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Pages: (7) 1 2 [3] 4 5 ... Last » ( Go to first unread post )

 Grano's grades!, Let's add another to the mix
ND4
Posted: Jan 22 2009, 03:10 AM


Unregistered









Deadpool meets The Undead.

One dark and spooky day Wade Wlison or as he likes to be called Deadpool was just back from kiling Hannha Montana when he saw someone or something eating
Weasle. Dp:"Omg!! Its Nicole Richie!!" The something was then relveled as a zombie .Dp:"Ahha!! A zombie!! Thats even worse!!" The zombie then lunged at Deadpool who just pulled out a pistol and instead of quickly killing the zombie with a headshot Wade beat the zombie with the gun.

Wade was done reducing the first zombie's face to red paste when suddenly he heard moaning in the background. Dp:"Oh man did Nerdy leave my porn video on before Nicol- I mean this zombie killed him?" The moaning then showed it self coming from the now undead Weasel. Dp:"Hey Nerdy were you having a orgs ahhh!" Weasel yelled as he tried biting Wade. Wade:"Man I wonder what nerd's brains look like?" Bamm!! Weasel's brains were splattered all over Wade's kitchen.


Wade:"Glad thats done.Now back to ahhh!!Its its! Undead Britney Spears clones!!"
In reality the "Clones" were really more zombies. Wade:"Well I better get rid of them .But I got to make some popcorn first!"Wade then rushed to the kitchen .
Wade:"Cant have a good zombie fight without popcorn!" Wade then winks and the screen fades to black.

Well how did you like it dad?
Top
ND4
Posted: Jan 22 2009, 03:31 AM


Unregistered









.. Dad? sad.gif sad.gif sad.gif
Top
granobulax
Posted: Jan 22 2009, 03:34 AM


He's even got his hand over where I live...


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,880
Member No.: 35
Joined: 31-May 08



QUOTE (ND4 @ Jan 22 2009, 03:10 AM)
Deadpool meets The Undead.

One dark and spooky day Wade Wlison or as he likes to be called Deadpool was just back from kiling Hannha Montana when he saw someone or something eating
Weasle. Dp:"Omg!! Its Nicole Richie!!" The something was then relveled as a zombie .Dp:"Ahha!! A zombie!! Thats even worse!!" The zombie then lunged at Deadpool who just pulled out a pistol and instead of quickly killing the zombie with a headshot Wade beat the zombie with the gun.

Wade was done reducing the first zombie's face to red paste when suddenly he heard moaning in the background. Dp:"Oh man did Nerdy leave my porn video on before Nicol- I mean this zombie killed him?" The moaning then showed it self coming from the now undead Weasel. Dp:"Hey Nerdy were you having a orgs ahhh!" Weasel yelled as he tried biting Wade. Wade:"Man I wonder what nerd's brains look like?" Bamm!! Weasel's brains were splattered all over Wade's kitchen.


Wade:"Glad thats done.Now back to ahhh!!Its its! Undead Britney Spears clones!!"
In reality the "Clones" were really more zombies. Wade:"Well I better get rid of them .But I got to make some popcorn first!"Wade then rushed to the kitchen .
Wade:"Cant have a good zombie fight without popcorn!" Wade then winks and the screen fades to black.

Well how did you like it dad?

Well, it looks as if you wrote it in about five minutes. Do you really want me to review this? I really don't want to hurt your feelings if I don't need to... sad.gif


--------------------
Points:


I scare little kids.
user posted image

QUOTE (treacherous @ Aug 16 2008, 12:12 PM)
RRRAOAAOAOAORRARRAA!!...  Blue lights and sirens rang through the night!! Yeah, they all wanna kill each other... HERE ME CITY!! THE STREETS BELONG TO THE GANGS NOW!! THIS IS THE NEW ORDER!! PREPARE FOR CHAOS!!

Solomon and I may be gangsta, but treach is the gangsta of the year!
Top
ND4
Posted: Jan 22 2009, 03:36 AM


Unregistered









QUOTE (granobulax @ Jan 22 2009, 03:34 AM)
QUOTE (ND4 @ Jan 22 2009, 03:10 AM)
Deadpool meets The Undead.

One dark and spooky day Wade Wlison or as he likes to be called Deadpool was just back from kiling Hannha Montana when he saw someone or something eating
Weasle. Dp:"Omg!! Its Nicole Richie!!"  The something was then relveled as a zombie .Dp:"Ahha!! A zombie!! Thats even worse!!" The zombie then lunged at Deadpool who just pulled out a pistol and instead of quickly killing the zombie with a headshot Wade beat the zombie with the gun.

Wade was done reducing the first zombie's face to red paste when suddenly he heard moaning in the background. Dp:"Oh man did Nerdy leave my porn video on before Nicol- I mean this zombie killed him?" The moaning then showed it self coming from the now undead Weasel. Dp:"Hey Nerdy were you having a orgs ahhh!" Weasel yelled as he tried biting Wade. Wade:"Man I wonder what nerd's brains look like?" Bamm!! Weasel's brains were splattered all over Wade's kitchen.


Wade:"Glad thats done.Now back to ahhh!!Its its! Undead Britney Spears clones!!"
In reality the "Clones" were really more zombies. Wade:"Well I better get rid of them .But I got to make some popcorn first!"Wade then rushed to the kitchen .
Wade:"Cant have a good zombie fight without popcorn!" Wade then winks and the screen fades to black.

Well how did you like it dad?

Well, it looks as if you wrote it in about five minutes. Do you really want me to review this? I really don't want to hurt your feelings if I don't need to... sad.gif

Nah it took me 20 .I had to keep deleting and deleting before I got it right and sorry if its short.I dont have much time on my hands.Oh and yeah Its okay if you hurt my feelings.So go ahead and review. sleep.gif sleep.gif
Top
granobulax
Posted: Jan 22 2009, 03:43 AM


He's even got his hand over where I live...


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,880
Member No.: 35
Joined: 31-May 08



QUOTE (ND4 @ Jan 22 2009, 03:36 AM)
Nah it took me 20 .I had to keep deleting and deleting before I got it right and sorry if its short.I dont have much time on my hands.Oh and yeah Its okay if you hurt my feelings.So go ahead and review. sleep.gif sleep.gif

Okay, here it goes.

Flow: 10% I thought it was all over the place. I couldn't really tell what exactly was happening with out reading a sentence twice. You need to have understandable transitions from sentence to sentence, not random actions.

Spelling and Grammar: 5% There were abbreviations, spelling errors and grammar errors galore. I can't even begin to start naming any one thing because the whole thing was mistake after mistake.

Entertainment: 20% There was a funny spot here and there but it wasn't anything to cause me to actually laugh. The random celebrities made me go "huh?" Like I said, I liked some of it, but most was confusing and therefor not entertaining.

Overall: 35% I've seen far better than this from you. I would like to see you give me something that you've put more effort into. I know you have it in you to be better than what you've posted here because I've seen it. I hope this review helps you to see where you're lacking and where you can improve so we all can see the best of ND4.


--------------------
Points:


I scare little kids.
user posted image

QUOTE (treacherous @ Aug 16 2008, 12:12 PM)
RRRAOAAOAOAORRARRAA!!...  Blue lights and sirens rang through the night!! Yeah, they all wanna kill each other... HERE ME CITY!! THE STREETS BELONG TO THE GANGS NOW!! THIS IS THE NEW ORDER!! PREPARE FOR CHAOS!!

Solomon and I may be gangsta, but treach is the gangsta of the year!
Top
ND4
Posted: Jan 22 2009, 03:45 AM


Unregistered









QUOTE (granobulax @ Jan 22 2009, 03:43 AM)
QUOTE (ND4 @ Jan 22 2009, 03:36 AM)
Nah it took me 20 .I had to keep deleting and deleting before I got it right and sorry if its short.I dont have much time on my hands.Oh and yeah Its okay if you hurt my feelings.So go ahead and review. sleep.gif  sleep.gif

Okay, here it goes.

Flow: 10% I thought it was all over the place. I couldn't really tell what exactly was happening with out reading a sentence twice. You need to have understandable transitions from sentence to sentence, not random actions.

Spelling and Grammar: 5% There were abbreviations, spelling errors and grammar errors galore. I can't even begin to start naming any one thing because the whole thing was mistake after mistake.

Entertainment: 20% There was a funny spot here and there but it wasn't anything to cause me to actually laugh. The random celebrities made me go "huh?" Like I said, I liked some of it, but most was confusing and therefor not entertaining.

Overall: 35% I've seen far better than this from you. I would like to see you give me something that you've put more effort into. I know you have it in you to be better than what you've posted here because I've seen it. I hope this review helps you to see where you're lacking and where you can improve so we all can see the best of ND4.

Cool.Thanks.Well Dad if you really want to see the great genuis of Nd4 check my Solid Snake fight on CBUB .
Top
ND4
Posted: Jan 22 2009, 03:50 AM


Unregistered









I take it Dad didnt like my new match . sad.gif cool.gif
Top
treacherous
Posted: Jan 22 2009, 04:39 AM


Let Hammy have his Bison. I've got Zod.


Group: Admin
Posts: 3,499
Member No.: 37
Joined: 10-June 08



QUOTE (Solomon @ Jan 22 2009, 01:41 AM)
The End of Sin

The twisted tongue of a serpent, set forth the anguish of sin
Engulfed by the fire of hatetred, and repented for deaths twin
Distrust sweeping cross the land, changing destinies persecution
Darkness retreating into the abyss, a lights resurection
Slithering forth for impeeding doom, treachery is here once more

Life's burning flame extinguished, gone in the hearts of thee
Replaced with a lie, from the kingdom of ember
shaped by the words of deceit, truth comes moaning within me
Led to the end of dreams, and to hopes dismember

Sent forth within the isles of evermore
Shaken by the hand of divinity No more

Grapes of Wrath go rotten
For he hath been forgotten

Turned away from the creator
The eye becomes blind not seeing later

A spark of hope flickers amongst the dark
A voice...a song of peace leaving a mark;
upon it's vessel of hate, and forgotten dreams

The light of the one reaches out
dispelling the uncertainty of doubt

Peace hath cometh from above
The lies of a serpent replaced by love.

Poetry! Blegh. I don't accept poetry. Blegh. laugh.gif


--------------------
Points:

Ursa: You are master of all you survey.
General Zod: [bored] So I was yesterday. And the day before.




QUOTE (SilverSurfer092 @ Apr 9 2009, 03:27 AM)
WTFYES  Treacherous is full of pwnage.
Top
Solomon
Posted: Jan 22 2009, 11:11 AM


Head Admin


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,680
Member No.: 3
Joined: 9-January 08



QUOTE (treacherous @ Jan 22 2009, 04:39 AM)
QUOTE (Solomon @ Jan 22 2009, 01:41 AM)
The End of Sin

The twisted tongue of a serpent, set forth the anguish of sin
Engulfed by the fire of hatetred, and repented for deaths twin
Distrust sweeping cross the land, changing destinies persecution
Darkness retreating into the abyss, a lights resurection
Slithering forth for impeeding doom, treachery is here once more

Life's burning flame extinguished, gone in the hearts of thee
Replaced with a lie, from the kingdom of ember
shaped by the words of deceit, truth comes moaning within me
Led to the end of dreams, and to hopes dismember

Sent forth within the isles of evermore
Shaken by the hand of divinity No more

Grapes of Wrath go rotten
For he hath been forgotten

Turned away from the creator
The eye becomes blind not seeing later

A spark of hope flickers amongst the dark
A voice...a song of peace leaving a mark;
upon it's vessel of hate, and forgotten dreams

The light of the one reaches out
dispelling the uncertainty of doubt

Peace hath cometh from above
The lies of a serpent replaced by love.

Poetry! Blegh. I don't accept poetry. Blegh. laugh.gif

Exactly why this isn't in your section wise guy.


--------------------

Points:

"The first shot rang out from somewhere and I heard a bullet wiz by my face. With my pump action shotgun ready, I shoot the first fool I see."

Grano's so gangster.
Top
granobulax
Posted: Jan 22 2009, 01:07 PM


He's even got his hand over where I live...


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,880
Member No.: 35
Joined: 31-May 08



QUOTE (ND4 @ Jan 22 2009, 03:50 AM)
I take it Dad didnt like my new match . sad.gif cool.gif

I didn't get a chance to check it out yet is all.


--------------------
Points:


I scare little kids.
user posted image

QUOTE (treacherous @ Aug 16 2008, 12:12 PM)
RRRAOAAOAOAORRARRAA!!...  Blue lights and sirens rang through the night!! Yeah, they all wanna kill each other... HERE ME CITY!! THE STREETS BELONG TO THE GANGS NOW!! THIS IS THE NEW ORDER!! PREPARE FOR CHAOS!!

Solomon and I may be gangsta, but treach is the gangsta of the year!
Top
Bloody_Freak
Posted: Jan 22 2009, 05:57 PM


Fiction God


Group: Members
Posts: 2,623
Member No.: 33
Joined: 12-March 08



Did ya ever grade Zant vs Mario? huh.gif

Go grade that please, it's 2 big 2 post here.... sleep.gif


--------------------
Points:
Top
granobulax
Posted: Jan 23 2009, 04:29 AM


He's even got his hand over where I live...


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,880
Member No.: 35
Joined: 31-May 08



Zant vs Mario

Flow: 32% Excellent flow. It stumbled for an instant or two but near perfect flow to the story.

Spelling/Grammar: 15% I noticed quite a few spelling errors and some grammar problems. This was a long story however making them far and few between.

Entertainment: 40% I liked the story a lot. I thought it was quite original in concept and kept me reading with out boring too quickly. I thought it was quite entertaining.

Overall: 87% Very well written and thought out. A little long but good for being that long. Keep up the great writing!


--------------------
Points:


I scare little kids.
user posted image

QUOTE (treacherous @ Aug 16 2008, 12:12 PM)
RRRAOAAOAOAORRARRAA!!...  Blue lights and sirens rang through the night!! Yeah, they all wanna kill each other... HERE ME CITY!! THE STREETS BELONG TO THE GANGS NOW!! THIS IS THE NEW ORDER!! PREPARE FOR CHAOS!!

Solomon and I may be gangsta, but treach is the gangsta of the year!
Top
Bloody_Freak
Posted: Jan 23 2009, 02:36 PM


Fiction God


Group: Members
Posts: 2,623
Member No.: 33
Joined: 12-March 08



QUOTE (granobulax @ Jan 23 2009, 12:29 AM)
Zant vs Mario

Flow: 32% Excellent flow. It stumbled for an instant or two but near perfect flow to the story.

Spelling/Grammar: 15% I noticed quite a few spelling errors and some grammar problems. This was a long story however making them far and few between.

Entertainment: 40% I liked the story a lot. I thought it was quite original in concept and kept me reading with out boring too quickly. I thought it was quite entertaining.

Overall: 87% Very well written and thought out. A little long but good for being that long. Keep up the great writing!

Sweet! happy.gif

My problem with spelling is word confusion. There are no spelling mistakes, just words used in wrong places. unsure.gif

I write "of" instead of "over" allot.... Don't know why.... wacko.gif

Grammar ain't my thing. happy.gif


--------------------
Points:
Top
treacherous
Posted: Jan 23 2009, 03:11 PM


Let Hammy have his Bison. I've got Zod.


Group: Admin
Posts: 3,499
Member No.: 37
Joined: 10-June 08



QUOTE (Solomon @ Jan 22 2009, 11:11 AM)
QUOTE (treacherous @ Jan 22 2009, 04:39 AM)
QUOTE (Solomon @ Jan 22 2009, 01:41 AM)
The End of Sin

The twisted tongue of a serpent, set forth the anguish of sin
Engulfed by the fire of hatetred, and repented for deaths twin
Distrust sweeping cross the land, changing destinies persecution
Darkness retreating into the abyss, a lights resurection
Slithering forth for impeeding doom, treachery is here once more

Life's burning flame extinguished, gone in the hearts of thee
Replaced with a lie, from the kingdom of ember
shaped by the words of deceit, truth comes moaning within me
Led to the end of dreams, and to hopes dismember

Sent forth within the isles of evermore
Shaken by the hand of divinity No more

Grapes of Wrath go rotten
For he hath been forgotten

Turned away from the creator
The eye becomes blind not seeing later

A spark of hope flickers amongst the dark
A voice...a song of peace leaving a mark;
upon it's vessel of hate, and forgotten dreams

The light of the one reaches out
dispelling the uncertainty of doubt

Peace hath cometh from above
The lies of a serpent replaced by love.

Poetry! Blegh. I don't accept poetry. Blegh. laugh.gif

Exactly why this isn't in your section wise guy.

Oh yeah. Good call.


--------------------
Points:

Ursa: You are master of all you survey.
General Zod: [bored] So I was yesterday. And the day before.




QUOTE (SilverSurfer092 @ Apr 9 2009, 03:27 AM)
WTFYES  Treacherous is full of pwnage.
Top
wernidthe19
Posted: Jan 23 2009, 04:12 PM


Call me.....Jon


Group: Members
Posts: 320
Member No.: 160
Joined: 4-January 09



QUOTE (Bloody_Freak @ Jan 23 2009, 02:36 PM)
Grammar ain't my thing. happy.gif

Got that right. laugh.gif


--------------------
Points:
Top
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