In February I left my job and started working for the UN as a forensic pathologist. I was part of a taskforce dedicated to clearing up post-war sites. On our first job we found what we believed was a mass grave for snowmen, but it turned out to be just a field of carrots.
On my birthday I phoned the spiritual leader of Tibet, and a day later received a long-necked, woolly mammal. Turns out I had called Dial-a-Llama instead.
I recently considered an alternative career. The Pollen Count – that's got to be a tough job. Especially if you have asthma. One sneeze and you have to start all over again.
I did have a part-time job in a supermarket for a while. I had to hand out the free tasters…I got fired after the 'little cups of bleach' incident.
If you think that's weird, I was out the other day when, on the side of the road, I saw a small, dead ghost. Now I come to think about it, though, it might have been a handkerchief.