we get to play with sansion now

the first line's way off from the desired iamb and I'll try'n show ya why, natasha



They get LOCKED / UP AF / ter SUPP

(starts out with an poetic foot of annapest then followed by two stressed syallables making a spondee foot then finally an iamb. read the line out loud and hear where the stresses fall as you read aloud.

I'll mess up your rhyme to fix the meter, so you'll have to tinker with something else next. . .the woes and hazards of meter and rhyme)

they're LOCKED / a_WAY / when SUP_ / per's DONE

(suggested line with iambic meter)

(second line actually reads well in my opinion but doesn't scan in iambs. I'll show ya)


and GET / TOLD SOR_ / did TALES

(starts out with iamb then a spondee and ends with iamb. Not a bad line but if you want iambs one suggested way. . .

with TALES / to FEED / they're FEARS

(third line is in perfect iambs but read vague to me until after several passes, but then I'm old and slow too *sigh* clairty might be helped with something akin to. . .)

LIES / of DEV_ / ils IN / their BLOOD

the last line that you'd already mentioned didn't sing to you scans odd too. here's why)

DEAF_ened / by DEM_ / ons' WAILS

(or it could scan as. . .)

DEAF_/ ened by DEM / ons' WAILS

(the second one seems to be the way it reads aloud but I reckon could go either way. either way you weren't happy with it

an example with aforementioned headless iambic foot:)

WHIS_ / pered IN / their EARS


They get locked up right after supp
And get told sordid tales
of devils growing in their blood
Deafened by demons' wails


rewritten stanza reads:

they're locked away when supper's done
with tales to feed their fears
Lies of devils in their blood
whispered in their ears.

now hope I've helped and not confused
with all my babbled stuff.
meter's easy once the ear
hears the smooth and rough

monty

and now, once more, I back up and admit my shortcomings, natasha. *heavy sigh* the aforementioned spondee is NOT the single stressed syllable, but the use of two stressed syllables together, as in

how I TOLD LIE of METer FORM

I didn't mean to lol but I slept on it. it's been so meany years since I've done all the techie terms and such. we'll get it though

aww, thanks for posting, natasha, and giving me chance to work with you

first off: I'd have you pick a stanza you felt most troubled by and copy paste it here. let's work with it, then if you're still in the mood to. . .go back through the rest and twiddle with it some. you'll fast get the ear for the bouncy iambic meter

as to the 8, 6, 8, 6 rule? not always. but let's go with perfect iambs and in that case, yes. I won't bore you yet with acceptable substitutions in meter'd verse lol

in case of poetic feet, in this case an iamb, yeah, syllable count falls into that rule. but you can also think, too, in numbers of stressed syllables in a line such as

BLACK as COAL and JUST as HARD has the required four stresses but only seven syllables. by leaving off the first unstressed syllable you change the total count.

BLACK as COAL and JUST as HARD
EYES of MURK_y POOLS

syllable count's off by one rule but the required 4 stress 3 stress pattern is there. and remember, this is just one type of poetic foot, iambic lol

without confusing things too much, the first stressed syllable would be a single stressed syllable poetic foot called a spondee.

now you've read, and now forget all I said. post me a stanza let's diddle with it

Monty