gap up here? xD ~Believe in my Zanarkand~
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