Chains Of Element -> I'm lost

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I'm lost, My first song

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Kyuubi	Posted: Nov 25 2007, 04:25 PM
Villager Group: Members Posts: 26 Member No.: 125 Joined: 27-February 07	Running, I'm running away from what I fear... running away from what I hate... running away from what I know oh... help me I'm lost (chorus) I may be deaf but I can still hear my heart beat I am not mute but still no one hears my cry I may be blind but I still see...that I am lost Someone... someone please save me I made... a big mistake and I need... someone to show me the way... help me I'm lost (chorus) Thank you... for always helping i will... always remember you because... you are my savior... Jesus Christ First song ever thats why its not very good... --------------------

Lyn	Posted: Nov 25 2007, 10:35 PM
DARN THOSE FLYING MONKEYS! Group: Members Posts: 1,774 Member No.: 43 Joined: 29-June 06	what kind of music were you thinking of to go w/ it? (just so i can understand it better) i would put a few "catch" parts in it (like a bit of ryhming similiarities) but otherwise thats good... --------------------

Kyuubi	Posted: Nov 26 2007, 11:49 AM
Villager Group: Members Posts: 26 Member No.: 125 Joined: 27-February 07	Thanks. and yeah i thought that it needed to rhyme too... My next song does rhyme... its just kinda like a slow song... --------------------

The Boss	Posted: Nov 27 2007, 04:10 PM
Knight Group: Members Posts: 377 Member No.: 57 Joined: 21-September 06	I don't really like it, too many cliche lines. That's based solely on the lyrics, it could be amazing when you put it to music. -------------------- My country is the world, and my religion is to do good. - Thomas Paine -

Kyuubi	Posted: Nov 27 2007, 07:31 PM
Villager Group: Members Posts: 26 Member No.: 125 Joined: 27-February 07	Thanks OMG I IS ON THE WII --------------------

eternalwasabi

Posted: Nov 28 2007, 10:04 PM

alpaca ninja

Group: Members
Posts: 1,099
Member No.: 80
Joined: 19-October 06

QUOTE (Howl @ Nov 27 2007, 07:31 PM)

Thanks

OMG I IS ON THE WII

that's actually really good for a first try. but i do agree with lyn, you do need a stronger hook (the part that really sticks in your head, usually in the chorus).

--------------------

"We are lost. But it is only when you realize you are lost that you fight to be found."
-Christian Lindskog

96% of teens won't stand for Christ -- if your the 4% that will put this in your sig

User Name	Posted: Jul 22 2008, 12:45 PM
Villager Group: Members Posts: 1 Member No.: 208 Joined: 7-June 08	WOAh THAT SONG IS SOOOO AWESOME!!!! i just cant put into words how awesome it is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -------------------- We are legion.

Kyuubi	Posted: Jul 22 2008, 12:47 PM
Villager Group: Members Posts: 26 Member No.: 125 Joined: 27-February 07	Thank you i try --------------------

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