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Pages: (106) « First ... 104 105 [106]  ( Go to first unread post )

The Last Technomancer
Posted: Jun 22 2009, 09:12 PM

A mole of legendarinesss

Group: Admin
Posts: 3,682
Member No.: 68
Joined: 31-July 08

QUOTE (hellbentnow @ Jun 20 2009, 03:57 PM)
My guy got accepted and is in a fight right now but i still want some feedback if u dont mind.

Martin D.
Team: Solo Hero
Sector: lowtown
Kit: Energy Conduit

Strength: Standard
Agility: Standard
Body: Superior
Mind: Standard

The Origin of Martin D.

Martin's life was always a mess. At the age of 23, He didn�™t have a job, a girlfriend or a house. He lived at his parents' house from birth and it didn't seem he would leave any time soon. When he reached 19, they started to ask for rent, so he had to go out and find a job.

He had gone through several jobs, from a construction worker to a mailman. His current job was a guinea pig, to a scientist who was trying to play god. The scientist ,or alchemist as he preferred to be called, was trying to use a combination of science, machinery and magic to control life and death in humans.

Martin had the job for 4 months now, he was usually, prone to quit after the 1st month once he got paid enough to cover rent. But something about this job compelled him to stay. To him it seemed the concoctions were tasting worst everyday. He was correct as the Alchemist was adding more dangerous ingredients all the time, these ingredients caused a adverse effect which put Martin's life in danger due to his rare blood type,

In the eve of his 6 month, the doctor ironically whose first name was doctor, called martin into discuss the up coming events. In summary Martin was told that at this point it was hit or miss, if he lived to see tomorrow ,he would be okay, but there was a higher chance of him dieing the very night. If he died compensation of 1 million dollar would be sent to his parent.


Martin took his final dosage and when home. His mind was spinning and his body pained him like death. He dropped like a rock on his bed, as sensations of indescribable pain shot through out his body. He screamed in his pillow until he was hoarse and his lungs hurt. He was soaked in sweat, the whole bed was wet and cold. His fever ran high, death seemed to call him to soothe the pain. But he resisted long and hard, death never stopped neither did martin�™s will he fought until he felt the warm embrace of the sun on his face. A new beginning.

The Powers and Abilities of Martin D.

Life Line
Power: Regeneration
Level:Superior (35 Points )
Kit Power Link: Energy Conduit
He bolted out of bed, threw on some clothes, hopped into his car and drove to the Doctor. He reached the lab much more quickly that he had expected. He cried out to the doctor, and he came rushing outside. The doctor bear hugged him and lifted him into the air, it shouldn�™t have been possible for someone his age.
“Come in! Come in! I�™m glad to see you�™re back ! Time to run some test!” The doctor said happily

In the lab, the doctor showed Martin to a padded room. There, a chair bolted to the ground with various. Martin sat in the chair and was restrained. Doctor took out a

Butcher knife and cut Martin�™s forearm.

“What the hell!!!!” Martin shouted

“Wait!” Doctor replied simply.

The blood quickly stopped and the skin knitted itself together. He picked up a Sawed-off shotgun, Martin started to protest but a bit to late. A shot from a Shotgun at close close range. It left a hole the size of a human head in his stomach. He looked at the Doctor before fainting from shock.

He woke up a 2 hours later to find himself fully healed. He was laying on a bed in new clothes. And a note from Doc, telling him he shouldn�™t over react and he was up and ready in 30 minutes.

Power: Super Speed
Level:Superior (50 Points )
The room was in the shape of a dome, on the perfectly smooth walls were perfectly circular hole precisely placed. The Doc�™s voice echoed through the speakers in the room.
“The room will test your reflexes. Each hole houses a bow, an arrow�™s top speed is 75 mph. You will need to evade them all. You must not let an arrow cut you as it is poison tipped and it will render your regeneration abilities useless. There in killing you.”

As the boom of Doc�™s echoed the room, an arrow flew into a blind spot at the back of his head. Martin slipped his head to the right and the arrow sailed by. He thought he could almost see the air distorted by the arrow, he reached out and caught it. 5 more rippled the air around him, he grabbed them out of the air. Then all the bows fired at that movement of his seemingly impending demise he remembered the line “our arrows will blot out the sun!” . He laughed out seemingly driven to tears then he preceded to pluck the arrow out of the air like falling feathers. Distracted by his laughter he didn�™t sense the last arrow coming for his head .

He lost on consciousness for 5 seconds ,on a whim of self-preservation. In those 5 seconds he moved behind the arrow and forced it into the floor, breaking the wood into pieces under the pressure

R & R (ripples and running)
Power: Running
Level:Superior (50 Points )
This room was a big on the floor was a huge industrial conveyer belt with a very powerful engine running it. On cue the Doc�™s voice was heard.
“Your results so far are exceptional, this is a simple room. In layman�™ s terms this is a treadmill. The test, you will run on it. The top speed 500 mph, Every 12 seconds the speed of the treadmill will increase by 1mph, In 1 hour and 40 minutes the treadmill will reach top speed. Good luck and continue to impress me!”

Martin opened his mouth to protest, at that moment the treadmill began. Martin was pleased with himself he could�™ve never run for more that 5 minutes before plus he was starting to see the ripples more clearly. Half an hour had past , he was still able to keep up with the treadmill. At 90 minutes it was starting to get difficult to keep up with the treadmill. At 90 minutes and 24 seconds Martin found his top speed (451mph) the hard way, he slammed face first into the belt knocking him unconscious again.

The Origin
Power: Gravity
Level:Ultimate (85 Points )
Kit Power Link: Energy Conduit
Area Effect This attack causes damage in a large area.
The Doc halted the test and spoke to Martin about the nature of his powers

“ The reason for all these power lies this in the ability to control gravity and gravitation. Gravitation is a general term describing the phenomenon by which bodies with mass are attracted to one another, while gravity refers specifically to the net force exerted by the Earth on objects in its vicinity as well as by other factors, such as the Earth's rotation. In simple words Gravitation is the theory that all objects that have mass try to move toward each other and Gravity is a force which makes things accelerate toward each other.”

“The gravity control skill gives you the ability to generate or manipulate graviton atoms, or other types of gravitational interactions. You can use this power to create your own gravity field which they can manipulate at will; decreasing it to float or fly, or increasing it to increase their physical power. Or use the power to pin opponents to the ground, or even increase gravity to such a level that the human system no longer functions. This power may also be used to generate gravitons around a single object to give it an unnatural gravitational pull, to hold enemies at bay, or to deflect projectile weaponry. And at your level the creation of a black hole is child�™s play.!”

“Do not abuse your abilities!“

All in all it's good. Some things though, when you use numbers type them out; it looks better. I spotted quite a few problems ith his tenses and it could be a lot more detailed. Work on expanding your backstory and keeping your tenses straight and it should do alright.


'I'm going to die; if this wasteland doesn't kill me the Avatars will. I'm the last Technomancer; as I go so goes my culture.' The thought was serene, not fearful at all. If he was going to die, he'd die fighting; he'd make sure that the Technomancers were never forgotten. Morshan Sakru: The Last Technomancer would be a name all Avatar would shutter at the thought of for etenity. Morshan now knew what happened to a man who had nothing left to live for but vengence: he became a monster.
  Posted: Jun 22 2009, 09:16 PM

The Manga Maniac of Haven

Group: Members
Posts: 538
Member No.: 19
Joined: 13-January 08


And I say HEY! (HEY!)
What a wonderful kind of day
If we can learn to work and play
And get along with each other.
Hey what a wonderful kind of day hey!
Posted: Jun 23 2009, 01:15 AM

Mr. Ego

Group: Members
Posts: 7,693
Member No.: 10
Joined: 10-January 08

QUOTE (treacherous @ Jun 22 2009, 04:27 PM)
You'll also be able to initiate battles with others. You can start up grudge matches. For instance, Marvel Man and Culwych could create characters and have them go toe to toe until finally a champion of writing is proclaimed. It's a whole new battle field. Check out the FPL section in the new EF forum. They are already starting a major JLA type team.

Really? Thats just great! Yea, now I see my motivation.

Points:A Gazillion almost as much as my swagga
Marvel Man
Posted: Jun 23 2009, 01:36 AM

The Marvel Crusader

Group: Members
Posts: 1,784
Member No.: 89
Joined: 28-September 08

QUOTE (treacherous @ Jun 22 2009, 08:27 PM)
You'll also be able to initiate battles with others. You can start up grudge matches. For instance, Marvel Man and Culwych could create characters and have them go toe to toe until finally a champion of writing is proclaimed. It's a whole new battle field. Check out the FPL section in the new EF forum. They are already starting a major JLA type team.

Nah, I wouldn't do that to Culwych.

He must be encouraged. Not crushed beneath my-... I mean, narrowly beaten by me....

As for the team thing, that sounds great! I'm going to post my story/character soon...


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"Do you know what happens to toads that are struck by lightning?
The same thing that happens to everything else."

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