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Pages: (7) [1] 2 3 ... Last » ( Go to first unread post )

 Grano's grades!, Let's add another to the mix
granobulax
Posted: Jan 20 2009, 03:38 AM


He's even got his hand over where I live...


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,880
Member No.: 35
Joined: 31-May 08



Throw me some writing my way for a good ol' fassion constructive criticism and an overall grade.

I review based on:

Flow:35%
Grammar and spelling: 20%
Entertainment value: 45%

It's a simple grading system so bring on the writing!


--------------------
Points:


I scare little kids.
user posted image

QUOTE (treacherous @ Aug 16 2008, 12:12 PM)
RRRAOAAOAOAORRARRAA!!...  Blue lights and sirens rang through the night!! Yeah, they all wanna kill each other... HERE ME CITY!! THE STREETS BELONG TO THE GANGS NOW!! THIS IS THE NEW ORDER!! PREPARE FOR CHAOS!!

Solomon and I may be gangsta, but treach is the gangsta of the year!
Top
Solomon
Posted: Jan 20 2009, 03:44 AM


Head Admin


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,680
Member No.: 3
Joined: 9-January 08



Copier.


--------------------

Points:

"The first shot rang out from somewhere and I heard a bullet wiz by my face. With my pump action shotgun ready, I shoot the first fool I see."

Grano's so gangster.
Top
granobulax
Posted: Jan 20 2009, 03:45 AM


He's even got his hand over where I live...


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,880
Member No.: 35
Joined: 31-May 08



QUOTE (Solomon @ Jan 20 2009, 03:44 AM)
Copier.

You coppied treach first tongue.gif

We can be the three musketeers of the review threads laugh.gif


--------------------
Points:


I scare little kids.
user posted image

QUOTE (treacherous @ Aug 16 2008, 12:12 PM)
RRRAOAAOAOAORRARRAA!!...  Blue lights and sirens rang through the night!! Yeah, they all wanna kill each other... HERE ME CITY!! THE STREETS BELONG TO THE GANGS NOW!! THIS IS THE NEW ORDER!! PREPARE FOR CHAOS!!

Solomon and I may be gangsta, but treach is the gangsta of the year!
Top
The Ripper
Posted: Jan 20 2009, 03:57 AM


Knight of the Ivory Axe


Group: Members
Posts: 2,926
Member No.: 12
Joined: 11-January 08





--------------------
Points:


QUOTE ("Friedrich Nietzsche")
He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster... when you gaze long into the abyss the abyss also gazes into you...
Top
granobulax
Posted: Jan 20 2009, 04:03 AM


He's even got his hand over where I live...


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,880
Member No.: 35
Joined: 31-May 08



QUOTE (The Ripper @ Jan 20 2009, 03:57 AM)
My WHOLE Blood Series!

Wow, that's too much to review at one time. How's about you post a section here and there and I'll review them one at a time wink.gif


--------------------
Points:


I scare little kids.
user posted image

QUOTE (treacherous @ Aug 16 2008, 12:12 PM)
RRRAOAAOAOAORRARRAA!!...  Blue lights and sirens rang through the night!! Yeah, they all wanna kill each other... HERE ME CITY!! THE STREETS BELONG TO THE GANGS NOW!! THIS IS THE NEW ORDER!! PREPARE FOR CHAOS!!

Solomon and I may be gangsta, but treach is the gangsta of the year!
Top
The Ripper
Posted: Jan 20 2009, 04:04 AM


Knight of the Ivory Axe


Group: Members
Posts: 2,926
Member No.: 12
Joined: 11-January 08



QUOTE (granobulax @ Jan 19 2009, 09:03 PM)
QUOTE (The Ripper @ Jan 20 2009, 03:57 AM)
My WHOLE Blood Series!

Wow, that's too much to review at one time. How's about you post a section here and there and I'll review them one at a time wink.gif


--------------------
Points:


QUOTE ("Friedrich Nietzsche")
He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster... when you gaze long into the abyss the abyss also gazes into you...
Top
granobulax
Posted: Jan 20 2009, 04:18 AM


He's even got his hand over where I live...


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,880
Member No.: 35
Joined: 31-May 08



QUOTE (The Ripper @ Jan 20 2009, 04:04 AM)
QUOTE (granobulax @ Jan 19 2009, 09:03 PM)
QUOTE (The Ripper @ Jan 20 2009, 03:57 AM)
My WHOLE Blood Series!

Wow, that's too much to review at one time. How's about you post a section here and there and I'll review them one at a time wink.gif

Flow: 18% The most of the story was of Sigmund fighting one opponent after another. The flow was lacking in that it was very repetitive. Throw some newer challanges for Sigmund and it'll be far better.

Grammar and spelling: 15% When there is dialogue, a new paragraph is to be started upon the next person's speach. There were whole paragraphs with dialogue mixed in. Seperate the paragraphs and the grammar will be perfect. I didn't notice any spelling errors.

Entertainment value: 30% As I said in the flow, the repeditive nature of this piece made it lack in entertainment. Break that up and it will be far improved.

Total score: 63%

Over all; not bad. Needs some work but it has a good shot at being something great.


--------------------
Points:


I scare little kids.
user posted image

QUOTE (treacherous @ Aug 16 2008, 12:12 PM)
RRRAOAAOAOAORRARRAA!!...  Blue lights and sirens rang through the night!! Yeah, they all wanna kill each other... HERE ME CITY!! THE STREETS BELONG TO THE GANGS NOW!! THIS IS THE NEW ORDER!! PREPARE FOR CHAOS!!

Solomon and I may be gangsta, but treach is the gangsta of the year!
Top
Solomon
Posted: Jan 20 2009, 04:40 AM


Head Admin


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,680
Member No.: 3
Joined: 9-January 08



QUOTE (granobulax @ Jan 20 2009, 03:45 AM)
QUOTE (Solomon @ Jan 20 2009, 03:44 AM)
Copier.

You coppied treach first tongue.gif

We can be the three musketeers of the review threads laugh.gif

I like the sound of that. Even though treach's was for constructive criticism mine is just for a flat out grade. Like a report card.


--------------------

Points:

"The first shot rang out from somewhere and I heard a bullet wiz by my face. With my pump action shotgun ready, I shoot the first fool I see."

Grano's so gangster.
Top
granobulax
Posted: Jan 20 2009, 04:44 AM


He's even got his hand over where I live...


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,880
Member No.: 35
Joined: 31-May 08



QUOTE (Solomon @ Jan 20 2009, 04:40 AM)
QUOTE (granobulax @ Jan 20 2009, 03:45 AM)
QUOTE (Solomon @ Jan 20 2009, 03:44 AM)
Copier.

You coppied treach first tongue.gif

We can be the three musketeers of the review threads laugh.gif

I like the sound of that. Even though treach's was for constructive criticism mine is just for a flat out grade. Like a report card.

And mine's got a little of both biggrin.gif

After all, we're here to help others. Now we can give everyone all the help they could possibly want.


--------------------
Points:


I scare little kids.
user posted image

QUOTE (treacherous @ Aug 16 2008, 12:12 PM)
RRRAOAAOAOAORRARRAA!!...  Blue lights and sirens rang through the night!! Yeah, they all wanna kill each other... HERE ME CITY!! THE STREETS BELONG TO THE GANGS NOW!! THIS IS THE NEW ORDER!! PREPARE FOR CHAOS!!

Solomon and I may be gangsta, but treach is the gangsta of the year!
Top
Solomon
Posted: Jan 20 2009, 04:51 AM


Head Admin


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,680
Member No.: 3
Joined: 9-January 08



QUOTE (granobulax @ Jan 20 2009, 04:44 AM)
QUOTE (Solomon @ Jan 20 2009, 04:40 AM)
QUOTE (granobulax @ Jan 20 2009, 03:45 AM)
QUOTE (Solomon @ Jan 20 2009, 03:44 AM)
Copier.

You coppied treach first tongue.gif

We can be the three musketeers of the review threads laugh.gif

I like the sound of that. Even though treach's was for constructive criticism mine is just for a flat out grade. Like a report card.

And mine's got a little of both biggrin.gif

After all, we're here to help others. Now we can give everyone all the help they could possibly want.

True dat.


--------------------

Points:

"The first shot rang out from somewhere and I heard a bullet wiz by my face. With my pump action shotgun ready, I shoot the first fool I see."

Grano's so gangster.
Top
The Ripper
Posted: Jan 20 2009, 05:26 AM


Knight of the Ivory Axe


Group: Members
Posts: 2,926
Member No.: 12
Joined: 11-January 08



Better? I included some elements. Aigmund had to dodge traps and the two had to hike a steep mountain. The story itself it like a video game. GO VIDEO GAMES!!!


--------------------
Points:


QUOTE ("Friedrich Nietzsche")
He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster... when you gaze long into the abyss the abyss also gazes into you...
Top
treacherous
Posted: Jan 20 2009, 03:18 PM


Let Hammy have his Bison. I've got Zod.


Group: Admin
Posts: 3,499
Member No.: 37
Joined: 10-June 08



QUOTE (Solomon @ Jan 20 2009, 04:51 AM)
QUOTE (granobulax @ Jan 20 2009, 04:44 AM)
QUOTE (Solomon @ Jan 20 2009, 04:40 AM)
QUOTE (granobulax @ Jan 20 2009, 03:45 AM)
QUOTE (Solomon @ Jan 20 2009, 03:44 AM)
Copier.

You coppied treach first tongue.gif

We can be the three musketeers of the review threads laugh.gif

I like the sound of that. Even though treach's was for constructive criticism mine is just for a flat out grade. Like a report card.

And mine's got a little of both biggrin.gif

After all, we're here to help others. Now we can give everyone all the help they could possibly want.

True dat.

Word.


--------------------
Points:

Ursa: You are master of all you survey.
General Zod: [bored] So I was yesterday. And the day before.




QUOTE (SilverSurfer092 @ Apr 9 2009, 03:27 AM)
WTFYES  Treacherous is full of pwnage.
Top
Street Fighter vs DBZ
Posted: Jan 20 2009, 05:45 PM


Unregistered









Deathstroke and Deadpool vs. Lobo:

The Marvel Universe...
Deadpool was battling T-Ray, as T-Ray had teleported into his house and killed Blind Al.

Deadpool: "I don't really give a damn about Blind Al, BUT NO ONE GOES INTO MY HOUSE WHEN I'M NOT AROUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

T-Ray through a punch at him but Deadpool teleported on top of him and stabbed him in the face with his Katana.

T-Ray: "AAARGH!!!"

T-Ray punched Deadpool in the belt. It broke Deadpool's teleporter.

Deadpool: "Now T-Ray, how many times have I told you not to touch Daddy's belts?!"

Deadpool pulled out a gun and shot T-Ray in the eye. He then cut off T-Ray's head with the katana.

Deadpool: "I win! I win! Ner ner ne ner ner!"

Deadpool picked up T-Ray's head and through it in the garbage. Then he took T-Ray and Blind Al's bodies and dumped them in the Hellhouse. Then he pushed the button on his teleporter to see if it still worked. He teleported, but reappeared in a city he had never seen before.

Deadpool: "Oh goody, it still works! Hurray! Hurra- Wait, where in the name of cheesy puffs am I?! Oh well, I'll just teleport back."

He pressed the button on his belt. Nothing happened.

Deadpool: "Aw, shi-"

But then someone kicked him in the back of the head. Deadpool fell to the ground and rolled over to see who had kicked him. A man dressed up like a bat was standing there.

Batman: "I'd heard rumors that you were operating in Gotham, Deathstroke. Now I can finally bring you to justice! I see you changed your costume. But you can still see that it's you from a mile away."

Deadpool: "Deathstroke?! Who the hell is Deathstroke? Does he like cheesy puffs?"

Batman: "Nice try Deathstroke. But I'm not falling for it."

Batman prepared to kick Deadpool in the face and knock him out, but suddenly there was a gunshot and Batman fell over, dead.

Deadpool: "Wow, I must be really good! I killed that guy without even tryin'!"

But then Deadpool saw another man emerge from the shadows. The man was almost identical to him.

Deadpool: "Who the hell are you?! I've never seen you in a comic before... anyway, thanks for saving my ass. I owe you one."

Man: "I'm Deathstroke. Why are you dressed like me?"

Deadpool: "Uh... I dunno. You like cheesy puffs?"

Deathstroke: "Who are you?!"

Deadpool: "I'm Deadpool. I don't think I'm... y'know... from this universe. I teleported here by mistake. Oh my god, Your my long lost brother aren't you!"

Deathstroke: "No you idiot! You must be some kind of parallel universe version of me..."

Deadpool: "Oh... I'll have to keep searching for my long lost brother then."

Deathstroke: "What's your real name?"

Deadpool: "Wilson. Wade Wilson.

Deathstroke: "Yeah, you’re definitely an alternate universe version of me. My name is Slade Wilson."

Before either of them could say another word, a figure jumped down from a building. The figure was dressed in biker gear and had Dreadlocks.

Deadpool: "D-Dirty Wolff?! (Note: Dirty Wolff was a parody of Lobo in Deadpool #41 )

Deathstroke: "His name is Lobo, Deadpool."

Lobo: "Damn straight. That's L as in "lacerate," O as in "obliterate," B as in "disembowel," and O as in, uh... well, I guess I can use "obliterate" twice. You got a hell of a lotta enemies, Deathstroke, and one of 'em's gonna pay big bucks if I bring you back alive. He said He wanted ta' finish you off himself. And looky here, I got me two Deathstrokes! I wonder if I'll get paid double."

Lobo took out a gun and jumped at Deathstroke and Deadpool. They both dodged and fired their guns at Lobo.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Deadpool is armed with 4 mini-machineguns, 2 Katanas, 2 handguns and 20 grenades.

Deathstroke is armed with everything that Deadpool has, plus a teleporter. Both Deadpool and Deathstroke are at their absolute peak.

Lobo has one handgun. Just to make it fair, this is the weak version of Lobo (The one that can barely pick up a car).

FIGHT!
Top
granobulax
Posted: Jan 20 2009, 07:28 PM


He's even got his hand over where I live...


Group: Admin
Posts: 7,880
Member No.: 35
Joined: 31-May 08



QUOTE (Street Fighter vs DBZ @ Jan 20 2009, 05:45 PM)
Deathstroke and Deadpool vs. Lobo:

Flow:30% It's a little choppy in there in that it moves a little too fast in the beginning. A little more detail would do the beginning nicely. Other than that, the story flows very well.

Grammar and spelling: 5% There are some big mistakes. For instance, "through" should be spelled "Threw" in the context in which it was used. Also, beginning consecutive sentenses the same way repetedly makes for too much repitition. Try to revise that if you can. Be original and use different words. Use a thesaurus if you have one or go to Thesaurus.com. That should help.

Entertainment value: 40% I though it was very entertaining. I enjoyed reading it very much. I would liked to have read a little more detail into the death of Batman and perhaps a little more into the fight scenes but the character personalities were flawless.

Overall: 75% Nice job!


--------------------
Points:


I scare little kids.
user posted image

QUOTE (treacherous @ Aug 16 2008, 12:12 PM)
RRRAOAAOAOAORRARRAA!!...  Blue lights and sirens rang through the night!! Yeah, they all wanna kill each other... HERE ME CITY!! THE STREETS BELONG TO THE GANGS NOW!! THIS IS THE NEW ORDER!! PREPARE FOR CHAOS!!

Solomon and I may be gangsta, but treach is the gangsta of the year!
Top
Street Fighter vs DBZ
Posted: Jan 20 2009, 07:29 PM


Unregistered









QUOTE (granobulax @ Jan 20 2009, 07:28 PM)
QUOTE (Street Fighter vs DBZ @ Jan 20 2009, 05:45 PM)
Deathstroke and Deadpool vs. Lobo:

Flow:30% It's a little choppy in there in that it moves a little too fast in the beginning. A little more detail would do the beginning nicely. Other than that, the story flows very well.

Grammar and spelling: 5% There are some big mistakes. For instance, "through" should be spelled "Threw" in the context in which it was used. Also, beginning consecutive sentenses the same way repetedly makes for too much repitition. Try to revise that if you can. Be original and use different words. Use a thesaurus if you have one or go to Thesaurus.com. That should help.

Entertainment value: 40% I though it was very entertaining. I enjoyed reading it very much. I would liked to have read a little more detail into the death of Batman and perhaps a little more into the fight scenes but the character personalities were flawless.

Overall: 75% Nice job!

cool cool.gif
Top
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