Chitatitilan

[Chitatitilan]

Name: Chitatitilan
Pronunciation: Cheet-at-eat-ee-lan
Status: Shadow Demon
Animal: N/A
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General Description: Dark terrifying shodow, can strecth into any shape, people see him as mist, then dark bright human shape. controls shadows.
Personality:evil phsycho maniac who intends to take over the universe and crush it.
Fighting Style:Gives no mercy, kills all in his path.
Starting Weapon: Staff of darkness- makes his followers come out of the ground, wrap themselves around a victim until crushed to death
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History:made by greater demon, unfortunattly when made, the shadow demon killed his master. he set off throught the darkest pits of hell. he searched for an army of indestructable, immortal, supernaturalitists. unfortunatly, all were taken until he found the shadows. shadows are dark loving, bloodthirsty, immortal, monsters of the deepest darkest pits. they can couse no end of havoc. the shadow demon became their king. he obliberated a small part of hell to nothing but dust. he used it as his layer where he made more and more shadows. the only thing capable of destroying shadows was light. this is why they only attacked at night. the shadow demon and his huge army killed hundreds of millions. shadow demon plans to continue untill he is master of all. he is certanley on his way, and many will think that this is what will happen. but if hope or rebbelion is brought against shadow demon, he kills them eisely and he kills all who are relatedd to that person.
Family Ties: no family whatsoever. he is immortal so dosnt plan to marry.
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Roleplay Sample: The shadow demon was having an awesome day. He made 500,000 new shadows, and killed 2 lords of hell. Shadow demon decided to test his skill and attack Hades lord of all hell. But it was a very difficult decision to make. How would he attack? He decided he would surround the entire palace with his shadows, then they would throw their dark anti matter against the walls of the castle to blow it up. They would then have to face Hades army, all the giant griffins and fairies. He would then have to go through all of the mazes and find the right passageway until he would reach the throne room. He would then kill Hades, destroy all the walls, and kill all the people.


He thought that this plan would work very well so he decided that he would set of immediately. Little did he know that Hades was having a feast in honor for his 100,000,000,000,000,000,000 years of being lord of hell. The palace was tightened a billion fold In and out. This was the problem that shadow demon did not know. As he marched his great shadow army across the great black barren desert that made up hell, he heard a huge loud voice of cheering. He probably thought of executions. It was in fact, a huge celebration roar marking the beginning of the feast. As never going or invited to a party, shadow demon did not know what it was.


When he finally got to the gates of the castle, he found it heavily guarded. He planned to think of another move. He would divide his army into groups of 3. Each group will go one at a time. After some time group 1, then2, then 3. The guards looked like they were not paying much attention. He decided to attack know. He sent group 1 sprinting through to the terrified guards. The gourds tried to find light, but before they could find any, the shadows were on top of them. As if, the gourds fought as hard as possible, but the shadows had surprise o n their side. The shadows gave no mercy whatsoever. Some would say that there was so much blood, they had to swim. The shadows lost a few men from the guards who conjured light. When they finished with the guards, the shadows moved in to attack the walls. Many walls were tore down and parts of the castle was falling. But then, realized shadow demon, they spent to long. Soon it was sunrise. The call went out. Retreat back to the layer!


Many of the shadows destroyed the last of the walls. They could not find the king, thinking he fled and will return. Shadow demon has won and lost at the same time. He killed the palace guards, but he didn’t take over the palace. The citizens of hell now knew that this guy was too powerful to mess with. They were saved by the sun. Meanwhile in his layer, shadow demon makes a new plan and more shadows. For what? To kill the universe of course.

[Chemist]

Name: Chitatitilan
Pronunciation: Cheet-at-eat-ee-lan
Status: Shadow Demon
Animal: N/A
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General Description: Dark terrifying shodow, can strecth into any shape, people see him as mist, then dark bright human shape. controls shadows.

How exactly does controling shadows add to his description?

Personality:evil phsycho maniac who intends to take over the universe and crush it.

Don't forget to capitilize words like Evil, at start of scentences. Is that all that he is, a phsyco mainiac? does he have any other personality?

Fighting Style:Gives no mercy, kills all in his path.

A better way to describe this, I must say, is "Merciless" wrather than what you described him as.
Starting Weapon: Staff of darkness- makes his followers come out of the ground, wrap themselves around a victim until crushed to death.

Don't you think that is just a bit too powerful?
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History:made by greater demon, unfortunattly when made, the shadow demon killed his master. he set off throught the darkest pits of hell. he searched for an army of indestructable, immortal, supernaturalitists. unfortunatly, all were taken until he found the shadows. shadows are dark loving, bloodthirsty, immortal, monsters of the deepest darkest pits. they can couse no end of havoc. the shadow demon became their king. he obliberated a small part of hell to nothing but dust. he used it as his layer where he made more and more shadows. the only thing capable of destroying shadows was light. this is why they only attacked at night. the shadow demon and his huge army killed hundreds of millions. shadow demon plans to continue untill he is master of all. he is certanley on his way, and many will think that this is what will happen. but if hope or rebbelion is brought against shadow demon, he kills them eisely and he kills all who are relatedd to that person.

That's a nice storyline for a histroy, but you did not capitalize any letters, on top of that, you can combine the choppy scentences like: "the shadow demon became their king." and "he obliberated a small part of hell to nothing but dust" to " The shadow demon, now thier king, obliverated a small part of hell to a small spec of dust" etc.
Family Ties: no family whatsoever. he is immortal so dosnt plan to marry.
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Roleplay Sample: The shadow demon was having an awesome day. He made 500,000 new shadows, and killed 2 lords of hell.

How had he already made five hundred thousand new shadows, isn't this slightly overpowered? And what is a lord of hell? The Shadow demon decided to test his skill and attack Hades lord of all hell. But it was a very difficult decision to make. How would he attack? He decided he would surround the entire palace with his shadows, then they would throw their dark anti matter against the walls of the castle to blow it up. They would then have to face Hades army, all the giant griffins and fairies. He would then have to go through all of the mazes and find the right passageway until he would reach the throne room. He would then kill Hades, destroy all the walls, and kill all the people.
Its a nice introduction, if the rest is like that, I'll probably let you in, but when you really start roleplaying in the Village/Pyramids/Desert, you are going to have to be less overpowered.


He thought that this plan would work very well so he decided that he would set of to complete his task immediately. Little did he know that Hades was having a feast in honor for his 100,000,000,000,000,000,000I suggest you use a word for that number, or just say trillion years of being lord of hell. The palace was tightened a billion fold In and out. This was the problem that shadow demon did not know. As he marched his great shadow army across the great black barren desert that made up hell, he heard a huge loud voice of cheering.,which he thought were exuctions He probably thought of executions. It was in fact, a huge celebration roar marking the beginning of the feast. As never going or invited to a party, shadow demon did not know what ittry using more descriptive words, but overall this paragraph was fine, I'm sure you will improve was.


When he finally got to the gates of the castle, he found it heavily guarded. He planned to think of anotherof his next (maybe?) move. He would divide his army into groups of 3three, not 3, its more polite. Each group will go one at a time. After some time group 1one..., then 2, then 3. The guards looked like they were not paying much attention. He decided to attack know. He sent group 1 sprinting through to the terrified guards. The gourds tried to find light, but before they could find any, the shadows were on top of them. As if, the gourdscheck your spelling 'gourds' fought as hard as possible, but the shadows had surprise on their side. The shadows gave no mercy whatsoever.new paragraph here

Some would say that there was so much blood, they had to swim. The shadows lost a few men? how many, what men? from the guards who conjured light. When they finished with the guards, the shadows moved in to attack the walls. Many walls were tore down and parts of the castle was falling. But then, realized shadow demon, theyhad (all these small mistakes don't count for much against you, just try to get rid of them spent to long. Soon it was sunrise. The call went out. Retreat back to the layer!


Many of the shadows destroyed the last of the walls. They could not find the king, thinking he fled and will return. Shadow demon has won and lost at the same time. He killed the palace guards, but he didn’t take over the palace. The citizens of hell now knew that this guy was too powerful to mess with. They were saved by the sun. Meanwhile in his layer, shadow demon makes a new plan and more shadows. For what? To kill the universe of course.

The main things you need to work on is eliminating the choppy scentences, its a nice roleplay. Just repair this and post this in the same thread, just hit the reply button underneath once you read this. --the Chemist