Title: Vent here
Toph4er - January 28, 2007 05:20 AM (GMT)
This thread is just gonna be for you all to complain about anything and everything, no hold barred. Want to kick your cat? Well, I don't suggest it, but you can list your reasons why here :P, and then maybe after that you won't wanna kick em anymore. So yea, anything and everything...I'll put up a language filter so you can go all out.
Sample of the filter:
*bad word*, *bad word*, *bad word*, *bad word*, *bad word*, *bad word*, *bad word*, etc. hehe
sam.toombs - May 22, 2007 02:02 PM (GMT)
So, - i went to see my new doctor today - i use the phrase doctor loosely of course i am fairly sure that he got his degree from the back of a cereal packet!!
my god - he thinks that i do not have narcolepsy and that in fact my symptoms are caused by a psychological order
you see because i have no genetic predisposition and because my sleep latency test came back without the proper indicators he has two choices:
1 - that i have the very rare form of narcolepsy that does not show up in tests, or,
2 - my father abused me as a kid and i am psychologically affected by this and it is manifesting itself as classical narcolepsy
guess which one the mother *bad word* chose?!?!
oh yes - i now have to go for other test and i think he wants me to go for some counseling - he wont give me stimulants and he kept asking me all these personal questions and when he asked me about the way my father treated me i kept saying i wasn't bothered which he picked up on and questioned me about - i was like i keep saying it because believe it or *bad word* not - i am not *bad word* bothered!!!
i can not believe it - i fought tooth and *bad word* claw to make sure they took my problems seriously and now two years after i was diagnosed this *bad word* decides that he doesn't believe my original diagnosis was correct and i may have other problems. he says he is not ruling out the original diagnosis but he is extremely skeptical.
he would not listen to me - he would not stop asking me personal questions - he even asked how my relationships where - i was like i honestly don't think that is medically relevant.
i have never been so uncomfortable - i honestly think that was the biggest waste of my time - i am so angry i just want to shout and scream - i cannot believe this mother *bad word* would do this to me - the *bad word*!!!
i realise there is a language filter here but i still would like to apologize for swearing!!!
my god i am so angry - i need to go and sleep - but don't mistake this for narcolepsy - its because my dad smacked my back side for lying once as a child - the stupid waste of space supposed doctor and his idiot ideas!!
Toph4er - May 22, 2007 07:46 PM (GMT)
Should I add "doctor" to the word filters? Wow...that's an insane "*bad word*" there...so, if I am correct you have begun medications prior to this unfortunate encounter which would maybe...I don't know...help you stay awake? If even not much, at least start teaching your body to not jump straight to REM. Everything you have said here on the forums has lead me to believe that you do have narcolepsy...then again I don't know your dad. @_@
sam.toombs - May 22, 2007 08:00 PM (GMT)
I know - they have given me nearly every drug and i have had several doctors who have said - well it is rare but lets face it you present all the right symptoms and then this guy (see, i am not using the word doctor anymore) comes along and says well i am a bit skeptical of this diagnosis.
I could not ask for a better father - i don't know of many people who did not get slapped by their parents when they were bad and they don't fall asleep as a result of it - it is a most absurd thing to jump to!!
i would laugh at it if it didn't bother me so much
Toph4er - May 22, 2007 08:08 PM (GMT)
Well, slaps, at least in the States, are near being outlawed. Any contact of the sort can be considered abuse. So sad...kids need physical discipline, if they can barely talk how are they supposed to understand scoldings (if you can call "please don't do that again sweety" a scolding) or body language. Now, they shouldn't take it to extremes, but I think I'm getting off track. Is this nut a neurologist? I have reached the conclusion that neurologist=nut in most cases, but there are a few exceptions. My sleep doc is actually a pulmonary doctor, but believe it or not, he is on the American Sleep Association council (if I remember correctly, I'll double check that claim...maybe if I don't forget). Great guy he is.
cruxblack - May 29, 2007 09:10 AM (GMT)
| This thread is just gonna be for you all to complain about anything and everything, no hold barred.|
does this includes not so narc related topics too?
if not, just move my posting to the more appropriate n public thread available please mr.toph4er sir...-_-' (this was supposed to be a "drip a sweat" smiley, common in japanese animes n mangas, but havent seen any of sort in this forum)
im sooooooooo angry at my girlfriend rite now :angry: :angry: :angry:
i dunno if it's the N or not, dun really care, this morning (as usual) she was real disoriented for almost half an hour when i tried to woke her up for college (its rather annoying facing her in the morning, took me alotta patience, but its becoming my daily routines lately, waking her up with SMS' n calls, even so, its still ANNOYING everyday), though today wasn't any ordinary day, its MY BDAY!! n da worst thing about it, SHE FORGOT!! AAAARRRGHHHG!!!!!! XE (the XE was suppossed to be a really angry smiley, seen horisontally, which was shaped like a devil horned smiley holding a hell trident with volcano exploding from the top of its head, but this forum dun seem to have the coressponding type)
if its cuz of the disorientation, i can still take it easy, but even after that she still forgot!! she said she lost track of time cuz of her work, but she surely didn't forget about her chores dateline which was just a few days ago, just a few days before MY BDAY, my bday which SHE FORGOT!!!!! da hell...geez...she's sooo annoying...-_-'
n then she start her defence bout obligation, that her college was an obligation, n im not, im the person she loved, n im like, WHAT??? that doesnt explain why she forgot, instead it brought us to another fight, another stupid fight XE
we havnt talked at all since i shut my phone off after the fight, threathening of breakin up if she said another word further...
i know i sound selfish, on second thought, i am acting selfish rite now, n im sorry for that...just, AAARRRRRRGGGGGGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hate her igorance...really hate her habit of ignoring me n getting disoriented...n im tired of handling her annoying acts, her drowsyness n disorientdnss whenever we're talking or SMS-ing on the phone (we don't meet often, sad, she was always busy, n whenever i check on her at work, she'll get disoriented n stuff, if i complain she'll get sad, or angry, or whatever, n then get drowsy and cant concentrate on the chat at all, geez...)
Sorry for the mostly narc-unrelated topic blabs everyone...shouldv just write a blog or something...ow well... -_-'
sam.toombs - May 29, 2007 09:17 AM (GMT)
i see where you are coming from i do, but think of it this way:
However hard it is for you, your girlfriend has to live with it, invariably it is going to be worse for her. You have the right to vent, it can't be easy for you but it is worse for her. It always will be and sometimes, things have to take a backseat such as your own annoyances because your girlfriend has something that she is not in control over. It is unlikely that you have the faintest idea what it is like to lose control of your own body.
It is fine that you have vented and you should, you are only human but you must think how this affects her. Maybe if she joined this forum she could talk about her difficulties, so it was not so hard for you.
I'm sorry to hear that you have had a bad time. Happy Birthday though, i hope it gets better
Toph4er - May 29, 2007 09:18 PM (GMT)
Don't worry, let it out, venting is good every once in a while. It releases stress hehe. I'll work on getting those smilies together in my spare time :lol: or just rip em from another forum ;). I can only imagine how hard it is for the people around me, such as my dependence on my mom to drive me everywhere etc. Truly I have respect for you to be with her as she has all these problems, and especially that you have sought help for her! ^_^ The world needs more people like you, frustrated or not. Now go on and give her a big ol' hug. :wub:
sleeping beauty - May 30, 2007 04:49 AM (GMT)
Happy Birthday, Crux! Well, I guess you're not really having a happy birthday at all, are you? Please try to remember your girlfriend didn't forget because it's not important to her. We narcoleptics forget some things VERY important to us. I forgot how to turn the doorknob to get out of the room I was in! I panicked. Finally I remembered and felt silly I had forgotten. But that's just an example of how we forget things. And speaking of birthdays, I forgot how old I am. I thought last year I was 53. I wasn't. I was 52. So now I've been 53 two years in a row! And you thought you had problems!
And please believe me when I say that the hardest thing about having N is the lack of understanding. Our symptoms are much more annoying to us than they are to you. And not only do we have to deal with the symptoms and our own frustration with them, but we have to deal with your reactions to them and your frustration with them at the same time. Just think about that. While you have only your own frustrations to deal with, your girlfriend has hers and yours. And she has to do it with a fraction of the energy that you have. I know it's hard to understand something you've never experienced, but if you want to continue this relationship, you must try.
sam.toombs - May 30, 2007 08:12 AM (GMT)
|Now go on and give her a big ol' hug. :wub:|
aww, i didn't take you for an ol' romantic toph4er
cruxblack - May 30, 2007 12:57 PM (GMT)
sorry bout my last post, i didnt think too much bout what i wrote, just releasing what i feel -_-'
well, we already start talking to each other again now, but still in a bit of an ackwardly manner...
| Happy Birthday, Crux! Well, I guess you're not really having a happy birthday at all, are you?|
not even close to happy -_-'
failed my exam and almost making it a 100% certainty of failing the course as well, got into a fight and almost broke up with my girl, and all day all i feel was stomach problem, fever, n annoying headaches...ow well...happy birthday to me -_-'
i know i shouldnt be so selfish n try to look from her perspective its just, yesterday i was soooo furious....cant help to control my mind, n for that, im sorry guys... :( :(
|Now go on and give her a big ol' hug. wub.gif|
some1 is bein romantic eh :D :D :D :P
hey, how come i never see that pink lovey dovey smiley on my clickable smilies list? :blink:
sam.toombs - May 30, 2007 01:03 PM (GMT)
none of us mind you venting here - that is the point of this thread. i am glad that you have taken on board what we have said here about your girlfriend.
the reason that you can not see that smilies that Toph4er sent is because he keeps all the best ones for himself :'( ... but seriously ... under the list of clickable Smilies there is a link called 'show all' click on that and it will show you all the other ones available.
Toph4er - May 30, 2007 08:32 PM (GMT)
: wub : :P, it came as wub and well, I don't really know why :wub: -_- and ^_^ are the only hidden ones, but :ph43r: is my favorite.
O yea, I'm glad to hear things are gettin better for ya.
sleeping beauty - May 31, 2007 03:12 AM (GMT)
Crux,any time you feel the need to vent, that's what we're here for. @_@
I'm wondering if they would let you take your exam again if you explain
that you were feeling sick? :wacko: It wouldn't hurt to ask.
cruxblack - May 31, 2007 12:56 PM (GMT)
hey mr toph4er admin sir, i still dun get that :ph43r: smiley of yours (which i assume was named after u huh :P ), whats that supposed to be?
A ninja? :blink:
or maybe a black caped thief? :blink:
a bomberman (the game that is) icon i suppose? :blink:
i dont really get it :P :P
btw, i just went to the lecturers office n ask for an exam, n he said a no :(
what a waste...its because of me being careless about college...learned my lesson :unsure:
ow well,i guess ill take the class again next year n spend a year more in college <_<
Toph4er - May 31, 2007 09:32 PM (GMT)
Well, I get to spend an extra year in high school @_@ so I know how you feel. And, it is a ninja, and no it is not named after me, it came that way :P ph43r = fear :lol: :ph43r: That pretty much sucks about your exam...
But, just call me Chris, or Toph4er, I don't need any Mr. Admin Sirs hehe, it is nicely polite of you though ^_^.
sleeping beauty - June 1, 2007 04:35 AM (GMT)
Hi, Crux, since you're gonna be in school another year anyway, maybe you could add a "fun" class or two to your schedule. You might actually enjoy it, who knows? ;)
Toph4er - June 6, 2007 03:52 AM (GMT)
Heh, I have no time for a "fun" class @_@ I don't have time for the required classes!!! (well barely with summer school)
cruxblack - June 17, 2007 09:49 PM (GMT)
just had a nitemare, geez, have been getting all sorta nitemares this few weeks...wonder whats wrong...so scared when waking up just now, reeeeal scared with serious heartbeatin...-_-'
Either its walking toward a very steep ridge on a very high cliff to get to the other end, which im height-phobia dissapointly(what was that called? i forgot -_-'), or dreaming of being chased by mafias, and just now, dream of being chased by ghosts, god -_-'
i also just realized, i often went into a being awake(well 90% awake at least)but couldnt move (very often in my cultural people here actually),is that a sleep paralysis(thats what u call em in english rite?)
oh, n i went into dreams so quickly after i sleep sometimes, even if its only short nap. N da dreams are loner, well, at least it felt longer than da sleep, sleep for an hour, but in da dream it feels like a day -_-;
I often have serial dreams too, u know, da kinda dreams that connects to other previous dream (like watching a serial movie of da next episode) in a series, which i realize when im awake and also when im asleep, since i often know if im dreaming in my dream (err..u guys get da point rite..?)
Some of u guys might knw a lil more about sleep problems better than me, so anythin u ever heard of?
Toph4er - June 17, 2007 11:19 PM (GMT)
Umm, well, it sounds familiar enough. Sleep paralysis is simply a result of the REM stage of sleep, which is why you get it after your dreams. Also remember that dreams only last a few seconds, like 10-30, but I know what you mean by feeling like the dream feels like a day or more. And you were asleep for an hour? According to this
REM is entered between 70-90 minutes for a "normal" sleeper, but Narcolepsy's REM occurs almost instantly. Anywho, are you stressed, have run ins with the mob, etc?
I just fell asleep......and I took my meds...... -_-
cruxblack - June 18, 2007 09:26 AM (GMT)
stressed?i guess...run into some mobs?hmm....nope
what about the serial dreams?
yup, i was asleep 4 an hour only. I had the first sleep and nitemare from about 9 pm to 3 am, then i woke up cuz of the dream, and then sleep again from about 3 am to 4 or 4.30 i think, so yeah, an hour, and i had another nitemare during that 1 hour -_-'
is sleep paralysis dangerous? like, u know the scary feeling of wont be able to wake up ever again?
just wondering if sleep paralysis could extend that far...
Toph4er - June 19, 2007 04:57 AM (GMT)
It can be scary yes, esp. with a nightmare as well. Serial dreams is also normal, I believe, look at the "Controlling your HH's" thread. That thread would probably help you out more that I can here right now. Besides, are you really venting? :P
cruxblack - June 19, 2007 05:12 AM (GMT)
err, i was in the first place, but i think it got rerouted eh :blink: :blink:
sowie :P :P
but, well, i was sooo scared after the dream so i thought i do some vent here,besides, anger arent da only thing u can vent off rite :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
well, anyway, sori for the reroutin :( :(
Toph4er - June 19, 2007 05:27 AM (GMT)
No worries, I'll just vent about you a bit: *bad word* *bad word* *bad word* *bad word* *bad word* *bad word* (j/k)
There now it's all made up :lol:
flipflop - September 30, 2007 08:47 PM (GMT)
(this is my first post so I have a good excuse if my venting is not up to par) :P
As if flatlining twice in 2005 after a car accident wasn't bad enough... now the medical problems continue to pop up. Short term memory, pituitary gland is damaged so I am always cold or extrememly hot, I am emotionally unstable, anti-social, tired allllll the time, have zero motivation, lost my job 3 weeks ago, and just found out I have narcolepsy on friday! :angry:
I hope that was ok! haha
I'm being positive because it takes up too much energy being unhappy but it seems a new medical problem shows up every few weeks and I'm a bit scared for the future. :unsure:
sleeping beauty - October 1, 2007 01:44 AM (GMT)
<_< I wonder if narcolepsy had anything to do with your accident (like falling asleep driving)? Had you noticed any symptoms before the accident?
:unsure: At least some of the medical problems that are popping up are part of the narcolepsy, for instance, the short term memory loss. There are lots of conditions associated with N. So think of it this way if it makes you feel better; you haven't had a lot of medical problems to pop up. You've had one to pop up that just has different parts. You might not make the connection on some of them unless you just know, because it seems a little far-fetched. But there's a connection hidden in there somewhere.
:D You'll eventually feel better now that you've been diagnosed and you're getting treatment.
sam.toombs - October 2, 2007 05:11 PM (GMT)
i woke up for three hours then fell asleep again for 4 - i have just woken up and i am already tired - i mean come on - i have just started my postgraduate degree - why can't i catch a break ? - GOD dammit it!!!
ARGH!!! most of the day is gone now - i am so annoyed !!!!!
Toph4er - October 2, 2007 08:05 PM (GMT)
Sunday I woke at 9:30, got up at 10, then slept from about 12-5, so, you arn't too alone there. On the plus side, it has helped my sleep schedule a tiny bit. Unfortunately I did miss the majority of the Nascar race <_<. I even took my meds! *grumbles*
flipflop - October 5, 2007 04:05 PM (GMT)
I did not have narcolepsy before the accident. I was traveling south on the highway and a truck traveling north came over the barrier and landed on my car so I was not asleep! :wacko: Like you said, it does make me feel better that these medical issues popping up are narcolepsy related. So they stem from something, they are not out of the blue!
phoe - October 21, 2007 05:39 PM (GMT)
My vent for the month of October-
I just heard that the sleep clinic I go to just fired my doctor. That cannot be good. My perscription was messed up so I called the doctor's office to have them call the pharmacy to straighten it out. I found out that was why they wouldn't fill it. I tell you, as soon as you find a doctor you kind of like...
It sucks because he is a nice man and has a very nice family. It must not have been too scandalous because it is a small town and the word would have been out by now. I guess it wouldn't be a bad time to shop around for a new one.
sleeping beauty - October 22, 2007 01:35 AM (GMT)
:o I would have to find out why he was fired somehow. Even if I had to call his house. You have a right to know!
Toph4er - April 1, 2008 05:59 AM (GMT)
Ok, I'm ticked at myself. I was recoloring the old /narcolepsy page to go gray and red to match this (because I like that template more tbh than the new /pwn one)...I was at least 3/4 of the way done and stupidly closed photoshop without saving ANY of the work...its not hard, but it is time consuming, I've been working over an hour!!!
:angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry:
STUPID STUPID STUPID!!!!!
So I redid it only to see that it was hideous :P, even a bigger waste of time! Now I can't get a file to upload to fix some typos on the home page @_@
Toph4er - May 5, 2008 01:16 AM (GMT)
ARG! I have been so sleepy the past few weeks. I slept all weekend last weekend, and though I didn't think it was possible, I slept even more this weekend...I have zero energy...I've tried doubling my Provigil to little effect, I still can't sleep at night, and making it through class is so hard!
And on top of that, Kyle Busch recklessly, and in my opinion purposely, wrecked Dale Earnhardt Jr. at Richmond last night. He didn't get "loose". If he was loose why did his car keep going up the track? After he hit Jr. a loose car would have fishtailed, and besides that his wheels were turned up before he wobbled. I've always been disgusted with Kyle, and his actions only make me dislike him more! GTFO of nascar!!!
marjanice - May 22, 2008 04:46 PM (GMT)
Mouse - July 21, 2008 08:19 PM (GMT)
Why can't meds just keep working. I have three months with out a major event, so my doc says don't come back for three months, next thing I know I'm falling apart again. My Ritilan's not waking me up and I'm having some C again, and I loath the thought of increasing my xyrem, because of the side effects, and the expense. All I want is some sort of norm. Just to be able to know what to expext, but every time things seem stable I discover they are not. :( It just stinks!
sam.toombs - August 6, 2008 07:24 AM (GMT)
i know i have been away from this board for a while - i know you all miss me so i came back with a story to tell which is only appropriately told in this thread seen as my anger might cause me to swear **praises the filter**
A wrote a thread about the Lumbar puncture i had and a couple of other hospital visits that i have had recently - all painful and fairly unnecessary, i feel.
During all this i had the good fortune to watch my grandmother get more and more ill and she died. Her funeral was on Thursday and needless to say i'm a bit cut up about it.
I've been napping more than is currently normal for me and i have been tired and not wanting to do much - could just be depression or a mixture of that and N but i have been moody and a bit snappy.
i told my partner to stay away till i got things resolved, he rang me last night and i asked him why he thought i had been moody and he had no idea why i asked him again and he said 'i dunno ... PMT?' i swear to god i almost screamed at him then and there - i said do you not think my grandmothers death might have affected me and then he said:
'oh your not going to go on about your Gran are you?'
him: 'look if its bothering you i don't see why your taking it out on me ...
i hung up
what the *bad word*?! I'm meant to just get over it in a flash and get back to normality straight away - he was complaining that i couldn't go to the shops with him the other day because i was too tired but the day after i could. Where the hell did this come from - when did he suddenly not get what N is
what *bad word* happened??
why should i have to get over her death so quickly? it hurts!
alwyzthis - March 15, 2011 12:43 AM (GMT)
You know what really grinds my gears? *peter griffin voice*
IT grinds my gears when people insist on saying that I fall asleep on purpose. I mean what kind of ignorance are you to think that I pick and choose the places that fit in. I mean I don't think someone would insist on falling asleep almost every min. and pop pills like Im already grown. Its ignorance like that makes the black girls in me emerge and tell people off.
dracozny - April 29, 2011 09:08 PM (GMT)
I hear you there, my ex wife insisted it was all in my head.
Iceman0810 - June 18, 2012 03:43 PM (GMT)
I'm about to snap/cry/punch things/walk out of my office cause of my coworker (who I thought was my friend). I was diagnosed in March and started Nuvigil and more recently adderall to keep my sleep attacks under control. I already had memory problems and problems being to work on time before all of this. Now, while I am still trying to get my dosages right, which is a whole other vent session, I am late, unmotivated, forgetfull, and get agitated from time to time. I walk into my office this morning and missed PT at the gym (I'm an Army Recruiter by the way). I was running late so I just went straight to the office and started working. He comes in and asks why I wasnt at the gym. I asked if we really need to go through this again and he wouldn't stop. I told him exactly what happened. I woke up at 6 am and got ready to go to the gym. I was ready by 615 and didnt need to be to the gym until 7 so I decided to lie down with my girlfriend for 15 more minutes. I had an alarm set for 630 and so did she. Well neither woke me up. I woke up at 707 am and hurried to my car to try and make it to the gym by 730. Got down the road and realized i forgot all 3 of my meds at home. I obviously cant go with out them so I turned around, got my meds, and went straight to the office. He says "I don't by it" and "You're just lazy and undisciplined" and implied that I am making it all up. I wanted to hit him. He is technically superior to me because he is an E6 and i am an E5 but we are both Detailed Recruiters and he has no accountability of me so by position we are peers. I wanted to go off on him and start yelling and punch/kick the crap out of him. This is bullshit. I try my hardest to make it on time. Any chance I get to make up time from being late I do. The last few days I have been having really bad hallucinations falling asleep and waking up and I'm starting to lose touch with reality more often than usuall. Im stressed the eff out about more than just being late. I just got divorced last week (I have a 2 y/o son btw), Im going to be discharged from the Army, and I am behind on some of my bills that I desperatly need to catch up on. I talked to my team leader and he said he would talk to my coworker. I have never used my Narcolepsy as an excuse to get out of work. I take responsibility for my actions. I do things such as drive when I dont feel comfortable with it so that we get things done. I shouldnt have to live with ridicule as well. I think im going to go to my car and cry. BBFN