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 Abby: Father Rejoicing
Cassie
Posted: Dec 4 2011, 08:04 PM


Advanced Member


Group: Members
Posts: 34
Member No.: 8
Joined: 2-May 11



This a small book that I am currently writing. There's not icon for that, so I decided (since it's smaller...) that I would post it here instead :) There are no chapters (yet), and this version is UNEDITED! There are also some parts that I may have forgot to put in italics (I have to redo it every time I copy and paste). So yeah... Hope you enjoy ;)

PART 1

“I swear I woke up struggling to breathe. It’s the third time this week!” Abby was walking down the hallway during Friday recess with her best friend Traci.
“I don’t know what to tell you Abs. I’ll pray for you though.”
Abby smiled. She knew Traci would say that. Ever since she had ‘been saved’ Traci was always praying for Abby. Abby didn’t like that about Traci. Now that she was a Christian, her popularity plummeted and she didn’t want to risk losing her popularity if she was hanging out with Traci. As they walked into their Honors English class, Abby could feel her other friends’ judgmental glares. But she knew they wouldn’t say anything. After all, she was the top. Who was going to challenge her?
On the way home, Abby couldn’t shake the feeling that her dream was more than just a dream. She jumped up the front steps to the apartment that she and her dad were living in and put her key in the door. She twisted it in its slot, but then realized the door was already open. Dad must be home. Abby thought. She set her backpack on the floor and walked down the small hallway to her dad’s bedroom to see him sprawled across his bed, asleep. The smell of cigarette smoke filled the apartment and blocked out any other scents that filled the building. Sighing in disappointment, Abby ambled to her bedroom and flopped down into her computer seat. She turned on the monitor and signed into her e-mail. Traci wasn’t online yet so Abby turned the monitor off and started her homework.
That night, Abby made herself dinner and watched TV until she started to nod off. Then she went to her dad’s bedroom and closed the door. On it was a note that said:
“Abby –
I was feeling nauseous during work, so I took the rest of the day off. Sorry we couldn’t do something together today.
- Dad”

Abby groaned, and walked to her room. She threw the note into the top drawer of her computer desk with the rest of her dads little notes.

♫ ♫ ♫

Abby woke up to her CD alarm blaring ‘Daughters’ by John Mayer. It was 9:00am on a Saturday. Why had her alarm gone off? She slowly pushed the covers off of her cold body. Changing into a bright blue t-shirt and jeans, Abby strode down the hallway to the kitchen. He dad was sitting at the counter drinking coffee, and fiddling with an empty cigarette box.
“Good morning.” He said.
Abby looked at him and nodded. She didn’t have to talk to him. Her excuse – she was tired. Abigail opened the fridge and pulled out a container of milk; an empty container of milk. She threw it in the recyclables box, and pulled out a new one. Opening the cupboard, Abby looked at the 7 boxes of cereal. What should she pick? The sugary cereals were too sweet for a morning like this. The Rice Crispies were too loud. It was the morning for raisin and bran cereal. Abby held back a snort as she remembered the first time Traci had had breakfast at her house. She had teased Abby about her cereal choices for the rest of the week. She pulled down the raisin and bran box and plunked it on the counter across from her dad. A bowl and spoon was acquired, and the cereal and milk poured. Abby’s dad looked at her guiltily. She knew what was coming. Her dad was going to the office again this weekend.
“I have to go to the office today. I need to work the extra hours to make up for yesterday.” He said inaudibly. “I should be back around two. Think you can hold down the fort?”
Abby smiled. She knew her dad was joking around with her. But then the smiled disappeared because she remembered that this was how it was every weekend. They never got any time with each other anymore.
“I’ll take care of the house.” She replied.
Abby watched her dad drive down the street from her bedroom window. This is how it was almost every weekend. She ended up spending her whole weekend in a cigarette smoke filled apartment, doing homework and IM’ing her friends. It wasn’t much to look forward to. Abby thought about her dad, and all the problems that he caused for her.
Abby’s dad was never home; that was one of the main problems. Since her mom was gone, Abby felt like she was living by herself. Most teenagers would enjoy that. But not Abby, because her dad was the only family she had left. Another problem was the smoking. Abby was completely against it. But she never told her dad; he had enough things to worry about. Abby also couldn’t stand it when her dad broke his promises. He would tell her that they’d spend the weekend together, and then he’d end up spending it at the office and giving her $100 to spend instead. But the one thing that overruled all of Abby’s agitations was the lonely feeling that her dad would leave her with every morning.
Abby threw a jacket on, slipped out of the apartment and slowly made her way down the stairs to the first floor. The walls seemed dull to her; the staircase blunt. Abby sluggishly walked down the sidewalk. Being wrapped up in her thoughts, she didn’t notice the package addressed to her sitting on the steps leading down from the door to the apartment complex. Abby walked around the block, trying to vent her frustration with her dad. Eventually, she gave up and jogged back to the apartment. Out of breathe, Abby signed into her e-mail and noticed that Traci was on. But now Abby didn’t feel like talking. Signing out of the box chat, she sent Traci and e-mail.
“My dad was sick again yesterday. He went to the office to make up the hours. I’m not in a good mood. I feel like screaming. But then again, that won’t do any good, will it? My life is a mess.
~Abby”
Abby sat there, slumped in her computer chair. Nothing was going right in her life. Just then, her phone buzzed. ‘Da Man’ it said on the screen. It was Jon, a close office friend of her and her dads that often came over for dinner. Abby pressed the ‘take call’ button.
“Hello?”
“Abby! Thank God you answered!” Jon practically yelled into the phone. There were siren noises in the background.
“Is everything okay Jon?” Abby said, slightly worried.
“Everything’s okay with me Abby. It’s your dad that you should be worried about.”
Abby smirked. “Did he run out of cigarettes again?”
“No. Abby, he’s been in an accident.” Jon said, raising his voice over the sirens.
The last accident made her jump. “A-accident?”
“Yes. Abby, your father is in the ambulance on his way to the ER”
Abby jumped up. “Pick me up!” She yelled into the phone, “Jon, pick me up!”
Two hours later Abby was sitting in the hospital hall waiting for anyone, anything. Every now and then a nurse would come out of her dads’ surgery room. Abby would jump up, but the nurse would just shake her head and walk down the hall. Then Abby would pace up and down the hall, not stopping herself from thinking that this was all her fault. I should have told him I loved him. She thought. She did love him. She loved her dad. He was the only thing she had. And she was the only think he had. But now, Abby had no one to lean on. She sat down on the chair. Then, she let go. All her agitations, her fears and her troubles mingled with her tears and left her body. She cried, and cried, and cried.
“… Abby…” Abby could hear her name. She looked up.
“Abby!” It was pitch black. She was still in the hospital chair.
“Come to me.” The voice said. She couldn’t find where the voice was coming from. It was all around her; going through her.
“Who are you? What do you want?” She called out.
“I’m here Abby, I always will be.” the voice called, fading.
“Where are you?!” Abby started to panic.
“Abby,” The voice was almost inaudible. And then,
“Abby!” Abby startled awake. Traci was sitting next to her, poking her arm.
“Abby, a nurse came out. Your dad is out of surgery.” Traci said. “You okay?”
Abby sat there, almost stunned as the memories of yesterday seeped back into her brain. She looked at Traci, an over-whelmed look on her face. Traci embraced her.
“Hey, it’s okay girl. I’m here, I always will be.” She said comfortingly.
Abby, untangled from Traci.
“What did you just say?” she asked.
“I said I’m here, I always will be.”
“Oh.” Abby put her head into her hands. Why did that sound familiar? I’m here Abby, I always will be. Echoed through her brain. I’m here… I’m here…
Traci and Abby took the elevator down to the lobby and went to the Hardy’s across the street to find some breakfast. They ate their pancakes silently, Traci not wanting to bring up Abby’s dad and Abby not wanting to talk about it. As they walked out of the Hardy’s building, Abby remembered her dream. She stopped on the sidewalk.
“Traci, remember how I was telling you about those dreams that I was having?” Abby asked.
“The ones where you were trapped in a car underwater and you couldn’t get out?”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah.” Traci said. “What about them?”
“The police man that talked to me told me that my dad’s car was driven off the bridge, into the river. He almost drowned in that car.” Abby enquired.
There was an awkward silence as the realization set in.
“So wait. You’re saying that you dreamt what happened to your dad?” Traci asked nervously.
“What I’m saying, is that was no coincidence.” Abby answered.
The two started walking down the sidewalk again, towards the hospital. They entered the hospital and went back to the seats outside the room. A doctor came out and looked around. Spotting Abby, he walked over to her.
“I’m glad you’re awake.” He said. “I’m Dr. Pecilton. Your father is stable, but in a coma. We put his knee cap back in place, and his calve in a cast.”
Abby was confused.
“Doctor, what exactly happened in the crash?” She enquired.
“As far as we know, your father was heading across the bridge when a semi lost control behind him. The semi bumped his car, hurling his back end towards the side. We’re not exactly sure how the car ended up in the water.” The doctor paused. “But luckily, the water was still shallow. The car plummeted about fifty feet. We found him with his leg twisted up in the steering wheel and his head almost crush from the cars rooftop.”
Abby sat there, taking it all in.
“So, when do you think he’ll come too?” She said, fiddling with the magazines on the table in front of her.
“It’s all up to your dad.” Dr. Pecilton answered. “We really don’t know why he’s in a coma.”
This didn’t make Abby feel any better. Eventually Dr. Pecilton left to go take care of another patient. 0Finally, Traci drove Abby home. Abby walked up the steps, and noticed the package sitting by the door. She picked it up. It was addressed to her. Abby trudged up the stairs to her apartment and opened the door. She had left in such a hurry; she hadn’t thought to lock the door. Abby set the package on the kitchen counter, then went to take a shower. She sat there for a while, crouched at the bottom of the tub letting the warm shower water flower over her body. The stared at the bathroom wall tiles. One of them was placed upside down. She stared at it for a while, lost in thought. Finally, the water started to turn cold. Abby finished showering then dressed in her PJ’s and went to bed. It was Sunday morning.
By the time Abby woke up, it was late in the afternoon. The sun was starting to set, and the tree outside Abby’s window was leaving a shadow across her bed. Abby sat up, stretched and slid out of her bed. She avoided the package sitting on the counter. Grabbing a quick glass of orange juice, she grabbed her cell phone off her bed and headed out the door. She marched to the parking garage and grabbed unlocked her bike. She then rode down the street towards Traci’s house.
By the time Abby reached Traci’s house, it was almost 8:00. The car wasn’t in the driveway and most of the lights were turned off in the house. Abby slumped. She had forgotten that Traci’s family went to the Evening Service at the Church of Christ. She decided to leave a note on the front door, and go get some dinner.
“Came by to see Traci. Might come by later.
-Abby”
Picking up her bike, Abby headed towards the apartment complex. She locked up her bike in the parking garage and ran up to her apartment. She searched the fridge in the kitchen and came out with strawberry yogurt, two hard boiled eggs, bread and pear jelly. She set it out on the counter. While doing so, she pumped the package, which lurched over the edge of the counter and fell to the ground. Abby sighed and slowly walked over to pick the package up. She sat down in front of the counter and cut open the package. She lifted the small box out of the pile of newspapers. It was from Macy’s jewelry store. She leisurely lifted the lid, the closed it fast. It was a golden locket. A thick golden necklace held a medium sized golden locket with Abby’s initials engraved on the door.
Abby laid her head down on the counter. Eyes wide open, she just sat there; overwhelmed with guilt. She grabbed the box, and opened the lid again. Inside, was a note written by a jeweler but. It read:
“To My lovely daughter Abby, whose patients is beyond comprehension. Thank you for being mine.
-Love Dad”
Abby slumped, for the umpteenth time today. She had internally despised her dad all this time, and her dad was thanking her for it. Abby’s appetite was gone. She hobbled back to her bedroom, with the box in her hand. She sat down on her bed. Not sure what to do. She opened the box again, and took out the locket. She held it up, and clipped it around her neck.
Ten minutes later, Abby’s cellphone rang. She held it up; it was Traci.
“Hello?” Abby said quietly
“Hi Abby!” Traci said. “We just got back from church. It was family night tonight. We got your note.”
Abby remained silent.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure?”
“No.”
“Do you want to spend the night at my house?” Traci asked.
Abby straightened up. “Your parents won’t mind?”
“Of course not. You know my parents. And besides, you shouldn’t be alone.” Traci said in an assuring voice.
Abby looked around her room. Everything was so lonely.
“Okay. I’ll come over. Should I bring my bike?”
“No, I’ll come and pick you up.”
Abby jumped up, grabbed her backpack and threw an extra pair of clothes, shoes and her wallet. As she waited on the steps for Traci, she couldn’t help but lift up her locket and look at it. Finally, Traci arrived and Abby through her stuff in the backseat. She hoped into the front seat, and they drove off. Abby looked back at the apartment complex. The three story building, with its grey/brown siding looked dead. She could see her bedroom through the branches of the tall oak. Then she turned her head and closed her eyes.
When they arrived at Traci’s house, the aroma of homemade pizza wafted through the open doorway, as they stepped inside. Abby felt at home here. Traci’s house was Abby’s second home. Since her dad was often away on business trips, Abby would spend the night, or week, on Traci’s trundle bed. They would sit up talking about boys, school, who they hated, who they didn’t. That is, until Traci became a Christian. Ever since then, whenever Abby brought up the word ‘Slightly Dislike’ Traci would give her a look and say “Slightly Dislike is a strong word”.
As Abby helped set the dinner table for the pizza, the awkward silence set in. Abby didn’t know what to say, because she knew the only reason she was here was because her dad was practically lifeless in a cold hospital room. Abby shook her head, trying to keep her mind off of her dad. They all sat down at the dinner table.
“Shall we bless it?” Traci’s dad said.
“Sure!” Traci said.
The family bowed their heads and prayed. Abby sat there, not wanting to be disrespectful, but not wanting to pretend either. Finally, the pizza was dished out. Abby was starved. Four pieces of pizza and 2 helpings of broccoli filled her stomach. Then the chocolate crème cake was brought out. By the time they were cleaning the kitchen and putting the dishes, Abby felt pleasantly plump.
After all the dishes were put away, Abby and Traci went upstairs to get situated. Traci pulled out the well-known trundle bed out from under her own bed, and Abby grabbed the clean sheets from the top shelf in the closet. As they worked to get set up, Abby remembered when they were little, doing the same thing. Abby jumped up on Traci’s bed and splayed her body across the warm top cover.
“Abs, you okay?” Traci jumped up next to her.
Abby moved her head so she was looking at Traci.
“I’m just remembering the old times.” Abby said.
“You mean when we would have pillow fights, and you’d always fall of the edge of the bed because you were jumping around so much?” Traci smiled. “Yeah, those were the good times.”
Abby almost laughed, poking Traci in the arm.
“You know what I mean. I mean before all this.” Abby gestured to herself.
“Abs, you’ve gotta believe when I say that things will turn out for the better. Even if-“
Traci stopped. But Abby knew what she was going to say. Even if her dad died. Died. Died. Abby sat up, and leaned against the wall.
“I’m sorry Abby. I shouldn’t have started.” Traci said apologetically. “Let’s just forget about that for now.”
Traci picked up her pillow and lightly hit her on the head. Abby sprang up, and tried to run to the closet where the extra pillows were.
“Not a chance!” Traci laughed.
She grabbed Abby by the waste and tackled her. They wrestled on the ground for a while. Then Abby broke lose and grabbed Traci’s pillow, which she had dropped.
“HA!” She yelled as she pummeled Traci.
“Truce! Truce!” Came Traci muffled voice from under the pillow.
“Defeated, yet again!” Abby said gleefully.
They sat on the bedroom floor, breathless. Traci ran downstairs and brought up a movie. She stuck it in her TV by the window. Traci and Abby sat on the trundle bed and watched ‘My Pretty Pony’ until 10:00. Then Traci’s mom came up, reminded them that it was a school day and turned the lights off. Traci and Abby changed into their PJ’s and jumped into bed. Abby closed her eyes, feeling happy for the first time in what seemed like years.
The next morning Abby was having second thought about going to school. Did she really want to face one problem, while she was still dealing with another? Finally, she decided to go. Traci drove over to the apartment so Abby could get her books, then they drove to school. Abby couldn’t help think how lucky Traci was to have her own car.
By the time they had gotten to the High School, Abby was breaking a sweat. She didn’t want to do this. But, she had. Why? She didn’t know, yet. As Traci and Abby made their way to the Homeroom, Abby could feel eyes staring at her. She walked into the Homeroom, and there sat all of Abby’s friends. Catrina, a small blonde with sharp blue eyes and long fingernails, stood up. Ms. Darcy, the Homeroom teacher, wasn’t there yet. Catrina walked over to Abby, ignoring Traci.
“Hey Abby, we heard about your dad.” She said apologetically.
“Thanks…” Abby said hesitantly.
“To bad Traci’s so called God didn’t do anything about it.” A voice said.
Sitting in the front, to the right was Latiche. Latiche was sort of the bully in Abby’s group of friends. Or rather, never kept her mouth shut. There was no distance between Latiche’s brain, and her mouth. The words just flowed. Traci’s face hardened.
“God doesn’t just keep things from happening to us Tiche.” Traci said. “You know it doesn’t work like that.”
But what had been said had been said.
“Tiche, jus’ leave her alone.” Abby said.
“And who are you to talk?” Tiche said spitefully. “You’re Traci’s little follower. Are you going to become a Jesus Anomaly too?”
That’s when Ms. Darcy came in.
“Good morning class!” She said cheerfully.
Nobody answered. Everyone could sense the apprehension in the air. Ms. Darcy looked at Abby and Traci, still standing by the door. Then she followed Abby’s gaze towards Tiche.
“What’s going on this morning?” Ms. Darcy asked light heartedly. “Today is bright and beautiful; no need to crush it with hard felt feelings.”
Everyone scattered to their First Period classes, left Abby with very confused thoughts. Friends… Traci… Friends… Traci… Which did she love more? Did she love popularity and the feeling of importance; or Traci, her lifelong friend who was there when she needed her. Abby couldn’t focus on her classes. By the time Lunch Period rolled around, her teachers were quite annoyed with her. But thoughts of her dad and how he was, her friends and what she would do, and her dreams switched around in her head. She went through the lunch line, punched in her card and walked over to her friends table. Catrina had saved her a seat.
“Hey Abs, sorry about what I said earlier.” Latiche said apologetically.
“It’s okay... I guess” Abby said.
Traci walked over and started to sit down next to Latiche, but Latiche put her coat there.
“Sorry Traci, but I believe your table is over there.”
Braena, the tallest of the group with the large puppy dog eyes and golden brown hair, pointed over to the small three person table at the other end of the Dining Hall. It was next to the Hall doors. Usually, the newbie’s would sit there because they didn’t know anyone. Abby started to open her mouth.
“It’s okay Abs,” Traci said, “I know when I’m not wanted.”
Traci gave everyone a slight smile and started to walk over to another table. Abby sat there, with her mouth open. Friends… Traci… Friends… Traci…
“Traci.” Abby said out loud.
“What?” Braena asked.
“I said Traci.” Abby repeated herself. “You guys think you can throw Traci out like a piece of trash, don’t you? Well, you’re dead wrong Bree. Traci means more to me than this Silly thing we call ‘popularity’.”
All the girls sat there, shocked. Abby was the top. And now, she was dropping it all, just for a Silly friend? That’s exactly what she was doing. Abby stood up, gave one last glare at the girls sitting wide eyed, and walked over to the newbie table. Traci looked up, and smiled.
“So I guess popularity isn’t what it’s cut out to be, huh?” Traci smirked.
“Guess not.” Abby said seriously. “Just remember Traci. You’re my friend, you rise above them.” She pointed over to the table that she had sat at for the last 2 years of her school life.
“Don’t judge them Abby.” Traci said in a laid back voice. “They just can’t think outside the box.”
Abby couldn’t help but smirk at that.
On the way back to Traci’s house, Abby felt as if a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. Not having to worry about the right thingy to wear or having to think about every word she said. Not having to care what anyone thought. It all sat in her mind. They stopped by the apartment complex to pick up Abby’s bike, and drop it off at Traci’s house. Then they went to the hospital.
As they walked into the hospital lobby, a knot filled Abby’s stomach. She didn’t want to see her dad, lying helplessly in a hospital bed. He was probably being fed through tubes. They took the elevator up to the Urgent Care section. Dr. Pecilton was waiting for them at the desk. He brought them to the new room that her dad had been moved to. Abby walked through the door behind Dr. Pecilton, and there was her dad. She walked slowly up to his bed. An oxygen mask was strapped over his mouth, and several different tubes stuck into his arm.
Abby didn’t stand there long. Instead, she reached into her shoulder bag and pulled out a stained glass sun catcher and placed it on the window sill.
“I love you dad.” Abby said quietly.
Then she walked out of the room. Traci stood outside the door, waiting for her.
“You okay?” Traci asked her.
“Yeah… No…” Abby said wobbly.
“Let’s go get something to eat.”
As they walked down the hallway to towards the elevator, Abby couldn’t help but notice someone sitting in the very chair she had been sitting in, with his shoulders hunched and head bowed. He had brown hair, small ears and tears stains on his dark jeans. As they got into the elevator, Abby leaned over to Traci and whispered,
“Traci, did you see that guy?”
“Yeah… So?” Traci answered.
“He looks familiar...”
“I don’t recognize him.” Traci said matter-of-factly.
“Huh...”
When Traci and Abby arrived back at the house, Traci’s parents had left for a church meeting, and the girls had the whole house to themselves. Being the responsible teenagers that they were, Traci and Abby made spaghetti for dinner, washed the dishes and then did their homework. When they had finished, they talked for a while, their conversation slowly shifting to the guy at the hospital. They finally agreed that it was someone they saw frequently at school; but who?


--------------------
Cassie R.
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Swiftflame
Posted: Dec 8 2011, 12:49 PM


4-Level Villain


Group: Moderator
Posts: 69
Member No.: 10
Joined: 5-May 11



I had quite a bit of fun reading this. It's an interesting piece. :)

One thing you might want to try is putting scene breaks between scenes. I know you haven't done any editing, but the prose is fast and a little confusing and breaking things up a bit might help to give readers a little time to take in what's been going on.

I'm gonna leave the typos alone (you haven't edited yet, after all), but the prose is what most caught my attention. It might be good to put a little more detail into things, mostly the events but also into the setting. We don't know what Abby's apartment looks like. She could be just walking around in a white room with a counter and mysteriously appearing bowls and spoons and cereal. ;)

Thanks for sharing this! I enjoyed reading it. :)


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