View Full Version: Jokes!!!

Haven Of Wiidom > Rantings and Ravings > Jokes!!!


Title: Jokes!!!
Description: Put your best jokes here!


granobulax - July 15, 2008 07:36 PM (GMT)
Everyone has atleast a few good jokes to tell. Come on, share them with everyone!!!

And TRY to make them appropriate..... :lol:

granobulax - July 15, 2008 07:41 PM (GMT)
Okay, why did the little girl burry the flashlight?

Because the batteries were dead!

Badum chhhh!!! :lol:

CoasterKing - July 15, 2008 07:42 PM (GMT)
Yo Mommas so fat...

...she bleeds gravy!

CoasterKing - July 15, 2008 07:43 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (CoasterKing @ Jul 15 2008, 02:42 PM)
Yo Mommas so fat...

...she bleeds gravy!

Look it looks like Azula is saying that! :lol:

Bassetman - July 15, 2008 07:44 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (granobulax @ Jul 15 2008, 07:36 PM)
Everyone has atleast a few good jokes to tell. Come on, share them with everyone!!!

And TRY to make them appropriate.....  :lol:

:(

granobulax - July 15, 2008 08:04 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (Bassetman @ Jul 15 2008, 07:44 PM)
QUOTE (granobulax @ Jul 15 2008, 07:36 PM)
Everyone has atleast a few good jokes to tell. Come on, share them with everyone!!!

And TRY to make them appropriate.....  :lol:

:(

I said TRY, I didn't say you had to..... lol!!!

super_wolverine_Man - July 15, 2008 08:06 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (granobulax @ Jul 15 2008, 08:04 PM)
QUOTE (Bassetman @ Jul 15 2008, 07:44 PM)
QUOTE (granobulax @ Jul 15 2008, 07:36 PM)
Everyone has atleast a few good jokes to tell. Come on, share them with everyone!!!

And TRY to make them appropriate.....  :lol:

:(

I said TRY, I didn't say you had to..... lol!!!

in that case we better block, some of the younger members from here (joke)

granobulax - July 15, 2008 08:19 PM (GMT)
Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9!

Omg, that's so funny! Lmao!!!

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah...... *catches breath*........ AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

Leo Sanders - July 15, 2008 08:43 PM (GMT)
Why did the Chicken cross the road?




Because unlike lazy people he walked



hahahhacough throws a tomato

granobulax - July 16, 2008 12:49 AM (GMT)
QUOTE (Leo Sanders @ Jul 15 2008, 08:43 PM)
Why did the Chicken cross the road?




Because unlike lazy people he walked



hahahhacough throws a tomato

Wow, we're cheezy lmao!!!

CoasterKing - July 16, 2008 12:50 AM (GMT)
Your momma's so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck!

ND4 - July 16, 2008 12:56 AM (GMT)
QUOTE (CoasterKing @ Jul 16 2008, 12:50 AM)
Your momma's so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck!

hey guys this bato take it easy on mark .he is not funny.
me:hey hey does ghostface not in crossovers?
becaues he sucks!

granobulax - July 16, 2008 08:30 AM (GMT)
My aunt is a big girl. She came and visited my house one day, and when she walked through the door, she accidently stepped on my dogs tail.

We rushed my dog to the vet and after an hour, the vet came out and said "Sorry, your beaver is dead....."

Bassetman - July 16, 2008 04:04 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (granobulax @ Jul 16 2008, 08:30 AM)
My aunt is a big girl. She came and visited my house one day, and when she walked through the door, she accidently stepped on my dogs tail.

We rushed my dog to the vet and after an hour, the vet came out and said "Sorry, your beaver is dead....."

LOL. :lol:

Bloody_freak - July 16, 2008 09:00 PM (GMT)
A duck goes into a bar, sits down on a stool, and waits for the bartender.

The bartender walks up, hands the duck a menu, leaves for a while, and comes back to take his order. "What will it be?" Says the Bartender.

The duck says, "I think I'll have the grapes." "Well, I'm sorry sir, but this is a bar, we don't serve grapes here. Now, I'll let you look a bit longer and wave when you know what you want."

The duck looks at the menu, then waves the bartender down. "Ok, you got your order?" The duck nods, saying, "I'll think I'll have the grapes."

The bartender, kind of peeved from the duck, says, "Look Mac, we don't have any grapes here. This is a bar. We don't serve grapes, so what will you have?!"

The duck looks at him in the eyes and says, "I'll have the grapes."

The bartender, enraged, shouts, "If you ask for the grapes one more time I'm going to nail your feathered a** to the barstool!!"

The bartender cools off a bit. "Now what will you have?!" "Got any nails?" "OF COURSE WE DON'T HAVE ANY NAILS! WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS? A HARDWARE STORE?"

"Good, got any grapes?"

...................................


Damn that was lame............ I'm better at the inappropriate jokes. lol.

granobulax - July 16, 2008 09:22 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (Bloody_freak @ Jul 16 2008, 09:00 PM)
A duck goes into a bar, sits down on a stool, and waits for the bartender.

The bartender walks up, hands the duck a menu, leaves for a while, and comes back to take his order. "What will it be?" Says the Bartender.

The duck says, "I think I'll have the grapes." "Well, I'm sorry sir, but this is a bar, we don't serve grapes here. Now, I'll let you look a bit longer and wave when you know what you want."

The duck looks at the menu, then waves the bartender down. "Ok, you got your order?" The duck nods, saying, "I'll think I'll have the grapes."

The bartender, kind of peeved from the duck, says, "Look Mac, we don't have any grapes here. This is a bar. We don't serve grapes, so what will you have?!"

The duck looks at him in the eyes and says, "I'll have the grapes."

The bartender, enraged, shouts, "If you ask for the grapes one more time I'm going to nail your feathered a** to the barstool!!"

The bartender cools off a bit. "Now what will you have?!" "Got any nails?" "OF COURSE WE DON'T HAVE ANY NAILS! WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS? A HARDWARE STORE?"

"Good, got any grapes?"

...................................


Damn that was lame............ I'm better at the inappropriate jokes. lol.

ROTFL!!! :lol: We've got some lame jokes on here! Lmao!!!

IonKidMax - July 17, 2008 12:22 AM (GMT)
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar. The pirate has a peg-leg, a hook and an eye patch. "How'd you end up with a peg-leg?" asks the sailor. "I was swept overboard in a storm," says the pirate.
"A shark bit off me whole leg."
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about the hook?"
"We were boarding an enemy ship, battling the other sailors with swords. One of them cut me
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "And the eye patch?" "A seagull dropping fell in me eye," replied the pirate.


"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.

''It was my first day with the hook''
said the Pirate. :lol: :D :lol: :o

The Ripper - July 17, 2008 02:48 AM (GMT)
Ha ha ha!

Um...Permission to say a crude joke?

Bassetman - July 17, 2008 02:53 AM (GMT)
QUOTE (The Ripper @ Jul 17 2008, 02:48 AM)
Ha ha ha!

Um...Permission to say a crude joke?

Go right ahead.

Bloody_freak - July 17, 2008 04:39 AM (GMT)
QUOTE (The Ripper @ Jul 17 2008, 02:48 AM)
Ha ha ha!

Um...Permission to say a crude joke?

PLEASE!!!

granobulax - July 17, 2008 09:13 AM (GMT)
Okay, if this is too innapropriate, please feel free to edit.

Superman has yet another super villan destroying metropolis. After fighting this monster for some time, he decides it would be best to go look for help.

Superman goes and finds Aquaman and asks him for help "Sorry Superman, I've got a dozen beached whales on the coast of Africa that needs to be saved." replied Aquaman.

Superman then takes off in search of Batman and finds him in Gotham City. "Sorry Superman, Joker just escaped from Arkham Asylum and I have to catch him." Batman tells a deflated Superman.

Superman is flying along lost in thoughts and hopelessness when he spots Wonderwoman laying butt naked in a field! Superman thinks to himself that he's wanted some of that for years now... and hey, he's faster than a speeding bullet right?

Superman swoops down...bam bam bam and is gone in an instant.

Wonder woman looks up and says "What was that!?" and the invisible man said "I don't know, but my butt sure does hurt!"


CoasterKing - July 17, 2008 12:38 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (granobulax @ Jul 17 2008, 04:13 AM)
Okay, if this is too innapropriate, please feel free to edit.

Superman has yet another super villan destroying metropolis. After fighting this monster for some time, he decides it would be best to go look for help.

Superman goes and finds Aquaman and asks him for help "Sorry Superman, I've got a dozen beached whales on the coast of Africa that needs to be saved." replied Aquaman.

Superman then takes off in search of Batman and finds him in Gotham City. "Sorry Superman, Joker just escaped from Arkham Asylum and I have to catch him." Batman tells a deflated Superman.

Superman is flying along lost in thoughts and hopelessness when he spots Wonderwoman laying butt naked in a field! Superman thinks to himself that he's wanted some of that for years now... and hey, he's faster than a speeding bullet right?

Superman swoops down...bam bam bam and is gone in an instant.

Wonder woman looks up and says "What was that!?" and the invisible man said "I don't know, but my butt sure does hurt!"

I think I just threw up in my mouth.

granobulax - July 17, 2008 12:54 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (CoasterKing @ Jul 17 2008, 12:38 PM)
QUOTE (granobulax @ Jul 17 2008, 04:13 AM)
Okay, if this is too innapropriate, please feel free to edit.

Superman has yet another super villan destroying metropolis. After fighting this monster for some time, he decides it would be best to go look for help.

Superman goes and finds Aquaman and asks him for help "Sorry Superman, I've got a dozen beached whales on the coast of Africa that needs to be saved." replied Aquaman.

Superman then takes off in search of Batman and finds him in Gotham City. "Sorry Superman, Joker just escaped from Arkham Asylum and I have to catch him." Batman tells a deflated Superman.

Superman is flying along lost in thoughts and hopelessness when he spots Wonderwoman laying butt naked in a field! Superman thinks to himself that he's wanted some of that for years now... and hey, he's faster than a speeding bullet right?

Superman swoops down...bam bam bam and is gone in an instant.

Wonder woman looks up and says "What was that!?" and the invisible man said "I don't know, but my butt sure does hurt!"

I think I just threw up in my mouth.

That's the reaction I was going for! :lol:

Bassetman - July 17, 2008 01:33 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (granobulax @ Jul 17 2008, 09:13 AM)
Okay, if this is too innapropriate, please feel free to edit.

Superman has yet another super villan destroying metropolis. After fighting this monster for some time, he decides it would be best to go look for help.

Superman goes and finds Aquaman and asks him for help "Sorry Superman, I've got a dozen beached whales on the coast of Africa that needs to be saved." replied Aquaman.

Superman then takes off in search of Batman and finds him in Gotham City. "Sorry Superman, Joker just escaped from Arkham Asylum and I have to catch him." Batman tells a deflated Superman.

Superman is flying along lost in thoughts and hopelessness when he spots Wonderwoman laying butt naked in a field! Superman thinks to himself that he's wanted some of that for years now... and hey, he's faster than a speeding bullet right?

Superman swoops down...bam bam bam and is gone in an instant.

Wonder woman looks up and says "What was that!?" and the invisible man said "I don't know, but my butt sure does hurt!"

Ha!

The Ripper - July 17, 2008 02:03 PM (GMT)
Ha ha ha...

Here's my crude joke:

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said," Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

CoasterKing - July 17, 2008 02:05 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (The Ripper @ Jul 17 2008, 09:03 AM)
Ha ha ha...

Here's my crude joke:

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said," Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

Funny!

Bassetman - July 17, 2008 02:05 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (The Ripper @ Jul 17 2008, 02:03 PM)
Ha ha ha...

Here's my crude joke:

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said," Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

Hehe. ^_^

CoasterKing - July 17, 2008 02:12 PM (GMT)
3 stray dogs were walking on the street. They saw a beautiful poodle coming their way.
They all ran up to her, mouths wide open and drooling.
"Any of you who can put liver and cheese in a sentence is worthy of being my man."
The first was an American Bulldog "I love liver and cheese." She shook her head.
The second was a Pit Bull "I hate liver and cheese." She shook her head again.
The third was a mexican Chiuahua...

"Liver alone, Cheese mine."

Gamer709 - July 17, 2008 02:44 PM (GMT)

A woman was staying at the Sunstar Hotel for 2 weeks on vacation. Everyday after she ate in the resturaunt, she went onto the roof and tanned for 2 hours and came back down. By the second week, she wanted to have a total all-over tan. She figured no one would see her up here. So she went onto the roof and went into an open area. She procceded to take off her bathing-suit top and bathing-suit bottom. Now completely naked, she put on sun-tan lotion and she laid down on her stomach onto the ground. After not long, she heard someone coming up the stariwell, so she pulled a towel over her derriere and kept tanning.

“Excuse me.” said a flustered Assistant manager of the hotel, still breathing heavily from running up the stairs. “The Hotel doesn’t mind you laying on the roof, but we would greatly appreciate it if you did it in your bathing-suit as you did the past couple of days.”

The Woman looked up at him and said coolly: “What difference is it? No one else can see me way up here, and besides, I have a towel on.” she said giving an annoyed look.

“Not Exactly.” said the man, embarrassed. “You see, you’re laying on the resturaunt’s skylight.”


CoasterKing - July 17, 2008 02:45 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (Gamer709 @ Jul 17 2008, 09:44 AM)
A woman was staying at the Sunstar Hotel for 2 weeks on vacation. Everyday after she ate in the resturaunt, she went onto the roof and tanned for 2 hours and came back down. By the second week, she wanted to have a total all-over tan. She figured no one would see her up here. So she went onto the roof and went into an open area. She procceded to take off her bathing-suit top and bathing-suit bottom. Now completely naked, she put on sun-tan lotion and she laid down on her stomach onto the ground. After not long, she heard someone coming up the stariwell, so she pulled a towel over her derriere and kept tanning.

“Excuse me.” said a flustered Assistant manager of the hotel, still breathing heavily from running up the stairs. “The Hotel doesn’t mind you laying on the roof, but we would greatly appreciate it if you did it in your bathing-suit as you did the past couple of days.”

The Woman looked up at him and said coolly: “What difference is it? No one else can see me way up here, and besides, I have a towel on.” she said giving an annoyed look.

“Not Exactly.” said the man, embarrassed. “You see, you’re laying on the resturaunt’s skylight.”

Trying no to laugh... :lol: :lol: :lol:

Gamer709 - July 17, 2008 02:50 PM (GMT)
Say the word cow before each word

1. Cows
2. About
3. Talking
4. Idiot
5. This
6. Got
7. I
8. Long
9. How
10. Look

Say the word cow after each word

1. Cows
2. About
3. Talking
4. Idiot
5. This
6. Got
7. I
8. Long
9. How
10. Look

Say the word cow before and after each word

1. Cows
2. About
3. Talking
4. Idiot
5. This
6. Got
7. I
8. Long
9. How
10. Look

Now read the words from bottom to top

1. Cows
2. About
3. Talking
4. Idiot
5. This
6. Got
7. I
8. Long
9. How
10. Look

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Bloody_freak - July 17, 2008 03:00 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (CoasterKing @ Jul 17 2008, 02:45 PM)
QUOTE (Gamer709 @ Jul 17 2008, 09:44 AM)
A woman was staying at the Sunstar Hotel for 2 weeks on vacation. Everyday after she ate in the resturaunt, she went onto the roof and tanned for 2 hours and came back down. By the second week, she wanted to have a total all-over tan. She figured no one would see her up here. So she went onto the roof and went into an open area. She procceded to take off her bathing-suit top and bathing-suit bottom. Now completely naked, she put on sun-tan lotion and she laid down on her stomach onto the ground. After not long, she heard someone coming up the stariwell, so she pulled a towel over her derriere and kept tanning.

“Excuse me.” said a flustered Assistant manager of the hotel, still breathing heavily from running up the stairs. “The Hotel doesn’t mind you laying on the roof, but we would greatly appreciate it if you did it in your bathing-suit as you did the past couple of days.”

The Woman looked up at him and said coolly: “What difference is it? No one else can see me way up here, and besides, I have a towel on.” she said giving an annoyed look.

“Not Exactly.” said the man, embarrassed. “You see, you’re laying on the resturaunt’s skylight.”

Trying no to laugh... :lol: :lol: :lol:

Ya ain't doing a good job at it. <_<

No really, that one was good!

Here try these;

Question: "Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?"

Answer: "The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts."
/
Question: "Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?"

Answer. She is the one who can eat the last donut"
/
Question: "How do you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?"

Answer: "It's not hard"

I'm bad. :P

granobulax - July 18, 2008 09:20 AM (GMT)
Three old men were sitting around talking one day. The first old man, who was 81 years old, said "Every morning at 7:00, I get up and try to pee for 20 minutes and all I get is a dribble!"

The second old man, who was 85, said "Every morning at 7:00, I try to poop for two hours and only get out a wet fart!"

The third old man, who was 89, said "Oh yeah? Well, at 7:00 every morning I pee a gallon and poop 10 pounds!"

"Well, what's wrong with that?" asked the two other old men. To which the oldest responded "Well, because I don't get up till 9:00!"

Ba dum cha!!!

IonKidMax - July 18, 2008 07:34 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (granobulax @ Jul 17 2008, 09:13 AM)
Okay, if this is too innapropriate, please feel free to edit.

Superman has yet another super villan destroying metropolis. After fighting this monster for some time, he decides it would be best to go look for help.

Superman goes and finds Aquaman and asks him for help "Sorry Superman, I've got a dozen beached whales on the coast of Africa that needs to be saved." replied Aquaman.

Superman then takes off in search of Batman and finds him in Gotham City. "Sorry Superman, Joker just escaped from Arkham Asylum and I have to catch him." Batman tells a deflated Superman.

Superman is flying along lost in thoughts and hopelessness when he spots Wonderwoman laying butt naked in a field! Superman thinks to himself that he's wanted some of that for years now... and hey, he's faster than a speeding bullet right?

Superman swoops down...bam bam bam and is gone in an instant.

Wonder woman looks up and says "What was that!?" and the invisible man said "I don't know, but my butt sure does hurt!"

I know that joke only in an more Violent and bad description. ((Samuri}} Fatality.

granobulax - July 19, 2008 12:07 AM (GMT)
QUOTE (IonKidMax @ Jul 18 2008, 07:34 PM)
QUOTE (granobulax @ Jul 17 2008, 09:13 AM)
Okay, if this is too innapropriate, please feel free to edit.

Superman has yet another super villan destroying metropolis. After fighting this monster for some time, he decides it would be best to go look for help.

Superman goes and finds Aquaman and asks him for help "Sorry Superman, I've got a dozen beached whales on the coast of Africa that needs to be saved." replied Aquaman.

Superman then takes off in search of Batman and finds him in Gotham City. "Sorry Superman, Joker just escaped from Arkham Asylum and I have to catch him." Batman tells a deflated Superman.

Superman is flying along lost in thoughts and hopelessness when he spots Wonderwoman laying butt naked in a field! Superman thinks to himself that he's wanted some of that for years now... and hey, he's faster than a speeding bullet right?

Superman swoops down...bam bam bam and is gone in an instant.

Wonder woman looks up and says "What was that!?" and the invisible man said "I don't know, but my butt sure does hurt!"

I know that joke only in an more Violent and bad description. ((Samuri}} Fatality.

I tried to tone that joke down a bit.

IonKidMax - July 19, 2008 12:09 AM (GMT)
QUOTE (Gamer709 @ Jul 17 2008, 02:50 PM)
Say the word cow before each word

1. Cows
2. About
3. Talking
4. Idiot
5. This
6. Got
7. I
8. Long
9. How
10. Look

Say the word cow after each word

1. Cows
2. About
3. Talking
4. Idiot
5. This
6. Got
7. I
8. Long
9. How
10. Look

Say the word cow before and after each word

1. Cows
2. About
3. Talking
4. Idiot
5. This
6. Got
7. I
8. Long
9. How
10. Look

Now read the words from bottom to top

1. Cows
2. About
3. Talking
4. Idiot
5. This
6. Got
7. I
8. Long
9. How
10. Look

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

:mellow: :huh: :huh: :huh: ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ :) :) :) :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :D :D :D :lol: :lol: :lol:




Hosted for free by zIFBoards