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 Eris vs. Borat
 
what happens?
Eris smites the Kazakh mockumentary journalists. [ 2 ]  [66.67%]
Borat escapes the Greek discordian goddess [ 1 ]  [33.33%]
Total Votes: 3
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Phalanx
Posted on Aug 24 2008, 02:50 AM


Okami... Best Wii game I've played so far!


Group: Admin
Posts: 2,139
Member No.: 1
Joined: 6-January 08



--Introduction and Note--

Folks, I apologize if this set-up is a little less exciting and straight to the point than the last matches in my Eris series, so please bear with me.

This match serves as a pseudo-sequel to Eris vs. Pinocchio, which was in fact Goldstein from Harold & Kumar trying to pass his abstinence test for Jiminy Cricket, but with Eris secretly in the way of foiling them both. The actual sequel match to explain the whole result would be Eris vs. Jiminy Cricket which will be posted after this, but for now it's going to be a slight cut-in. In the mean time, enjoy the set-up. Oh and just to warn you, there are at least a few sexual scenes in this story, so read at your own risk.

--Storyline of Goldstein's Test (Halfway anyway)--

((The following are events of what happened halfway through Goldstein's test, so if you really want just get to the point of the match, I suggest you skip this part and get to where you see the title "Borat's Unexpected Trip" after Storyline or just press Ctrl F and type in Borat and click next until you see it after storyline))

Last time, our Jewish-American friend Goldstein had just started his test with Jiminy Cricket that he must be abstinent for 7 out of 14 days, either straight or unordered.

It was now midnight.

Goldstein: Alright, goldstein, since you need to avoid sex for at least 7 days, you've got to give it your best.

Jiminy Cricket: *from a hidden corner in the ceiling* That's right, goldstein, i'm counting on you, so the fairy could give me another gold badge just like I did for Pinocchio.

3 Days Later

Goldstein seemed to have screwed up again as he had accidentally led himself to the second East Asian Student club party, went to a nearby stripclub, and had some time with Cindy Kim at his house.

So Goldstein had brief flashbacks to the last following three days.

Day 1

Goldstein quietly strolled to his college, Princeton University, to see if his buddies Harold and Kumar was there.

Eris knew that there was a East Asian Student Club party going on, so she went down to Earth and disguised herself as a new male teacher from Goldstein's health class (if he has any) to lead him astray.

* = In disguise

Eris*: Boy this is going to be fun.

Goldstein was still walking across the hall and bumped into his teacher.

Goldstein was nervous upon "his" presence.

Goldstein: Oh sir, I didn't know it was you. You're new here, aren't you?

Eris*: Yes, I am a new teacher here from your health class and I need to ask you something. Hey young man, I have a new assignment for you. I need you to go to that rambunctious party over there at the East Asian Student's Club and "study" the young women's thingies and their behavior so that I may use that as my new and improved teaching materials to tell to the undergraduates.

Goldstein: But but I just promised a magic cricket that I wouldn't give in to my lusts, no matter what.

Eris*: A magic cricket? HA HA HA! You must be indulging in your cartoon fantasies again. What are you, seven years old?

Goldstein: But I am serious, I did see a...

Eris*: Follow my assignments now or your health grades will go down in the drain!

Goldstein: *stammers* Yes sir.

Goldstein ran right ahead to the party and saw three asian girls around Kenneth Park.

Goldstein took a peak under their panties and got an erection.

Goldstein: Holy shit! This is hot!

Goldstein was so aroused, he went to the men's room and masturbated like no tomorrow.

Goldstein got out and was excited he went right back home forgetting about his "new" assignment.

Eris stood in the shadows of Princeton and snickered and laughed her lungs out.

Eris: My goodness, that was so fun.

Day 2

Goldstein felt that secretly fapping to a few oriental girls last night wasn't enough, so he brought three bottles of Budweiser and a bag of weed with him to a stripclub.

Goldstein felt satisfied as he treaded back home.

Day 3

Goldstein picked up his phone and called Cindy Kim.

Goldstein: Hey Cindy. Mind if you come over to my house for some "fun"?

Cindy: Oh I don't know, but I have to study for a test next week. Can we...?

Eris mind controlled Cindy and made her submit to Goldstein's wishes.

Goldstein: Oh don't worry it will only be for half an hour.

Cindy: Ok, I guess it wouldn't hurt.

So 10 minutes later, Cindy Kim had arrived to Goldstein's house and Goldstein was on the couch smoking some pipe.

Goldstein: Hey Cindy... how about we get laid?

Cindy: Goldstein, I don't think I'd come here just for...

Goldstein grabbed Cindy and kissed her on the lips.

Cindy: Nvm, let's do it.

Then for the rest of the night, they had their so-called "fun", nonstop.

--End of Flashback--

Day 4

Goldstein: It's over already? I must have been dreaming.

Goldstein waked up from his bed and knocked himself on the head and realized he failed his test for the first three days.

Goldstein: OMFG, It's been three days and I haven't even gave up sex yet, god I'm such a naughty bastard.

Before Goldstein went to his classes in Princeton, he went to a nearby drugstore to buy any type of antiandrogen pills he could find to reduce his hypersexuality.

Goldstein: uh let's see... Spiritone, Diane 35, Proscar, Nazoral, Eulexin... which brand? Oh fuck it, I'll take the Ginette 35! Hey sir, I need enough Ginette 35 to last me for about a week.

Cashier: Ok that'll be 4 of them.

Goldstein: Thanks.

Cashier: You're welcome. *whispers* Sucker. I'll only gave it so that it lasts 4 days, thanks for the money.

For four days, Goldstein had successfully suppressed his urge for sex.

--Storyline

However the peers in his school were confused as to how the hypersexual dude they knew became so celibate.

Eris: *frustrated* Hmmm... it seems like it's getting harder and harder to make this mortal son of a bitch spiral out of control now that he took those stupid pills. Well it's only been half a week and I do need a break anyway.

As the rest of the events of Goldstein's test were to be determined over the second and final week, Eris decided to look someplace else on the globe for a change.

--Storyline "Borat's Unexpected Trip"--

Eris spinned the globe and touched a random place on Earth with the tip of her finger and caused a good, but not so noticeable earthquake on a place that happened to be...

KAZAKHSTAN!

Borat was in the village and he smiled at the camera.

Borat: Jagshemash, it's-a-me, Borat. I like you, I like sex. It's-a nice.

After making all the introductions, Borat and his friend Azamat had departed the village to the airport to fly to a place Borat likes to call...

Borat: U S and A!

Borat watched Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas while he was on the airplane.

When Borat saw Eris chasing Sinbad and his crew at the seas, he reacted...

Borat: Wa Wa Wee Wa, that giant sexy woman from space is chasing after my fellow Kazakh-a people on a ship. Don't tell Oksana I want to have sexy time with her ok?

Eris: (from space) Hmmm... this Borat Sagdidev seems like a pretty disgusting, yet hilarious mortal. I'll see how far he and his obese friend goes.

So when Borat and Azamat arrived to the U S and A, they stopped at the New York City airport.

Borat: I arrived in the country with clothing, US dollars, and a jar of Gypsy Tears to protect me from AIDS.

Azamat: Borat, don't ever change, man.

Borat: (to the camera) Listen pussycat give me a smile and I want to marry that purple giant woman Eris, so instead I tell my friend a Azamat that we travel to the west to get away from the jews as early as possible.

Eris: (in space) XD! This is gold! Does that pathetic ugly man think he has a chance with me? Yeah about even less than winning a new york lottery ticket.

Borat went to a car dealer and ended up buying a semi-broken ice cream truck with a bear in it.

Borat and Azamat drove about halfway through America and into Texas, he went to sing at the cowboy rodeo.

Host: Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for Borat in Star-Spangled Banner!

Borat: Kazakhstan is the greatest coun-try in the world. All the other countries are run by lit-le girls. Kazakhstan is #1 exporter of potassium, other central-Asian countries have inferior potassium...

The whole audience booed at Borat's singing and even Eris, whom was watching him and azamat all this time, got slightly miffed.

Eris: Ughh... that is the most horrible singing I have ever heard in my life as an immortal!

Borat: Great Success!

Eris got bored and decided to send a thunder and some fire on the stadium.

Borat and the entire audience ran out of the stadium.

and Eris revealed herself to the mortals surrounding Borat and Azamat.

Eris: Hi humans.

The mortals screamed and ran upon seeing her presence.

Borat gazed at Eris up in the sky of colossal size.

Borat: Hello! My name a Borat. What is yours?

Eris: I am Eris, the goddess of strife and discord. I have been watching all over you, you were not as handsome looking as the last two humans I have met somewhere in New Jersey, but you are much more funny than them and you have the guts they don't.

Borat: You are really hot!

Eris: Is that a compliment or are you trying...

Borat: Do not fear me gypsy, all I want is you tears.

Eris: Man, you're starting to annoy me.

Borat: I make a movie film—please you come see! If it not success, I will be execute.

Eris: Does it look like I care, I also other important matters to attend to, puny human.

Borat: Listen, I'm-a-sorry that Sinbad tried to cheat you. He is very naughty naughty. I like you, do you like me?

Eris: (in thought) how does he know sinbad?

Borat: Give me your tears, gypsy, or I will take them from you!

Eris: Pretty much every other human I have met irritate me less than you do.

Borat: What happen? Did the retard escape?

Borat: Anyways, will you please have sexy time with me? Your tits-a are very big. I excite, very excite.

As Borat continued to hit on Eris and persuade her to sleep with him after dishing out several rude sexual jokes.

Eris is flaming pissed off.

Eris: YOU! YOU DARE TO EXERT YOUR AUDACITY OF VERBAL SEXUAL HARRASMENT TOWARDS AN ALL-POWERFUL GODDESS LIKE ME? YOU WILL SURELY SUFFER FOR THAT, HUMAN!

Borat: Oh I get it. You don't want-a to have sexy time with me, just because you are a jew in disguise.

Eris: *clenches her teeth* Let's see if any more words of filth will come out of your big mouth of flesh and blood, once I'm done with you!

Eris was about to hurl a bolt of thunder followed by an immense fireball at Borat and Azamat, when Azamat was about to get away.

Azamat: Borat, quick, she has revealed her terror in front of us and we must escape right now!

Azamat quickly hopped into the ice cream truck with the bear still inside.

The whole sky started to conjure up a terrible thunderstorm shrouded with grey clouds due to Eris's anger.

Eris quickly summoned two squid-like monsters in assistance to smiting them.

Eris: Cetus, you know what to do. Trash these insufferable fools!

Borat: (to the camera) Oh no! The queen of the jews from the sky, she is verry verry angry at us. We must escape now!

Borat also saw two squid monsters on the street after them.

Borat: ARGGHHHHH!!!!! The jew queen has summoned her ugly jew soldiers after us. We are doomed!

Borat was only a feet away from reaching his ice cream truck to escape.

The Fight Begins.

--Rules--

Eris has all possible divine powers she has as the goddess of discord and chaos, including any feat shown or implied powers said in the movie, and she has summoned two squid monsters.

Borat and Azamat have whatever they have in the movie, including the ice cream truck Azamat is in now and started the engines and Borat is only a feet away from getting inside.

Eris is pissed off now and Borat/Azamat are scared.

Can Eris send the Kazakh journalist to his horrible death? Or will Borat escape the offended chaotic Greek goddess in time?

You vote now.

This fight posted by: Phalanx Blood


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IonKidMax
Posted on Aug 24 2008, 07:06 AM


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Borat will anoy them to death.


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Phalanx
Posted on Aug 24 2008, 05:35 PM


Okami... Best Wii game I've played so far!


Group: Admin
Posts: 2,139
Member No.: 1
Joined: 6-January 08



QUOTE (IonKidMax @ Aug 24 2008, 07:06 AM)
Borat will anoy them to death.

I don't think he's in any position to annoy Eris any further as she's already pissed and pumped up enough to destroy them.

Borat's only hope is if he's fast enough to reach the truck and drive to somewhere fast enough, though Eris being a goddess might have implied warp speed.


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