Dear Diary...You're my Best Friend, The journal of Alex Truchaea

[Alexzander Truchaea]

Diary entry, March 2, 2008

Lyk whoa, diary. lyk freaking whoa...
OMG 2dai was CRR-azy! I mean, sriusly diary, u lyk, dont even kno...
OK so 1st off, I was gunna get evicted again. So lyk, I went down 2 the street 2 play my guitar and make sum $$$ to pay the rent. And while I was down there dis chic comes and ttyl doesn't speak American, and lyk, was lost and stuffs. So, being the good person that I am, I just hadda help her. But then her big ma-cho boifrand comes along and he don't speak American too. And he was looking lyk he just wanted 2 beat me up or sumthing. So lyk, I got outta there all fast lyk, sriusly.
Im so freaking sik of people wantin to beat me up!
OK, so lyk, there's this boi i saw at the park. And I kno, diary, that I say I'm in love alot, but i think this tym is 4 realz. Lyk, 4 srius, diary, I think 1 dai imma marry him. His hair is sooo freaking pretty!!
So lyk, mayb I'll learn his name and then we'll date and marry and have lotsa adopted chinese babies. And then we'll b the b-e-a-UTIFUL couple of the city!!
So lyk, I'll c u 2morrow diary!

XOXOXO
Lexy <3

[Alexzander Truchaea]

Diary entry, March 5, 2008

I don't understand, diary. Why is it that the people who care the most are the ones who cry alone at night? Why is it that everyone must martyr themselves to matter?
Diary, would they miss me if I was gone? Would they miss my laughs or jokes? I feel like no one cares. No one in my life, but Kcris. No one takes me seriously. No one has ever taken me seriously. And diary, I'm not as incompetant as I may seem. I've had to take care of myself long before most kids. I had to do horrible things no one should ever do, just to secure a night's meal. I've done it all, diary. I haven't lived two decades and I've done it all and lived, if ever but barely.
Diary, do you remember the day I got the new Green Day album? I was still just a kid, but my life changed. I sat in bed singing and listening all day and night. And diary, I fell in love. I fell in love with Saint Jimmy. He was a character in a song, but I loved him. That fucking teenager was my hero. I knew one day I would get a boy who'd be just like Jimmy. All I've had are these jerks who don't want me, only my body for a night. Well, diary, I'm in love with Saint Jimmy and one day that urban king is going to come and rescue me. That's what I so badly thought.
Jimmy died today...
I remember bawling my eyes out at the end of the album when Jimmy died. I felt like pieces of me had died as well. What the fuck, diary? What the freaking fuck...
I'm sick of loving. I'm sick of falling for people who don't know my name and don't exist. I'm sick of love.

no Xs or Os tonight, diary
Alex.

[Alexzander Truchaea]

Diary entry, March 12, 2008

Diary, have you ever been in love? I've been in love too much. But I've decided to forget about love and help myself for once. I met this kid. He jumped out of a tree at me. I think his name was Mika, or Mikko, or Michael, or something. I don't remember. The first thing I thought of was 'future boyfriend'? I didn't even notice how young he really was. I freaked myself out. And it made me realise what this town it turning me into. I hate this city and I hate myself.
I hate what I've done. I hate my parents for kicking me out just because I like boys. I hate the drunk who killed my grandparents. I hate the drugs I did, the dark alleys I slept in, and all the men that paid me to sleep with them. I hate everything that I've done. And diary, wouldn't you need to get away from all that? I do.
So I'm giving myself a new begining. I'm starting over. Kcris graduates his law college soon, and we're going to move out of the city into a smaller town and live together. I can't wait. So until we meet again diary, we must go our separate ways.
I love you, and I love everyone much more than I ever should.

And now.. I'm standing above you, trying so hard not to tell you I love you. And if you ever do wake up, you'd know it was true.

XOXOXO
Lexy <3

[Alexzander Truchaea]

Diary entry, April 1, 2008

Hello, My name is Alexzander, and I'm an addict.
Hello, My name is Alexzander, and I'm an alcoholic.
Hello, My name is Alexzander, and I'm gay.
Hello, My name is Alexzander.
And I made a friend.
We met at the train station. I bought him a flower. I played him a song. We ate lunch at Subway. His name's Savannah. He runs a flowershop. He's really nice, and I really hope we can continue to be friends. I promised I'd order flowers from this new house so I could see him again. I guess I'm just excited to have someone I like to talk to other than Kcris.
I had a dream last night. It was the first good dream I've had in a long time. I met one of my old friends, Arjen. He was the couselor for the drug addict group I used to go to. He really helped me. We became really close friends. I guess you could say that I used to crush on him. I guess you could say I would have liked to have been his partner. Like, really, really liked to have. But it never happened.
Oh, guess what diary! I got a job! I'm working with deaf children. It really makes me happy to see them smile. Some of them I think are the next generation of Albert Einsteins. They're really bright, but they told me no one has ever really given them the time of day before. No one gave me the time of day. So now, as long as daylight prevails, I'll listen to their stories.
So i really like this new town, this new house, this new life. There's really nothing to miss in the city. I can only hope it continues to go this well.

XOXOXO,
Lexy <3