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Pages: (3) [1] 2 3  ( Go to first unread post )

 Solomons Grades
Solomon
Posted: Apr 10 2009, 03:38 PM


Head Admin


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,680
Member No.: 3
Joined: 9-January 08



Back by popular demand. It's Solomons grades. That's right folks were back. Remember you can submit any kind of ficitonal writing (perhaps a cbub match, an FPL character, or even a story you wrote) for grading. However I am making one change, you must seek permission from via PM. I withold the right to deny a grade to anyone, on any story.


--------------------

Points:

"The first shot rang out from somewhere and I heard a bullet wiz by my face. With my pump action shotgun ready, I shoot the first fool I see."

Grano's so gangster.
Top
Solomon
Posted: Apr 11 2009, 04:38 PM


Head Admin


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,680
Member No.: 3
Joined: 9-January 08



To DYGW

Entertainment- 6
-So far it's pretty good. Nothing really spectacular, it was just ok. However, I must admit I want to know what happens next you kind of left me hanging.

Originality-6
-I can't say this is very original. It has certain pieces that haven't been seen yet, but their so similar to other X-men story lines it kind of gives it an unoriginal feeling.

Fluency-8
-For the most part it was pretty smooth. There were times when you seemed to have a filler in between your sentences. What I mean by this is it seemed like you had trouble flwing to the next part of your story, and you tried to compensate by inputting a filler that was a bit out of place.

Plot-6
-Like I said before it's nothing that spectacular. You had a few unexpected events but it's the sort of unexpected events that you would see on a saturday morning cartoon.

Charcters-3
-You didn't make any of the characters sound like they really were, nor did you make them act like they do in the comics. I didn't really feel any sort of connection to any of the characters, it was like they were for the most part robots reacting to the events of the story.

Distinction of Voice-5
-Kind of a boring way to tell a story. You didn't tell it any sort of way that was unique or interesting.

Enhancers-5
-You definitely had a few. Off the top of my head I saw irony, plot twists, and maybe even a similie or two. Anyways the way you used them were straight forward, boring, and didn't any sort of craft to your writing.

Grammar/Spelling- 10
-I didn't notice anything, but if I were you I'd go back and double check it just to be safe.


Description- 5
- The description of the danger room scene was medicore at best, but after that you seemed to have forgotten description all together.


Theme- N/A



Based on your Theme grade your score will be in the range of:

48-58

Well Below Average to Below average.



--------------------

Points:

"The first shot rang out from somewhere and I heard a bullet wiz by my face. With my pump action shotgun ready, I shoot the first fool I see."

Grano's so gangster.
Top
Granobulax
Posted: Apr 12 2009, 03:14 PM


He's even got his hand over where I live...


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,880
Member No.: 35
Joined: 31-May 08



Do I need to post my character on here, send you a PM, or do you already have it?


--------------------
Points:


I scare little kids.
user posted image

QUOTE (treacherous @ Aug 16 2008, 12:12 PM)
RRRAOAAOAOAORRARRAA!!...  Blue lights and sirens rang through the night!! Yeah, they all wanna kill each other... HERE ME CITY!! THE STREETS BELONG TO THE GANGS NOW!! THIS IS THE NEW ORDER!! PREPARE FOR CHAOS!!

Solomon and I may be gangsta, but treach is the gangsta of the year!
Top
treacherous
Posted: Apr 12 2009, 03:30 PM


Let Hammy have his Bison. I've got Zod.


Group: Admin
Posts: 3,499
Member No.: 37
Joined: 10-June 08



W00T!!


--------------------
Points:

Ursa: You are master of all you survey.
General Zod: [bored] So I was yesterday. And the day before.




QUOTE (SilverSurfer092 @ Apr 9 2009, 03:27 AM)
WTFYES  Treacherous is full of pwnage.
Top
Granobulax
Posted: Apr 12 2009, 03:56 PM


He's even got his hand over where I live...


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,880
Member No.: 35
Joined: 31-May 08



QUOTE (treacherous @ Apr 12 2009, 03:30 PM)
W00T!!

What does "WOOT" stand for anyway? huh.gif


--------------------
Points:


I scare little kids.
user posted image

QUOTE (treacherous @ Aug 16 2008, 12:12 PM)
RRRAOAAOAOAORRARRAA!!...  Blue lights and sirens rang through the night!! Yeah, they all wanna kill each other... HERE ME CITY!! THE STREETS BELONG TO THE GANGS NOW!! THIS IS THE NEW ORDER!! PREPARE FOR CHAOS!!

Solomon and I may be gangsta, but treach is the gangsta of the year!
Top
Solomon
Posted: Apr 12 2009, 04:43 PM


Head Admin


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,680
Member No.: 3
Joined: 9-January 08



QUOTE (Granobulax @ Apr 12 2009, 03:14 PM)
Do I need to post my character on here, send you a PM, or do you already have it?

Is it still in the electric ferret database?


--------------------

Points:

"The first shot rang out from somewhere and I heard a bullet wiz by my face. With my pump action shotgun ready, I shoot the first fool I see."

Grano's so gangster.
Top
Granobulax
Posted: Apr 12 2009, 04:44 PM


He's even got his hand over where I live...


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,880
Member No.: 35
Joined: 31-May 08



QUOTE (Solomon @ Apr 12 2009, 04:43 PM)
Is it still in the electric ferret database?

Yes. It's in the Lower Division right now.


--------------------
Points:


I scare little kids.
user posted image

QUOTE (treacherous @ Aug 16 2008, 12:12 PM)
RRRAOAAOAOAORRARRAA!!...  Blue lights and sirens rang through the night!! Yeah, they all wanna kill each other... HERE ME CITY!! THE STREETS BELONG TO THE GANGS NOW!! THIS IS THE NEW ORDER!! PREPARE FOR CHAOS!!

Solomon and I may be gangsta, but treach is the gangsta of the year!
Top
Solomon
Posted: Apr 12 2009, 04:44 PM


Head Admin


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,680
Member No.: 3
Joined: 9-January 08



QUOTE (Granobulax @ Apr 12 2009, 04:44 PM)
Yes. It's in the Lower Division right now.

Cool. I'll grade it tommorow.


--------------------

Points:

"The first shot rang out from somewhere and I heard a bullet wiz by my face. With my pump action shotgun ready, I shoot the first fool I see."

Grano's so gangster.
Top
Granobulax
Posted: Apr 12 2009, 04:45 PM


He's even got his hand over where I live...


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,880
Member No.: 35
Joined: 31-May 08



QUOTE (Solomon @ Apr 12 2009, 04:44 PM)
Cool. I'll grade it tommorow.

Sweet happy.gif


--------------------
Points:


I scare little kids.
user posted image

QUOTE (treacherous @ Aug 16 2008, 12:12 PM)
RRRAOAAOAOAORRARRAA!!...  Blue lights and sirens rang through the night!! Yeah, they all wanna kill each other... HERE ME CITY!! THE STREETS BELONG TO THE GANGS NOW!! THIS IS THE NEW ORDER!! PREPARE FOR CHAOS!!

Solomon and I may be gangsta, but treach is the gangsta of the year!
Top
treacherous
Posted: Apr 12 2009, 05:07 PM


Let Hammy have his Bison. I've got Zod.


Group: Admin
Posts: 3,499
Member No.: 37
Joined: 10-June 08



QUOTE (treacherous @ Apr 12 2009, 03:30 PM)
W00T!!

I don't know.


--------------------
Points:

Ursa: You are master of all you survey.
General Zod: [bored] So I was yesterday. And the day before.




QUOTE (SilverSurfer092 @ Apr 9 2009, 03:27 AM)
WTFYES  Treacherous is full of pwnage.
Top
Solomon
Posted: Apr 12 2009, 05:09 PM


Head Admin


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,680
Member No.: 3
Joined: 9-January 08



QUOTE (treacherous @ Apr 12 2009, 05:07 PM)
I don't know.

laugh.gif


--------------------

Points:

"The first shot rang out from somewhere and I heard a bullet wiz by my face. With my pump action shotgun ready, I shoot the first fool I see."

Grano's so gangster.
Top
Solomon
Posted: Apr 13 2009, 03:58 PM


Head Admin


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,680
Member No.: 3
Joined: 9-January 08



For Granobulax :

Entertainment-6
-A multiversal basketball game with powers....meh. It was alright it wasn't outstanding it didn't real grasp my attention though. It just seemed a bit cliched, like something you'd see on a scooby doo special.

Originality-7
-It wasn't that original, but it wasn't overdone either. It was along the lines of unoriginal, and slightly creative.

Fluency-9
-This seems to be a strong point in your character. The announcer style write-up went well with the character, and using that method it allowed this to flow quite nicely. Just one complaint you change tempos quite a bit which made it slightly confusing in certain places, but other than that I have no complaints.

Plot-5
-It was a basketball game...The ending was expected, and the events of the game weren't really all that special. You definitely could have added more to the story, because where it stands it's pretty basic, like a burger without any toppings.


Characters-2
-I hardly felt any sort of connection to any of the characters, except maybe the announcers. laugh.gif

Yeah this was definitely a low point in your character.


Distinction of Voice-7
-The way you told the story wasn't very unique, but it was believeable. I guess that's what I liked about it. The commentary made it feel like I was listening to the game on the radio. I liked that because it kind of imposed the story on my personal experiences so you get points for that.

Enhancers- 1
- Maybe one or two minor ones. Plot twists? Maybe. They didn't do anything for the story, and the way you used them was an eye sore, unoriginal, and boring.

Grammar/Spelling- 10
-I didn't notice anything, but if I were you I'd go back and double check it just to be safe.

Description-3
-Very little use of below average description.

Theme-5
-Never give up? Like the rest of the character it's friendly, and believeable but at the same time cliched, and didn't have any sort of X-factor to it.


Overall-53

Below Average.


--------------------

Points:

"The first shot rang out from somewhere and I heard a bullet wiz by my face. With my pump action shotgun ready, I shoot the first fool I see."

Grano's so gangster.
Top
Granobulax
Posted: Apr 13 2009, 04:12 PM


He's even got his hand over where I live...


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,880
Member No.: 35
Joined: 31-May 08



Wow, that's the lowest score I've gotten from you yet. I see your points, but this character wasn't supposed to be a masterpiece. I just did this one for fun so I suppose the 53 is warrented.

Funny though, it's about to go for it's fifth straight win on the FPL laugh.gif

Honestly, I didn't really expect it to even reach the elims.






Oh yes, do you still have that war character of yours? You never submitted it, did you? If not, you should get it on the FPL. Treacherous has his war character on there right now and it would be interesting to see you two go up against one another.


--------------------
Points:


I scare little kids.
user posted image

QUOTE (treacherous @ Aug 16 2008, 12:12 PM)
RRRAOAAOAOAORRARRAA!!...  Blue lights and sirens rang through the night!! Yeah, they all wanna kill each other... HERE ME CITY!! THE STREETS BELONG TO THE GANGS NOW!! THIS IS THE NEW ORDER!! PREPARE FOR CHAOS!!

Solomon and I may be gangsta, but treach is the gangsta of the year!
Top
Solomon
Posted: Apr 13 2009, 04:13 PM


Head Admin


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,680
Member No.: 3
Joined: 9-January 08



QUOTE (Granobulax @ Apr 13 2009, 04:12 PM)
Wow, that's the lowest score I've gotten from you yet. I see your points, but this character wasn't supposed to be a masterpiece. I just did this one for fun so I suppose the 53 is warrented.

Funny though, it's about to go for it's fifth straight win on the FPL laugh.gif

Honestly, I didn't really expect it to even reach the elims.






Oh yes, do you still have that war character of yours? You never submitted it, did you? If not, you should get it on the FPL. Treacherous has his war character on there right now and it would be interesting to see you two go up against one another.

Maybe, someday.


--------------------

Points:

"The first shot rang out from somewhere and I heard a bullet wiz by my face. With my pump action shotgun ready, I shoot the first fool I see."

Grano's so gangster.
Top
Granobulax
Posted: Apr 13 2009, 04:14 PM


He's even got his hand over where I live...


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,880
Member No.: 35
Joined: 31-May 08



QUOTE (Solomon @ Apr 13 2009, 04:13 PM)
QUOTE (Granobulax @ Apr 13 2009, 04:12 PM)
Wow, that's the lowest score I've gotten from you yet. I see your points, but this character wasn't supposed to be a masterpiece. I just did this one for fun so I suppose the 53 is warrented.

Funny though, it's about to go for it's fifth straight win on the FPL laugh.gif

Honestly, I didn't really expect it to even reach the elims.






Oh yes, do you still have that war character of yours? You never submitted it, did you? If not, you should get it on the FPL. Treacherous has his war character on there right now and it would be interesting to see you two go up against one another.

Maybe, someday.

But if you've got it, why not post it? huh.gif


--------------------
Points:


I scare little kids.
user posted image

QUOTE (treacherous @ Aug 16 2008, 12:12 PM)
RRRAOAAOAOAORRARRAA!!...  Blue lights and sirens rang through the night!! Yeah, they all wanna kill each other... HERE ME CITY!! THE STREETS BELONG TO THE GANGS NOW!! THIS IS THE NEW ORDER!! PREPARE FOR CHAOS!!

Solomon and I may be gangsta, but treach is the gangsta of the year!
Top
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