InvisionFree - Free Forum Hosting
Create your own social network with a free forum.

Learn More · Register Now
Welcome to Chains Of Element. We hope you enjoy your visit.


You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Name:   Password:


 

 Watching the Stars, I can be sensitive... sometimes
Svir
Posted: May 1 2007, 08:33 PM


I can choke on water... it's my gift
*

Group: Members
Posts: 246
Member No.: 46
Joined: 16-July 06



Watching the Stars is a short short story that originated form my novel. For those that don't know, a short short story, or more properly called flash fiction, is a very short (duh) piece that hits one or two central ideas in a short (very short) word limit while still telling a story. I entered Watching the Stars in Scholastics this year and received a Gold Key. Again, for those that don't know, Scholastics is the biggest (trust me there is nothing above) writing contest of the year. A Gold Key means that I won first place in my category (which was short short story of course). It is a prestigious honor and I am very thankful and proud of the award. I can only hope I will succeed in earning another (if not more wink.gif ) next year. Watching the Stars is a piece that is very close to me, not only for the recognition it has earned, but for it being part of my first novel. I hope whoever reads this enjoys.

Watching the Stars

Seanna lay in the grass along the river bank, separated from the rest of the group, but still close enough to hear the fire cracking not too far off. Her long black hair wrapped itself around her shoulders, wild and feral like the grass around her, and her dark eyes reflected a deeper sorrow within her than she was even aware of. Seanna stared up at the night sky and felt the familiar pang of loneliness that consumed her when she was by herself. She often imposed her own solitude, rarely noticed by those around her and could be left alone for hours at a time. It wasn’t that she wanted to be alone, but rather she wanted someone to come find her. It never even occurred to her that she wanted to be found until now when she was staring up into the black void and felt the wish form on her lips. She wished someone would think about her, want to be with her, and not just assume she wanted to be alone. It was loneliness that ate away at her, little by little and it would keep eating until finally there was nothing left in her. No hope, no will, no heart. Yet she didn’t expect anyone to come, because no one ever did. Her friends were all nearby but she knew they thought she liked being by herself, but the truth is no one likes being alone. Everyone is waiting for someone to come, whether they know it or not.

Someone did come for Seanna though, and for the first time she wasn’t left waiting. Ross came and sat next to her, looking down at her, half his face lit with moonshine. There was so much she wanted to ask him; had he really meant to kiss her? What did she mean to him? How could they ever be together when everything was against them? She was so afraid that he might be playing a twisted game with her, making her open up a little only to hurt and embarrass her. He was not that kind of guy, she knew, but the fear was still there, very real and constantly on her mind. But instead of asking him anything she found herself softly saying, “Watch the stars with me.”

He smiled, more kindness in his eyes than Seanna thought she had seen in a long time from any person, and lay next to her, face upturned to the sky. Neither said anything else. There was no need to. Words would have weighed too heavily on their time. Seanna felt safe with him, happy near him. Eventually she drifted off into sleep, unafraid to be vulnerable around him. It was a while before Ross noticed Seanna was asleep and he propped himself on his elbows, looking down at her face. He couldn’t say he loved her, yet. Those words were too heavy and he did not know how she felt about him, but he did know she meant a lot to him. She was beautiful to him, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. He wanted to take her somewhere and just be together, the two of them, and figure it all out, regardless of everything standing against them. He leaned in and kissed her on the forehead gently, wishing secretly that she would wake and kiss him back, but she did not. Ross knew everyone else would wonder where they both were, might worry even, but he wouldn’t leave Seanna alone, so instead he lied back down and put his head next to hers, staring up at the night sky.


--------------------
user posted image
Mizuno
Posted: May 1 2007, 08:40 PM


Smiley-Bob
*

Group: Members
Posts: 50
Member No.: 139
Joined: 9-April 07



That was really deep. (I feel really honored talking to someone who received a Gold Key.) I really like the message and the style a lot. It delves into human nature in a way and how we don't think about something until a certain moment, and then that thought consumes us. I wouldn't mind reading your full novel. You should post it on here in chunks. I'd read it. (It's also a nice touch how you center on the night sky.)


--------------------
---Steve Prefontaine---

"To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the Gift."

"Somebody may beat me, but they are going to have to bleed to do it."

"The best pace is a suicide pace, and today is a good day to die."

"A lot of people run a race to see who is fastest. I run to see who has the most guts, who can punish himself into exhausting pace, and then at the end, punish himself even more. Nobody is going to win a 5,000 meter race after running an easy 2 miles. Not with me. If I lose forcing the pace all the way, well, at least I can live with myself."
Svir
Posted: May 1 2007, 08:53 PM


I can choke on water... it's my gift
*

Group: Members
Posts: 246
Member No.: 46
Joined: 16-July 06



Thank you for your thoughtful compliment. wub.gif

I am always filled with joy when someone tells me that they like my work. Writing is what I have decided to devote my life to. I am also thrilled that you got all the symbolism and deeper meanings. Most people don't dig so deep. It is relieving to meet someone who is obviously a critical thinker and can read stories above just the surface.

As for posting my novel... I have let a few people read my novel, but those are all people that I charged with the task of ripping it apart and giving heavy critical analysis. To be perfectly honest, that has only been two people. My novel is... I guess somewhat of an experiment. To get me use to writing a novel as well as explore areas of literature without restraints. I do not yet know whether I will ever try to get it published. Either way is fine, whether I write it for others or for myself. But since I am only interested in critical analysis and experimentation with my novel, I don't intend to post it on this forum. I do thank you for your kind words though.


--------------------
user posted image
Lyn
Posted: May 1 2007, 08:59 PM


DARN THOSE FLYING MONKEYS!
*

Group: Members
Posts: 1,774
Member No.: 43
Joined: 29-June 06



that was amazing. i love your wording and of course, the stars (i have a dep obsession with them). i know my compliment means very little to you since i am an amateur and silly teen but that was incredibly good. i hope you go into some sort of writing career when you become older cuz if you dont, it would be sad. smile.gif


--------------------
user posted image
Svir
Posted: May 2 2007, 05:29 PM


I can choke on water... it's my gift
*

Group: Members
Posts: 246
Member No.: 46
Joined: 16-July 06



Thank you for your kind words, Lyn. lyn.gif The greatest joy for me is when people enjoy my writing and its part of what makes it all worth while. I do plan to keep writing a part of my life. I will try to stand on my own as a writer, but my back up is to enter the publishing industry so I can always at least stay close to what I love. I really do appreciate you taking the time to post. Thank you.


--------------------
user posted image
0 User(s) are reading this topic (0 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:
DealsFor.me - The best sales, coupons, and discounts for you

Topic Options



Hosted for free by InvisionFree* (Terms of Use: Updated 2/10/2010) | Powered by Invision Power Board v1.3 Final © 2003 IPS, Inc.
Page creation time: 0.0972 seconds | Archive