Da Night Before Orkmas
It wuz da night before Orkmas, when all thru da hut
Nuffin wuz stirrin, not even a grot
Da holstas wuz hung, by da smoke hole way up
In hopes dat Yellowsquig would finally show up
Da gretchin wuz curled-up, all crammed in da shedz
While dreams of sugar-squigs tromped in dere hedz
And da boss in ‘eavy armor, an me in me flak
Had just settled our brainz, an jumped in our sacks
When out by the drops, dere wuz such a big fuss
I jumped from my bunk, ta shoot What it wuz
Over to da gunport, I stumbled wiv a crunch,
Tore open da shutters, an threw up me lunch
Da spotlights wuz shining wif a eye-hurtin glow
Lit up brite uz day, on da drops below
When What did I eyeball, woz making da noize
But a ‘uge battlewagon and eight, rite ‘ard boyz
Wiv a gnarled old kaptin, and a toof box so big
I knew rite off, it must be Yellowsquig
Faster than Speed Freaks, his flash gitz dey came
An he growled an shouted an called out dere names:
Now, Chinwart! Now, Chopgob! Now, Bogbreff and Bigzit
On, Stumpy! On, Stinkfoot! On, Lardbutt, an dat uver Git!
To da top of da pillbox! To da top of da wall!
Now dakka-dakka dakka-dakka dakka-dakka all!
Like a war-boar dat’s been shot in da gutz
When day see sumpin movin, dey charge an dey butz
So rite for da hut da gitz stomped dere shoes
Wiv a wagon full ov teef and Yellowsquig too.
An den in a bit, I heard on da walls,
Da pounding and smashin of his kannon balls
As I pulled in my skull an took my shoota in hand,
Down thru da roof, Yellowsquig came wiff ‘is band.
He wuz fitted wiff bioniks from ‘is skull to ‘is foots,
An his gear woz all splatterd, wiff What woz left ov da grotz.
A bag ov loot he had tossed over ‘is back,
An he looked like a mekboy, wiff ‘is favourite tool pack.
‘Is eyes, how dey glared! ‘Is teef, how enormous!
‘Is hide wuz like leather, ‘Is nose like a fungus!
‘Is great gaping gob wuz givin’ out a smelly blow
And da hair-squig on ‘is chin wuz yellow, like snow.
Da hat on ‘is head wuz all mouldy an blue
Wiff a deaths-head glyth, dat wuz stuck on wiff glue.
He had a right ugly skar an’ a cast iron spleen
Dat growled when he laffed, like a face-eater wotz mean
He wuz nasty an vicious, a right hard ol’ git
An’ he laffed when he saw uz, an spit in ‘is mitt.
A squint of ‘is eye an a kick of his boot,
Left me in no doubt he wuz after our loot.
He didn’t say much, as his boyz got stuk in,
Taking da loot, an given da boyz a thrashin’.
An’ puttin his finger, way up inside his snoot
An’ givin a belch, gave da door a good boot.
He tromped to his wagon,an’ to his boyz, gave a yell
An’ away dey all went, like sum batz out’a hell.
But I ‘eard him bellow,as he drove out’a site…..
“Shooty Orkmas ter all, an to all a good fight !!!
Merry Waaaghmas! to all n gud night!
Dat Git. Why didn't I think of doing that?
Ah Harry, you are the apprentice, young Padowan. We stand before the master!
'Twas da night before Christmas
An' all through da place,
Not a creature was stirrin'
Or I'd punch 'im in da face.
My choppa wuz hung by da chimney wif care,
In da hopes dat sum 'Umie would be comin' round dere.
Da boyz wuz snorin' all snug in dere bunks,
It's a good thing, too, or I'd show doze punks.
When out in da front dere arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed when I heard sumthin' shatter.
Away to da window I flew like a flash,
I tripped onna squig and landed with a crash.
Da fires from da wrecks,
With dere bright orange glow,
Gave me enough light,
Ta find sumthin' ta throw.
When What to my one good eye did appear,
But a bunch uv da Grots,
Drinkin' my beer!
I leveled my slugga,
Squeezed off a quick round.
I missed by a mile,
An' plugged a squig hound.
Da Grots jumped inna buggie,
And gave it sum gas.
Cuz dey knew I was comin',
I was gonna kick dere ass.
Dey floored da buggie,
Down da road dey flew.
Dey was laughin' and giggling,
Cuz dey'd been drinkin' me brew.
But I heard 'em exclaim,
As dey drove outta sight,
Merry Christmas to all,
An' to all a good fight!
Well You sayz he is Orky but I seen pointy earz in iz case. :ph43r:
Dat if youz ask me iz very Ummie cause iz boyz must be askin fer help. ;) :D :lol: