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Pages: (106) « First ... 3 4 [5] 6 7 ... Last » ( Go to first unread post )

 FPL CHARACTERS
super_wolverine_Man
Posted: Oct 28 2008, 07:02 PM


Head Admin


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,680
Member No.: 3
Joined: 9-January 08



QUOTE (granobulax @ Oct 28 2008, 03:31 AM)
QUOTE (super_wolverine_Man @ Oct 25 2008, 06:03 PM)
REVISED VERSION:

[Translated from Japanese]

April 23rd, 1126


It

That was truely amazing. Some of the best stuff I've seen so far on these sites.

The good:

1. Great character development. I felt like I really got to know the character.

2. I enjoyed getting into the characters thought process. Goes along with the character development.

3. The story moved along at a good pace. No stagnant periods where the story gets stale.

4. His internal conflict was what made this story. He really felt human, real. I can relate to him best with this style of writing.

The bad:

1. At the beginning, there were a lot of short sentences. It seemed a little fragmented and didn't flow as well as the rest of the story.

2. He cut BOTH arms off of his foe at the same time? It seemed awkward right there. I would suggest revising just a little.

3. The ending of the story was a bit expected. The way you built up his love for her and her bearing his child, lead exactly where I thought you were going.


All in all, great work! I'm very glad to have read it. (Although it did take a while lol)

Thanks grano!

1. Hmmmmm Didn't really notice that. I'll have to work on that on my next revision.

2. Grammar mistake. I have a ton of those.

3. Yeah, I'm going to figure out a way for it to be more... plot-twisty huh.gif


--------------------

Points:

"The first shot rang out from somewhere and I heard a bullet wiz by my face. With my pump action shotgun ready, I shoot the first fool I see."

Grano's so gangster.
Top
super_wolverine_Man
Posted: Oct 28 2008, 07:18 PM


Head Admin


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,680
Member No.: 3
Joined: 9-January 08



QUOTE (darkender @ Oct 28 2008, 02:22 PM)
YEA!!!! I decided to join you guys in making charcters!!!!! Look at my first character in a while!!!! Tell me what you think!!!!!!

Name: Ken
Solo Villain

Origin: I try to do good, but dont we all. Being bad is a lot easy than you would think. Doing whatever you want and having close to no consequences. I do remember having some fun being a "Good Guy" though. I can even remember how I became to be a hero in the first place. It wasn't long ago.
When I first discovered my powers I had the same thought pattern of most of those heroes with powers. I thought to myself I could change the world to make it a better place, but little of the world I knew. I tried at first to just scan the rooftops and stop whatever crimes I saw from being committed. Littering, purse grabbing and all of that I would stop, but the cops didn't care. They just viewed me as a viligante that wanted to take their jobs. So they began to chase me and try to run me out of town. At first I looked at it as a sign of how good I was doing, because all of the other superheroes had problems with the police. So I didn't hurt them I just left them alone, and kept on doing what I thought was the right thing to do. They didn't share the same feelings and decided I was too radical for their city. Eventually they caught me and thats why I'm sitting in this cell now. Isn't it wonderful that they made it just for me. I've been here for over a month now and I'm sick of it, being locked up with common criminals. The good thing is it really shined the light on what the world is really like and I don't like it. Its time the world learned the the power of a true super being.

Personality: I tried to convince them it would best to let me out but they didn't listen. They decided to follow their own just as I will learn to do. I tried to be nice before, I even sat in this jail cell as they plotted against me, all of them. With all I did for this city they locked me, and for that this city doesn't deserve to stand. When I'm done with this city there will nothing left but my rule.
Powers:

Eldrich Blast Supreme:
Ken began to raise his eyes towards the sky as they began to shine with orange light. He started talking to himself, chanting and muttering his plans for the city. With that his eyes turned red, he turned his head towards the camera and raising one finger a blast of energy destroyed the camera, and with that sirens began to go off. He then turned he head towards the cieling just staring for some time untill the door began to open as officers tried to flood in. With a yell of rage ken let off a terriffying blast bringing the cieling down on top of the officers. He began to lift off the ground as he flew off into the sky.

Flight Supreme: As he started to lift into the air his eyes began to turn back to the normal color of hazel. He began to look around as he realized he was in mid-flight an ability he had not known he had before. He stayed hovering above the cieling watching more officers run in panicing at just the fact of him being loose. He looked down at the jail house yard as the guards became to come and fire at him. With one bulet grazing his arm he realized he had to move. He began to move with incredible speed. Dodgeing and weaving through the woods area outside the prison. Unitll he made it to the outskirts of town and he suddenly stopped. He began to question himself as to why was he running. He was the one with the power they should be fleeing from him. He turned around and began to rise above the prison just hovering in mid-air.

Force Field Superior:
As he floated there he looked and watched them try to shoot at him. He realized a force field of some sort started to incase him in what looked like a bubble. He put his hand to force field as their bullets bounced off. His eyes again started to glow as he muttered to himself his next plan of action. He started to lower himself, to be closer to the ground. They all ceased firing thinking he was going to give himself up. When all of a sudden he began to raise his hand towards the guards in from of him and he began blasting energy beams from his eyes and finger tips killing all of the guards surrounding the prison. When done he went back to the sky, to make sure there was no surviving guards. Then he returned back to the prison unlocking all of the cells, and letting all of the prisoners go. As they began to flood out of the prison into the yards he yelled to them. He told them to flee to the city and cause havoc, for the city will soon be theirs. And with a cheer from the criminals they ran through the woods aiming for the city for they could cause havoc.

Martial arts Standard: As he and the villains made their way towards the city, there was a line of heroes guarding it. As they began to approach them they called out to each other. Ken yelled at his loudest voice could go "Move aside heroes for this doesn't concern any of you." He then stood their waiting for a respone, but the heroes just stood their standing their ground. "Fine" he yelled again "You will fall with the rest of the city" He signaled his army of vilains to charge as they began to fight the same heroes that imprisoned them in the prison they just was broken out of. Ken began himself began to fight as his eyes glowing a deep deep red. He charged at the heroes useing fighting skills he never realized he had.

Martial Supremacy Standard: He fought with such anger as his eyes glowing with such a deep red shade. His fighting skills became even stronger. Flipping heroes over him that he himself didn't think could happen. Soon there was no heroes of the city left to fight. As they began to cause havoc for the city. He stood at a distance in the sky as the feeble police force tried to fight back against the villains with little avail. He stared at what was starting to look like his city to own thinking to himself" I could get use to this."





Okay tell me what you think of it. I tried to not make it too long and if you have any Pics that you think would be good that would really help.


Here's my advice:

To simplistic. Your story sounds more like a shopping list, than an actual story. You need to add more to your character. Instead of saying: "This happened, then that happened." Talk about the transition from this to that









--------------------

Points:

"The first shot rang out from somewhere and I heard a bullet wiz by my face. With my pump action shotgun ready, I shoot the first fool I see."

Grano's so gangster.
Top
super_wolverine_Man
Posted: Oct 28 2008, 07:18 PM


Head Admin


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,680
Member No.: 3
Joined: 9-January 08



happy.gif It seems The Poet, gave me a B- for my character.


--------------------

Points:

"The first shot rang out from somewhere and I heard a bullet wiz by my face. With my pump action shotgun ready, I shoot the first fool I see."

Grano's so gangster.
Top
granobulax
Posted: Oct 29 2008, 02:03 PM


He's even got his hand over where I live...


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,880
Member No.: 35
Joined: 31-May 08



QUOTE (super_wolverine_Man @ Oct 28 2008, 07:18 PM)
happy.gif It seems The Poet, gave me a B- for my character.

Which character are you talking about?


--------------------
Points:


I scare little kids.
user posted image

QUOTE (treacherous @ Aug 16 2008, 12:12 PM)
RRRAOAAOAOAORRARRAA!!...  Blue lights and sirens rang through the night!! Yeah, they all wanna kill each other... HERE ME CITY!! THE STREETS BELONG TO THE GANGS NOW!! THIS IS THE NEW ORDER!! PREPARE FOR CHAOS!!

Solomon and I may be gangsta, but treach is the gangsta of the year!
Top
darkender
Posted: Oct 29 2008, 04:04 PM


Mr. Ego


Group: Members
Posts: 7,693
Member No.: 10
Joined: 10-January 08



QUOTE (super_wolverine_Man @ Oct 28 2008, 07:18 PM)
QUOTE (darkender @ Oct 28 2008, 02:22 PM)
YEA!!!! I decided to join you guys in making charcters!!!!! Look at my first character in a while!!!! Tell me what you think!!!!!!

Name: Ken
Solo Villain

Origin: I try to do good, but dont we all. Being bad is a lot easy than you would think. Doing whatever you want and having close to no consequences. I do remember having some fun being a "Good Guy" though. I can even remember how I became to be a hero in the first place. It wasn't long ago.
When I first discovered my powers I had the same thought pattern of most of those heroes with powers. I thought to myself I could change the world to make it a better place, but little of the world I knew. I tried at first to just scan the rooftops and stop whatever crimes I saw from being committed. Littering, purse grabbing and all of that I would stop, but the cops didn't care. They just viewed me as a viligante that wanted to take their jobs. So they began to chase me and try to run me out of town. At first I looked at it as a sign of how good I was doing, because all of the other superheroes had problems with the police. So I didn't hurt them I just left them alone, and kept on doing what I thought was the right thing to do. They didn't share the same feelings and decided I was too radical for their city. Eventually they caught me and thats why I'm sitting in this cell now. Isn't it wonderful that they made it just for me. I've been here for over a month now and I'm sick of it, being locked up with common criminals. The good thing is it really shined the light on what the world is really like and I don't like it. Its time the world learned the the power of a true super being.

Personality: I tried to convince them it would best to let me out but they didn't listen. They decided to follow their own just as I will learn to do. I tried to be nice before, I even sat in this jail cell as they plotted against me, all of them. With all I did for this city they locked me, and for that this city doesn't deserve to stand. When I'm done with this city there will nothing left but my rule.
Powers:

Eldrich Blast Supreme:
Ken began to raise his eyes towards the sky as they began to shine with orange light. He started talking to himself, chanting and muttering his plans for the city. With that his eyes turned red, he turned his head towards the camera and raising one finger a blast of energy destroyed the camera, and with that sirens began to go off. He then turned he head towards the cieling just staring for some time untill the door began to open as officers tried to flood in. With a yell of rage ken let off a terriffying blast bringing the cieling down on top of the officers. He began to lift off the ground as he flew off into the sky.

Flight Supreme:  As he started to lift into the air his eyes began to turn back to the normal color of hazel. He began to look around as he realized he was in mid-flight an ability he had not known he had before. He stayed hovering above the cieling watching more officers run in panicing at just the fact of him being loose. He looked down at the jail house yard as the guards became to come and fire at him. With one bulet grazing his arm he realized he had to move. He began to move with incredible speed. Dodgeing and weaving through the woods area outside the prison. Unitll he made it to the outskirts of town and he suddenly stopped. He began to question himself as to why was he running. He was the one with the power they should be fleeing from him. He turned around and began to rise above the prison just hovering in mid-air.

Force Field Superior:
As he floated there he looked and watched them try to shoot at him. He realized a force field of some sort started to incase him in what looked like a bubble. He put his hand to force field as their bullets bounced off. His eyes again started to glow as he muttered to himself his next plan of action. He started to lower himself, to be closer to the ground. They all ceased firing thinking he was going to give himself up. When all of a sudden he began to raise his hand towards the guards in from of him and he began blasting energy beams from his eyes and finger tips killing all of the guards surrounding the prison. When done he went back to the sky, to make sure there was no surviving guards. Then he returned back to the prison unlocking all of the cells, and letting all of the prisoners go. As they began to flood out of the prison into the yards he yelled to them. He told them to flee to the city and cause havoc, for the city will soon be theirs. And with a cheer from the criminals they ran through the woods aiming for the city for they could cause havoc.

Martial arts Standard:  As he and the villains made their way towards the city, there was a line of heroes guarding it. As they began to approach them they called out to each other. Ken yelled at his loudest voice could go "Move aside heroes for this doesn't concern any of you." He then stood their waiting for a respone, but the heroes just stood their standing their ground. "Fine" he yelled again "You will fall with the rest of the city"  He signaled his army of vilains to charge as they began to fight the same heroes that imprisoned them in the prison they just was broken out of. Ken began himself began to fight as his eyes glowing a deep deep red. He charged at the heroes useing fighting skills he never realized he had.

Martial Supremacy Standard:  He fought with such anger as his eyes glowing with such a deep red shade. His fighting skills became even stronger. Flipping heroes over him that he himself didn't think could happen.  Soon there was no heroes of the city left to fight. As they began to cause havoc for the city. He stood at a distance in the sky as the feeble police force tried to fight back against the villains with little avail. He stared at what was starting to look like his city to own thinking to himself" I could get use to this."





Okay tell me what you think of it. I tried to not make it too long and if you have any Pics that you think would be good that would really help.


Here's my advice:

To simplistic. Your story sounds more like a shopping list, than an actual story. You need to add more to your character. Instead of saying: "This happened, then that happened." Talk about the transition from this to that

A Shopping list? Okay? Thanks for the help anyway though I'll add some more stuff.


--------------------
Points:A Gazillion almost as much as my swagga
Top
super_wolverine_Man
Posted: Oct 29 2008, 07:42 PM


Head Admin


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,680
Member No.: 3
Joined: 9-January 08



QUOTE (granobulax @ Oct 29 2008, 02:03 PM)
QUOTE (super_wolverine_Man @ Oct 28 2008, 07:18 PM)
happy.gif  It seems The Poet, gave me a B- for my character.

Which character are you talking about?

Mashasaki.


--------------------

Points:

"The first shot rang out from somewhere and I heard a bullet wiz by my face. With my pump action shotgun ready, I shoot the first fool I see."

Grano's so gangster.
Top
granobulax
Posted: Oct 29 2008, 10:35 PM


He's even got his hand over where I live...


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,880
Member No.: 35
Joined: 31-May 08



QUOTE (super_wolverine_Man @ Oct 29 2008, 07:42 PM)
QUOTE (granobulax @ Oct 29 2008, 02:03 PM)
QUOTE (super_wolverine_Man @ Oct 28 2008, 07:18 PM)
happy.gif  It seems The Poet, gave me a B- for my character.

Which character are you talking about?

Mashasaki.

A B-!? That's kinda rough...


--------------------
Points:


I scare little kids.
user posted image

QUOTE (treacherous @ Aug 16 2008, 12:12 PM)
RRRAOAAOAOAORRARRAA!!...  Blue lights and sirens rang through the night!! Yeah, they all wanna kill each other... HERE ME CITY!! THE STREETS BELONG TO THE GANGS NOW!! THIS IS THE NEW ORDER!! PREPARE FOR CHAOS!!

Solomon and I may be gangsta, but treach is the gangsta of the year!
Top
darkender
Posted: Oct 29 2008, 10:37 PM


Mr. Ego


Group: Members
Posts: 7,693
Member No.: 10
Joined: 10-January 08



QUOTE (granobulax @ Oct 29 2008, 10:35 PM)
QUOTE (super_wolverine_Man @ Oct 29 2008, 07:42 PM)
QUOTE (granobulax @ Oct 29 2008, 02:03 PM)
QUOTE (super_wolverine_Man @ Oct 28 2008, 07:18 PM)
happy.gif  It seems The Poet, gave me a B- for my character.

Which character are you talking about?

Mashasaki.

A B-!? That's kinda rough...

Dont tell him that and ruin his good mood.


--------------------
Points:A Gazillion almost as much as my swagga
Top
super_wolverine_Man
Posted: Oct 30 2008, 12:06 AM


Head Admin


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,680
Member No.: 3
Joined: 9-January 08



QUOTE (granobulax @ Oct 29 2008, 10:35 PM)
QUOTE (super_wolverine_Man @ Oct 29 2008, 07:42 PM)
QUOTE (granobulax @ Oct 29 2008, 02:03 PM)
QUOTE (super_wolverine_Man @ Oct 28 2008, 07:18 PM)
happy.gif  It seems The Poet, gave me a B- for my character.

Which character are you talking about?

Mashasaki.

A B-!? That's kinda rough...

No that's a really good grade coming from him.


--------------------

Points:

"The first shot rang out from somewhere and I heard a bullet wiz by my face. With my pump action shotgun ready, I shoot the first fool I see."

Grano's so gangster.
Top
granobulax
Posted: Oct 30 2008, 02:43 AM


He's even got his hand over where I live...


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,880
Member No.: 35
Joined: 31-May 08



QUOTE (super_wolverine_Man @ Oct 30 2008, 12:06 AM)
QUOTE (granobulax @ Oct 29 2008, 10:35 PM)
QUOTE (super_wolverine_Man @ Oct 29 2008, 07:42 PM)
QUOTE (granobulax @ Oct 29 2008, 02:03 PM)
QUOTE (super_wolverine_Man @ Oct 28 2008, 07:18 PM)
happy.gif  It seems The Poet, gave me a B- for my character.

Which character are you talking about?

Mashasaki.

A B-!? That's kinda rough...

No that's a really good grade coming from him.

Well, in that case, congradulations. I would have given it an A, but I guess I'm not THAT tough a grader lol


--------------------
Points:


I scare little kids.
user posted image

QUOTE (treacherous @ Aug 16 2008, 12:12 PM)
RRRAOAAOAOAORRARRAA!!...  Blue lights and sirens rang through the night!! Yeah, they all wanna kill each other... HERE ME CITY!! THE STREETS BELONG TO THE GANGS NOW!! THIS IS THE NEW ORDER!! PREPARE FOR CHAOS!!

Solomon and I may be gangsta, but treach is the gangsta of the year!
Top
treacherous
Posted: Oct 30 2008, 03:34 AM


Let Hammy have his Bison. I've got Zod.


Group: Admin
Posts: 3,499
Member No.: 37
Joined: 10-June 08



QUOTE (super_wolverine_Man @ Oct 29 2008, 07:42 PM)
QUOTE (granobulax @ Oct 29 2008, 02:03 PM)
QUOTE (super_wolverine_Man @ Oct 28 2008, 07:18 PM)
happy.gif  It seems The Poet, gave me a B- for my character.

Which character are you talking about?

Mashasaki.

A rule you probably already know.

Rule #1: Never take an admin's grade of your character as a likelihood your character will do well.

I've received a lot of pretty good praise for Toyman of Nhazak. I've received a B from an admin and a C from Landon (who is immensely hard to impress). Take everything they say into consideration, but don't get those hopes up. You know better. Like I told you, I'm not creating another character until I know I've got it right. I want to really compete a little.


--------------------
Points:

Ursa: You are master of all you survey.
General Zod: [bored] So I was yesterday. And the day before.




QUOTE (SilverSurfer092 @ Apr 9 2009, 03:27 AM)
WTFYES  Treacherous is full of pwnage.
Top
granobulax
Posted: Oct 30 2008, 05:40 AM


He's even got his hand over where I live...


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,880
Member No.: 35
Joined: 31-May 08



Ya know, the more I listen to how the FPL works, the less I want to try it in December...


--------------------
Points:


I scare little kids.
user posted image

QUOTE (treacherous @ Aug 16 2008, 12:12 PM)
RRRAOAAOAOAORRARRAA!!...  Blue lights and sirens rang through the night!! Yeah, they all wanna kill each other... HERE ME CITY!! THE STREETS BELONG TO THE GANGS NOW!! THIS IS THE NEW ORDER!! PREPARE FOR CHAOS!!

Solomon and I may be gangsta, but treach is the gangsta of the year!
Top
super_wolverine_Man
Posted: Oct 30 2008, 10:21 AM


Head Admin


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,680
Member No.: 3
Joined: 9-January 08



QUOTE (treacherous @ Oct 30 2008, 03:34 AM)
QUOTE (super_wolverine_Man @ Oct 29 2008, 07:42 PM)
QUOTE (granobulax @ Oct 29 2008, 02:03 PM)
QUOTE (super_wolverine_Man @ Oct 28 2008, 07:18 PM)
happy.gif  It seems The Poet, gave me a B- for my character.

Which character are you talking about?

Mashasaki.

A rule you probably already know.

Rule #1: Never take an admin's grade of your character as a likelihood your character will do well.

I've received a lot of pretty good praise for Toyman of Nhazak. I've received a B from an admin and a C from Landon (who is immensely hard to impress). Take everything they say into consideration, but don't get those hopes up. You know better. Like I told you, I'm not creating another character until I know I've got it right. I want to really compete a little.

Treach treach treach. I don't care about winning or losing matches. All I care about is improving myself as a writer. If thepoet gives me that kind of praise, I'm a happy camper. I don't compare myself to other peoples work, because I'll end up never wanting to write again.


--------------------

Points:

"The first shot rang out from somewhere and I heard a bullet wiz by my face. With my pump action shotgun ready, I shoot the first fool I see."

Grano's so gangster.
Top
treacherous
Posted: Oct 30 2008, 04:59 PM


Let Hammy have his Bison. I've got Zod.


Group: Admin
Posts: 3,499
Member No.: 37
Joined: 10-June 08



QUOTE (super_wolverine_Man @ Oct 30 2008, 10:21 AM)
QUOTE (treacherous @ Oct 30 2008, 03:34 AM)
QUOTE (super_wolverine_Man @ Oct 29 2008, 07:42 PM)
QUOTE (granobulax @ Oct 29 2008, 02:03 PM)
QUOTE (super_wolverine_Man @ Oct 28 2008, 07:18 PM)
happy.gif  It seems The Poet, gave me a B- for my character.

Which character are you talking about?

Mashasaki.

A rule you probably already know.

Rule #1: Never take an admin's grade of your character as a likelihood your character will do well.

I've received a lot of pretty good praise for Toyman of Nhazak. I've received a B from an admin and a C from Landon (who is immensely hard to impress). Take everything they say into consideration, but don't get those hopes up. You know better. Like I told you, I'm not creating another character until I know I've got it right. I want to really compete a little.

Treach treach treach. I don't care about winning or losing matches. All I care about is improving myself as a writer. If thepoet gives me that kind of praise, I'm a happy camper. I don't compare myself to other peoples work, because I'll end up never wanting to write again.

Ah, young padawan. Someday save the galaxy you will.


--------------------
Points:

Ursa: You are master of all you survey.
General Zod: [bored] So I was yesterday. And the day before.




QUOTE (SilverSurfer092 @ Apr 9 2009, 03:27 AM)
WTFYES  Treacherous is full of pwnage.
Top
treacherous
Posted: Oct 30 2008, 05:01 PM


Let Hammy have his Bison. I've got Zod.


Group: Admin
Posts: 3,499
Member No.: 37
Joined: 10-June 08



QUOTE (darkender @ Oct 28 2008, 02:22 PM)
YEA!!!! I decided to join you guys in making charcters!!!!! Look at my first character in a while!!!! Tell me what you think!!!!!!

Name: Ken
Solo Villain

Origin: I try to do good, but dont we all. Being bad is a lot easy than you would think. Doing whatever you want and having close to no consequences. I do remember having some fun being a "Good Guy" though. I can even remember how I became to be a hero in the first place. It wasn't long ago.
When I first discovered my powers I had the same thought pattern of most of those heroes with powers. I thought to myself I could change the world to make it a better place, but little of the world I knew. I tried at first to just scan the rooftops and stop whatever crimes I saw from being committed. Littering, purse grabbing and all of that I would stop, but the cops didn't care. They just viewed me as a viligante that wanted to take their jobs. So they began to chase me and try to run me out of town. At first I looked at it as a sign of how good I was doing, because all of the other superheroes had problems with the police. So I didn't hurt them I just left them alone, and kept on doing what I thought was the right thing to do. They didn't share the same feelings and decided I was too radical for their city. Eventually they caught me and thats why I'm sitting in this cell now. Isn't it wonderful that they made it just for me. I've been here for over a month now and I'm sick of it, being locked up with common criminals. The good thing is it really shined the light on what the world is really like and I don't like it. Its time the world learned the the power of a true super being.

Personality: I tried to convince them it would best to let me out but they didn't listen. They decided to follow their own just as I will learn to do. I tried to be nice before, I even sat in this jail cell as they plotted against me, all of them. With all I did for this city they locked me, and for that this city doesn't deserve to stand. When I'm done with this city there will nothing left but my rule.
Powers:

Eldrich Blast Supreme:
Ken began to raise his eyes towards the sky as they began to shine with orange light. He started talking to himself, chanting and muttering his plans for the city. With that his eyes turned red, he turned his head towards the camera and raising one finger a blast of energy destroyed the camera, and with that sirens began to go off. He then turned he head towards the cieling just staring for some time untill the door began to open as officers tried to flood in. With a yell of rage ken let off a terriffying blast bringing the cieling down on top of the officers. He began to lift off the ground as he flew off into the sky.

Flight Supreme: As he started to lift into the air his eyes began to turn back to the normal color of hazel. He began to look around as he realized he was in mid-flight an ability he had not known he had before. He stayed hovering above the cieling watching more officers run in panicing at just the fact of him being loose. He looked down at the jail house yard as the guards became to come and fire at him. With one bulet grazing his arm he realized he had to move. He began to move with incredible speed. Dodgeing and weaving through the woods area outside the prison. Unitll he made it to the outskirts of town and he suddenly stopped. He began to question himself as to why was he running. He was the one with the power they should be fleeing from him. He turned around and began to rise above the prison just hovering in mid-air.

Force Field Superior:
As he floated there he looked and watched them try to shoot at him. He realized a force field of some sort started to incase him in what looked like a bubble. He put his hand to force field as their bullets bounced off. His eyes again started to glow as he muttered to himself his next plan of action. He started to lower himself, to be closer to the ground. They all ceased firing thinking he was going to give himself up. When all of a sudden he began to raise his hand towards the guards in from of him and he began blasting energy beams from his eyes and finger tips killing all of the guards surrounding the prison. When done he went back to the sky, to make sure there was no surviving guards. Then he returned back to the prison unlocking all of the cells, and letting all of the prisoners go. As they began to flood out of the prison into the yards he yelled to them. He told them to flee to the city and cause havoc, for the city will soon be theirs. And with a cheer from the criminals they ran through the woods aiming for the city for they could cause havoc.

Martial arts Standard: As he and the villains made their way towards the city, there was a line of heroes guarding it. As they began to approach them they called out to each other. Ken yelled at his loudest voice could go "Move aside heroes for this doesn't concern any of you." He then stood their waiting for a respone, but the heroes just stood their standing their ground. "Fine" he yelled again "You will fall with the rest of the city" He signaled his army of vilains to charge as they began to fight the same heroes that imprisoned them in the prison they just was broken out of. Ken began himself began to fight as his eyes glowing a deep deep red. He charged at the heroes useing fighting skills he never realized he had.

Martial Supremacy Standard: He fought with such anger as his eyes glowing with such a deep red shade. His fighting skills became even stronger. Flipping heroes over him that he himself didn't think could happen. Soon there was no heroes of the city left to fight. As they began to cause havoc for the city. He stood at a distance in the sky as the feeble police force tried to fight back against the villains with little avail. He stared at what was starting to look like his city to own thinking to himself" I could get use to this."





Okay tell me what you think of it. I tried to not make it too long and if you have any Pics that you think would be good that would really help.

I didn't see this. I'm going to read it now and get back to you. Oh and SWman I'm reading yours now too.


--------------------
Points:

Ursa: You are master of all you survey.
General Zod: [bored] So I was yesterday. And the day before.




QUOTE (SilverSurfer092 @ Apr 9 2009, 03:27 AM)
WTFYES  Treacherous is full of pwnage.
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