I've waited, but no more., Tag: Nell

[Malcolm Sinclair]

This was it. He was going to do it. He was finally going to ask Eleanor to marry him. He’d been waiting for this moment, horrified that it’d never come, for a long time now.

So why did he feel like his stomach was sitting in his throat?

He shouldn’t be nervous. They’d both been waiting for this day, Nell especially. Knowing he had permission, knowing that he could marry her without the dark shadow of her father’s disapproval hanging over them should have been enough. Yet here he was, feeling light headed with his heart beating fast and his stomach fluttering. It had been worse when he’d finally gotten up the nerve to ask for her hand. He’d been so terrified of the outcome that for a moment he was sure he’d pass out from the strain. That day had been the most strenuous, stressful days of his life to date and on some levels he still couldn’t believe the outcome.

Leaning against Ago for support the young Doctor, looked for reassurance in the dark eyes of his horse. The large animal seemed to sense his master’s troubles and sat quietly with his head turned to the side so he could keep an eye on Malcolm. “Why am I so nervous?” Malcolm questioned, reaching out to touch Ago’s forehead. “I shouldn’t be, but I am.” The horse snorted and Malcolm liked to think he could understand and had shrugged his shoulders in response. “It’s not that I think she’ll say no.” He knew without doubt that she wouldn’t. In truth his worry seemed to be how to go about the whole thing. He didn’t want to just go up and ask her. He wanted it to be special. An important day to remember. One that the both of them could reminisce over in their old age. He was worried his proposal wouldn’t be special enough for the woman he loved.

Malcolm had gotten permission days ago, but he’d been unable to ask because every time he got up the courage his nerves would wash over him like a wave. He’d written out one idea after another about how exactly to go about it. Everything from a simple proposal to more elaborate surprises was tossed aside because it just didn't feel right.

His newest plan was simple and the one that seemed to draw him the most. He'd chosen to go with it, instead of fussing over even more ideas because he just couldn't wait any longer. He wanted to be married to her. He didn't want to wait because his nerves couldn't settle on a way to propose.

Pushing off of Ago's side, he moved around to face him, pulling the horses muzzle down by hooking his fingers into the holster. "You know what to do right? What I told you?" The horse looked at him with what a foolish man might consider a blank expression. Malcolm knew different. A horse was a smart creature, and Ago had proved himself on more than one occasion. "I sent a letter calling her to the courtyard, I've managed to get permission for you to go there...please try not to eat the flowers?" Malcolm muttered, a nervous smile on his face. "Go there and lead her to where I told you. Over by the birdhouse, by the little trees."

The spot had been chosen after much deliberation. He wished he could do this in that meadow he'd found. But that meadow had it's on memory, this one needed a place that belonged to it alone. "Walk slow Ago, I don't want her to have to chase you." Malcolm said the last as he backed out of stall, pushing the door open with his free arm and gesturing for him to follow him out. "Do this right Ago and I'll give you all the treats you'll ever want." The horse neighed at that, as though he clearly understood.

Stepping out of the big animals way, Malcolm slapped Ago's thigh gently and the large horse thundered past him and out the front doors of the stable.

With Ago gone to do his part. Now it was Malcolm's turn to do his part. Swallowing he closed his eyes and sucked in a shaky breath. He was so nervous, would he be able to get any words out at all?

Getting to the spot where he'd showed Ago to come to, Malcolm took a moment to sit and relax himself. This was it. Today was going to change their lives forever. His stomach rolled and he looked down at his hands to find they shook with the anticipation of everything, the stress, the nerves. He trusted Ago maybe more then he should, but he'd gone over it, with the horse more then was necessary and he was sure it would work out. Plus it gave him this time to try and relax himself, try to find the words.

Nearly jumping as the sound of someone approaching, Malcolm climbed to his feet and hurriedly dusted himself off. "Okay Malcolm. Now is it. Relax...you can do this." Taking in a deep breath he looked up, arranging his body in an attempt to seem more relaxed than he really was.

[Eleanor Bonham Carter]

Where was Malcolm today? Usually, Eleanor kept pretty close tabs on him, not because she was obsessive in any way. Generally, they just spent a lot of time together, so it was strange that she did not know where he was. They certainly could not be called inseparable. Each of them had their own lives. Their own interests. Yet, they had many similar activities, riding and such. If only Ago didn't seem to like her as much as Malcolm did. He was an affection beast, but he had nearly knocked her off of her feet a few times. At least he managed to warm Habs up a smidge. Eleanor had thought that an impossible task. Of course, impossible things had happened before had they not? Eleanor had thought it would be impossible for her to ever love again and Malcolm had reawaken all of those feelings in her.

Now it seemed only natural that she would worry if she did not see him for a while, and honestly, he seemed quite...preoccupied as of late. Had she been any other woman, she likely would have worried he had found someone else that took his fancy. He wasn't the kind to do such things though, and even if he had been, she had no doubt of his feelings towards her. She loved him, and he loved her; nothing was ever going to happen to change that. They could go without seeing each other for just a few days or be torn apart for a life time (her father's intention no doubt), it would not change how they felt. Nothing could change how one's heart felt. It felt what it wanted and you could not control it.

Right now, her heart was feeling a little bit lonely, but that was easily changed. Eleanor was a master at thinking of things to entertain herself. All she had to do was come up with something that Dash would be agreeable to. That was one of the loveliest things about the Cavalier Spaniels, they were such a docile breed willing to do anything their master asked of them. If Eleanor wanted to walk, or go swimming, Dash would be bounding along beside her, or paddling almost faster than her through the water. Yet, if she wanted to be still and just read or curl up by the fire and watch the world pass, he could do that too. It was a good thing he was so adaptive, because today she did feel like a calm day of relaxing reading a classic in its original Latin. Eleanor had gotten comfortable in front of the fire in the study. Her feet rested on a stool and Dash had curled up underneath it knowing better than to jump onto her lap when she worse such a pretty dress.

How Eleanor had ended up in the lovely red gown she did not know for sure. In part she blamed Malcolm since she rarely wore black now as a result of her desire to always look pretty for him. The fact that it was surprisingly sunny out had likely played some role in today's choice as well. Eleanor loved days like today, they felt magical somehow. It was always cold, or rainy in England. The sun just made you feel like anything was possible. It was the kind of day that you wanted to spend outside, not cooped up indoors. Really, she should be outside it seemed such a waste spending the day inside, but a small part of her was hoping Malcolm had planned something magnificent for them! Another picnic perhaps, or a day at the lake. She knew riding was probably not going to happen. Habs had been exceptionally moody the past two days when Eleanor tried to go ridding and she sure wasn't going near that horse until Ago had given it another good long talking to!

It seemed Eleanor's suspicions may have been correct for she had only made it half way through the first chapter of her book when a note arrived for her. She nearly squealed with delight when she saw it requested her presence in the courtyard and she thought for sure it must be Malcolm with some surprise plan. Trying not to appear too eager, she set her book away and walked calmly from the study. Passing a mirror in the hall, she adjusted the ruby string diadem in her hair, straightened her necklace, and tucked a few curls back out of her face. There, now she looked perfect for him. No need to pinch her cheeks to make them rosy. She was naturally pale, and her cheeks appeared rosy every time she smiled, which was quite often now that Malcolm was in her life. He seemed to chase all of the bad thoughts away with his mere presence. Even thinking about him made her want to get outside to him faster! Turning on her heels she headed for the door, only to be stopped momentarily as she saw a succulent looking red apple in a bowl on the dinning room table. Taking one, because she adored apples, she finally made her way outside only to find disappointment awaiting her. Malcolm was not here waiting for her!

A little frown passed over her lips as she contemplated why she had been asked here when she was entirely alone. Her only comfort was that she had her apple, or at least she thought she had. The feeling of something nudging her hand made her turn only to find Ago trying to steal it from her. In fact, it looked like he had managed to get a bite out of it. It was easy to tell that the large beast in the courtyard belong to Malcolm. Not only had she ridden with Malcolm more than once, she knew Ago was the best...err...the only escape artist in the stables. This was probably about the third time he had gotten out. Of course, the first had been a fluke since she had forgotten to latch the stall door. "Escaped again have you?" she asked as if she expected an answer. He only neighed and shook his head a bit at her more interested in the apple. "You think escaping entitles you to a treat? Oh, all right, I suppose it was quite clever. Here, it's all yours," she told him with a smile as she extended her hand towards him. Honestly, she had no intent of eating it now that he had taken a bite out. Ago eagerly ate the apple she held out for him core and all, then once he was done he walked away.

"Excuse me!" She demanded running to catch back up with him as he was now a ways ahead of her. "What? No thank you? I suppose it's back to the stable with you," she told him in a very strict tone. Every time she grabbed for his bridle, he would sidestep her, pull away, or speed up just enough that she missed. "Ago stop!" Gracious he could be infuriating when he tried, but she had come to expect it. He was playful, it was sweet really. Eleanor didn't gauge his real intentions until the birdhouse, by the little trees were within her view and she spotted a certain someone standing there. Smart horse...he had managed to find his master. They really didn't give Ago enough credit! Stopping just in front of his master, Eleanor was finally able to snag the horse's bridle. "Someone escaped again," she teased Malcolm motioning to the animal beside her with a smile, "And he got into mischief too." Of course, she was referring to her apple, but she honestly didn't care. Eleanor was to happy about seeing Malcolm to care about something so silly. Her heart fluttered just being near him.

[Malcolm Sinclair]

Whatever doubts he'd had about the way he'd set this up evaporated with one look at her. She was a vision, an angel fallen from heaven. He glowing smile, those brilliant blue eyes he'd fallen in love with. They all told him one thing. Today, whether he did it covered in mud or in a room full of candles and flowers, this proposal was going to happen. Suddenly Malcolm felt like a weight had lifted from his shoulders. The jumble of nerves that had nearly over taken him completely in the last few days settled into their usual tumult. He was still nervous, still jumpy. But this was controllable, he could do what he had to do now without worrying about looking or acting like a fool. Feeling a smile spread across his features he took in the woman that would by the end of this day, hopefully be his future bride.

"I'm afraid that's my fault." He said, taking a few steps toward her, shooting Ago a look as he did "Although getting into trouble wasn't quite part of the plan." Turning his attention back to her he smiled. "He was supposed to bring you here, so I suppose I should be glad he managed that." Reaching out he ran a hand he patted the large horse on the forehead, his hand moving up to scratch behind his ears. Ago nickered happily at the attention and bumped his nose against Malcolm's chest.

Smiling he turned back to Nell. Gently uncurling her fingers from Ago's bridle he brought her hand to his lips. "Lets let him wander off for a bit. I want to take a walk with you."

Putting her arm through his he guided her away from Ago, further away from the birdhouses and deeper into the little grove of trees. There weren't many and they were relatively small but it was peaceful place. Behind them Ago seemed pleased to be allowed free reign and had moved off to nibble on some grass. That was just fine with Malcolm. As long as he was eating grass he wasn't getting into any trouble. Which allowed him the freedom to focus on the task at hand.

Now was as good a time as any.

Stopping he turned to face her. Finding her eyes with his he smiled, it was a small, nervous smile. He didn't know if she could hear it but it felt like his heart was beating on drumbs, the sound filling his ears. Swallowing he sucked in a breath. "Nell, Eleanor...my love. I wanted to talk to you. To ask you something.."

Sucking in a breath he felt a sudden sense of powerful calm come over him. For a moment it was like he was in the middle of a medical procedure, the one time he was ever completely and fully calm. His nerves washed away as he looked into those blue eyes. He was sure of himself, for once in his life.

"Eleanor, I have come to realize that I love you. That I need you in my life more than I need air." Taking her hands in his he smiled. "I have waited a long time to say this, but in a part of my heart I never doubted this day would come." Taking in a breath he let the words flow out as he exhaled, feeling them flow out of him as natural as his breath. "Will you marry me?"

Once the words were out it felt like his heart was going to explode. His whole body felt light and he could barely think over the sound of his blood rushing in his veins and his heart pounding away in his chest. He'd done it.

[Eleanor Bonham Carter]

Any worries that Eleanor may have been having earlier in the day in regards to Malcolm seemed to fade away the moment that their eyes met. Her entire composure changed when in his presence. Her heart would start to flutter, and as the fluttering feeling moved down to her stomach, her heart would beat at such a rapid and unnatural pace she thought it might beat right out of her chest. Eleanor truly hoped Malcolm was unaware of her rapid heart beat and her weak knees. It felt like she had to work to make her legs move properly because if she did not, she would be stumbling around like a drunk. In truth she was drunk she supposed, but not on alcohol, rather drunk on Malcolm's love. Not that she was complaining, she certainly was not intending to give it up any time soon. She thoroughly enjoyed every feeling that she got when near him, touching him, kissing him.

"Your fault?" She questioned in slight confusion. Well, at least it wasn't her fault this time. Yet, still she was confused and it was quite obvious on her face. Why would Malcolm have let Ago out? Surely he would have chased after the horse would he not have? "The plan?" More confusion, surely Malcolm must think her stupid. Eleanor was barely able to form thoughts. This was all part of some plan, Ago had been let out purposely to lead her here, but what was the plan? A picnic, a day riding, just a walk? Trying to force the blank confused look off of her face with a smile, she allowed her eyes to meet his once more. What was he up to?

"He managed quite well really, if only my apple had not tempted him so we may have gotten here sooner." Ago really was a lovely horse, and his affections towards his master were obvious. Eleanor was just thankful Ago seemed to like her too. Not that Ago's opinions of her would have played into Malcolm's loving her.

As Malcolm's fingers met her's a small, pleasant, chill up her spine. She allowed him to pull her fingers away from Ago's bridle without any resistance. Had her mind been thinking rationally, she would have realized letting the horse roam free was likely not the best of ideas. Malcolm seemed to think it safe though, so she said nothing. Honestly, his eyes had her so distracted she couldn't think of anything to say, her tongue wouldn't work anyway. "All right," she whispered. She wouldn't ever refuse to walk with him.

Allowing her arm to be placed on his, she let him guide her. Her feet moved at their normal pace, because she knew that Malcolm always took smaller steps so that she didn't have to double the stride of her own. It hadn't occurred to her that Malcolm had yet to tell her she looked pretty today. She didn't care, she knew he was thinking it. She was thinking the same, he looked more handsome than normal somehow, yet slightly nervous for some reason. Should that have worried her? Had something terrible happened that he thought it better to tell her in the little grove of trees rather than in the house? For a moment she was entirely overcome by this deep worry that he was bringer her out here to tell her that he was leaving, that her father was finally going to separate them. It passed though as it always did, just as quickly as it had washed over her.

He stopped suddenly, and she stopped too instinctively turning as he had so that they were facing each other. It was calm all around them, so calm she could almost hear the beating of his heart. His words she allowed to go uninterrupted, because she could sense it was something important that he needed to get out. She wanted to hear it whatever it was. "I love you too," she wanted to whisper back, but she hadn't the desire to interrupt him. As his hands took hold of her own ever so gently, she could feel his heart beating calmly at first then more rapidly as he continued. She felt like she knew what he was going to say, but at the same time, it did not register in her mind. All she knew was that her heart felt something. It felt like all the weight that had held it down was released. It felt like every little broken piece of her heart and even those shattered fragments had been pulled back together and bonded as they had been years ago before all the hurt, pain, and darkness entered her life. Yet as he exhaled, the words that flowed from his lips with his breath still surprised her for her mind hadn't registered that it was coming as her heart did.

Eleanor was so silent for a moment as the words repeated in her mind. "Will you marry me? Will you marry me?" Her heart rate accelerated and she needed those few silent seconds to compose herself. Never even for a second did it cross her mind to ask if he had her father's permission, or if he would object to the union. That would have ruined the moment had it crossed her mind or had she spoken it. Thankfully, those thoughts had not come. As her brain registered that a few moments had passed--less than a minute, but an eternity no doubt for Malcolm as he waited for her response--she realized she had to say something, but her tongue still couldn't register words. Her eyes met his trying to convey all of the love in her heart, and only then did she realize she was tearing up, and before she could stop it she was crying. Happy tears for once, very happy tears.

Her small frame shook with the tears. "Yes," she finally managed to say pulling her hands from his and wiping her tears away with her fingertips. "Yes, yes, yes," she repeated as if that made it somehow more real as she threw her arms around him in a tight embrace her small body pressed perfectly against his. It barely registered with her that now she was laughing. Laughing and crying at the same time and pressing kisses to his neck and then his cheek. "Nothing would make me happier," she declared as her lips finally met his in a proper kiss. Eleanor had never felt so light, so weightless, yet so protected. It felt like the entire world had melted away under her feet and nothing existed except the two of them in this moment. The trees, the grass, the ground, all of it was gone and she felt like she was spinning and weightless. It was perfectly indescribable. Even to think of how her heart felt...it was impossible to put into words.

[Malcolm Sinclair]

It amazed him how normal he felt once the words were out. As soon as he'd asked the question it was like all the weight was lifted off of his shoulders. A deep sense of confidence the likes of which he'd never previously possessed seemed to overcome him and he felt rejuvenated. With any other there would have been fear as to the outcome. But Malcolm already knew in his heart what her answer would be. Even through her silence he could see deep into her eyes that she was his and he was hers. Plus with her father's permission there was nothing for him to fear. All that had made him shake with nerves was how to ask and now that that part was done with he could relax and wait for the enormity of his words to sink in. It felt quite honestly like the question had turned into something solid between them, a rope that had curled itself over their shoulders. Fate soon to be tying the both of them together for the rest of their lives. Still holding her hands he kept himself from letting go. Now what he needed was this connection. If he could he'd take her in his arms just then so that he could feel every second of her reaction. Instead he settled with holding her small, smooth hands in his. His eyes never once shifting from her face.

He contented himself with seeing the changes as they flowed over her features. Instantly fascinated with what could be going on in her mind. He'd never truly noticed how different tears of joy and sadness were from each other. Whenever she'd cried in front of him he'd felt the need to fold her in his arms and shield her with his body if he had to. Seeing her cry had always caused a physical ache in his chest that felt as permanent as a scar. When she was sad the darkness rolled from her like a cloud and covered everything. It darkened the world he lived in, blackening his sky and turning the trees and life to ashes. Then, if he managed to make her smile. The world burst from the shade in sharper colors and sounds, swallowing him in a glowing spring. These tears had a different effect on him together. It was a new experience.

These tears made him want to pick her up and hug her tight to his chest. And when she said yes. Well his whole body was lifted off the ground. He felt like he was flying and the smile on his face evolved into a grin a mile wide. His face hurt he was so happy, and his heart felt like it was going to tear itself from his chest.

Wrapping his arms around her he pulled her close as their lips pressed against each other. He didn't know if it was all in his head or not but this kiss felt different. Everything felt different, and new.

Breaking this kiss with some hesitation to catch a breath he felt his words flow out uncontrolled "I've been waiting so long to ask you. N-now...now that I've finally been able to..." His eyes lit up and he picked her up, spinning her in his arms. She was light as air despite her heavy gowns and the radiance of her joy struck him in force. Suddenly he hated his prior hesitation. Who cares how he asked the question. What mattered was this moment, this joy on her face. Nothing else should have mattered to him.

Setting her feet back down on the ground, but keeping his arms securely around her waist he looked down into the eyes of his soon to be wife. They had been so terrified this day would never come that they'd been scared to ever really talk about it. It had been mentioned but they'd both lived under the impression that separation and not marriage waited in their cards. It was an odd sensation knowing that he'd gotten permission and this day was truly going to happen, with a blessing however unwillingly given. "I would have asked sooner, but I wanted to make it special." His hand moved up to cup her cheek. "I got your father's blessing almost a week ago...he was probably starting to hope I'd gotten cold feet." He said with a little smirk. "I can say the waiting has made seen your smile all the sweeter a treat."

[Eleanor Bonham Carter]

Eleanor had imagined this moment a million times in her dreams. She had heard Malcolm say those words to her so many nights over the past year in her mind. Yet never had she been able to imagine how great the moment actually would be or how perfect those words would sound coming from his lips. Now, any visions she had of the wedding, or their future together seemed like it too would not be anywhere near her dreams, it would be a million times better. For once, Eleanor wasn't at all worried about the future. In fact, she wasn't even thinking about it though surely she would be before the day was done. Presently, the only thing on her mind was memorizing every little detail about this moment so that she could pull it out later on when she was sad, or lonely, or just extremely happy and in the mood to reminisce.

Looking at Malcolm she could clearly tell that all of the worries from before were gone, at least it seemed so to her. Eleanor was indeed glad to see how he had changed since her finally gathering the proper words to accept his proposal. To explain how her heart felt right now would be simply impossible. It's beating was so erratic and uncontrolled. Like her love for him, she reasoned with an inward smile. Her heart was practically bursting with love, and her entire body was utterly overwhelmed by the multitude of emotions that just kept rushing through it. Honestly, she was surprised that Malcolm hadn't tried to pull his hands out of hers because she had squeezed them quite tightly in her excitement. Nothing in her life had been better than this moment. This quiet, perfect, wonderful moment where it was just the two of them and all the love they felt for each other filling the air.

Eleanor knew that there would be a few more moments like this in their future, the actual wedding day, and...err...wedding night, their children, birthdays, Christmastides... Everything was just so much better when you were married and knew that there was always going to be someone there to share those things with you. Maybe that was why this moment felt like nothing could ever beat it, because this moment was the one that gave her hope for all those other moments that would come later. Right now, she couldn't focus her mind too long on the future as she was still trying to process the present and commit everything to memory. A task which was near impossible considering the many which ways her mind seemed to be fluttering off to. Of course, that grin...that grin that took up Malcolm's face would be something she would never forget and she was sure she was likely grinning just as wide.

"I'm glad you didn't wait any longer," she started and may well have continued had he not lifted her off her feet and spun her about gently. Yes, this time she was sure he had done it unlike moments ago when she was sure it was just her mind spinning not her body. This felt so much better. It encompassed how she was feeling; as light as air. Eleanor giggled despite herself. She had never imagined she could feel this happy. After all that had happened in her life she had expected a doomed future, and now...now all she could feel was happiness.

Soon her feet found the ground again, though she still did not feel "grounded." Despite being back on the ground, she did not release her arms from around Malcolm. She wanted, no, she needed to feel close to him so she didn't start thinking this all some fantastical dream. "It is special, and perfect," she reassured enthusiastically. "Nothing I imagined was even close to being this special." In truth, Eleanor would have found it special no matter what just because it was Malcolm asking and she had waited so long to hear those words pass from his lips. Then to hear he had indeed gotten her father's permission! Well that was the icing on the cake to know that now they hadn't to worry over that.

Her heart felt like it really would burst now! Her father, her grumpy old father who had turned down so many marriage proposal in the past had agreed to let her and Malcolm to spend the rest of their lives together. She was elated to say the least. "You know him quite well all ready. See you will make the perfect son-in-law," she teased planting another kiss against his cheek. "I can say the waiting has made seeing your smile all the sweeter a treat." Not only was he overly sweet, which she loved, but he had managed somehow to make her smile grow to the point that her cheek muscles were actually going to get sore.