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 temptation heat beats like a drum, tagged; open (preferably shane though)
ANGELIQUE M. BOUDREAUX
Posted: Dec 30 2011, 08:40 PM


28 | GUNNER | BEE
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Group: SURVIVOR
Posts: 8
Member No.: 5
Joined: 30-December 11



and my heart's not breaking
'cause i'm not feeling anything at all
She hated this. Sleeping in the RV. On the fucking floor. At least she had her mat when she slept in the tent but not here. No she was on the floor 'cause no one would let her just sleep in the car. Angelique rolled over again, huffing angrily in the darkness of the RV. She wanted out. She was done with this...this...confinement. Jumping to her feet, she slid her Glock in the back of her sleep shorts and sliding on her slippers before making sure she had her cigarettes and lighter. Glancing around the darkened space, she tried to sneak out quietly and she hoped she'd done a good job. And now she was out in the open night air. A place where anything could happen. A place that wreaked of rotting corpses and despair, a smell Angie was quite used to by now, but free none the less. Slipping a cigarette between her lips, she lit the tip and slid the pack and lighter into her bra before pulling the Glock out from behind her back, holding it loosely in her hands. It was a stupid idea, the gun could go off. Every action she seemed to be taking right now seemed pretty stupid. But she didn't care. Angelique had needed out. Right then.

The CDC had left her pretty shaken. Not because of almost being exploded, though thinking back on it now that was pretty screwed up, but because of how readily she accepted it. Of course she wanted to survive. She was a living, breathing creature, survival is ground into every bit of our genetic structure. But the acceptance of death is something much different and how easily she accepted it scared her. And she was pretty sure it had scared everyone else. Not that she would know. She wasn't really active-?- in their little community recently. Not for lack of trying but the focus seemed on getting to safety and in breaks between that goal Angelique wasn't really in a talking mood. Or an eating mood. She was in a chain smoking, gun toting, occasional Jack Daniels drinking mood. It was as if her body was surviving purely off of nicotine and perseverance. She hadn't even really talked to Shane. She couldn't. He'd seen her readily accept death before, he was the only one. The only one who'd seen her point a gun barrel at herself and seriously consider pulling the trigger. She couldn't bring herself to face something like that again. Even if he did care for her. Even if she did care for him. Shane needed to focus on the group, on getting them to safety. On helping them. Once they had reached a destination Angelique was pretty sure she'd have the courage to talk to him. Unitl then...

Dragging her cigarette deeply, Angelique wandered the mass of cars on the highway, not really paying attention to the cold night air on her very exposed skin. Or if anyone had followed her. She was focused on her thoughts, on the night sky, on the cigarette in her hand, focused on what her brain let her focus on. She had no choice but to obey such a demand from herself. Hopping easily onto the hood of a car, staring at the evil cramped RV not to far off, she watched the smoke curl up and around her fingers before drifting off in the breeze. Like every night she ignored the imagined sounds of Walkers after her. They never were. She knew the noises were coming from inside her own head and she tried to focus on something else. Of life before outbreak. When she had a life, a job, a home, and a mildly functioning love life. It wasn't awesome but it definitely beat the hell out of whatever sort of romance happened here. There were no titles. There was fucking. And there was ownership. She'd never heard the term girlfriend or boyfriend thrown around. Husband, yes. Wife, sure. Mine, definitely. But the idea of getting to know someone, of making a connection, it was gone. Smiling, Angelique couldn't help but think of one of her favorite authors. J.R.R. Tolkien. He theorized that in times of extreme stress, like a war or epidemic, that feelings of love grew much more quickly and with much less knowledge than it societal healthy counterpart. And like any train of thought that had the words love and some word that was a synonym of epidemic in it, her mind wandered back to Shane. Shane Walsh. She didn't know much about him. Of course it had been realized before but Angel occasionally liked to remind herself that her only real insight to his previous life was that he was friend's with Rick and was a cop. Little things had poked their head in here and there. But they'd never sat down. Just had a life story exchange. Angel wondered if she actually wanted that though. Was she the same person she was before the epidemic?

"No. no. Nope," she found herself whispering, large puffs of smoke escaping her mouth as she automatically answered the question. It was true. No one was who they were before anymore. Yes they were close but it wasn't ever going to be like that again and who they were, they only apply in that context. When the world functions like that. But she knew the world didn't function that way that who she was didn't fit anymore. She just wondered if she was still close to that person or if she was a new person entirely. Dragging her cigarette deeply, she threw herself back on the car, sprawled out across the windshield and hood, smoking, a gun clenched in her other hand. And she wondered if she was every going to be survive in this world. And if she did? Would she like who it turned her into?

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SHANE G. WALSH
Posted: Jan 3 2012, 10:49 PM


36 | CO-LEADER - GUNNER | SIERRA
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Group: SURVIVOR
Posts: 6
Member No.: 7
Joined: 30-December 11



I SWEAR I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE THERE'S A WAR IN MY HEART
INSIDE MY CHEST IS A THORN IT'S BEEN TORN FROM THE START
Anger and frustration flowed through his veins. Going to the CDC was a mistake he had said that from the beginning. Fort Benning was the best option, it should be safe and secure. And potentially there were people there, living breathing people. Members of the military. People that could protect them. But instead they followed Rick to the CDC where they found one doctor. Only one.

He really hated to admit it, but ever since Rick came back things have been going from bad to worse. He went back for Merle Dixon of all people took half their man power with him, and that night they lost so many people Jim, Amy, Ed. Though Eds loss wasn't heart breaking Shane was pretty sure that everyone was kind of glad he was gone. Noelle had expressed her joy about it more then once. If Rick had just listened to Shane they wouldn't have been lost. But they did bring back all those guns he agreed that that was a plus. Before the outbreak people with money had power, no whoever had the most supplies and weapons were at the top. Money couldn't protect the group, couldn't kill walkers.

Shane didn't understand why everyone was trying to cling onto what it was like before this disaster happened. No of the stuff from before mattered right now, they were all fighting to survive and decisions needed to be made. There wasn't room for manners and anything along those lines. This was an indecent time where there were monsters in not only the walkers but people too. There were raiders, rogues that would take what they wanted by force not caring what they had to do. Everyone seem to have forgotten about people being dangerous, everyone in this group was too trusting, too caring. They weren't built for this world, and each day that became more and more apparent to Shane. One by one they would all be lost to the soulless ghouls that now walked this dammed planet.

Shane was leaning against the rv shotgun in hand. It was his watch. Daryl's was before his, Shane never got along with him. Hell he practically hated the Dixons particularly the eldest. Shane still thought that Daryl shouldn't be with the group but there wasn't really too much he could do about it at the time. So he'd just have to deal with it. But he wasn't trying to focus on problems with the other people of the group, he needed to focus on the task at hand. Keeping the group safe. That's all he ever tried to do. He would never admit it to anyone but sometimes he felt like he failed the group. And he hated that feeling. Shane always did.

The sound of the rv door opening brought him out of his thoughts. He was on the opposite side of the rv so whoever came out probably didn't see him. He carefully peeked his head around the vehicle to see who went outside. The tall brunette that had captured his attention since she joined the group was walking away from the rv. Angelique Bourdreaux was definitely different then other women Shane's met. Sure he's know other women with a temper and attitude, but this one was a fighter. Hell she was one of the best shots in the group. He didn't know exactly where he stood with her, or what he wanted to do with the situation between them. It wasn't exactly easy to have an official relationship with someone in this kind of environment. Besides Shane was never one to keep a girl too long. But this one intrigued her and he wanted to know more.

Shane pushed himself away from the rv knowing that although he knew she could handle herself she was probably making poor decisions by putting distance between herself and the rv. But it was his watch and he had to keep the group safe so he started after her. She lit up a cigarette and pulled out her gun holding it at her side. Shane smirked, at least she was being cautious. He followed her as she walked a little ways away from the rv but close enough so that she was in view. He watched her layout on the hood of a car still smoking that cigarette.

He wasn't exactly sure how to approach her. Probably point out that she shouldn't be away from the rv. But he saw her accept the choice Jenner had offered them, she didn't say it outright but Shane could see it in her eyes when she looked at him. It was a look of defeat. The sudden thought of that fueled the anger already in him and he made his way over to her. "Ya know it ain't safe bein' out her by yerself. Yer' supposed ta stay by the rv, we've discussed this."

TAGGED FOR ANGEL / 815 WORDS / SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG
NICK @ ATF & CAUTION 2.0
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ANGELIQUE M. BOUDREAUX
Posted: Jan 3 2012, 11:31 PM


28 | GUNNER | BEE
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Group: SURVIVOR
Posts: 8
Member No.: 5
Joined: 30-December 11



and my heart's not breaking
'cause i'm not feeling anything at all
Angel decided that the stars seemed the same. They were still ever changing. Ever moving. Doing what they had done long before humans roamed the Earth. And it would be the same thing they did when humans were gone. They'd go on shining and twinkling. Spreading on into infinity. And that knowledge, that something was still the same, calmed the quickened beating of her heart that Angelique hadn't noticed had begun. It had calmed her shaking hands and she drug her cigarettes deeply. And then a voice broke the silence.

Ya know it ain't safe bein' out her by yerself. Yer' supposed ta stay by the rv, we've discussed this. That voice. She inhaled deeply, turning her head slowly to look at the man. Tall. Muscular. Curly dark hair. Hard eyes. Very sexy though. Even though it was the end of the world hormones still existed and Shane had a way to get Angel's soaring. She'd never show it though, she'd gotten good at hiding it. She looked at him with wide blue eyes that feigned innocence and dragged her cigarette deeply once more.

"Ah got uncomfortable," her reply was smooth, easy, trying to look like she wasn't happy that they were talking to each other and he wasn't ordering her around, "Ain't 'nough room on that floor. Need my mat. Or 'nother person. Ain't neither happenin'. C'est la vie, though. So ah'm stuck awake." Another drag and she kept her eyes on the man, Angel knew she couldn't look away even if she wanted too.

Shane Walsh was...he was a story. He'd found her, Noelle, and Jean, brought them to camp. Fed them. Angelique knew if it weren't for Shane and his group that her and the others would be dead. Maybe she had some sort of hero worship for him. But no matter how it happened, Angel got feelings for Shane. Not willingly. She hated it. Hated watching him and Lori together. Hated seeing Lori hurt him. And she hated how Lori still seemed to hurt Shane even though he and Angel had....something now. But there were feelings there. And things had happened. They'd slept together on a couple occasions and he seemed...Angel felt like he wanted her but she wasn't sure if he really wanted her or if she was some rebound girl. She didn't know. Everything was so twisted and muddled in her brain. It was all so confusing.

"Dun' get why Ah couldn't sleep in da car. Or wit' you?" she quirked an eyebrow at him, stubbing her cigarette out on the hood of the car, releasing a surprisingly loud sizzle through the night air as hot ember met the cold, dewed hood of the car, "Ah know it's da end of da world an' all. But Ah'd like some leg room. Or padding." she tried to seem like that was the reason. Not that she couldn't sleep. Not that ever since the CDC the images and sounds her imagination threw at her seemed so much more intense. Not that she couldn't sleep. And she was most certainly trying to keep most hidden that she missed him. Lori. Rick. The CDC. The group. it was all important. It needed to be figured out. But she still felt...rejected? Confused? Alone? Sexually frustrasted? her mind supplied and she bit her lip at the thought, trying to keep all the thoughts down with the very real pain in her lip and her eyes glued to his.

She wondered if it was always gonna be like this. If things were always gonna be this confusing. Or if it was only with Shane. Did Shane make this all so confusing? Or was she just finding an outlet? Maybe she was screwed up and just blaming Shane. Sitting up slowly, she slid off the car and leaned against the front bumper, arms crossed, eyes locked with his, not awaiting an answer of any sorts. Just a response. Something to tell her that she wasn't as invisible as he made her feel sometimes. He made her crazy, Angel knew it. 'Cause she was different with him. She was weaker, more exposed. She wasn't trying to be strong with him. Angelique didn't know why it just sorta turned out that way. But because of that, when no one was looking, she leaned on him. Asked for his help. Let him protect her. Something about him made her different. And Angelique wasn't quite sure how she felt about it.

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tagged
SHANE!!!! MOFOS!!!

outfit

words
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notes
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SHANE G. WALSH
Posted: Jan 5 2012, 11:47 PM


36 | CO-LEADER - GUNNER | SIERRA
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Group: SURVIVOR
Posts: 6
Member No.: 7
Joined: 30-December 11



I SWEAR I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE THERE'S A WAR IN MY HEART
INSIDE MY CHEST IS A THORN IT'S BEEN TORN FROM THE START
He silently hoped that Angel wasn't going to turn around and snap at him, because if she did he wasn't so sure that he'd be able to hold back his frustration any longer. But she didn't. She just took another drag from her cigarette and looked at him. He knew that she was probably getting restless in the rv and needed some air, he didn't blame her but she needed to get sleep everyone did. They needed to rest and figure out a way to get to Fort Benning and fast. They couldn't stay in one place for too long this out in the open.

"Ah got uncomfortable," She told him. "Ain't 'nough room on that floor. Need my mat. Or 'nother person. Ain't neither happenin'. C'est la vie, though. So ah'm stuck awake." Yup he knew it. He knew she didn't like it in there, hell most of the group was jammed into the rv everyone taking up what space they could find. Some were in the Cherokee the Grimes family and Carol and Sophia. All the others said hello to the rv. He caught the other person comment and knew that there was a ninety percent chance that was directed towards him, then agin it could have just been something that she meant in general. but he couldn't help the small feeling of hope that she meant it for him.

Shane ran his hand along his jaw as he looked at the woman in front of him. "Ah know it isn't comfortable in there but it's the best we can do right now. We're too out in the open ta set up tents." He said knowing that he was right. "Ya coulda claimed the bed in th' back earlier, sure nobody woulda minded. Ya tend ta be persuasive after all." Shane chuckled at his comment, he wasn't lying but her being persuasive usually meant that she had threatened someone just a little.

Tightening his grip on his shotgun Shane looked out into the night searching for any signs of movement that could have lead to serious danger. There were too many cars on the high way, walkers could easily hide behind any of them and jump out when the group least expected it. After all it was his watch so he needed to do his job even if Angel was laying down in front of him.

Shane sighed slightly and leaned against the car opposite Angel. It had been a long frustrating day and Shane just wanted to sleep for as long as possible but he knew he didn't have that luxury. He had to keep the group safe, keep Carl safe, keep Angel safe. He knew that she could protect herself just fine but he wanted to be the one to do so. But over the course of time that Shane's known her he almost hated to admit it but he had grown fond of the stubborn wise-cracking cajun from New Orleans. She was fiery and that's probably what attracted him the most to her.

"Dun' get why Ah couldn't sleep in da car. Or wit' you?" And she was very forward. Shane felt a small smile tugging at his lips as he listened to her speak. She never quit he'd give her credit for that. When they would leave in the morning they'd be leaving behind Shane's jeep and much to his protest, Daryl's truck. They needed less cars, and considering those two were the biggest gas guzzlers besides the rv, they were the cars to go. But they hadn't gotten rid of them yet but there wasn't that much room in his jeep, there was potentially enough room for two if you really squeezed together. But Shane knew that space wasn't why she wasn't with him in the jeep, it was safety. The rv was much safer then the jeep having sturdier walls and not a canvas sheet being the walls for the jeep. Walkers could potentially rip through that, sides of the rv? No way.

"The rv's safer, less chance fer walkers to get in. Sides you'd get no leg room in mah jeep." Shane said jokingly at the last part. "But ya do need ta get some sleep darlin' gonna be on the road all day tomorroh may need to go on a run fer supplies, you may wanna go. But Ah'm sure Glenn and Noelle would be happy to do the run, but ya never know."

Shane looked at her again and took in her body language. Sighing he asked the question that was bound to come up eventually. "Alrigh' girl, what's wrong?"

TAGGED FOR ANGEL / 771 WORDS / SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG
NICK @ ATF & CAUTION 2.0
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ANGELIQUE M. BOUDREAUX
Posted: Jan 6 2012, 12:25 AM


28 | GUNNER | BEE
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Group: SURVIVOR
Posts: 8
Member No.: 5
Joined: 30-December 11



and my heart's not breaking
'cause i'm not feeling anything at all
She hated when he did this. Shane was a lot of things, a lot of good things. But he definitely was infuriating. Saying all the right things at the very much wrong time. Or in this case, the logical things at a very illogical time. The leg room didn't matter, she'd slept in more cramped places before. Neither did the sleep. She'd taken Jean and Noelle's watches on more than one occasion so they could get some shut eye. It was that she needed out. In the air. She needed to let her insomnia tonight roam free and it was doing so right now. But she knew Shane would never take that answer. That's why she lied. About leg room. It didn't matter. Didn't matter that it was his watch either. The thought actually hadn't crossed Angelique's mind when she left the RV. Just getting out.

Alrigh' girl, what's wrong?

That was the million dollar question wasn't it. The world was being taken over by the undead. That was pretty wrong. People were carrying guns in the street. That was wrong. Every day was about survival. That was wrong. But she knew he wasn't asking about the big picture. Angel knew the words really meant, What aren't you telling me? And that was an even bigger question. Because there were so many things she wasn't telling Shane. But that wasn't it either. It was what was making her like this. What was making her talk about something so stupid as to why the RV was uncomfortable. Even worse, why was she letting him play off her sleeping with him comment. She really had just wanted to be close to him. That's all she ever wanted really when it came to Shane. To be near him. With him. Many other things that ended with him. In the end, most of Angel's thoughts seemed to come down to Shane.

"Ah didn't used ta be like dis. Ya wouldn't kno' it now, lookin' at me. Used ta party. Drink. Ah waz a wild child, y'know? Didn't feel the need ta settle down. Ah always thought Ah'd have time. Then...Ah didn't," she glanced over at him, swinging her hair out of her eyes and offering a sad sort of a smile to him, "See...Ah don't," now she was frustrated, the words just wouldn't come out, or even form in her own brain, "Ah don't know how to say it. Ah ain't gunna say it in French. No point. Ya don't know French," Angel's shoulders heaved as she took a long drag off her cigarette and looked back at Shane, this man who had so much power over her without ever even realizing it, "Ah don't like pretending there ain't nothing here, Shane," it was the first time she said his name the entire conversation and she barely managed to not choke on the single syllable, "Like none of it happened. It hurts. Ah ain't no mushy-gushy girl. But Ah ain't no heartless bitch either," her cigarette was getting smoked much quicker than she had ever expected and still, even as she began to pour herself out, she couldn't look at the man, "Ah jus' don't know if you want me. Ah guess that's what's wrong."

Angelique had been surprised she was able to say it. She didn't think she would've been able to. Apparently gritting your teeth and persevering goes a long way. She'd just spent to long with Shane not feeling wanted. Actually for a while there she barely felt noticed. And then Rick was back and Lori had left Shane. And suddenly, Angel had him. This man that she'd been thinking about since he'd picked her up off the side of the road. But he was so hard to read, she didn't know what they were. What he wanted. She knew what she wanted. And that was Shane Walsh. But she wasn't sure if Shane wanted her. If he wanted Angelique.

"Ah dunno," she shook her head and dragged her smoke, "Maybe Ah've just gone crazy. Old ideas in a new world. All that jazz."

status
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SHANE!!!! MOFOS!!!

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words
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notes
she won't give me anymore man I tried

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SHANE G. WALSH
Posted: Jan 12 2012, 04:49 AM


36 | CO-LEADER - GUNNER | SIERRA
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Group: SURVIVOR
Posts: 6
Member No.: 7
Joined: 30-December 11



I SWEAR I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE THERE'S A WAR IN MY HEART
INSIDE MY CHEST IS A THORN IT'S BEEN TORN FROM THE START
He knew something was bothering her, something was always bothering her. She wasn't going to be able to shrug off his question and lie to his face this time. He wouldn't allow that. No she was going to answer his questions, all of them. He wouldn't leave her alone until she did. Shane hoped that she wasn't going to be difficult this night, he was to damn tired to start an argument with her. Because God could this girl argue if you got her riled up enough. And they both didn't need that kind of confrontation. They both had tempers that would clash if let loose, perhaps that's why he was so drawn to her. She was a woman who would stand up to him and tell him when he's being an asshole. Then again there were times where she would appear to not even try to tell him off. But something had been off about her the last few days. And Shane still couldn't get the idea out of his head that maybe she wanted to stay in the exploding CDC. To 'opt out' as Jenner had put it. Shane was disgusted by the idea being the kind of man who would never back down, even if he was wrong. And Angel was such a strong person that he couldn't imagine her wanting for it to end that way.

He let her speak with no interruptions, he'd save his comments and questions for when she was done. After all she never really opened up to him all too much before. Sure he knew she was a different person before the world ended, hell everyone was. There was no way people could be exactly who they used to be after seeing all the horrors that they had, even though everyone tried to hold onto what things were like before. She looked at him with a small almost sad smile as she pushed her hair out of her eyes. To Shane she almost looked fragile like if he said one wrong word she'd break. He didn't want her to fall, he wanted her to be ok. But he knew she had people to be strong for She was like him in a way when it came to that. She was cracking so was he, he had pointed a gun at his best friend since high school, and in that moment he had seriously considered pulling the trigger. He what effects this new world had on people. He knew all to well.

"Ah jus' don't know if you want me. Ah guess that's what's wrong." And she said it. He was trying to avoid this conversation for as long as possible knowing that he wasn't sure about what he wanted. Sure a part of him wanted her, but Shane was never one to be in a relationship, if those are even possible now. But he had brought this upon himself asking her what was wrong. He had opened up the door he wanted to keep locked up. "Ah dunno. Maybe Ah've just gone crazy. Old ideas in a new world. All that jazz."

Shane sighed slightly and rubbed the back of his neck, trying to think of how he could explain this to he without hurting her too much. That was one of the last things he wanted to do. When this whole thing started he only had to look after Lori and Carl, make sure they were safe. And then the group formed, he had more people to look out for but he knew that he would have sacrificed them all just to keep those two safe. But one not so exciting day he picked up the three New Orleans natives on the highway, and then that's when things got really confusing for Shane. He and Lori had started to become intimate and then the whorl threw in this new woman who interested him. He had slept with her too. And of course his choices brought him to the situation that he was in now. Trying to explain everything to her without sounding like an ass. Which was going to prove to be difficult.

"Ah don't wanna get yer hopes up or anything Angel. Hell you probably shouldn't have gotten involved with me, Ah ain't gonna be able to give you what ya want. So whatever Ah want isn't really relevant since it won't be enough." Shane told her knowing that she wasn't going to like what he said. But lying to her would just make things worse. "This really ain't th' place and time fer relationships if those even exist anymore. I never was one for relationships ta begin with, so Ah'm not gonna do ya any good."

It was the truth, Shane knew that if they were to try something more then what they already had that eventually he'd be her downfall. It was only a matter of time until that happened.

TAGGED FOR ANGEL / 823 WORDS / SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG
NICK @ ATF & CAUTION 2.0
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ANGELIQUE M. BOUDREAUX
Posted: Jan 12 2012, 01:14 PM


28 | GUNNER | BEE
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Group: SURVIVOR
Posts: 8
Member No.: 5
Joined: 30-December 11



and my heart's not breaking
'cause i'm not feeling anything at all
Angelique wasn't going to cry. Not because she didn't want to. But because she wasn't that type of girl. She could be weak and fragile, broken. But when it came to hurt, she didn't cry. She got angry. And for a moment she almost considered shooting him. Not anywhere fatal just in the foot. Or the arm. Maybe she would've just pistol whipped him. None of those things happened. Not for lack of imagination on the thought. It hurt. She wasn't going to lie. It did. A lot. Really deeply. But she couldn't let him see, she didn't want him to see it. Not the power he had over her. He didn't deserve that. Stubbing out her cigarette she very quickly lit another, Noelle and Jean would be kinda pissed about her not rationing but Angelique figured an explanation on the nature of the chain smoking would make most anger towards her disappear. She wasn't to worried about it.

"Maybe ya right," she shrugged, she could've said so much more. Could've tried to convince. Could've yelled. She didn't want to though. Yes she wanted to hurt him. Didn't every one who got hurt by someone want them to feel pain? But she wasn't going to give it to him. Whatever his thoughts were they were probably for the best. Or because of Lori. Either way she doubted she was gonna change them. Shane was stubborn like that. She climbed back on the hood of the car, pressing her back against the windshield and trying to make it look like she wasn't trying to get as far away from him as she plausibly could in this moment. And truthfully she knew it probably failed. Subtlety wasn't her strong point. But at least she wasn't guilt tripping him or screaming. And she hadn't shot him. So if he was going to have an issue she had half a mind to tell him to kiss her ass and fuck off. Which she kinda hoped happened. She wanted to break all his illusions about her and everything. She wanted to piss him off. At least if he hated her that was an emotion. Not this emotionless bullshit he was pulling. This leader crap. She hated it. And the more she thought about it the angrier she got. Angelique didn't want to fight but she damn well wanted to give him a piece of her mind. Clearly he didn't want anything more than this so what could she lose. What could she hurt?

"Non! Ah don' mean d'at. Ya not right. Jus' stupid or stubborn. Ya t'ink Ah want that?," she shook her head with a condescending smile that was very clearly more directed at herself than him. She did want him. But a relationship? She didn't think of it like that. Yes she'd like to be cared for by him and to care for him. Maybe even have it evolve into love. But it's not like they could go out for coffee. Just a little bit of hope. Something that made the groans a little quieter at night. A little bit of hope that made the days not so harsh and long. Like Rick and Lori, she hadn't thought about the words as they flowed through her mind. It sort of just came to her, like a whisper. And the thought of her name, the realization sunk in and it stung. And for once, since she'd gotten herself in this mess, she felt tears spring to her eyes. They blurred her vision and stung her eyes, and even though she didn't want him to see her cry, he couldn't know that he had so much power over her, she blinked them away and felt the hot drops on her cheeks and the night air cooling their heated trails. She didn't want to cry. It wasn't sobbing and sniffling, just the unstoppable tears of pain someone so desperately tries to hide. Something they've worked so hard to numb themselves to when they can't numb themselves anymore.

"It's 'er," Angel couldn't let the words pass from her lips, maybe she was overreacting, maybe she was wrong, but it didn't matter now. He'd opened the flood gates. Had to ask her about her feelings. She'd told him and he'd just hurt her, "D'at's what it's all about," because that's what Shane did. Shane hurt her. And no matter what she kept coming back. Kept trying to make him her's. Even with the pain he caused her in what seemed to be simply not seeing her. Of being another body with a skill, "All of d'is," And Angelique didn't know why. Maybe it was hero worship. Or an obsession. But she knew one reason. That loneliness that boxed her in, that kept her in a dirty cage. The fear of becoming one of them. Of losing the people she cared about. The fact that she'd always thought time to care for someone like that and then suddenly it was ripped away. All of that pain, fear, and anger was eating away at her slowly. "Ya want her. And bein' wit' me, dat's tellin' 'er you don't want 'er," She'd accepted death at the CDC. Just sat down and accepted it. Because what was there left our there. Just pain and death. That hardship of just trying to survive. Never knowing if you're going to live and die. It had all become to much. There was no hope. "An' ya can't do t'at," Except for with him. When for once since the world had gone to Hell in a fucking handbasked she didn't have to be scared or strong. She could feel safe, protected. Not having to be alone.

"Shane, Ah can' make ya not want 'er. But..." she chewed her bottom lip. Her next words were going to be so wrong. Just sick and twisted in such a strange way, "Ya don' 'ave ta be alone till she figures it out," there wasn't desperation there. Not I'll do anything to have you. But the true thought that they didn't have to be alone. If Lori decided she wanted Shane, she wouldn't keep him from her. Even though she knew it would hurt her. Because you don't do that to someone you care about. Maybe she could find someone else. "Jus' us. Having hope for a lil' while. Ah'll let ya go if it's what you want. She decides ya over 'im. Ah ain't gonna hold ya back. Ah'll find someone else, knowin' ya happy. Jus'," she'd considered every possible wording for the next sentence of hers. And no matter what it was going to wrack him with guilt. And though hurting him would hurt her, maybe he needed to be hurt by her just to a little bit. To see that there was more than just him and Lori in this. They'd dragged to many people into it with them, "Ah don' wanna think dyin's better anymore."



Okay remember to listen to You Don't See Me by Josie And The Pussycats when you read this. If you didn't read it again while you listen to it. Because without that this all just sounds desperate and crazy. And that's not at all what it is. It's just very difficult for me to word the complexities of humans and their body, language, tone, facial ticks, eye movement, everything that you see and read when having a conversation and take in both consciously and subconsciously. It really does help with reading it. I promise.

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SHANE G. WALSH
Posted: Jul 20 2012, 06:39 PM


36 | CO-LEADER - GUNNER | SIERRA
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Joined: 30-December 11



I SWEAR I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE THERE'S A WAR IN MY HEART
INSIDE MY CHEST IS A THORN IT'S BEEN TORN FROM THE START
Shane cursed silently under his breath when he noticed the glint of tears on her cheeks. He didn't want to hurt her, but unfortunately the truth hurts and it wasn't an exception now. Running a hand through his hair Shane shifted his weight and adverted his gaze to the army of abandoned cars. He didn't want to look at her, not like that. She was so strong, probably stronger then she even realized. But that look, those tears trailing down her face. It was too much for him. He knew he had done this to her and as much as he pushed and shoved he couldn't shake the feeling of guilt creep over him. And as she brought up Lori it only grew.

He was beginning to regret telling her the truth. Perhaps it would have just been easier to lie to her and tell her everything she wanted to hear. Tell her that he did want her and only her. That Lori meant nothing to him. But he couldn't bring himself to do that. He didn't know why, lying always did come easy to him. He tended to cause trouble back in high school. Like when he stole the principles car and drove it to a chicken coop. He had gotten away with that, he'd gotten away with a lot of things. But apart of him knew that Angel would see passed it. She was good like that.

Shane managed to tare his eyes away from distance and glanced down at Angel as she spoke. Jus' us. Having hope for a lil' while. Ah'll let ya go if it's what you want. She decides ya over 'im. Ah ain't gonna hold ya back. Ah'll find someone else, knowin' ya happy. Jus', Ah don' wanna think dyin's better anymore." Shane didn't know what to say to that. He knew that Angel had given up at the CDC, just sat down and accepted the offer that Jenner had given them. She didn't say it out right of course, but he could see it in her eyes. The fatigue, and the defeat. It pissed Shane off. He was one to never give up, so the idea that someone thought that death was the best option dumbfounded him. It's in human nature to try and survive no matter what. And he wanted to know why. Why out of everyone in the group she was one of the ones to want to stay? And why did she leave, what drove her to do so? He needed to know.

"Look Angel, 'fore anythin's discussed or 'fore we figure out what's goin' on with you and me Ah need ta know," Shane trailed off not knowing that if he should be asking any of this. For all he knew she could freak out on him never speak to him again. And a part of him didn't want that, a part of him wanted her and not Lori. But the other half, the half that had been there from the start knew that he wanted Lori. And a whole other part of him wanted both. But he knew that that wouldn't be possible. "Ah need ta know why you didn't stay."

Shane knew that her answer would probably be a long the lines of she needed to leave to take care of Noelle and Jean. But he couldn't' push back the ever so slight glint of hope that she'd say it was because of him. And don't try tah shrug this off, cause you know what Ah'm askin' 'bout." He'd get the answer out of her eventually even if she did try to avoid the topic.

TAGGED FOR ANGEL / 609 WORDS / SORRY IT'S NOT AS LONG BUT IT'S SOMETHING
NICK @ ATF & CAUTION 2.0
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ANGELIQUE M. BOUDREAUX
Posted: Jul 21 2012, 02:06 PM


28 | GUNNER | BEE
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Joined: 30-December 11



and my heart's not breaking
'cause i'm not feeling anything at all
Angelique heaved a sigh, because she hadn't quite figured out the answer to that herself yet. She had wanted to think it was the thought of Noelle and Jean that had stopped her from staying which is no doubt what Shane thought she was going to say it was. And don't try tah shrug this off, cause you know what Ah'm askin' 'bout Bingo! His polite way of saying don't say it's because of the rest of your little trio. And honestly, if she thought about it she knew it wasn't because of them, even if she'd like to. In fact, she hadn't felt anything except an overwhelming desire to not be unhappy anymore. And Jenner had offered that to her, an ending without blame. If he hadn't let them out Angelique would have been content, honestly, to ride out the wave of heat as the air ignited and then nothing. No more running. No more being hungry and scared. No more feeling used. She couldn't tell him that though, he'd never let her out of his site if he knew. He'd probably take her guns and chain him to his belt loop. She could picture it now, being leashed to him given a radius of an extra 50 feet, just in case they had to run.

The laugh that came from her couldn't be helped, neither could the smile that split her face and only then did she realize she would have to work with it. Angelique couldn't exactly tell Shane that she had just pictured herself leashed to his belt loop because he'd be terrified she'd actually pull the trigger this time because everything was starting to seem harder and harder, and she was just tired of it all.

"Would ya 'ave let me?" And there was the other reason,, aside from from the Jean and Noelle reasoning that was always at the top of her list- the reason she could tell him. That even if he had whatever he had with Lori, no matter what he said, there was a part of him that did care about her. More than he cared about the rest of the group, "T'ose doors open, Ah can live, but Ah sit d'ere on ta floor, would ya 'ave let me?" This time she laughed in a way that seemed as if he should know, as if it were obvious, as if she wasn't acting like that was the main reason, "Shane ya would 'ave t'rown be over ya shouldah an' carried me out kickin' an' screamin'. Ah'm stuck 'ere, Ah get it now. Ah jus' don' get why, if d'is is what it's gonna be like," another one of those laughs, but much sadder now. But just as quick as those sad laughs had come they were gone and she was smiling at him again, "Ah guess 'cos of ya in some way. But not 'cos Ah want ya, nevah make life decisions with ya junk Da always says."

And that was the third reason, the very last reason she hadn't stayed, the reason that when those doors opened she jumped to her feet and ran out the door. In those moments, when she closed her eyes before she thought it was all going to be over she could see him. Her dad. A short, smiling man much more threatening than you would thinking first looking at him, looked at her from behind her closed lids and she couldn't stand the look on his face. That look of disappointment that he was giving her and she could almost hear him yelling at her, the French words attacking her brain at a thousand words a second. He didn't raise a girl who gives up. That she was stronger than that, ever since she was little. She was to stubborn for that. Straighten up. Toughen up that upper lip. And then those doors opened. Go! Run, Angel! and she listened, even if it had been a figment of her imagination.

"When me and Jean were lil', he hated me. Ah can't remembah but Da always said. He was trois when Ah was born, he didn't like me for months an' months. Da always said he remember when it stopped. Jean came into mah room, Ah was screamin' bloody murder. He stormed up to mah crib and screamed," she gave a whispered scream, "SHUT UP PETITE MINGON MONSTRE!," her voice returned to normal quickly, "It means cute little monster, Ah smiled at him, laughed, and t'rew mah shoe at 'im. Since t'en Ah've always been t'ere, protectin' him. An' Noelle, well, me an' her, she's mah sister. If Ah left t'ere for anyone, Ah left for d'em. Dah bonus was maybe a shot wit' ya but not dah reason," he had to know it. That it was true, if anything Shane had made her want to stay just a little bit more. Run from mort, starve, be terrified, and feel used while watching him love another woman, that wasn't a kind of life she wanted for anyone, least of all herself.

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SHANE G. WALSH
Posted: Aug 4 2012, 01:57 AM


36 | CO-LEADER - GUNNER | SIERRA
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I SWEAR I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE THERE'S A WAR IN MY HEART
INSIDE MY CHEST IS A THORN IT'S BEEN TORN FROM THE START
Concern started forming in Shane's head listening to her let out a laugh. It certainly wasn't the reaction he was expecting. An angry look, her snap at him, tell him she had no idea what he was talking about. But now apparently she felt the need to laugh and throw him off his game. Shane adjusted his shotgun and looked away from her once again. He knew that this conversation was going to make him uncomfortable. Giving up wasn't an option in Shane's eyes, and that's what she had done. Even if it was just a fleeting idea that she had had, that death was better then anything this world had to offer. Better then anything the group of people not fifty feet away could offer her. And most certainly better then anything he could give to her.

Shane pushed himself away from the car he had been leaning on, he didn't really know where he was going. Cars littered the road, it wasn't safe to be out in the dark this exposed. Walkers could come out from behind the cars and catch them off guard. Shane knew that he'd have an argument to deal with if he told Angelique to go back to the rv. And he was already tired and frustrated after the past few days they've had, he really didn't need anything else to stress him out further.

"Would ya 'ave let me?" The question was no surprise. And the answer was no. He would have dragged her out of there one way or another. He wasn't concerned about leaving Jaqui and Andrea behind, though Dale had convinced Andrea to leave. Shane was of course sad to know that they were one person fewer, one person weaker. But the fear that gripped him when he realized Angelique wanted to give up, did not wash over him when he saw the other two women wanted to stay. And in all honesty, Shane was not expecting to feel that way. He thought that his only priority was to keep Lori and Carl safe, to care for them, to love them. But things were different now. Angelique was in the picture. So Shane felt even more pressure, because he felt responsible for her. Like he needed to protect her, to save her. Like he had done when he picked her and the other two thirds of the Cajun trio up of the side of the highway. And in a way, Shane felt like that look he had given her at the CDC was the last push she needed to continue on. To realize that she had people who depended on her, people who looked up to her to stay strong, people who loved her.

Shane continued to listen to her speak as he made his way to the car Angelique was laying on. He hopped up on the hood of the car chuckling slightly listening to her tell the story of her brother. And then his small shred of hope faded away as she told him that he wasn't a huge contributing factor as to why she left with the others. He knew that was going to be her answer, after all Jean and Noelle were the only people she really had. She had been looking after them for so long, protecting them throughout this whole ordeal. So of course she would leave for them.

"Well, yer righ'. Ah wouldn't have left you behind. Hell Ah-" Shane chuckled a little again at the thought of her previous words playing out the scenario in his mind. "Ah probably would have drug you out kickin' an' screaming'. If it had come down ta that." Shane ran a hand through his hair sighing as he did so. But, ya can't be thinkin' like that." Shane let out a sigh as he stared off into the distance. "That there ain't nothin' left fer you. Yer better then that. Shane looked at her trying to analyze her thoughts by staring into her eyes. "We all gotta be strong, ain't no room fer second guessing."

Shane looked back out to the highway licking his lips as he did. He knew she was strong, that she didn't actually want to die. She just didn't see another option, he wanted to show her that there's always another option. There's always another way. "If ya can't do that fer yourself, then do it fer them." Shane told her referring to Jean and Noelle. He looked back at her over his shoulder. "Do it fer me."

TAGGED FOR ANGEL / 756 WORDS / DONE!!
NICK @ ATF & CAUTION 2.0
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